I've been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder
 

Ok, I know at times my behavior here has been unusual to downright rude at times, and I recently discovered what I think may be the cause. My mood swings relating to depression have been getting worse, me flipping out of friends, (friends I've subsequently lost) and I finally decided that enough was enough. I went and got tested by mental health professionals and have discovered I have Bi-Polar disorder. I know, that probably freaks some people out, but I wanted to talk about it because when the doctors told me, I was really freaked out, like I'd found out I have cancer or something like that. I mean I know some people think that people dealing with this are completely nuts and belong in a padded room 24/7. But I wanted to get some input from people here that might know someone or have a loved one dealing with this so I can understand it better. I want to make it clear that I AM NOT ASKING FOR PEOPLE TO FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I just want to get a handle on this so I can stop treating people the way I do sometimes.



Thank you for listening,
David

Bi-polar disorder is something that really is disturbing in one's life, but no cancer sweety. Be happy with it. It's something one can live with and work with, so it gets more "controlable", maybe with some relatively harmless medication, I bet you can handle this. On the other hand, without the disorder you possibly wouldn't have gotten on the obsessive FM/LB-high that brought you to more liveshows and artist-contacts any other fan dream of.

I don't want to ridicule it, david, it's a bitter pill to take, but please look at it in perspective.

I found this info for you in a google search:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/bi...ipolar_faq.htm

I thought you already knew you had this disorder. :shrug: You've been open about your mental health issues in the past, so I assumed you had been diagnosed already. Anyway, a combination of therapy & meds along with lifestyle changes like diet/exercise/positive thinking/relaxation techniques are often very effective. In my experience, there's no 1 thing that will magically cure bipolar, it's something you need to work on for the rest of your life. And Gerald's right - it's not the best news, but it's not the end of the world. It sure does explain your overspending & obsessive need to see all those shows that you've talked about in the past. It's definitely treatable & manageable - now that you have an actual name for it, you can learn how to deal with it. Good luck to you. :angel:

Well, I had never been diagnosed before, but I had always wondered because of the depression and the mood swings. BTW thank you for that link!:D

You know, I dont take it that way at all Gerald. I sincerely appreciate what you have to say, thank you for your input.

One of the most fascinating case studies I've ever read was in a book by I think Ron Fieve. The patient, during an unmonitored mania, put himself on an airplane to continental Europe (pre-1989), booked himself into a luxury hotel, & began to "plan" to reunite the two divided Germanys in a massive implosion of utopian ideation & sexual joy.

Two or three weeks later, he was located by authorities in an East German jail, babbling incoherently, his super-ego having attenuated as his id expanded beyond all recognition into a florid psychosis.

It's a fascinating illness, without a doubt.

Best wishes to you, Dave. This is an extreme example, so be not upset. If there's anything I can do to help, let me know. :nod:

I suffer from it. It's real uncomfortable, and I've done my share of alienating people when I'm in one of the opposing poles to my depression. But, meds and therapy help. I'm bipolar 'mixed', my moods cycle rapidly in the course of a day. But then, the whole mess goes dormant and I could be fine for months...years, etc. I never get the extreme mania to the point that I'm delusional or unreasonable and not able to sleep for days (see, Spears), but instead it manifests itself as aggression. I can get 'set off' when I'm cycling and then I'm a mess. At one point, there were 4 web boards that I was banned or nearly banned from because I got so aggressive- and that's just the internet! In real life, I came real close to losing my job.

I find that avoiding 'Beautiful Child' during a depressed mood helps alot. :D

You'll be alright..

The worst part for me is the flipping out on friends for no reason it seems. I mean, the more I think about it, I wouldnt wanna be around me if I acted like that.

Honestly, David, your attitude is totally refreshing. No bull, just the facts, and I think maybe because you are being REAL about it, it will make it easier for others to be just as honest about and to consider. God bless you as you work on this illness. It's as real as the flu, and probably just as draining and frustrating for you.

But you know whats funny about the FM/LB obsession thing? I mean I knew back in the day that If I was ever lucky enough to come into contact with any of the band members I felt I would act in a civil polite manner. It's like the focus has ALWAYS been on the music for me. THe whole meeting the people in the band thing I've always taken as a bonus, NEVER as some kind of right I may or may not have because of how many concerts I've seen. That's how I find that balance I think.

You have no idea! :laugh: It was a leading cause of the breakup with my partner Derek. Yes, he had issues too, but when I think about it, my behavior at times in no way halped the situation.

my natural mother is bi-polar, but will do nothing about it~ she has alienated everyone dear to her including me except for my brother, since she is somewhat well-off & she spends excessively on him~ so that tends to help him turn the other cheek~ i wish you the best w/ this david~ it isn't the easiest thing to deal w/, but w/ motivation & strength you'll be fine~

Hang in there David...I have some 'similar sympthoms' starting to rear their heads due to that pesty tumor in my nogging (Most suck ass but 'musical hallucination' is killer diller!!!)

Oh I'm sure David, that that mindset is THE ONLY way to succeed in meeting legends: If you want it too much, it nearly ever happens. Your "natural" approach has helped you in that, I'm sure. But look at it that way: it's a quality you've got "in spite of" , or maybe even "thanks to" your disorder.

I'm no expert, but I'm guessing that a diagnosis like this is a step along the way to learning to live with your moods, and a bit of confirmation that you were right in your suspicions. It's confirmation that you weren't going crazy. Hopefully you can use it as a foundation for figuring out the best way to handle it - surely knowing what the problem is and being willing to learn about it are great ways towards dealing with it. As people have said, no-one's going to magically fix it for you, but being able to label it will help you to fight it. Good luck, dude :)

When I read this I immediately thought of a documentary called The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive which was really informative for someone who doesn't know too much about it, it'd be great for showing people who are close to you. You should watch it. They have it all seperated into parts on youtube and here's the first part:

That was utterly fascinating. thank you so much!

Did you get to watch all the parts? It's quite lengthy but definitely worthwhile. Hope it helps a little.

Very insightful. I can definitely relate.:nod:

Hey David..

I have a really sweet friend of mine who was just diagnosed with this as well, in the DC metro area. He was telling me a little about it, and I SOOO know that with a LOT of strength, you will do just fine! My heart is with you in your quest to get better my friend!:wavey:

Hey David,

my friend Kim is bipolar. I found this out about a year after having met her. I would've never have known. Then again, I dont see her at home...just a work associate. Apparently she just takes some meds and she's ok. I hope the same can be said for you. You obviously have been able to deal with this problem. But the good thing is you went to get help. Losing friends and people in your life due to such a thing has to be rough. I pray for the best for you my friend!

how are you doing? i hope that everything is ok with you.

Thank you once again everyone! It's not easy but like I said, its always better for me to get things like this out there so I can recieve helpful information and support.:nod:

I believe most of us are somewhat "bipolar". It's the new term for moodiness. Every decade they come up with some new way of diagnosing fairly normal human reactions and behavior. Almost everyone I know would probably be diagnosed with this if they put themselves in the position of being analyzed by some psychiatrist or health care professional. Yes, many people have extreme moodiness which interferes with their life and should be treated, but it's only a matter of degree. Honestly, anyone who can live in this crazy world and not be moody or somewhat "bipolar" is probably a corpse :laugh: (and yes, we do have some of those walking amongst us too :D). But all the creative geniuses...musicians, artists, poets, and so on, most likely have some degree of this. Not to worry David. You're in good company.

My best friend is a clinical psychologist who works with one of the most well-known psychiatrists in the country. They believe this is just another one of the latest diagnosis fads. Not cancer by a long shot. Just normal human reactions to life, and they do not believe it should necessarily be termed a "disorder" unless the behavior is highly disabling and bizarre. Anyway, just another perspective to consider. ;)

Sure, there are fads when it comes to children and teenagers (ADHD was the previous one) but that could be taken the wrong way. Like ADHD is a real illness and not just a lack of attention span or a hissyfit, bipolar is not just feeling down one day and feeling happy the next, it's a very serious illness and one that has a very lengthy recovery, if at all. It's usually something people live with for life and is not really a case of just a normal response to today's hectic lifestle.

You should watch that documentary I posted for David a few posts above. It's very insightful into the extremes of what bipolar is for a sufferer on a day to day basis. The suicide rate for sufferers is sadly relatively high so a proper diagnosis of it is nothing to talk down as being no more than what everyone deals with in today's fast-paced society.

I don't agree with your friend that the disorder itself is a fad, but I believe it's diagnosed . . . let us say overabundantly out there. But I suppose that's true of many psychiatric disorders.

this is what I was going to say.

I worked psych nursing for several years, and I see what you're saying - to a point. While I do agree that there is a problem with overdiagnosis (whether it be by a clinician trying to put a simple label on someone, or by a person reading symptoms on WebMD & thinking "hey, I have that!"), bipolar is a very real mental illness.

There are several psych diagnoses that, IMO, are ridiculous(personality disorder comes to mind - the patient is basically manipulative & attention-seeking). But bipolar can actually be caused by a chemical imbalance - it's depression along with manic phases. Some people may use this as an excuse to "misbahave" or as a way to explain away their behaviors ("well, I couldn't help it, cuz I'm bipolar") but for many people it is real & can really affect their lives negatively.

Is it as serious & debilitating as paranoid schizophrenia? No way. But that doesn't mean it's a fake diagnosis. Does everyone who has similar symptoms have it? No. But that doesn't mean that nobody has it.

I don't disagree with what any of you are saying at all. I was certainly not saying that this is not real, but I try to keep an open mind. I don't know if I agree with my friend either. :shrug: It's just a different way of looking at it from some people who are experts in the field who do not entirely agree with the mainstream. It seems that in every field, the experts never all agree. It definitely seems to be over-diagnosed, and not all cases that are diagnosed are to the extreme that it cannot be managed, and I'm sure it's possible there are some that are diagnosed that may not necessarily fall into a true bipolar category.

I know it's not considered to be just simple day to day moodiness, and that it's related to chemical imbalances, but where do we draw line...at which point does it become a disorder? I think they have pretty much nailed that down to how much it disrupts a person's life. But then the question is ~ what came first, the chicken or the egg? There are those who believe that there is no way to determine whether the emotions themselves are causing the chemicals to become imbalanced and therefore escalate the reaction, or whether the chemicals alone are causing the emotional reactions to be excessive...or a combination of both, and there is no evidence either way. These are the things I have to listen to my friend talk about constantly, so that is why I wanted to respond to this topic.

There are so many variations in human behavior and countless variables. It does seem a bit unfortunate when people so easily get labeled with a disorder, as if they are abnormal. I guess the question in my mind is how we decide what is "normal". Maybe the people with static moods and emotions are the abnormal ones. :laugh: These conditions may certainly be debilitating or cause some degree of dysfunction, but does that make a person abnormal? As my friend would say, strong emotions or moods manifest differently in every individual ~ one person may get physical pain or illness, another may develop bipolar or depression, another may have some other form of psychosis, and some may not react much all. Just some food for thought. Certainly debilitating reactions should be treated whenever possible. No one should live with uncontrollable discomfort.

I think this is all interesting to wonder about it, but I'm not sure anyone has perfect answers, and I certainly haven't formed any conclusions on the matter. It's natural for us to want answers and cures for things that make us uncomfortable, and we seek it from those who are supposed to have those answers, but the field of psychology as always been prone to error on occasion (although I'm not saying that is the case with this...I simply just don't know), so it's good to keep an open mind. Keep in mind that psychiatry once considered homosexuality to be a serious psychological abnormality too. The very best to you David. ;)

None of this makes me feel any better, when I'm in a depressed state and the entire bottle of Ativan in my cabinet starts looking mighty good, or when I'm so manic that my heart is going to explode and I break out in a rash and I can't sit still.

but, maybe it's just a fad I'm going through.

Normal is some statistic but not actually "real". Maybe bipolar is over-diagnosed. I know people who have the diagnosis though and they all cannot function without medication. The mood cycles are extreme and very damaging to relationships, jobs, and careers. At some point you can't be wishy washy, you gotta call a spade a spade and not, "well maybe it's a spade but who decides what a spade is anyway?" It's a spade. Period.

I have a good friend who was diagnosed with the same, and I most certainly have NEVER viewed anyone who is dealing with bipolar disorder as being "nuts"; I applaud you for seeking help and obtaining a diagnosis and getting to the bottom of everything.......

Good luck, take care, and have a good week ~

I think I'm really being misunderstood. I didn't say that the moods, emotions, or behaviors are a fad, but the commonality of the diagnosis of this as a "disorder" is believed to be a trend by some people in the field. There is a huge difference. How do these things get interpreted so far away from the original point? My point is that people should not feel labeled or stigmatized by this, or feel "abnormal". It was evident that David was feeling this way when he posted. The truth is that the reason my psych friend spends so much time talking to me about this is because I have it. That's right. Someone mentioned suicide above. The fact is that I'm constantly suicidal...it's become a state of mind for me. I don't expect to kill myself, because I have moral reservations about that...it's just that I want to. So, whoever thinks I was trying to minimize this is very wrong. I've been dealing with depression my entire life, although I think I might be diagnosed with bipolar, since I have brief periods of feeling ecstatic, but they are very brief and not dominate in my case. I can't say that I manifest any aggression, doing my best to control that with sheer will power. I'm more prone to isolate myself instead (except for the internet :rolleyes:), but when interacting with people, I always try to be considerate and caring, even though I'm feeling bad, but it's not always easy. I actually think this condition has made me a more compassionate person. Yes, this debilitates me, and I'm sure I might benefit from medication, but I try to muddle through without it, because of the stigma that seems to be attached to any kind of mental health problem. I'm not some nut case, and am a very rational thinker in most ways, but in certain ways my life is just very dysfunctional due to my depression.

So, that's the reason this thread caught my eye. I have done a huge amount of research into this, because I live it. What I said in my last post does not make me feel any better either petep9000, but I sure do not believe any of us should be stigmatized. I guess over the years I have decided that the terms "abnormal" or "disorders" has very little meaning in some cases. I see it more as differences in the way people are wired (though it could be argued that some behaviors are definitely abnormal :shocked:).

^ You haven't tried meds because of the stigma associated with them? Oh, honey, don't punish yourself because of other people's perceptions. Not everyone needs meds, but the fact that you'd like to kill yourself & you're just "muddling through" makes me think that maybe they're worth a try. :shrug: I hate someone to suffer because they are embarrassed, or cuz they think they should be able to do it without help. Using medication does not make you weak, or a bad person.


Now. Your other point is a good one, even though people are sensitive about it & may have misunderstood you. Our society used to treat the mentally ill terribly. It was an embarrassment for the person and their family & many patients were mistreated for years. But it's swung so far the other way, now it has gotten to the point that every emotion needs to be labeled and treated. Little Jimmy can't sit still & isn't doing well in school? He must have ADHD, you'd better medicate him. Your friend Betty has been crying for 3 days over a breakup with her boyfriend? She's depressed, she should get meds. I'm really tired all the time & have no desire to do anything? I think there's a pill for that.


When I worked with mentally ill teens, they used to have prn (as needed) medications available to calm them down (it was basically a mild sedative) so they could get control of their emotions & not act out in a negative way because of them. But many of them thought that ANY emotion that wasn't happiness was bad, and they should squash it. "I just got in an argument with Mary. I need my prn." No, you probably don't. It's OK to feel anger. It's OK to be sad. These feelings are not abnormal, unless they are literally affecting your activities of daily life. Try to read a book, or try some breathing/relaxation techniques. Try removing yourself from the situation & counting to 10. Try to talk to someone about it. If these things don't work, then move on to the next step. People want an easy fix, a magic pill - there isn't one. YOU still have to work at making yourself well, and dealing with your feelings. There IS NO simple answer. Meds will only help so much - you have to do some of the work yourself.


I have a friend who insists she needs her antidepressant, says she's a bitch without them & she snaps at everyone about everything. But she eats a ****ty diet, doesn't exercise & drinks alcohol in excess. Um, hello?!?! Of course, her PMD prescribed the med, so she doesn't get any counselling either. She said "hey doc, I think I'm depressed, I'm down a lot & I have mood swings." And doc gave her the meds & has for the past 4 or 5 years. THAT'S the kind of **** that happens every day, and it's not right.

It's doing a real disservice to people. Yes it's great that help is more readily available, and that there is less of a stigma than in years past, but many people want to blame something else for their problems & not take responsibility for their actions.

David:

My thoughts are with you as you begin this journey.

A little over two years ago, I left the man I thought I was going to marry because of his extreme bipolar mania. I lived with him two years before I left. He was the most intelligent, creative, athletic and gorgeous man that I had ever met. He had an incredible singing voice, and played the cello. However, leaving him was the hardest and most difficult thing that I have ever had to do. That period of my life was the most exhausting and anxiety producing time that I have ever experienced. Living in that situation was so distressing for me that I became extremely depressed myself and had to get treatment for my own situation. All that being said, I learned many things about myself that I don't know if I would have ever discovered if I had not went through that period.

There are no "textbook" bipolar symptoms. Not everyone experiences the same thing - some people are rapid cyclying and other's mood swings last for months at a time. There is also Bipolar I, which is where the moods swing drastically and Bipolar II, where the moods swing, but not that severely. My ex was Bipolar I and also an alcoholic. It is very common for most bipolar individuals to have substance abuse problems. That makes it even harder to diagnose the disease, because the person needs to be clean and sober for a period of time to truly get a good picture of what is going on in their life.

It does take awhile to get the right med combination and to learn to manage the disorder by avoiding "triggers" and by doing the best you can to have a healthy lifestyle. However, it absolutely is possible to achieve a balance in your life and to manage this situation instead of letting it manage you.

My ex had a very severe manic episode after hurricane Katrina, and because he works in crisis managment research (of all things), he went down South after the hurricane. He never made it. He spent three weeks holed up at the Westin in Atlanta, partied 24/7, charged up nearly $30,000 on his credit cards, including "renting" escorts, rode around in limos, went shopping, and generally was completely unaware of the consequences of his behavior. In fact, I literally had no idea if he was alive because no one knew where he was. It got to the point where I was praying that he would get arrested, so that at least someone would have control over him.

After he maxed out his cards, he ended up bringing a homeless man (yes, HOMELESS) back to PA with him. Talk about a frightening situation. Eventually, he entered rehab for his alcohol addiction, but they just "dried him out" and never gave him the necessary meds. By the time he returned from rehab I was gone. I still remained his friend, and when he fell off the wagon (which was inevitable because he wasn't on any meds), he called me. He was in extreme distress, drinking and extremely depressed. I tried to get him to go to the hospital but he refused. After three days of threatening to "end it all", I found a loaded gun in his house and called the crisis intervention unit for our county. He was involuntarily committed (just like Britany Spears) for five days, duing which time he got the right meds and was set up with an excellent counselor. He has since told me that if I hadn't had him committed, he likely would have killed himself.

Over the next year, he did get better with good meds and therapy. He continues to manage it day by day, and is aware of people, places and things that can trigger mania or depression.

I do hope that things work out well for you because it is absolutely a treatable situation. Try to surround yourself with people who are educated about this illness so they can assist if need be. Obviously, trust plays a huge role in this. You are doing the right thing by talking about this.

I really appreciate your concern...thank you. Stigma is definitely not the main reason I have opted not to try meds. I have many reasons, and I believe I've made the right decision. For others, meds would be right. Many of us probably want to do things that we would never in reality consider doing (suicide is just one example). In spite of depression, I have an amazing inner strength that pulls me through. Heck, if you've had it most of your life, you're so adapted to it that you are better able to tolerate it. That doesn't mean it's always easy, but I think it has made me very strong in many ways. It's strangely ironic. In some ways, I suppose I think of my life as a personal experiment in human endurance. :D

I'm glad you understood what I was trying to say! "Mentally ill" certainly invokes negative images, and is a label which does not apply to every situation, yet it is unfortunately used much too broadly. I certainly don't consider myself to be the least bit mentally ill. Although there are illnesses of the mental kind, the lines get a bit blurred and often normal people are labeled as "ill".

Amen too all of that. Pills are not the answer to "everything".

Amen again! :thumbsup: (I have worked with troubled youth/juvenile offenders and I saw exactly the same thing you describe.) Yoga works fairly well for me. It's like my med. :) It's not a cure-all, but I highly recommend it.

Yep, I've seen that too, as has my friend, who is an industry professional. It makes good sense for someone who is depressed to eliminate all possible causes or contributing factors...no junk food diet, getting enough exercise and sleep, clean lifestyle, no drugs/alcohol, not exposing themselves to situations in their lives that are problematic. But for some people, these things are not part of the picture. I'm a good example of someone who has always lived a perfectly clean lifestyle. For those who don't, it makes good sense to improve what they can before jumping to meds.

Thanks for the insightful post. I think it's important to point out that there are some things we have no control over, but there are some things we do. In my case, it's only the things I do not have control over that are at the root of my depression. So, we need to change the things we can, and do our best. Hopefully the other things only serve to make us stronger, even if they are depressing. Depressed people who claim they cannot point to any reason for their depression are the ones who perplex me, as I cannot say that has ever been the case for me.

My apologies to David for taking over his thread. This is an interesting subject matter. ;)

OMG, that must have been so difficult for you. :sorry: What a bizarre situation. I believe someone like this often resorts to substance abuse to make themselves feel better, but it only exacerbates the problem. I'm glad he's better.

Yes, it was very difficult. The level of anxiety that a person experiences when a loved one is this sick is horrible. I was terrified that I would get a call that he was dead. The worse part was that his family does not live here (they are in Kansas and Virginia), so they didn't see how sick he had really become over time. I was in contact with them before he even left for the south after the hurricane and told the family in VA, "please stop him, he's really manic, he should not be going into such a dangerous and unstable place right now". Of course, he only stopped by to see them for a few hours and then hit the road. They did nothing to stop him.

After his brother drove down to get him to take him to rehab, he drove over to my house to see me after checking him in. His brother appologized profusely and told me he couldn't deal with his mania for even five minutes and he had no idea how I had lasted so long living with someone that ill. My simple answer: "He had no one else". And that was true.

Even after he started to do better, there was no way to repair our relationship. For a long time, he was very angry that I put him in the hospital, even though he acknowledged that it probably saved his life. I know that I was resentful for having to take such extraordinary steps to ensure his wellbeing, but I could not imagine not helping him because of my love for him.

He told me last year that he realizes that I have a gift . . . the ability to love the way that God loves . . . unconditionally. He said he felt lucky to have experienced that with me. I now know how far I will go to help someone that I love, which can be both a good and a bad thing. After about a year of therapy myself, I decided to throw my hat back into the dating ring and have since met a wonderful man who IS the man I am going to marry. No matter how bad something can appear to be at the moment, it is important to have hope that things will change and get better.

I was listening to alot of Stevie during this time. She is a survivor, and I never appreciated that more than during that time in my life.

All of this discussion has been so helpful and informative. I have an appointment with my psychaitrist in 2 weeks and I am looking forward to getting on some new medications to balance things out more.:nod: You know, If being open about myself ahs helped others here feel more comfortable discussing their issues and recieve support and help that means more to me than anything.

You're amazing. Congratulations on your new relationship. Stevie's music has cradled me through some really bad times too. Sometimes I cannot listen to her when I'm happy because things just come rushing back. But I'm in a good place now and grateful for that. Thanks for sharing.