Nightmare Weekend
 

Well, where on earth do I start. I've just had one of the worst, if not the worst weekends of my life. The stuff I'm about to tell you all, I couldnt make up even if I wanted to so here goes.

Derek a friend of his and I went out to the bar Friday night, and I met them at closing time and they were hammered completely. I guide them back to the car and Derek's friend falls into the back seat and passes out. After making sure he was safely in the car I turned to find that Derek had decided to take a leak right in the middle of the sidewalk! I yelled "Pull your F**KIN PANTS UP!" I finally got him into the car and were on our way home, or so I thought. After getting on the highway and driving for about 15 minutes Derek puked all over himself and the inside of my car.:mad: I pulled over to the side of the freeway and told him to get out of the car so I could clean the mess up. Thankfully most of the **** got on him and not the car, but I still had to use paper towel to pickupthe rest.:eek: Meanwhile Derek had fallen over and passed out in the bushes. So I picked him up to find that he was COVERED with vomit. SO I told him to take his shirt and pants off,(He still had his underwear on) so he could sit in the car again. He didnt like that so I told him he could walk home if he didnt do what I told him. Got him back in the car minus the clothes and as I pulled away from the shoulder he decdides to start punching me. I almost crashed and jerked the car over to the side of the road and I said"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!" He then got out of the car and decided to run into the middle lane of the freeway in only his underwear. I got him back in the car again and we had to stop at a gas station for gas. While filling up he jumped out of thecar again and ran into the store yelling that I was going to kill him. He thought this becasue when he started hitting me while I was driving, I clocked him a couple on the arm to get him off me. Anyway, I tried to get him back into the car again, and he proceeded to hit me so hard on the back of the head that I fell to the ground. By this time the cops had arrived and they cuffed himand put him into the back of an ambulance. The officer told me that they were taking him to the emergency room for his own safety. Derek had completely destroyed my glasses in addiditon to giving me a black eye. They took him to the hospital and I drove his other friend home. Derek's parents went to pick him up at the hospital later that day, but I went over to a friends place because I just needed a timeout.


Then to make matters even worse, I get home Sunday night and he tells me that hes thinking about going back into treatment because hes been using meth again. HOw prophetic was that meth thread I started?:distress: I had told him that if I caught him doing that stuff again, the relationship was terminated because I wasnt going to tolerate it. He told me taht hed been using it again for about 5 months! I've been completely overwhelmed the last couple days trying to figure out what to do. It's easy to tell someone youre outta there if they do something, but it's alot harder to actually do it. I just dont know what to do.:( Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Aw David, I'm sorry to hear that. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "this guy's more than just drunk".

Think long and hard as to what decision you're going to make. Do what's right for you, that's all you can do.

WHats even more upsetting is t hat I asked him several times are you doing it, and he repeatedly denied it. I'm no angel believe me, I've made some bad mistakes with Derek too. You should see the shiner he gave me.

Dave, I'm sorry to hear about your really crappy weekend. But I must say that your post about it was the most animated post you have ever made on this forum. There was more personality & emotion in this single post than in all your other posts combined, which is what made it so amazing to me. It showed a side of you that quite frankly I had no idea existed (& assumed didn't).

So I hope next weekend is better for you!:wavey:

edit: Holy ****! You got a shiner, too?!

I'm very sorry, David. :( But the best part is that he said he's thinking of going back into treatment. Maybe you can say "you better do more than think about it" and then if he goes that will be good. I'm suprised you couldn't tell he's been doing it? I guess he wasn't doing it regularly? I thought you guys spent a lot of time together. But then, you did ask him.

that weekend truly does sound like a nightmare. But as Amber said, it's good that he's at least considering treatment, but he probably needs to pushed to actually DO it.

hope things work out - keep us posted.

Aw, David, I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible weekend. Be strong and remember that you have to do what's best for YOU. :xoxo:

David ~ I am so sorry to hear about your weekend. I hate to say this but without alot of help and strong will to change on his part ~ he isn't going to quite. I didn't post in the meth thread because it's too hard to tell my story. But I have been through the depts of hell with meth and was married to an addict and he never changed. Only 20% of people who get hooked are able to stop. Not to say your friend won't but the writing is on the wall. You have to take care of yourself. Nobody else will ~ if he's been using for the last 5 months there is no telling what else he has done. My thoughts and prayers are with you ~

Hang in there...
 

David, and try to be strong...My thoughts are with you.

I think I'd get the hell out, David.
My cousin left her husband of 25 years, over Meth. He's pushing 50, and decided he loved Meth more than his wife, and kids, and house, and cars, and boat, and..........
He wouldn't stop, or get help, so she pulled the plug. She HAD to.

Ah SH*T David, I had no idea that happened, and you never let on :distress:

My friend, Derek needs help, and its a good thing he realizes it, and for both your sakes, I hope he gets the help he needs. I would guess you're probably in shock over this whole thing, but you need to take care of DAVID first. you and Derek can sort out your relationship later......

side comment: Amber, its possible to not 'know' about a person's drug use--if you dont do drugs (or never did) you dont always know what to look for. My daughter went off the deep end and all I knew was I didnt recognize her any more...I hadnt ever done drugs so drug-related behavior isnt readily apparent to me.

Anyway, David my friend, I grieve for you and will pray for you. I know you are a strong person with both feet on the ground, and you will be fine. In the meantime, here's a virtual *hug* for you and this: :xoxo:

hang in there, and PM me if you want to talk...

Just remember, in all honesty, you can't "help" someone with an addiction. They have to help themselves, and want to quit. You can be there for support, but there's no making their minds up for them. The only way he can get "help" is if he really wants it.

Good luck to you, David. Decide whats best for you.

Meth is so EVIL, I HATE that drug. Ive seen more of my friends messed up on that than any other drug. Minds turned to complete mush. lives ruined. ruined. such a pity...

What a FRIGHTENING weekend, David. I'm sorry that happened. Meth is really nuts huh? Aside from how easy it is to get I don't know much about the toll the drug takes. I'm shocked to see only 20% of people get off of it. That's crazy. But Derek can be part of that 20% if he chooses to. Hang in there and Mary is right, focus on taking care of you.

Has a nice ring to it doesnt it?:D :]

I'd dump him faster than you can say it.

His shiitte would be on the street.

Aww, poor David :distress:

I think you should stick to your original agreement and terminate the relationship - if you stick around now, he may realise he can do anything and you will still be there for him. He needs a good dose of reality....

What a bummer. Sorry to hear this.

What is it Dan Savage says ?

DTMFA.

(Dump The MotherF*cker Already)

My heart goes out to you, David. I know it's much easier said than done, but I think for your own good... and his... you should walk away just like you told him you would.

Bad analogy, I know, but it's like threatening a child that you'll take away their favorite toy if they don't behave. If they come to realize that you only ever threaten and never really take the toy away at all, then they won't have any reason to behave.
So I think that if Derek sees he can go back to meth and yet you'll still stay with him anyway, then he'll learn that he can use you to fall back on and won't have the proper level of motivation to stay clean.

Whatever you choose to do, you have the support of your friends here.

The thing is he's not a violent person. Like I said, I did some dumb things too. Right after we met and started going out I messed around with a couple other guys I used to have a regular thing going with. He didnt give me the boot then, so that makes it doubly hard. I thought it was important to share that because I didnt want to give the impreession that I was talking from my high horse so to speak. We had a "Talk" today and it was civil. I reminded him of what I said before about not living with a drug user, that he could ruin his life but not mine. What I'm really struggling with right now is the issue of forgiveness. I mean it's really hard to get out of my head what he did to me, especially when he hit me while I was trying to drive. I've been talking to my therapist lately about another issue and that's that I'm terribly afraid of being alone ever since my great aunt died 2 years ago. SO that factors into things too. HOw lovely, my crazy F***ED up life.:o

Well, I'm actually kind of proud of that. I like to view myself as a fairly mild mannered person. No controversy here, sort of.:lol:

We do actually, but he was able to do it right under my nose.

I was thinking the same thing.

I swear I wouldnt have believed any of it if I didnt see it with my own 2 eyes.

Unfortunately the drugs are alwys going to be the most important thing as long as he is using them. I think you have to consider what is best for you at this point.

and for my left eye.:lol: Geez I can even laugh at something like that...

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth. You be wise not to comnpare the two. Plus, a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Thus, the beating he gave you was liely on his sober mind and was the meth seeing you as a threat.

In any event, I would run and not walk away. If he gets clean and sober, then think about whether it is worth it to take him back. But, actions scream where words whisper.

Oh and I'm not trying to balem myself for what happened, but I just wanted to be fair I guess.

You have my sympathies David. I was only thinking the other day after your thread, how ironic and unfair if the worst case scenario happened. And here we are.. Fate huh? :confused:

I'm not much good at relationship advice but I think in a situation like this you would probably welcome as many views as you can so i'll do my best here.

The key issue, the absolute issue for me is this. He could have killed somebody through his substance abuse. He could have killed himself but even worse he could have caused you to go off the road and hit who knows what, or who. It may have been a one off but in this type of situation its one time too many. He needs professional help David. Obviously Derek is aware of his problem but as has been mentioned, only he can do something about it. If you don't kick him out or leave then this will happen again, it always does. There will be a period of clean living followed by a relapse. Why? well because he will know he can get away with it.

Derek needs treatment and you need to make it clear that promises were made and broken. Its gonna hurt you like hell to finish this but it will hurt you more in the long run if you don't. Drug abuse wrecks lives, not just the user but everyone around them suffers. He needs to follow his own path here. Either he will see this as a wake up call and sort himself out properly, or he won't and he will have to deal with the consequences. If he cleans up properly, maybe you can work something out in the future, if he doesn't he is gonna take you down with him.

You have to push him into a choice for his own good to make a life change and just as importantly your trust has been betrayed and how the hell do you know now that he is telling the truth if he says he is clean? Do you want to be thinking about it every time you talk to him? You can't live your life looking for signs of if he is clean or not, checking his things, wondering where he is, who he is with. It will wear you down man. You don't deserve that.

Of course we can all sit here and type this stuff. Only you can make that choice. Just look at all the angles first. If he stays you must be prepared for the worse scenarios too.

Good luck with your choice dude, it won't be easy.

:wavey:

"What's fair anymore? Nothing is fair in love and war..."

Why is it different for guys? I'm not jumping on you, I'm just curious. Is it just more accepted by guys?

I agree with you, though, comparing those situations is like comparing apples and oranges.

I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac and the Stereophonics all the last couple days to take my mind off things. It's nice to know the music is ALWAYS there when you need it.

David, madformac is right. Derek needs to get help and you need to get away from him and keep him away from you. if he senses you're weakening about your resolve, he'll use you and abuse you and continue his downward spiral.

PLEASE, dont worry about him, worry about DAVID. Get somplace quiet where you can sort out your thoughts and start healing. :angel:

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support. Like I said, I'm still trying to process all of this. Believe me, the support I recieve here is appreciated. Again, thank you. I'm going to get some rest now. At least try to get some sleep.:nod:

Oh David, I am so so sorry- what a mess. Everyone is giving you top notch advice. You need to do what's best for you- not Derek. You have to take care of yourself and get yourself strong for what's ahead. You can't help him and you can't change him.

I'm so sorry you have a black eye, but I'm glad that you're okay otherwise. :xoxo:

Men are pigs - esp. gay ones :laugh:

Seriously, of all the gay guys I know in relationships, I think I can count on one hand those who have not cheated. The same applies for straight guys.

Personally, I have never cheated and never will.

So, there's that.

:lol: fair 'nuff.

I love you, man. :lol:

I did out of desperation to try to feel better after a really bad time in my life. That feels like it was a different Sue. It was a springboard for me to do something about my life though so I would feel good most of the time instead of once in a blue moon. Thankfully that mission was accomplished.

David, don't beat yourself up over straying early in your relationship because I agree with folks here, there is no comparison. You know you could try an Al Anon meeting, they help loved ones of alcoholics but drug addiction is a different face on the same animal. Or, call your therapist to find some group for support. Talking to other people going through this would be really helpful.

I hope you're getting some rest!

I am mostly brutally honest with people. I will tell them straight up, this ain't workin and I am looking elsewhere. At 39, I am not a big one night stand kind of guy anymore, though I, like most everyone, had my day in that sun.

But, back to the topic at hand and away from MOI :laugh:

I think cheating is no big thing when compared to someone who is letting meth control and ruin their lives.

I'm so sorry to hear this, David. I concur - Derek needs help and you need to do what's best for you. He needs to understand as well that you are not "abandoning" him, and don't allow him to make you the problem.

Best of luck to you both!