May I babble for a moment?
 

I needed to get this off my chest. I hope I make sense. I've been dealing with depression relating to having some childhood problems, and it's really effecting the way I live. When I was younger I spent alot of time shuttling to Special ed schools because of my ADD. It was pretty bad, I took all sorts of meds back then. As a result I had very few friends growing up because I was always going to school away from where I lived. This is one of the reasons Fleetwood Mac and Stevie mean so much to me. It's also been really hard because I've up until eariler this year, I lived at home. I always paid rent to my mother and Stepdad, but I grew up in a comfort zone, and I hated the idea of getting out of it. It's been reall hard for me to figure out what the real world means because of this. Not an excuse, that's just the way it is. I have absolutely no idea about money, and the only thing that's sustained me the last few years besides work, is the fact that I've been able to enjoy Stevie and Fleetwood Mac to the extent that I have. Unfortunately, this has led to some irresponsible decisions with regards to concerts and the like. I just wish I could get rid of the constant up and down feelings that I have. For example, I felt great when I was out on the road seeing Stevie, but now the Chickens are coming home to roost as they say. I want to make it clear I'm not blaming anyone for what's happened to me, I'm sure people have it alot worse, but I just wish I could be on mroe of an even keel. Sometimes I feel llike I'm the only person in the world that deals with this, and I dont want to wind up in the psyche ward after a suicide attempt like I did last year. If anyone else has dealt with these things, I would appriciate shairing if you feel likt it. Thank you, and I'm sorry if I shared too much information. It's just that I'm really tired of living like this, and I want to become a better person, and I figured this might be a good place to start :angel:

Dear David..
First off let me say I am sorry you feeling this way..and to let you know you are not alone. Sometimes I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions..I guess its all part of this thing called life.but sometimes I have to fight very hard not to sink into the pit of depression that so many face.
I too had lots of ups and downs in childhood..well more downs than ups really..I lost my parents when I was 12 and my life went into a tail spin for years after.and I still deal with things that are a by product of all the events afterward.My philosphy is to say to myself this too shall pass and whatever I have gone through has only helped to make me a stronger person.
You sound like a very kind person and perhaps you could use some of your insights and troubles in your life in a positive way..Maybe you could help others who face depression or isolation, or just need someone to share with..By doing something positive (Karma) you also reap the rewards.Find something that makes your heart smile.(besides something that takes alot of money or planning etc) painting ,drawing , writing, etc etc....

I am a big believer in letting go of the past and living in the moment.you can not change the past and since none of us know what tomorrow will bring ,i try to concentrate on the here and now.Not sure if I have been any help to you as i have a diffuclt time expressing exactly what I am trying to convey..but just know that you are not alone and I wish you peace..

Wow, thsnk you so much for the kind words, it's very touching. I hoped my honesty wouldnt offend anyone. It's really hard for me to let go of the past for some reason, but I know I need to do it, or else It wont be good. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to respond. :angel:

Believe me, when the day comes that I'm free from this hell, it will be the best day of my life. Thank god for Stevie :)

My Mom was from the tough love school. If I'd tell her I was depressed, she'd just say, "get over it!". Now, I do think there's something to this:
I've never taken a med for anything other than a headache, although I have a few friends that do take mood altering meds. I think everyone, within their own self, has to find a way to make peace with what they are given to work with. In other words, just make the BEST of every day you are given. You can wake up and be negative about everything, or find a positive light that shines on everything you do(and "I" don't mean religion- at least not for me! :rolleyes: - but if that works for you.....okay).
I know it's easy to type the words, but I think we HAVE a choice in how we approach the world. Don't dwell on the negative. :)

I appriciate the sincereity. Thank you, I'm working on it believe me. :thumbsup:

What Homer said is very true. But don't let it go too far, dear. You are not alone, none of us are. If the situation persists, you might want to talk to your doctor about what your options are.
Be well. :angel:

More people share this problem than you know....most are just afraid to share. My life is, has been, and probably always will be...an open book. I've dealt with major depressive episodes since I was 16. Valium does not work...they thought it did back then...30 yrs ago. Attempted suicide once, and it has definitely crossed my mind many times since. You are not alone. In 2000, I voluntarily admitted to a psych hospital after a major event in my life. During those four days I learned a lot about myself...and suprisingly enough...to laugh again. However, I was placed on antidepressants, which only dulled any emotion that I had...if I wanted to cry, I couldn't. If I wanted to sing, it was like 'what's the use'. I recently got off all medications in January. They made me so numb, so useless, so fat, so without a personality that I couldn't stand myself anymore. Now I laugh until I cry...I can feel again! Yes, there is still pain. But you must learn how to cope, how to fight for your own life...and most of all, how to love you, in spite of yourself. I used to worry about everything...what people thought about me...how I kept my house...NEVER AGAIN! You are the only person who has to live with YOU, if that makes sense. Let your conscience be your guide...if you spent a little too much $$ on concerts...didn't we all? I depleted my savings, everything! Sacrified so much just to be there. But that is what made ME happy at the moment, my husband understood, and it didn't hurt anybody! The memories of the last few months I will cherish for the rest of my life! You only go around once (we think!)...be kind to others...find happiness in yourself, or nobody else will...take every opportunity to laugh and to love and to reach out to those who need much, but ask little. And if you ever need to vent or to talk, I'm willing to listen...as I'm sure many here will... :xoxo: :angel:

YOU are just special! :xoxo: Sorry, maybe I don't know you well enough for that :o

Dear David,
I couldn't believe it when i read your post because i've feeling the same way lately. You're not alone though, i had a pretty rocky childhood as well. I'm not really one to share too much personal info, but i believe venting every now & then helps. ~I didn't have much luck w/ friends growing up either, we moved alot, so i was always the new kid. This all started around age 10 & got worse as i got older. Beisides my father being the "mother-of-all-assholes" & never paying a dime in child support, i was mentally & verbally abused by family members, aunts & believe it or not my own grandmother tortured me & my sister all the time :distress: It aint easy being told your "nothing" or "worthless" on a daily basis. I was a nightmare in highschool because of the way i was treated... no one wanted to deal with me, they were afraid the bomb would go off, so to speak. College life has been pretty good to me, except for the "friends" part. My school is very competitive, i got an A in my one class, & my "friends" were like, "Well, your her favorite...." & then they purposely left every day w/o me for our lunch break, so i always ate alone. The same crap we put up w/ in highschool never seems to go away :(

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with things right now. You're a better person for just opening up a little. Life is scary, i never know what i'm doing, but i do know what i want for myself (if that makes any sense) So you have to figure out what you want, whats going to make you happy & whole again. In time, things will come into full circle, but you have to be positive about it & never give up, no matter what others say. If your bummed & ever want to talk, i'm here :angel: ~Carei

But Homer, some people get so depressed that they cannot function correctly. Telling them to "get over it," employing the tough love, will not help at all. I think, for the most part, you're right about everyone having a choice. But there are cases where the person doesn't have that, and can't control their emotions, thoughts, etc.

You're special (special!) So special (special!) You've gotta have some of his, attention...baby...

whoops, sorry

I didn't say "get over it" would help. I SAID, that's what "I" was told, and that it worked for me.
I don't pretend to understand deep depression. But, everyone's life, isn't always a bowl of cherries. Sometimes, it's a bowl of lemons.

I make lemonade, quite often. I like lemonade. :wavey:

I went to a dinner, about 5 years ago, of my closest high school friends(all but one of which, I hadn't seen for several years). We were always the artsy- fartsy, somewhat snobby, heavy-partying group. I think, of twelve or thirteen of us, that three of us were the only ones NOT on meds for depression!!! I was dumbfounded! As I said in my previous post, I'm most certainly not claiming to understand deep depression, but I feel that sometimes claiming such, is just, maybe, a cop-out.
Is it that hard to find positivity? I guess so, but not for me.... :xoxo:

I only make blisters when I go too fast..............nevermind. :lol: :lol: :sorry:

Well, good for you, Homer. I'm glad you never felt you had to, ah, "cop-out."

I've said that I don't understand deep depression. I'm sorry if that possibly offends you. Best wishes to you. :xoxo:

You say you don't understand deep depression, but then you make asinine comments about how it is a "cop-out." That's what offends Homer. You can keep your patronizing little kissy smiley to yourself, thanks.

Wow.
I guess an apology won't do. I've said that I don't understand your plight, and the kissy was meant to let you know that my wishes for you both, were the best, but that wasn't taken well either. Sometimes you reap what you sew.
Goodnight.

..........

Perhaps we should get rid of the smileys. They're meant to help with words being misconstrued, but clearly, the meaning is lost. At least in this instance, they are.

I meant it's a two-way street. My good intentions, and depression ignorance, were met with very harsh words. I was simply being honest. That's all.
I've stood up for you on several occasions, Lux. Best of luck to you.

Are you a weak individual?

And you were surprised? Claiming that a disease many people suffer from is, essentially, fake, is supposed to generate understanding from those very people you put down? Don't come here telling me depression is a "cop-out" when you know jack **** about it.

Anyway, best of luck to you.

You implied it. And accused me of implying it. I was simply wondering your opinion.

I guess I was assuming I was dealing with people who were on an even keel. I apologize. I was clearly wrong, and again, apologize.

You're a smug bastard.

I'm just being honest. That's all.

i
 

I heard a statistic that 70% of adult men do not outgrow alll the symptoms of ADD .I had and have ADHD pretty badly myself and was diagnosed at 7 and put on ritalin.There is a newer drug called Strartera that might work well for adults .I have some revervations about trying it though.

I've often wondered if the amount and types of drugs "we" took in the 70's is in direct correlation to depression?
I digress.

Oh, come on Homer. That's low. :distress:

Did you read all their posts? And my repeated, unaccepted, apologies?
Low perhaps, but I feel it's accurate. And that's my honest opinion. That is all.

Come on now...that's just wrong. If you're sorry, just say so without the strategically placed, implied insult. You know that the people you are speaking with deal with depression and whether or not you have experienced it, or understand it...should just well, leave you without comment. Some of us are honestly trying to help someone...don't turn this into a pissing contest. :distress:

I don't know. We were mostly drinkers. And the whole gist of my post, that got blown waaaay out of proprotion, was that I found it hard to believe that 80%! of my high school clique NEEDED mood altering meds when they were 30.
80%? C'mon. What's wrong with that?

That does seem a high percentage, but in a lot of places that's the norm. :shrug: It's hard to say if they're overprescribed. I suspect they are, a bit, but if they are doing good for the people they are prescribed for, who's to say?
But - I went to my doctor for my knee, and mentioned that I was trying to quit smoking, and that I heard wellbutrin helped. Voila! she wrote a prescription. When I asked her about, you know, is this right for me? What are the other mental effects? She said "I'm not a psychiatrist, I have no idea about that, but it has been proven to help people quit addictions" Hmmm...that was a little too easy, yeah? :shocked:

Anyway, DavidMN, I agree with GDW - Perhaps you can work with your health care professionals to come up with a medication or other tools that work for you. I think many of us have gone through some aspect of the feelings you are experiencing, and I wish you the best in dealing with it. :)

Also, Homie, I thought your initial post was blown out of proportion, as well. It didn't seem to me you were talking about anyone on this board, only that the high percentage of your buddies who took antidepressants led you to think that maybe, sometimes (key words here, people) it might be a cop out. Not that you thought it was a cop out for anyone here. Again, I think the inclusion of "maybe" and "sometimes" more than qualified your statement. It's probably true that there are some people on meds who might not need them. :shrug: As to your later statements, no comment.

P.S. a note about wellbutrin...I have suddenly become much more productive. I've been cleaning and throwing out everything I didn't need. I feel like my emotional energy is not being drained at all, that I can just go about my tasks with little effort. I also felt very focused, in class.
Before, I used to procrastinate more than I should've, because everything seemed "so hard" to me. :p I don't really feel that way now. I think I feel a bit more confident, too. But I had trouble sleeping last night, so I might cut my dosage a bit.
Anyway, I didn't really think I had many problems before, I knew that I was easily emotionally drained, but no big deal. I have to say, though, I do feel better. :shrug: Anyway, it's only been a week, and that's just what is happening to me. Thought I'd share, though.

Well, there are theories that people who flock to booze are self-medicating for something. I know that was the case for me in high school. I needed something to make me feel better and no one was helping me. Now that your friends are adults it sounds like they've maybe found better ways of coping. Also, sensitive people are attracted to the arts and may be more vulnerable to mental illness.

Some depression is intrinsic. It is not brought on by any life event, you are born with it. Or at least a predisposition to it. Now say you have this predisposition and you grow up in an abusive household? You have depression through no fault of your own. Yes, you can think your way out of mild and even moderate depression sometimes. But the more severe cases require treatment.

People who seek help and go on meds are actually stronger than those who don't. They actually deal with their issues. Might there be some people who abuse the meds and do not help themselves? Yes, and they give others a bad rap. Most people are just trying to get through their lives with some kind of enjoyment of it. Imagine getting pleasure out of nothing.

I know you didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings but the types of comments that you've made are the types that keep depressed people from talking about it or getting treatment. I mean, imagine telling a diabetic to just will away their problem with blood sugar? Depression is a disease.

Heck no. I'd tell them to take vitamins and read the works of L. Ron Hubbard. :p :laugh:

Good lord, stay the hell away from depressed people! ;)

Great post, Suze. However, I don't think that depression is always a disease. I think there are other health factors that contribute to low serotonin, depression, etc. For instance, we know that exercise creates endorphins and elevates mood. We know that if you don't feed your body properly, that your brain will not have the proper fuel to run at it's best. Sometimes changes in this direction can go a long way towards helping someone feel better.

And for instance we know that low blood sugar contributes to light headedness, fatigue, short temper, decreased memory recall. Isn't that a change in brain chemistry? But you can mostly fix that by eating properly.

I get that you are mostly addressing more serious, long term depression, and chemical imbalances in the brain that contribute to that. I agree with you. And I have nothing against meds. :D
I just wanted to point this out, as well. :) Perhaps for the more mildly afflicted.

Yes dear, I did. I'm just giving you my opinion, that's all.

Nothing. I was trying to get to the heart of the matter, meaning why? Why are so many of us depressed? Has it just been undiagnosed all this time?
There's not a "correct" answer to any of these questions. I'm just trying to have a discusssion about it.
Alcohol is a drug, btw.

Yes, you are correct. But diet and exercise do nothing for severe depression. That isn't to detract from their importance though. I am basically prescribed exercise and if I don't do it I am screwed.

I hope the Wellbutrin helps you quit smoking! Sounds like you've been doing well with that? Congratulations! :xoxo: