dumb sh*t that's happened to you
 

1) I always have weird things in my food in restauraunts. My personal chart toppers are: I was in a high end restaurant with my family enjoying brunch, was sipping my water and for whatever reason, I looked into my glass and noticed tiny little worms swimming in it. Clearly, I nearly died! I called the server over and asked her about it and she said "Ohhh, sorry, I gave you plant water by mistake! Let me get you a new glass" SWEAR TO GOD, THIS HAPPENED!

2) I has sand in wonton soup once. How it got in there, who knows?!!!

3) I was eating emimame beans (i know I'm spelling it wrong). For those of you who don't eat sushi, they are soy beans still in the pod. They used to be delicious to me... but you just wait to hear why they're not anymore! I was eating edimame in a martini bar and popped one in, set the shell down in the bowl and noticed a small dark bit on it. I thought nothing of it but picked it up assuming it would be a slightly discoloured bit of bean or something. Turns out it was a squished maggot! Why was it squished? Because the rest of it had been swallowed with the damn BEANS!!! AHHHHH!!!!! I still haven't recovered from this

4) I sat on gum on the train back from an Emmylou Harris concert

5) AND THE SHOWSTOPPER!!! I live in a building with two apartments on the top floor. I share a bathroom with another tenant that is accessible between both apartments in the hallway. This seems gross, but I'm used to it and see it as no big deal anymore. One night, I came home at around 10:00 and noticed someone was in the bathtub. I should preface this by saying I live in a colourful neighborhood to say the least. I'm downtown, kinda in a sketchy but not scary area. Lots of crack addicts, prostitutes and such, but it's not as bad as it sounds! HAH! Okay, back to the story, I assumed it was the other tenant, Dave, in the bathroom but he worked late as a chef. So, I listened at the door and though, "Hmmm... this doesn't sound like Dave". Just to make sure, I called his restaurant and asked if he was there. The hostess said yes and asked if I wanted to talk to him. I said no, I just wanted to know he was there. So, I immediately called 911 'cause clearly some random guy from the street got into the building and was in my tub! GOD! So, the police came and carted him away. He was a young guy, early 20s. I made sure he didn't see me. Who knows if he would come back. I went into the bathroom after he left. HE TOTALLY TRASHED IT! Garbage everywhere. Soap everywhere. Little piles of kleenex everywhere! I don't want to know what was in them! AHHHH!!! Anyway, I put on the rubber gloves, held my breath, filled a bucket with bleach and started cleaning. There is a lock on the door to the bathroom, but we never used to lock it 'cause who's gonna come up and use our washroom. Now we know! We lock it every time we use it now! CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW RIDICULOUS THAT STORY IS???!!!

Anyone else care to share?

One of my weirdest/scariest/funniest experiences happened several months ago (March, April?)

I was coming home from a bar at about 230-3am and fumbling in the pitch dark for my keys (there's only one streetlight on my whole friggin' block). Then from over my shoulder a light comes on and I turn around to see what I assumed was a homeless guy holding a flashlight :shocked: . He tells me I looked like I needed a hand, and I say thanks. Not knowing what the hell else I'm supposed to say :shrug:. So I get the door open and try to squeeze in and shut it behind me, but he puts his foot in the door and asks to use the phone. I tell him I don't have one but I'll give him change for the pay phone at the Chevron station down the street. He then tells me that I'm a liar because he saw me talking on my cell when I pulled in the driveway!
Now I'm starting to freak out a little and tell him he has to get out of here before the neighbors call the cops, to which he says "F*ck your neighbors!"

I'm still in front of the door and he's still got his foot in it. I was pretty buzzed and not thinking as well as I should have so I open the door the rest of the way and yell "What the f*ck do you want from me!?". I'm thinking I should make noise so that hopefully someone will look out the window before he shoots/stabs/beats me to a bloody pulp. As I'm saying this I reach over and turn on the patio lights. The "homeless" guy was actually my roommate who had just gotten home from his boyfriends :o . If I wasn't so drunk, I'd have noticed his car parked beside mine, and for that matter, his voice! Apparently he thought he'd have a laugh at my expense. So he did. I wasn't able to laugh at it for several days, considering I almost pissed my pants... :rolleyes:

those are good stories. The bean one is too gross, though.
I think stuff like this happens to me a lot, but I'm not sure.
As I relayed in the dinner thread, today I got the BART police called on me.... :shrug:

:laugh: :lol: :laugh: :lol:

I'm sorry cos that must have been really scary at the time, but you just gave the best laugh I've had all day!!! :laugh:

Whoa - crazy stories...

Well once while dining with my family at a restaurant the waitress spilled an ENTIRE pitcher of ice water down my head and back. I was pissed - asked for a free dinner -they offered my a stupid restaurant t-shirt :mad:

I was driving home late one night and I was in on a road that has been reduced to two lanes because of construction. I saw some flashing police lights ahead etc - didn't really think anything of it - until I realized it was a high-speed chase- and the guy they were chasing veered into MY lane - SO DID THE COPS!!! I couldnt' go anywhere - because the cars had come on the only path to the other lane - there was a gaping hole on one side of - a wall on the other...

SO I was FREAKED out - I got as close to the wall as I possibly could - and miraculously the others were able to fit by me -a nd they sped by without killing me.

I would have knocked him upside his head and then bitched him out -- and he would have soooooo deserved that.

Someone threw a rock through my windshield while I was driving about 50 mph... shattered my windshield. I had glass everywhere... in my mouth, hair, stuck to my face... luckily nothing in my eyes. It shook me up pretty good.

I was just relieved that I wasn't going to have to make any attempts at self defense. All the biting, scratching, hair pulling... NOT pretty! :distress:

You're lucky that rock didn't hit you. It could have been a catastrophe.

Now that's scary! Was this just some random asshole on the side of the road?

Might I suggest a kick in the nads if you are ever in that situation for real. Then, when they bend over in pain, grap the nape of the neck and pull them to the floor as you are running past them.

Yeah, the cops never got him. I think it came from a hill that overlooks the road.

Wow, I'll keep that in mind. Knowing me, I'd probably go back and see if they were ok though... :rolleyes:

Jesus! Your heart must have nearly flown out of your chest! That would be so scary! I hit a deer once and she hit right in front of me and I had glass everywhere. Windshield glass in your face is VERY SCARY!

In retrospect the worms in my water is funny, but at the time, obviously, I went green! As long as you can laugh at my expense! :D

Yeah, the douche bag in my bathtub was really gross. I forgot to say that he brought his own BATH BOMBS!!! What the hell, eh? There was residue in the tub from them. Like he knew that was a great place to take a free bath! It only ever happened the once. After it happened, I was telling some people in the building (we're a pretty tight knit group) and I guess the last tenants up here had people using their toilet, so that's why the locks were put in. But no one ever experienced a skid in their tub! Wanker!

That would have scared the piss outta me! People really should think these things through. Dark alleys aren't particularly funny places for practical jokes! I can't believe you didn't scratch his eyes out!
:lol:

I forgot about my immaculate infection! This is gross, but I'm just gonna tell you. So... I had what appeared to me to be a bladder infection and one night, it was so bad that I called my friend to take me to emergency. They... swabbed me... very traumatizing... and asked me a thousand times if I was sexually active. I told them no. The doctor came back and asked me if I was sure I hadn't been sexually active recently. I said no! 100% no way it could be anything sexually transmitted. I was a total virgin at the time (like virgin in the sense that I hadn't even kissed someone yet). So, he looked puzzled and left again. The nurse came in and asked me and I told her the same thing. It was ridiculous! They wouldn't believe me and were really getting hostile and making me feel like crap for two reasons: 1) I was a virgin and who wants to be all like "total virgin sittin' here" to a couple of total strangers and 2) they wouldn't let the subject go! So, they came back after testing the... swab... shudder... and gave me chlamydia medication. I said, "Are you kidding me? There is no way it's an STD!!!" They told me to just take it and that it would help the infection whatever it is. Weird eh? They never said what the infection was though. Very strange! My immaculate infection!

It is possible, though unlikely, to contract it in a locker room.

Hmmm... musta been somewhere. 'Cause it was definitely something. Not just your run of the mill bladder infection, which are really rare in men anyway. I'm convinced it was immaculate! :lol:

If you end up pregnant....

oh, sweetie. No.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
It was funny, though.

God Amber! I've told you my story. You know how laughable this is and pathetic at the same time! If you can't find yourself amusing, you got nothin'! Glad I made you laugh though! DICKHEAD! :laugh:

Immaculate INFECTION, not immaculate CONCEPTION! :D

I'm not that violent. But I did get him back (kinda) a few weeks later. I came home late again and knew he was in bed. So instead of using the door like a normal person, my drunk ass decided to climb through his window. I didn't say anything, but was noisy enough to wake him. He screamed like a little girl until he realized it was me. :D

I told him that's what he got for messing with me, and felt a little better. He still has the funnier story to tell though... :rolleyes:

That infection story is really disturbing - any desire I had to nail you is totally gone now ;) :xoxo:

BRILLIANT! "screamed like a little girl" made me laugh my butt off! :lol:

WHA! I knew I was taking a gamble telling that story! It's pretty gross but I had to tell it. It's too good a story to pass up! You'll come around again! You'll wanna nail me again! :lol: :wavey:

By the way, ****ty about the water down the back of your head! That would be freezing! And you'd be uncomfortable for the rest of the night! What a pisser!

That SOB! I had a teacher who had reconstructive surgery because this happened to her. A brick hit her face, she was lucky to survive. Her surgeons were geniuses because you could not tell and she was gorgeous. However, she said she didn't look anything like she did before the assault. So strange. Those kinds of things make me want to pound the perp but can't do it. :mad:

One time I found a big, giant hair in a burger at McDonalds. Fortunately for me, I had picked up the top part of the bun and looked at it before biting into it. It was so nasty. It really looked like it was there on purpose. :eek:

I have been flashed twice. Once as a teen walking in my friend's neighborhood this guy driving by in a station wagon lifted his butt in the air so I could see that he wasn't wearing any pants. :lol: That was actually kind of funny it was so pathetic.

The other time was near my home in Duxbury, I was walking and this car behind me was going very slow. I figured they were just looking for an address. I exited that side street and was walking the main road when I heard, "Hey", I turned and the bloke was standing there pantsless! Ugh. I quickly turned back around and raced home. I heard him speed off.

Oh yeah, and here at work, someone stole my headphones and they are the kind you put in your ear. :eek: What the hell is wrong with people???

response
 

ACtually I have a rather interesting story, and it relates to the current Stevie tour that just ended. My frined and I arrived in Milwaukee for the July 4th show, and we went to check into the Motel 6 I had reserved. (I've stayed there many times over the years, and never had a problem) Well, to make a long story short, we were assigned 2 rooms which were not clean!. aster getting the 3rd room which was made up right, I went into the office the next morning and the manager gave me 3 free nights for my inconvienence.

Good one. My ex told me too to always go with the movement of the person. If they lunge at you, step aside and pull them forward and down. Something like that. Going against them might be too difficult, especially for a normal strength lady.

OH MY GOD!!! That just reminded me of my grossest food story ever! I was at an outdoor festival in high school with a friend. You know with outdoor festivals, you wait like an hour to get food. So, we went to get fries. It took forever and we were starving. I was eating the fries and picked one out. Guess what little gem had been deepfried with the fries? A PUBE!!! :nod:

I don't know, you got him pretty good! :thumbsup:

Deepfried pube = NASTY!!

deeelicious (a la Jerri Blank!) :lol: