Would you be mad?
 

Hubby & I got into it yesterday. When Ry, Curtis & I went to the Pittsburgh show, Ry & I slept in the same bed. For those of you that don't know, he's gay & we've been friends for about 10 years. There were only 2 beds & 3 people, so we shared.

So, I had friend over (including Ry) the other night & we were laughing about how at home I have a husband to kick me in our sleep & in Pitts I had a gay boyfirend kicking me.

The next day, hubby told me that he thought that it was wrong that I slept in the same bed with Ryan & that it had better not ever happen again. :shocked: I said I didn't think there was any difference with sharing a bed with my gay male friend or my straight female friends if there's not enough beds. I told him if it upset him that much, it wouldn't happen again. :shrug: I also told him that if he finds a lesbian friend, he can sleep in the same bed as her & then we'll be even. ;)

But I still don't get it - we slept on opposite ends of the bed back to back. It's not like we were spooning or anything. What do you guys think? Apparently if this situation comes up again, I'll be sleeping in the tub. :angel:

HA- Guys...
 

Actually I would be a bit mad if it were the other way around.

BUT I tend to be a jealous person, and I've been working on that so I don't know.

I mean I don't think there was anything wrong with you sleeping with your gay friends, but if the shoe were on the other foot would it really not bother you for your husband to sleep in the same bed with a lesbian?

I don't know - some people really aren't bothered by stuff like that - but some are. Either way - sucks that you and your hubby had a row over it.

Yeah, that sounds right. He didn't freak out or anything, but I was upset because I really don't think I did anything wrong. If I had any clue he would react this way, I would have asked for a cot or something.

Boys. :mad:

I've been thinking about that - in theory, I really don't think I'd get upset if he slept in the same bed as a gay chick. Of course, in reality, if said gay chick is a hot blond with huge boobs, I'm sure I'd feel differently whether it was warranted or not. :o

We're all good, it's blown over, I guess I was just a little shocked at his reaction. He rarely gets mad about stuff. I apologized & made the solemn vow never to make a gay man my bed buddy again. :angel: Sorry Curty, but our future looks bleak.

But if she had a mullet, sleeveless flannel shirt and biker boots it would be as big a deal, right? Lol....kidding.

Exaaactly. :nod: :o

Apparently your husband has never seen an episode of Will & Grace :laugh: Gay men are -- gay. Aside from having breast envy and being the greatest shopping partner and one of the best listeners you will ever have in your life, they have zero sexual attraction to you. I don't get what the big deal is but then again, i'm not married :cool: Oh, and your spot on that if it was some lipstick lesbian with huge breasts who was beautiful, he'd probably be like, "that's fine." Typical male reaction :rolleyes:

Last summer, my best friend, who is gay, shared my bed when he visited. He offered to sleep on the couch, but I told him it was ridiculous since I have a queen-sized bed. We also roomed together for a year in college, though we had separate bedrooms. I didn't think it was a big deal.

But one night when he was here, my ex-boyfriend called and I said something about Eric being in bed next to me. Now, he knows Eric and likes him, but he still reacted strangely. :shrug:

Anyway, I'm glad you're all good. :)

I slept in the same bed with one of my really good friends, who happens to be a bisexual woman. My partner didn't have an issue with it. :shrug:

Jealousy is weird. I don't get it. Straight guys are even more weird when it comes to their outlook on gay men. I think it's interesting how insecurity can worm its way out into the open in certain situations.

The internet psychiatrist in me suspects that your husband envies your gay boyfriend because perhaps your gay boyfriend provides you something that he cannot.

^ Could be. :shrug: Jealous of our Mac bond, lol.


It's odd, cuz he's not the jealous type at all. I think it was more about the fact that although I wasn't hiding it, I didn't come home & say "guess what, I was in bed with Ryan!" It came up in casual conversation later - to be honest, I really did think I had mentioned this previously to him. But any time I talk about Stevie/Mac at all, I get this: :rolleyes: He may have tuned me out initially.

I'm not in a relationship, so I can't really say for sure, but I don't think I'd have a problem with it.

I've shared a bed with a gay friend of mine several times and it'd be mighty hypocritical of me to have a problem if my (hypothetical) significant other did the same.

Although it should be said that not all straight men are really insecure with the idea of gay men or the sharing of beds. My best friend's straight brother has shared a bed with my gay friend when there's been a shortage of sleeping spots. :shrug:

Yeah, I'd have to agree it seems to be a guy thing. We girls may think nothing of sleeping with a gay man, but in truth, as you admitted Paula, if my (currently hypothetical) boyfriend slept with a hot lesbian I might feel a bit uncomfortable. The truth is the parts are right for there to be trouble. ;)

Also, it's kind of a compliment (as long as he doesn't go overboard and get nasty). Your husband is, of course, very attracted to you. It's probably all too easy for him to imagine that even a gay guy might find you desirable enough to make you the exception to his rule. :)

^ I must be so hot he thinks I can turn a gay guy! Yeah, that's it! :laugh:

Hmm...thats a tough one. I dont want to offend, but I would *think* that you would have known that would have bothered your husband had he found out about it, and therefore, not slept in the bed with Ry. BUT...on the other hand, if there was no doubt in your mind about anything remotely sexual occuring...then I guess you have a point as well. I, to be on the safe side, would have told my husband about it first thing to avoid him getting pissed later. Because now that he finds out after the fact, he's going to feel he can't trust you now (even if he says he does.)

So, to answer your question...yes I probably would be mad. Most guys tend to get protective and jealous in those situations, and I'm one of them. But, I'd probably forgive you after you let me touch your boobies, and then maybe have some sweaty pig-sex. ROFL!

^ Now what would hubby think if I let you touch my boobies :eek: .


Oh, wait, I guess that was hypothetical. :o

sorry for the confusion! Yeah, I meant hypothetically!!!! haha

Hmm.. I think my train of thought on this would be right along yours, Paula. To me, sleeping in the same bed as a gay guy is akin to sleeping with a girlfriend. IE, just not a threat. But I wonder if your hubby wasn't so upset about that than he was at the fact that he found out in front of your other mutual friends? Maybe he felt a little embarrassed. Just a theory i throw out there. I'd definitely be jealous if my boyfriend or hubby slept in the same bed as another hetro girl - but if he slept in the same bed as a gay girl? I don't think I'd be upset. Actually, I know I wouldn't be. It's not like a gay person just chooses to be gay one minute and chooses not to be gay another (sorry, that would be me stating the obvious). Either way, sorry to hear you got into it over this... did you have great make-up sex at least?? :laugh: :laugh:

Sorry, Miss P, *hehehehe*, but I think he had a rare case of TIHS right then. :shrug:
(totally illogical husband syndrome).
I don't think I would care, either, if my husband shared a bed with a hot lesbian, because, in both cases, no one is getting any, no matter how hot they are. Even if your husband was attracted to said theoretical hot lesbian, or you were attracted to Ryan, still nothing would happen, and you'd both (in theory) still be attracted to said gay people whether you slept on a cot or in the bed.
I think it's nice you compromised with your husband, though.

Of course, he might want you in the bed at the same time. ;) :lol:

I am just about the least jealous person there is. I wouldn't be upset if I knew the gay guy, but if I didn't there might be the sneaking suspicion that this guy is not have any loyalty to a friendship with me & might be pretending to be gay to get into bed with my girlfriend.

In any event, you are wise to have told your husband it won't happen again if for no other reason than that it upsets him.

- Jake

That's why I didn't up in bed with Curtis. ;) Of course, if he ever actually meets Curtis, there will be no suspicion. :p Love ya Curty, ya big Mo! :xoxo:

I think the best way to handle it would be to understand that his feelings are valid TO HIM, and that you will respect his discomfort and not do it again.

That being said, I don't think that it would be something that I would be upset about because there is no threat of anything physical happening. To me, I think the determining issue would be whether or not it places you in a vulnerable position (i.e. one where you would be likely to be unfaithful in some respect). Which in this case is NO.

Do I get jealous when my boyfriend goes out to the bars or even a strip club on a "Guys-Nite-Out"? NO. Provided there is no lap dances. ;)

Do I get pissed off when my boyfriend suggests meeting for dinner and drinks with a girl that he used to date while in Washington D.C. for business? YES. Especially with the knowlege imparted by my oh so upfront boyfriend that they had amazing sex. :eek:

Why create a situation where you know that you might be tempted to cheat? Its better to avoid those situations all together, IMO.

I was thinking along the same lines as Cat, in that perhaps he was more embarrassed by "finding out" in front of other people (even though you probably had mentioned it, and it went in one of his ears and out the other), so he reacted the way he did more out of embarrassment than jealousy.

Then again... if I remember correctly from the pics you guys posted, Ryan's hot. Maybe your husband was insecure about the fact that you were sharing a bed with a hot guy, even if he does happen to be gay! :laugh:

:lol:


It wasn't me who took 1 1/2 hours to get ready to leave. That belongs to your "other". :laugh:


...and I'm sorry to hear your hubby got mad. :o I can vouch for ya since Ry was asleep hours before we were. Like someone else said, he could just be jealous of the Mac bond you share with others. Just assure him that there are bonds between you two that only you two have....and that's more special than anything else.

Well, my initial knee-jerk reaction was to think your husband was a jealous lout, but I can kinda see where he is coming from. Obviously Ryan is not into girls (no offense, Ryan :) ) but you are obviously a heterosexual female. And as much as gay guys can be classified in the "girlfriend" column, they are still guys. So if your gay friend looked like, oh, Brad Pitt, regardless of his orientation, I suspect that you would be thinking unChristian things while you were in bed with him. Just like if your husband had to sleep with a lesbian that looked like, oh, Pam Anderson.

The only way this is 100% alright is if you were a lesbian sleeping with a gay man- the repulsion is totally mutual :lol:.

:laugh: He's playing that card, eh? Anytime guys say that we're trying to fire up your competitive juices. ;)

- Jake

Well, I can't sleep in the same bed as anyone so... :laugh: Some married people have separate bedrooms. :shrug:
Did you ask him why it bothered him so much? :confused:

I had a girlfriend that never forgave me for not letting her "lie on me" at night. I love to cuddle and all that crap, but when I'm ready to go to sleep I cant have anyone touching me. She just couldnt understand that.

Well, not really. :lol: :shrug:

hogwash! Gay men usually are better listeners, plus the typical femininity associated with various queens appeals to some women.

Yeah, he let this one fly after about 15 beers.

He can be an "attention whore" at times. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Jeez, after fifteen beers the only thing I could let fly is pee. :)

- Jake

:eek: Why is it that men don't think before they allow certain sentences to exit their mouths?

I never tell current girlfriends about sex with previous girlfriends. Thats a no no! And besides, not just guys are guilty here. My last girlfriend told me her previous boyfriend had a 10 incher. Imagine how that made me feel for the duration of the relationship.

Seriously, there are some things, IMO, that are better left unsaid.

I'm not kiddin...I thought about what she said for the first 3 or 4 months of us sleeping together, and whether or not I was even pleasuring her enough. It was a nightmare. I eventually got over it, but jeez...thats some pressure.

Now I feel guilty. I had told her not to tell. :distress:

- Jake

Rumor has it, she was cheating on you so apparently, you're not Mr. Big :sorry: