I was abused at work today
 

Today at work (I work in a retail store in case anybody doesn't know) I was checking some data on a store computer on the shop floor and a guy in his sixties or early seventies was walking towards me. I looked him in the eye and asked him if he was ok and if he needed any assistance. He came up to me, said no, and proceeded to move behind me putting one hand in front on my stomach and rubbing it in a circular motion, almost putting his hand inside my shirt under the buttons and he rubbed his left hand across my back onto my shoulder as he passed me quite firmly. It was not just, as some people do, touching in a friendly way, it was quite deliberate..

My first reaction was one of shock :shocked: I then said "Get your hands off me right now" in a rather aggressive tone. He must have registered it but kept walking, past the TVs and around and out of the store..

I had a female mamber of staff witness it as she stood there with her mouth open in shock...

I'm really upset with myself for not tearing his f**king arms off on the spot (I'm usually a very calm person but this wasn't a normal store incident to me) but I feel I should have taught him a lesson, maybe the fact I had other people, and children, around me stopped me because I had the urge to ram his head through a TV. . It's now bugging me that I didn't do anything. I've been told that I did the correct thing in not reacting in a violent way but what if this guy is a creep that molests people, even children? I know what he looks like and I've seen him before so maybe I log it with the police, I don't know... :shrug:

To top it off I had somebody tell me today, "well maybe he's gay and that's why he did it" :rolleyes: . Well I'm not gay but I got offended by that anyway because I can't see anybody that is gay doing this.. As i pointed out, it's not like I go out groping females so I don't know why it should apply to guys that like men either.. A very homophobic comment and it just went and pissed me off even further...

So now I'm getting mad with myself for not enforcing myself and making it quite clear physically to this guy that you don't do things like this and get away with it.. :(

BTW

* for those ledgies in the know I would like to state I wasn't wearing my famous pink shirt either... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

OMG That is shocking, I think it is important that you research your options, both in the store and with the Police, but mainly with in the store, I mean if that customer is to return you have no idea now how you would react, this is a shocking incident.

Most likely this man is highly disturbed, so maybe doing something and taking it further could help both of you, I work in a supermarket and know how hard it can be if something wierd happens with a customer it can make it very difficult to deal with them again.

So I say search out your options, in particular if you have a staff support officer at work, see them.

Tynan

Ah! I'm glad you cleared it up about the pink shirt, because i was sure it was to blame... :lol:
Anyway...I'm so sorry. If i were you, if he ever comes in the store again, I would go up to him, and in the loudest voice possible, say "sir, you are no longer welcome in this store, because you are filthy, groping bastard piece of ****!" :laugh: :lol:
Actually, i don't know what i'd do, but i hope you figure out something that helps you feel better.

No wonder you were accosted! :]

Kidding aside... Sorry to read of this happening to you.

While in hindsight there are a lot of ways you can think of following up with the perv, I think you should be somewhat pleased that you were able to blurt the "get your hands off me" bit. Often in situations such as this a person can be stricken with such a fear that a voice disappears.

My suggestion is to make a report, keep your eyes open, and spill your story to all your co-workers and area business...let's get the perv before he feels up (or worse) an unsuspecting child! :blob1:

This brings to mind a guy that approached me in a grocery store medicine aisle asking for something...I tried to help him find it and upon repeating what he was looking for for the third time I realized when the words were strung together it was something pervy...and all I could manage was a look of disgust...live and learn...peeps are weird in what little it takes to get them off :lol:

Yeah, well, I can serve a banning order on him next time he comes in (which will ban him from every store in all four chains), first I'm thinking next time he sets foot in the store I should just ask him why exactly he felt he was in a position that allowed him to touch me in such a way..

Depending on his answer I either detain him and call the police, ban him or make it quite clear that if he comes near me or a colleague again it will have repercussions for his own health. If he abused a member of my staff I would have had him arrested on the spot yet I didn't do that because it was me. Weird huh?

Thanks for the advice about support and stuff but I'm a big boy and I won't suffer any emotional scars from this I can assure you. My concern is for anybody else that might have had this happen by him, or anybody in the future which is why I'll probably call it in tomorrow.. :wavey:

You're a big boy? no! :laugh: Anyway, I that would be cool if you did ask him. Really loud. I really want him to be embarrassed publicly for some reason. Though, you may have gathered that from reading my post. Glad you're pulling through, Big Boy! :wavey:

Thanks for your thoughts :xoxo:

The shock itself was a shock,if you can understand that.. If he had hit me or accosted me violently I would have dealt with the blows then immobilised him myself until the police arrived. I don't tend to go into shock, I just usually react to a situation accordingly.. But with it being sexual in nature I really was shocked... Like I got hit by Lennox Lewis or something.. it didn't register as it should.. I can now understand how people that suffer abuse and rape must feel when they just freeze.. it wasn't pleasnat, having said that, it's programmed in my head now so if it ever happens again I will be prepared for it.

Yes I would have understood if it was the famous pink shirt :laugh:

Thanks for the thoughts.. :)

I'm very sorry about your encounter with that elderly man, madformac. I think it is the right decision to ban him from the store and call in about it tomorrow....It's most important that something like that doesn't happen again to someone less able to defend themselves or resist him...Best of luck!
--Justin

wow, so sorry 2 hear this happen 2 u, it is very awful!!!~ i agree w/ every1 about researching & using every option available 2 prevent this guy~ i can't believe the nerve of some people & right in public, wow, makes u think since of his boldness this was not an isolated incident~ i hope he gets caught~

Mfm...
 

I'll report it for sure, and I'll get a description out to all the local stores. It can't hurt..

It's interesting that it has happened to others on the boards.. Obviously it's more common than I thought..

Thanks for the post. :thumbsup:

Ugh...Once I was outside the counselling area at school taking a test, and a teacher looked over my shoulder and unctuously asked me what subject the test was in. I mumbled "Science," and then he said, "Oh...I recall in school that us boys really liked Science, especially when it had to do with reproductive matters..." then mentioned a couple other GROSS things. :mad: This guy apparently fooled around with male students in the past. I thought, "STAND BACK CREEP!" All I did was basically ignore him until he went away...Ugh, he's so gross. Anyway, I think you handled your situation well, madformac!
--Justin

Thanks Christy, I'm not that bothered about it, I'm more bothered that by not doing something he's still a potential threat to others...

Yeah December 10th.... I'm impressed by Seteca's self control with that guy too.. Had it not been inside the gig at the time it could have been a somewhat different reaction from him as it could have been by me... Actions dictated by circumstance..

Whoa!!!! Ewwwww!!!! :shocked: :eek:

Haha, well I can't possibly comment on here can I.. :D

I mean't I'm a big enough boy to handle myself... hang on, that could be interpreted too couldn't it... :eek:

Erm, I'm big and old enough to look after myself in a confrontation... How's that? :nod: :]

Thanks for the praise.. :cool:

That's awful.. Sorry to hear about it happening.. I know it shouldn't make a difference but when it's a respected member of the community like a teacher, with the responsibility that goes with the position of influencing children it disgusts me even more..

um....I pic the first one... ;) :wavey:

I somehow figured you might amber... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

That is HORRIBLE. No one likes to be or should EVER be touched in an unwanted manner.

I would, however, check with a lawyer or at least with your store's legal dept. regarding their policy, etc. I am unsure if you attacked this guy and beat him to a pulp if you would not also be brought up on charges, when just pushing him away would have sufficed. I do not know the law in England, but it might be worth checking out just so you know.

I am not in any way condoning what this jerk did, I am jut trying save you possible heartache :cool: Also, you probably could have him arrested. Again, I do not know the law there, but that would be possible here in America - and that certainly would end the signal you wanted to send.

Yep...
 

I've never hit anybody first in my life, I've got a code of letting them go first and then imparting my physical wisdom thereafter. :D But it would have been justified to me to have done it this time. Yeah the law would have looked at what I did more severely than what he did, but I've always said don't do anything if you can't deal with the consequences of your actions.. I would been satisfied in my mind regardless of a legal action against me.

The official legal side from the store point of view is that any abuse of staff is not tolerated and charges will be brought if such an action occurs, the sad thing is the police will no doubt not take it too seriously because the UK police system requires an officer to complete by hand 12 pages of paperwork for each incident no matter how minor. They will advise banning him and going no further judging by previous cases in the company.

Is there any kind of video surveillance in your store? If so, I would at least try to get some type of photo of the guy and pass it around, just to see if anyone else has had this type of encounter with him. If more than one person reports him to the authorities, you have a better chance of stopping him.

Honestly, what are the odds that this is the first time the man has done something like this? I've always understood this type of behavior to be progressive in nature. This time is was just unwanted touching. What about next time, with someone the guy could overpower, or someone who was not a "big enough boy to handle himself" ( ;) ).

This is classic molester type behavior. Does your store have closed circuit security cameras? They've probably got it on tape and you should let them know before it is erased. I wonder if the guy is senile or if you were just the nearest thing around he could find to fulfill his compulsion. He most certainly should be reported before he does it to someone who cannot stop him.
I am sorry this happened to you. :distress:

Hmmm, further evidence of your hotness I think. :rolleyes: Sorry, in bad taste I know. :sorry:

I had a boss in retail who was such a sleezy guy, he would give you a neck massage when you didn't want it, grab your waist, and other stuff. At first I didn't say anything out of shock. Then I told him not to do it. He must have known the law fairly well anyway (it is only "unwanted" sexual behavior that is illegal) because then he would start to reach out and then say, "Oh yeah, you don't like to be touched." in a really icky way. Bleck. Loss Prevention was really watching him and trying to get girls to talk but no one really would. I was 18 but some of the other girls were quite young (hurl). He wound up being fired for another matter which may have been "overlooked" if he hadn't already been such a skeevy perv (shudder).

So maybe it is something in the air in retail?

I once had someone grope my butt on the train, yuck. I also had an unwanted advance from a family member's husband who was drunk. Eww. Some people are just pervs.

It's good you said something to this guy anyway. I don't agree that hitting him is the answer but it isn't up to me. Good luck with this, I hope that it is resolved. Stupid molesters.

Did he seem...a bit "off" to you? You know, besides the weird groping thing & all? :laugh:

Seriously, do you think he's mentally ill? Or retarded? Maybe he has dementia? :shrug:

I'm not defending this guy at all, it's just that it's SO bizarre. Sorry you had to experience this, hopefully it never happens again - to you or anyone else.

Yes, but he told you there was no need to back up and gyrate while he was massaging your lower back :eek: :shrug: :xoxo: :xoxo: :xoxo: :wavey: :wavey:

(this is levity for the weak at heart :cool: )

BBBBWWWWAAAHHHHAAAAHHAAAA! :laugh:

Ooops, I mean, that's terrible! :shocked:

One would like to think so.

pervy situations arent uncommon...
 

'smore come to mind... :lol:

Escalator – In a department store, when the up and down stairs met in the middle I was on upside and there was a girl on the downside with a guy behind her with mirror to toe enjoying the view (I would imagine)

Maller – I was outside a mall waiting for a ride when I looked across the lot to find a guy fumbling about his car. A few moments later I looked again and he was outside of his car. When I looked for the last time his pants were down and well, let's just say he was way whack!

Driver (twice) – 1) a guy asked for directions, and when I leaned in I had an eyeful! 2) behind a vehicle that was dragging wires, at stop I got out of the car (dip!) and when approaching driver window I noticed magazines of neked ladies (!) about the backseat and passenger seat. I could swear he had his pants down, but my eyes blurred when I blurted "wires" and ran back to my car.

Stroller – I was sitting on a curb waiting for a ride. Out of the corner of my eye I can see someone walking the side ½ block down. I should have known by his slowstroll something was amiss...when he walked past me all I saw was pole.

Windowwisher – peeper...enuff said.


I think a tornado just past overhead! :eek:

Yes!!!!!! :p

This makes me...
 

think of the drunken chick who used me as a "personal sex toy/plaything" at the June 2004 show in Dallas...

At least she was a good lookin' drunk :thumbsup:

Brian j.

Yeah he seemed really weird.. He's been in before and his behaviour has appeared rather random...

I mentioned it to another person today who was in the store at the time it happened.. She said "he goes to watch the local school youth soccer teams play".. :shocked: :mad:

She doesn't know his name but she knows he watches the schoolboys play soccer so I'm even more disturbed now..

At least I know where to find him.. I logged the incident from yesterday with the store's group security team and was advised to ban him next time he is in the store, which I will.. I will also log it with one of the local police officers later this week so at least it's on file. I personally feel he's a risk to the community and therefore I will be doing what I can to bring the incident to the attention of the relevant authorities..

:lol: :laugh: :lol: :laugh: Omigod, you've had more than your fair share!!! My favorite? "well, lets just say he was way wack" :lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh man. :distress:

So you are a guy? And an elderly man groped you? That is something you don't really hear about that often. It is sort of strange that he would do that in a public place and to another man. I am thinking that he is some old senile guy and didn't know what he was doing? I mean after he touched you did he act strange like he didn't mean to do that or was he completely aware of what he did? This is just a really strange story. Sorry that happened to you. It sounds creepy.

Oh, now that I read this he obviously sounds like a predator. A pervert too.

I am SO sorry to hear that you were violated! As a victim/survivor of sexual abuse myself I can relate...
They say it's not good to ever tell someone who is is pain that it could be worse...but I for one have always appreciated the psychology of this....
In Maine a 19 year old coffee-house boy, literally beat the living sh*t out of his supervisor, locked her in the bathroom,left her to die and then just proceeded to work and serve customers like nothing happened. No lie, this just happened last week.
No matter what I think it's great that you're venting by posting and I can also relate about you were I call it "paralyzed" while it was actually happening... the same thing happened to me, I'd suggest that you try not to feel guilty for not "fighting back", it wasn't your fault.
I personally, was held at knife point by two men I was literally, yeah they call it PETRIFIED.
Keep communicating and take care.
love,
celestenadia