Ask HejiraNYC

[HejiraNYC]

What is on your mind? What is keeping you up at night? Ask HejiraNYC.

Relationship issues? School issues? Career issues? Health issues? Financial issues? Technology issues? It's all good. Ask HejiraNYC.

Need an opinion? Design, fashion, art, literature, music? Ask HejiraNYC.

What are my qualifications? Plenty, that is, unless you are into degrees and learnin' and stuff. In that case, nada. But, hey, my advice is free, so you get what you pay for. And what's cheaper than free?

Ask me anything. You can talk to me.

Bonus points for you if you can tell I am exquisitely bored at work today.

[David]

Hejira, I'm in the market for a new car. What do you think of the 2011 Hyundai Elantra Touring wagon?

[HejiraNYC]

Hejira, I'm in the market for a new car. What do you think of the 2011 Hyundai Elantra Touring wagon?

At the price point it is absolutely the best bang for the buck. Hyundai is no longer the cheap bag o' bolts from the eighties that would stall every time it rained. Althought it is still far from pioneering, Hyundai now stands eye-to-eye with its Japanese peers. So given the reliability, the decent fuel economy and the option to buy a manual transmission, I'd say it's a winner for anyone looking for basic transportation. It's no p***y magnet, but you'd be hard pressed to find one in that price range.

Another option: The Nissan Versa. Absolutely my favorite small car.

[markolas]

Oh this is brilliant!

Do you think a BA in English is a useless degree? Would I be wasting my time and money pursuing one? I have no interest or aptitude in math, science, or business.

[HejiraNYC]

Oh this is brilliant!

Do you think a BA in English is a useless degree? Would I be wasting my time and money pursuing one? I have no interest or aptitude in math, science, or business.

The Great Recession of 2007 has been the great leveler in terms of the true value of a college education. In many ways, job-seekers with non-technical degrees have suffered the worst in the downturn, which lead many to question the value of attending expensive private elite liberal arts colleges for degrees that are not likely to lead jobs that will be enable students to pay back student loans in the tens of thousands of dollars. Anecodotes about un-/under-employed college graduates are abundant in the mainstream media.

It all depends on your intentions in pursuing a BA in English. If this is just for setting a foundation for higher levels of learning and graduate school, it should be okay. If you are planning on teaching and/or attaining tenure at an academic institution, it should be an okay stepping stone. If you don't have to worry about money, and pursuing a degree in English is personally gratifying for you, then it is definitely worthwhile. However, if this is for landing a lucrative income right out of school, the decks are stacked against you in this economy.

In any event, a degree is a degree. And degrees most definitely open doors. However, that being said, if you plan to go no further with your education, you should consider areas of specialization that complement your educational background, and you should pursue internships or some kind of part-time entry level work in these areas.

[markolas]

However, that being said, if you plan to go no further with your education, you should consider areas of specialization that complement your educational background, and you should pursue internships or some kind of part-time entry level work in these areas.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. What educational background?

I couldn't care less about making a crapload of money. I just want to find a job that I don't hate and won't want to quit in six months.

[HejiraNYC]

I'm not sure what you mean by this. What educational background?

I couldn't care less about making a crapload of money. I just want to find a job that I don't hate and won't want to quit in six months.

Then the question is whether you can pursue the line of work that you "don't hate" with or without a BA in English. If the answer is "yes," then perhaps it's time to reconsider the value of pursuing a degree full time. If you enter a line of work that requires accrued levels of experience and expertise, e.g., a corporate job, then you should start pursuing that job immediately; a degree can come later.

If you are pursuing a degree in English, consider the types of fields that would benefit from this background. An obvious area would seem to be in the area of media- web content, editorial work, advertising, publicity, etc.

At the end of the day, regardless of your educational track, you need to figure out what you really want to do with your career. Do you have any ideas at all?

[markolas]

If you are pursuing a degree in English, consider the types of fields that would benefit from this background. An obvious area would seem to be in the area of media- web content, editorial work, advertising, publicity, etc.

I'm not married to the idea of a BA in English - I just figured it'd be better if I had a degree in something, and I'm not interested in being an engineer or doing some kind of smarmy MBA thing.

At the end of the day, regardless of your educational track, you need to figure out what you really want to do with your career. Do you have any ideas at all?

I thought I wanted to be a graphic designer for a while, but now I don't. And other than that, I've got nothing. All I really know is that I can't keep doing these crappy office jobs...I have no tolerance whatsoever for office politics, placating people's egos, or pretending to like people when I can't stand them (which is virtually impossible for me to do anyway).

I heard somebody say once that he thought he wanted a career, but it turns out he just wants a paycheck. :laugh: That's more or less the way I feel. An awful lot of people just love to work, and they'd do it even if they didn't have to. I don't, and I wouldn't.

[daniellaaarisen]

Now that you've opened this door, I'm so sending you a PM.

[mezzoforte]

My most important question: when are we hanging out?:woohoo:

But I empathize with workplace boredom, so here are a few just for the heck of it--

A good summer read you'd recommend?

What fashion mistake do you think women make most often?

Thoughts on tall women dating short men? I'm 5'8" and utterly infatuated with a 5'6" boy. Yea or nay?

[HejiraNYC]

So inquisitive! I shall address these one at a time...

My most important question: when are we hanging out?:woohoo:

Very important indeed! I have summer hours at work :happydance: , so I am usually at my house before sunset on Friday (yes, I take my time getting out there). When do you start croquet lessons with Kip and Tiffany?


But I empathize with workplace boredom, so here are a few just for the heck of it--

A good summer read you'd recommend?

I've been slowly chewing on "The Manny" by Holly Peterson. It's such light reading that it almost needs a paperweight to stay in place. Perfect for a braindead summer afternoon at the beach (Gin Lane!).


What fashion mistake do you think women make most often?

I know there are a number of fashion trends that I find ghastly, e.g., rompers and harem pants. But fortunately they are not seen very frequently. Other than those, I think the biggest general mistake that women make is the presumed assumption (and I'm talking to you too, Stevie) that black is thinning and flattering. This is simply not true. Fit and fabric (and perhaps the right foundation garment) are ultimately the most important factors that affect the perception of slimness. Black tends to wash out most skin tones and does not allow much in the way of texture and detail. Yes, the little black dress will always be a classic, but it only works in the right context and with the right accessories. On its own it is a bit mundane. Color is your friend.


Thoughts on tall women dating short men? I'm 5'8" and utterly infatuated with a 5'6" boy. Yea or nay?

I'm all for it. Sonny and Cher. Betty and Barney Rubble. Mel and Susan Tillis. Iman and David Bowie. All good. The key thing to remember is that we are all the same height in bed. :p Who cares what others think? If anything it shows the world that you are not fixated on the superficial notions that other women tend to ascribe to. It takes a person of exceptional personal conviction (and exquisite taste!) to date a short man. And I'm not saying that just because I'm short. Okay... well... maybe. ;)

[DavidMn]

Ed, will Stevie play Red Rocks on her upcoming late summer tour? ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!:)

[HejiraNYC]

Ed, will Stevie play Red Rocks on her upcoming late summer tour? ENQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!:)

Okay, I should clarify that I am not psychic. NEXT!

[louielouie2000]

It's appearing that the 2012 Presidential Election will be between Romney & Obama. Who do you think America will choose? Do you think minorities (especially African Americans) will come out in force again to cast their vote for Obama, or has the novelty worn off?

[mylittledemon]

Ask me anything. You can talk to me.


Why does Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like regular Dr. Pepper?

No seriously. I had a nightmare with Michael Keaton in it a few nights ago. I was at my aunts house (a place I've not been in over 15 years) and we were sitting on the sofa talking. At some point Keaton stopped talking to me and quickly left the room. Then I ran to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and I was this freakish looking monster. What do you think it means? Personally I think it's the pizza I ate the night beforehand...

[HejiraNYC]

It's appearing that the 2012 Presidential Election will be between Romney & Obama. Who do you think America will choose? Do you think minorities (especially African Americans) will come out in force again to cast their vote for Obama, or has the novelty worn off?

Although Romney appears to be the most charismatic and capable of the GOP candidates (which, quite frankly, is not saying a lot), he is no match for Obama wit-for-wit. The fact remains that he will be a tough sell to mainstream America, his Mormon faith notwithstanding. Although Obama has achieved a lot of his objectives during his first term in office, he has also taken some surprisingly centrist positions on issues as they relate to the war, the economy and GLBT rights, which has disenchanted many of his followers. He will definitely have more difficulty this time appealing to the Democratic base unless they can find some concrete issue to rally around. Although the U.S. economy technically entered recession under GWB's watch, unfortunately Obama will be scapgoated repeatedly for allowing the economy to nosedive and causing millions to lose their jobs. Despite the green shoots in the economy, the success of any presidential re-election campaign will rest on what is happening in the moment. If there is no additional stimulus and if congress has agreed to drastic austerity measures in spending, a double-dip recession is all but inevitable, thereby decreasing Obama's chances for re-election. However, if Obama can get the unemployment rate down to around the 8% area, he will be viewed as a saviour of sorts, thereby making him a shoo-in for a second term. At this point it's hard to say which way this will all go.

The other big variable is the ability for the GOP to organize around a single strong leader. Is Romney that leader? I don't honestly know. But I get the feeling that he will not appeal to the largest bloc of voters- the evangelicals.

[DavidMn]

Okay, I should clarify that I am not psychic. NEXT!Ed, I'm dissapointed. I always thought of you as the next Miss Cleo.:laugh:

[mezzoforte]

So inquisitive! I shall address these one at a time...

Very important indeed! I have summer hours at work :happydance: , so I am usually at my house before sunset on Friday (yes, I take my time getting out there). When do you start croquet lessons with Kip and Tiffany?

I go out this Saturday. I'm only there Saturday mornings-Sunday afternoons until the last week of June, at which point my office commences observance of "Summer Fridays" (most holy of days). I spend most of my time out hiding from the sun outdoors (effing Accutane:mad:) and from my brother's girlfriend (the houseguest who will. not. leave.) indoors. Needless to say, anytime you're free I probably am as well. ;)


I'm all for it. Sonny and Cher. Betty and Barney Rubble. Mel and Susan Tillis. Iman and David Bowie. All good. The key thing to remember is that we are all the same height in bed. :p Who cares what others think? If anything it shows the world that you are not fixated on the superficial notions that other women tend to ascribe to. It takes a person of exceptional personal conviction (and exquisite taste!) to date a short man. And I'm not saying that just because I'm short. Okay... well... maybe. ;)

Mmm, I like this. Hadn't occurred to me that just dating a short man could be my Norma Ray moment--standing up to the world!--but I'll take it.
I've actually always thought it was more impressive on the man's part. We all love confidence and I've always found it pretty hot that a Michael J. Fox or Mick Jagger (or sure, Barney Rubble) can look proudly up at his partner, towering over him in heels. On the other hand, it's hard for me to wrap my head around stooping to kiss someone...

[mylittledemon]

Waiting on Dr. Ed...

[louielouie2000]

Waiting on Dr. Ed...

The Dr must not be accepting any more patients for the day. :p

[HejiraNYC]

Why does Diet Dr. Pepper taste more like regular Dr. Pepper?

No seriously. I had a nightmare with Michael Keaton in it a few nights ago. I was at my aunts house (a place I've not been in over 15 years) and we were sitting on the sofa talking. At some point Keaton stopped talking to me and quickly left the room. Then I ran to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and I was this freakish looking monster. What do you think it means? Personally I think it's the pizza I ate the night beforehand...

There is something missing in your narrative... about why you are at your aunt's house, whether your aunt was there, how Michael Keaton entered into the scene, etc. Do you remember what you were wearing and what you were discussing?

Mirrors are often a symbol of clarity- a way of seeing how others perceive you. And not always in the strictly physical sense. Do you feel some remorse over something you did to someone (whether intentionally or unintentionally)? Usually mirrors in dreams reflect an idealized or enhanced version of the gazer; however, this is quite the opposite. Are there facets of your persona that you keep hidden from the world? Do you feel some degree of dissonance from having to portray different personae for different people? It's telling that you were in conversation with Michael Keaton, whose most popular role was playing a character with a secret persona- a very dark persona, if not a virtuous one. However, he was a dark hero; by contrast you appeared to be the villain...

Hmmm...

[RickRobert]

What do you think is the best theory to disprove the supposed extinction of the thylacine?

[mylittledemon]

There is something missing in your narrative... about why you are at your aunt's house, whether your aunt was there, how Michael Keaton entered into the scene, etc. Do you remember what you were wearing and what you were discussing?

Hmmm...

I must've dreamed about my aunt's house because she and I had been chatting on Facebook the day before (we've not spoken in ages). Keaton was sitting next to me on a sofa, almost as if he was there for an interview but we were just chit chatting. At some point he started to react strangely to me and thats when I got up and ran to the bathroom. I dont recall what I was wearing but I certainly had clothes on... haha... it was only when I got to the mirror that I realized I was hideously deformed. Thats when I woke up.

[HejiraNYC]

What do you think is the best theory to disprove the supposed extinction of the thylacine?

Well, it's all too simple to answer these types of factual questions using a search engine. I'm giving advice and opinions. I aspire to be the Suze Orman/Martha Stewart/Dear Abby of the Ledge.

By the way, these critters were awfully cute.

[SuzeQuze]

I'm not married to the idea of a BA in English - I just figured it'd be better if I had a degree in something, and I'm not interested in being an engineer or doing some kind of smarmy MBA thing.

I thought I wanted to be a graphic designer for a while, but now I don't. And other than that, I've got nothing. All I really know is that I can't keep doing these crappy office jobs...I have no tolerance whatsoever for office politics, placating people's egos, or pretending to like people when I can't stand them (which is virtually impossible for me to do anyway).

I heard somebody say once that he thought he wanted a career, but it turns out he just wants a paycheck. :laugh: That's more or less the way I feel. An awful lot of people just love to work, and they'd do it even if they didn't have to. I don't, and I wouldn't.

I don't think there's any such thing as a useless degree. Would you enjoy taking the classes? Can you do it without incurring excessive debt? If words are your passion then it's a good idea. If they're not then forget it. Follow your passion. If you don't know what it is find it. You probably already know what it is but may have told yourself it's not possible or practical. Working just for a paycheck is no way to live.

I like my job and work with a lot of English majors. However, most don't make any money and are essentially admins keeping the books on schedule :blech:. I work with computer software textbooks. The only people that really make money are the writers and editors. You could consider getting into this industry, then you can be technical but not have to become a programmer. Also, the grammar and such of techie authors can be awful so having editors with strong English backgrounds is awesome.

Doing this kind of work you get to be very independent and have little supervision. I work from home a lot. Many of our authors are teachers, that could be a great job if it interests you. If you're teaching and writing books that is a really good income. Where there's a will there's a way. Practice persistence. Also, when people tell you it's not possible or you can't do it they're wrong. Forget what the naysayers say.

Fine print: I am not actually qualified to give advice in this thread since I am not HejiraNYC. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the thread owner.

[1sttimelongtime]

HejiraNYC,

I would like your advice on how to handle bat**** crazy coworkers. As a Stevie fan, you'd think I would have good experience with this, but I find myself at a loss in this situation.

While I enjoy my job tremendously, particularly since it will enable me to see many, many SN/LB shows without using vacation time (unlike you), I find myself vexed and perplexed by the behaviors of my coworkers.

One of them is a woman in her 50's who insists on using baby talk at every possible opportunity. Her teddy bear is a common topic of conversation for her. If I hear "Mr Teddy Bear and I" one more time....

Another is a young lad in his 20's. He chatters incessantly about nonsense and makes statements that are NOT funny, but then laughs uproariously at his imagined wit. He is extremely sensitive and will cry if spoken to in all but the mildest of tones.

Next we have a 20 something girl who can spend eight hours talking about old navy's sale on flip flops.

We also have a passive aggressive rastafarian dude. I dont know much about rastafarians, so I keep meaning to google them, but I keep forgetting.

I find myself becoming extremely annoyed by the nonsense and shenanigans. As a dog trainer, I have some skills up my sleeves, but I am not sure of which to use. I have tried extinction - calmly ignoring the undesirable behaviors. I must admit that I've occasionally slipped into sighs of annoyance and disgusted looks, but I am trying to maintain. I think if this works it will be a long and drawn out process.

Would severe correction work? Perhaps a one time show of force to end the nonsense? I'm quite confident that none of these people will stand up to a show of force. I will no longer have any friends in the office, but I'm thinking that is a good thing...

Alas, physical punishment is out of the question, and I'm not sure a good crack upside the head will do any damage whatsoever...

Am I missing something? Getting a new job is out of the question, as I am a typical Ledgie.

[HejiraNYC]

HejiraNYC,

I would like your advice on how to handle bat**** crazy coworkers. As a Stevie fan, you'd think I would have good experience with this, but I find myself at a loss in this situation.

While I enjoy my job tremendously, particularly since it will enable me to see many, many SN/LB shows without using vacation time (unlike you), I find myself vexed and perplexed by the behaviors of my coworkers.

One of them is a woman in her 50's who insists on using baby talk at every possible opportunity. Her teddy bear is a common topic of conversation for her. If I hear "Mr Teddy Bear and I" one more time....

Another is a young lad in his 20's. He chatters incessantly about nonsense and makes statements that are NOT funny, but then laughs uproariously at his imagined wit. He is extremely sensitive and will cry if spoken to in all but the mildest of tones.

Next we have a 20 something girl who can spend eight hours talking about old navy's sale on flip flops.

We also have a passive aggressive rastafarian dude. I dont know much about rastafarians, so I keep meaning to google them, but I keep forgetting.

I find myself becoming extremely annoyed by the nonsense and shenanigans. As a dog trainer, I have some skills up my sleeves, but I am not sure of which to use. I have tried extinction - calmly ignoring the undesirable behaviors. I must admit that I've occasionally slipped into sighs of annoyance and disgusted looks, but I am trying to maintain. I think if this works it will be a long and drawn out process.

Would severe correction work? Perhaps a one time show of force to end the nonsense? I'm quite confident that none of these people will stand up to a show of force. I will no longer have any friends in the office, but I'm thinking that is a good thing...

Alas, physical punishment is out of the question, and I'm not sure a good crack upside the head will do any damage whatsoever...

Am I missing something? Getting a new job is out of the question, as I am a typical Ledgie.

Welcome to the world of working alongside humans, who, as you can see, are not necessarily as evolved as animals. And let's face it; the only reason why you suffer such fools is to make a paycheck. You are not there to make friends or to discover the cure for athletes foot.

That being said, it doesn't sound like any of these people are necessarily harmful or are otherwise sabotaging your productivity and success. You could be in a far worse predicament- being surrounded by people who are politically motivated and manipulative. It seems to me that these people are probably not clever enough to pull such shenanigans, let alone have the self-awareness to realize how vapid and immature they come across.

You could choose to ignore these people. However, by doing so, you run the risk of being the haughty snob with a superiority complex. You could also choose to ingratiate yourself with these people, but in the end you may grow to resent the energy and the effort involved with biting your tongue. Can people change? Yes. But only if they think a change is warranted. Chances are these people believe they are well-adapted, well-liked individuals. They are probably surrounded by people who encourage their shenanigans and obnoxious behavior.

I'm afraid that short of quitting (which you will not do), there probably is no solution. The world is full of dumb, vapid and eccentric people, and thank goodness for them! Without them around, we have no reason to feel good about ourselves by comparison. I kid. Well, okay, I'm not really kidding. Perhaps one way of dealing with these people is to learn from them. There is a television show on The Learning Channel called What Not to Wear. Just picture your daily workplace routine as a television show called How Not to Act.

[1sttimelongtime]

HejiraNYC this is excellent advice and very very true on almost all counts, except the baby talking 50 year old does know she is disliked by just about everyone she meets. She has no idea why.

In any case, thank you for giving me clarity. I shall also take some advice from snoop dogg and keep my mind on the money (or in this case, concert tickets) and the concert tickets on my mind.

[LikeAWillow]

HejiraNYC this is excellent advice and very very true on almost all counts, except the baby talking 50 year old does know she is disliked by just about everyone she meets. She has no idea why.

In any case, thank you for giving me clarity. I shall also take some advice from snoop dogg and keep my mind on the money (or in this case, concert tickets) and the concert tickets on my mind.

You are hilarious. Thank you for the laugh today :)

[SuzeQuze]

HejiraNYC this is excellent advice and very very true on almost all counts, except the baby talking 50 year old does know she is disliked by just about everyone she meets. She has no idea why.

In any case, thank you for giving me clarity. I shall also take some advice from snoop dogg and keep my mind on the money (or in this case, concert tickets) and the concert tickets on my mind.

Tell me she's not a real person. :eek: Your post was fictional, right?

[KarmaContestant]

Dear HejiraNYC,

There is a program manager at my job that I utterly detest. He's difficult to work with, demanding beyond what I consider to be reasonable (I'm very easy going and do my best to accomodate everyone). I swear this man hates me, and he made sure that I took the blame for an accounting error on a large project that happened long before I was assigned to the project...but that's another story.

Anyway, this fellow is powerful and very high ranking within our organization. There are several other individuals who share my position that he could choose to work with, including some in his own office (he is in an East Coast state - I am not) but it seems that everytime he needs someone to handle one of his projects - he reaches out and chooses me, much to my chagrin. I am not permitted to refuse. We've never met, and I'm not sure why he reaches out to me, since he has made it clear that he thinks I'm not as good as other individuals he has worked with.

I am not a lazy person, and I do enjoy being challenged at work; however there is a very fine line between being challenged and being tormented, and I consider working with him to lean closer to torment than challenge. My own direct supervisor doesn't seem to be interested in my disdain for this fellow, and makes sure to completely avoid having any involvement in our working relationship...in sum, he is no help.

As it turns out, our organization is going to be splitting. One group would have this fellow in it, and the other will not. It is not yet determined which group I will be assigned to, but I have already decided that if I end up in his group I am out of here faster than a cat scaling a fence to escape a pack of barking dogs. Am I being rash in my decision making? Am I just being a wussy about this? Is it inappropriate in this economic climate to leave a job you love just because you hate one person you must work with?

Thanks for your advice,
KC

[HejiraNYC]

Dear HejiraNYC,

There is a program manager at my job that I utterly detest. He's difficult to work with, demanding beyond what I consider to be reasonable (I'm very easy going and do my best to accomodate everyone). I swear this man hates me, and he made sure that I took the blame for an accounting error on a large project that happened long before I was assigned to the project...but that's another story.

Anyway, this fellow is powerful and very high ranking within our organization. There are several other individuals who share my position that he could choose to work with, including some in his own office (he is in an East Coast state - I am not) but it seems that everytime he needs someone to handle one of his projects - he reaches out and chooses me, much to my chagrin. I am not permitted to refuse. We've never met, and I'm not sure why he reaches out to me, since he has made it clear that he thinks I'm not as good as other individuals he has worked with.

I am not a lazy person, and I do enjoy being challenged at work; however there is a very fine line between being challenged and being tormented, and I consider working with him to lean closer to torment than challenge. My own direct supervisor doesn't seem to be interested in my disdain for this fellow, and makes sure to completely avoid having any involvement in our working relationship...in sum, he is no help.

As it turns out, our organization is going to be splitting. One group would have this fellow in it, and the other will not. It is not yet determined which group I will be assigned to, but I have already decided that if I end up in his group I am out of here faster than a cat scaling a fence to escape a pack of barking dogs. Am I being rash in my decision making? Am I just being a wussy about this? Is it inappropriate in this economic climate to leave a job you love just because you hate one person you must work with?

Thanks for your advice,
KC

Dear KC,

The first and most important thing to remember is that water always finds its own level. I don't know what that has to do with this situation, but I like the way it sounds.

Not to digress, but I have just recently been in a situation similar to the one you described. After being unemployed for a number of months last year, a headhunter called me about a six-month contracting gig. I would normally wrinkle my nose at such a thing. But the hourly rate was sick and it wasn't like the world was clamoring to add me to their workforce. So I figured it would buy me some time before deciding on my next move, so I took it. Cutting to the chase, the gig was a disaster. I wasn't just working with a micro-manager; she was a nano-manager. If I said "up," she'd say "down." If I said "black," she'd say "white." We did not see eye-to-eye on anything. And quite honestly, she is a seriously emotionally disturbed person who lacks empathy or the ability to think critically. In a nutshell, I just could not win. I could only do what I felt was right in my own estimation and hope to do as well as I could under the circumstances. Nevertheless, she broke me and rode me like an Arabian horse. Rather than being bitter or resisting, I just accepted the situation for what it was: I was working for someone who is daft and beyond reasoning; you can't argue with stupid. I eventually became quite good at picking my battles. At the end of the day, sometimes it's just not worth the aggravation to be right all the time.

Five months into this gig, I already had an exit strategy. I was going to get in my car, point it west and just drive around the country for a couple of months. After that... who knows?

One day I was called into HR. I wasn't quite sure what it was about. I was basically told that they wanted to offer me a permanent position with the company. I was floored. Not because I was particularly happy (since I had already set my sights on touring the country). I was floored because, as far as I could tell, I thought my boss hated my guts. But the HR person basically told me that my boss was insistent that I be hired without hesitation. In 5+ months I did not receive a single word of gratitude or positive reinforcement, yet I was the one she wanted in the end.

The lesson in all of this, and the reason why I bring all of this up? Things are not always as they seem. Your program manager strikes me as being the same kind of person- difficult, demanding and very lacking in the qualities that make good leaders- the ability to listen, reason, show empathy and provide positive/constructive feedback. And the fact that he insists on choosing you for his projects is telling. He likes you. He appreciates the work you do. But he will never tell you that. If anything, you should take it as a badge of honor that he pays attention to you; even though it is unpleasant, it is better than being ignored.

Before deciding on your next move if/when he joins your division, perhaps it would be a good idea to have a very frank discussion with the program manager about your working dynamics. Perhaps he is unaware of your perception of him and vice-versa. I had a similar discussion, and it was quite cathartic for me as well as very informative. You may have more leverage in the situation than you realize.

[KarmaContestant]

Dear KC,

The lesson in all of this, and the reason why I bring all of this up? Things are not always as they seem. Your program manager strikes me as being the same kind of person- difficult, demanding and very lacking in the qualities that make good leaders- the ability to listen, reason, show empathy and provide positive/constructive feedback. And the fact that he insists on choosing you for his projects is telling. He likes you. He appreciates the work you do. But he will never tell you that. If anything, you should take it as a badge of honor that he pays attention to you; even though it is unpleasant, it is better than being ignored.

Before deciding on your next move if/when he joins your division, perhaps it would be a good idea to have a very frank discussion with the program manager about your working dynamics. Perhaps he is unaware of your perception of him and vice-versa. I had a similar discussion, and it was quite cathartic for me as well as very informative. You may have more leverage in the situation than you realize.

Thank you! If I end up in his operating unit, I just may have to consider sitting down and talking to him. Your perception is most appreciated, and lends a different perspective I had not considered previously. Again, thanks. I don't feel quite so bad about having to work with him more frequently.

[1sttimelongtime]

Tell me she's not a real person. :eek: Your post was fictional, right?

No, that post was not fictional. This woman explains her behavior by saying that the only time she was happy in her life was when she was four years old, and mentally she will always be four. She tells some horrific stories of abuse that she claims to have suffered.

I must say, reading KarmaContestant's post has made me realize I have nothing to complain about! No one yells at me, I'm free to do my own thing and think my own thoughts. I just need to tune out the background noise a little better.

[markolas]

I don't think there's any such thing as a useless degree. Would you enjoy taking the classes? Can you do it without incurring excessive debt? If words are your passion then it's a good idea. If they're not then forget it. Follow your passion. If you don't know what it is find it. You probably already know what it is but may have told yourself it's not possible or practical. Working just for a paycheck is no way to live.

I like my job and work with a lot of English majors. However, most don't make any money and are essentially admins keeping the books on schedule :blech:. I work with computer software textbooks. The only people that really make money are the writers and editors. You could consider getting into this industry, then you can be technical but not have to become a programmer. Also, the grammar and such of techie authors can be awful so having editors with strong English backgrounds is awesome.

Doing this kind of work you get to be very independent and have little supervision. I work from home a lot. Many of our authors are teachers, that could be a great job if it interests you. If you're teaching and writing books that is a really good income. Where there's a will there's a way. Practice persistence. Also, when people tell you it's not possible or you can't do it they're wrong. Forget what the naysayers say.

I'd enjoy the classes very much, and I wouldn't be incurring any debt, so that's not an issue. When it comes down to it, I would much rather have a job I enjoyed where I had a good working relationship with superiors, than make a gaggle of money. Sky-high income has never been a priority for me (which most people I encounter don't seem to understand at all).

I've gone back & forth on whether I'm interested in teaching or not. It might be a moot point, b/c teaching jobs, at least in TX, are becoming increasingly hard to come by.

The lesson in all of this, and the reason why I bring all of this up? Things are not always as they seem. Your program manager strikes me as being the same kind of person- difficult, demanding and very lacking in the qualities that make good leaders- the ability to listen, reason, show empathy and provide positive/constructive feedback. And the fact that he insists on choosing you for his projects is telling. He likes you. He appreciates the work you do. But he will never tell you that. If anything, you should take it as a badge of honor that he pays attention to you; even though it is unpleasant, it is better than being ignored.

I cannot deal with bosses like this, and as far as the bolded goes - I would much rather be left the hell alone than be subjected to constant assholishness on the part of a manager or supervisor. After dealing with a completely toxic work environment for a year, I was left with absolutely zero tolerance for dickwadedness of any kind - and in the years since, I've gotten really good at walking off of jobs when confronted with it. I am D-O-N-E putting up with it.

[SuzeQuze]

No, that post was not fictional. This woman explains her behavior by saying that the only time she was happy in her life was when she was four years old, and mentally she will always be four. She tells some horrific stories of abuse that she claims to have suffered.

This is really unprofessional. Why isn't her supervisor taking action to stop her from doing this at work? It's disturbing behavior and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I must say, reading KarmaContestant's post has made me realize I have nothing to complain about! No one yells at me, I'm free to do my own thing and think my own thoughts. I just need to tune out the background noise a little better.

We all have annoyances we need to talk about. My boss overshares with me all the time telling me about his work, and occasionally personal, issues. But if I talk about my actual work issues, which are his JOB to help manage, he can get very pissy. Dysfunctional people display their stuff all over the workplace but it's up to managers to set the boundaries for the work environment.

[markolas]

Ugh. I used to work with a lady whose husband beat the crap out of her on a regular basis. She'd come to work with black eyes, bruises on her arms...he even broke her wrist once. Finally, she came in one day and it looked like he'd hit her in the face with a frying pan or something...but no, it was just his fist (apparently he dislocated his arm when he did it). The manager made her go home, and she finally left the scumbag after that.

[fumidesigns]

i would ask a question..............but i'd be banned :laugh:

i'll ask at the concert!

[daniellaaarisen]

Will Stevie Nicks announce more tour dates (particularly in California) or does she find it funny to make me fly all around the country for her?!

[louielouie2000]

Will Stevie Nicks announce more tour dates (particularly in California) or does she find it funny to make me fly all around the country for her?!

Not to derail Ed's thread, but which shows are you planning on hitting?

[daniellaaarisen]

Not to derail Ed's thread, but which shows are you planning on hitting?

Red Rocks is definite and I'm trying to make Jones Beach happen. MAYBE Chicago if I can swing it but it will likely be Red Rocks and Jones Beach.

Louie, go to Red Rocks. You can make a road trip out of it.

[louielouie2000]

Louie, go to Red Rocks. You can make a road trip out of it.

I'd be there in an instant if I knew I could $wing it. Maybe I need to revert to the world's oldest profession. :laugh:

[SuzeQuze]

I'd enjoy the classes very much, and I wouldn't be incurring any debt, so that's not an issue. When it comes down to it, I would much rather have a job I enjoyed where I had a good working relationship with superiors, than make a gaggle of money. Sky-high income has never been a priority for me (which most people I encounter don't seem to understand at all).

Do it. Unless you already have another type of degree, do you? At least according to Suze Orman, multiple degrees and/or advanced degrees often do not have a good return on investment. People that don't understand why you don't want to make tons of money over enjoying your work don't get it now but they will after they've done a vapid job for years just for the money. Personally I couldn't do a job I didn't enjoy.

I've gone back & forth on whether I'm interested in teaching or not. It might be a moot point, b/c teaching jobs, at least in TX, are becoming increasingly hard to come by.

Yeah that's a good point, it's not exactly an inviting field right now.

I cannot deal with bosses like this, and as far as the bolded goes - I would much rather be left the hell alone than be subjected to constant assholishness on the part of a manager or supervisor. After dealing with a completely toxic work environment for a year, I was left with absolutely zero tolerance for dickwadedness of any kind - and in the years since, I've gotten really good at walking off of jobs when confronted with it. I am D-O-N-E putting up with it.

Yeah life is way too short for this. I'm working toward a more independent career but until then I have to put up with my boss. We have a remote working culture so I don't have to interact with him all that much so that makes it bearable. Still when it is bad it is very bad so waiting for the other shoe to drop at times can really suck.

[SuzeQuze]

I'd be there in an instant if I knew I could $wing it. Maybe I need to revert to the world's oldest profession. :laugh:

Word. I'd love to go to Red Rocks, never been.

[jannieC]

No, that post was not fictional. This woman explains her behavior by saying that the only time she was happy in her life was when she was four years old, and mentally she will always be four. She tells some horrific stories of abuse that she claims to have suffered.


:shocked:

Oh dear. I have heard of the link between women who speak like little girls and childhood sexual abuse. I would be shocked to hear someone who does it admit that's why they do it. Meaning, if she has THAT much insight, one would think she wouldn't share it inappropriately.

I love this thread.

[fumidesigns]

I'd be there in an instant if I knew I could $wing it. Maybe I need to revert to the world's oldest profession. :laugh:

*puts on kneepads*

i wanna go too dammit!!

[ButterCookie]

No, that post was not fictional. This woman explains her behavior by saying that the only time she was happy in her life was when she was four years old, and mentally she will always be four. She tells some horrific stories of abuse that she claims to have suffered.

I must say, reading KarmaContestant's post has made me realize I have nothing to complain about! No one yells at me, I'm free to do my own thing and think my own thoughts. I just need to tune out the background noise a little better.

I noticed how much like a lady I now worked, today was my last day, with who kind of does the same. She doesn't talk about a teddy bear but it wouldn't surprise me.

I trained this woman to operate the electronic till points at the Department store and she seemed to take it all in after a few goes at each thing she picked it up and was fine. Then :shrug: I dunno things just went weird. If you leave her on her own she gets on fine but as soon as she knows there's another assistant nearby on the floor, it's as if she magically forgets everything she's been doing for the last 6 months. She doesn't listen when you try and tell her something, either. She just goes "yes yes yes yes yes yes" literally six or seven times over. Today for instance, was my last shift and she was still calling me over to do an extended search. All that consists of is typing in a key word on a qwerty keyboard from the product's label and searching for it. it really isn't rocket science. She also has a tendancy to leave the tillpoint completely unattended and we're a busy store. Yet, when I say "Dude don't wander off like that and leave your till logged in, you could get in trouble or someone could steal" and I get "yes yes yes yes yes yes". She's about 50 and had a job at Tesco for over 5 years doing effectively the same thing so wtf?!

That was long but this lady and her bear made me think about my colleague because she does have a daughter and grandchildren but another colleague who used to work with her at Tesco said she'd quite often get into cars with men that she didn't recognise which lead me to think she's either single or works on different relationship theories than myself, leading me to think about the whole childish thing being connected to abuse. I hope that's not the case and that she's just not very bright because she's a nice enough person, she doesn't mean any harm.

[vivfox]

What do you think Stevie Nicks is doing at this very moment?

[diane_k]

I'd be there in an instant if I knew I could $wing it. Maybe I need to revert to the world's oldest profession. :laugh:

What does being a sandwich artist have to do with putting the rush on getting to see Stevie?

Hejira,

Why do fools fall in love?

[HejiraNYC]

Hejira,

Why do fools fall in love?

The areas of the brain that are thought to be responsible for feelings of love, specifically the right tegmental area, are not necessarily affected in individuals with profound abnormalities in the cognitive centers of the brain. However, any interruptions in the dopaminergic pathways may result in blunting of some of these responses.

[daniellaaarisen]

Ed, why are grown men so confusing?

This, as you probably know, has a side story but since I know your general reaction to my current guy is "NO NO NO," I'll stick with a generic question.

[BTFLCHLD]

may as well add on...why are young women so easily confused?

[daniellaaarisen]

may as well add on...why are young women so easily confused?

Because we over-think everything!!!!

That being said, this dude is a master at mixed signals lately.

[Dodfather]

Because we over-think everything!!!!



Oh I totally agree with this - drives me crazy! Although in my experience that's not just specific to younger women...

[HejiraNYC]

Ed, why are grown men so confusing?

This, as you probably know, has a side story but since I know your general reaction to my current guy is "NO NO NO," I'll stick with a generic question.

Dani, dear. Please do not needle me with rhetorical questions for which no one can provide an objective, empirical answer.

Next!

[Lee]

Who will win the Superbowl in February 2012?

Lee :)

[Lee]

so maybe you aren't a psychic :shrug: though it was a question. :wavey:

Lee :)

[HejiraNYC]

so maybe you aren't a psychic :shrug: though it was a question. :wavey:

Lee :)

I appreciate the question, but, yes, I am no psychic or seer (that is above my pay grade). I will respond to any serious question.

Next!

[nailatixela]

Hey Ed...you live in NYC. I'm going there the first weekend of December with my gf for a show at the Beacon Theater. Anything you suggest that we see that time of year though, before the show that evening? We've both been to NY a decent amount of times, but I'm sure someone local knows a million more things to do. I haven't been to the city at that time of year.

[HejiraNYC]

Hey Ed...you live in NYC. I'm going there the first weekend of December with my gf for a show at the Beacon Theater. Anything you suggest that we see that time of year though, before the show that evening? We've both been to NY a decent amount of times, but I'm sure someone local knows a million more things to do. I haven't been to the city at that time of year.

Early December in NYC? Hmmm... it's kind of an awkward time. Really too cold to do very much outdoors. Too early for the hardcore holiday festivities. Admittedly, there are many things to do in the city all year round, and there are plenty of sources of information for that to be found. Some seasonal/holiday-related ideas include:

-Radio City Christmas Show
-Ice skating - at Rockefeller Center, Waldman Rink (Central Park) and *maybe* Bryant Park.
-Holiday windows at Saks Fifth Avenue, Lord and Taylor (Fifth Avenue), Bloomingdales (Third Avenue), and of course Macy's (34th between 6th and 7th).

You should also keep up with the listings in The Village Voice (villagevoice.com) and there are always heavily discounted things to do around the city on groupon.com, livingsocial.com and trubates.com . If you are willing to spend the money, you will never be bored in New York.

[nailatixela]

Thanks for the advice! I might have some more detailed questions later on.

[vivfox]

If you think it's butter but it's not, what is it?

[vivfox]

Here's my dilemma: I need a new stackable washer and dryer. Preferably looking at high efficiency washers. The new ones will replace the old ones. They can be no more than 33.5 in height and 23.5 in width because of the location of the units and their connectors. There are only three brands available to me and they are Bosch, Whirlpool and Maytag. I looked on two different sites for reviews, Lowe's and Sears and all three have mostly negative reviews of each of these products. What would you suggest I do? What would you do?

[HejiraNYC]

Here's my dilemma: I need a new stackable washer and dryer. Preferably looking at high efficiency washers. The new ones will replace the old ones. They can be no more than 33.5 in height and 23.5 in width because of the location of the units and their connectors. There are only three brands available to me and they are Bosch, Whirlpool and Maytag. I looked on two different sites for reviews, Lowe's and Sears and all three have mostly negative reviews of each of these products. What would you suggest I do? What would you do?

Oh, the dilemma of having to buy non-standard size appliances! I can empathize. Without model numbers, prices, specs and pictures, I think it would be impossible for me to make an informed decision about which option to choose. However, that being said, I have to admit that I have a bias for Maytag. I have a few Jenn Air kitchen appliances (made by Maytag), and I have found them to be of utmost reliability and performance.

[vivfox]

Without model numbers, prices, specs and pictures, I think it would be impossible for me to make an informed decision about which option to choose.


Bosch 24" compact washer Model # WAS20160UC(or is it ending with OUC?)
Bosch 24" compact vented dryer Model # WTV76100US (or OOUS?)

Maytag 2.0 cubic ft. compact front load washer Model # MHWC7500YW
Maytag 3.8 cu. ft. compact electric dryer Model # MED 7500YW

Whirlpool 2.0 cu. ft. compact front load washer Model # WFC7500VW
Whirlpool compact electric dryer with 11 cycles Model # WED7500VW

[Macfanforever]

Is PC Richards any good Ed. I've been in the store but never made a purchase there yet.

[HejiraNYC]

Bosch 24" compact washer Model # WAS20160UC(or is it ending with OUC?)
Bosch 24" compact vented dryer Model # WTV76100US (or OOUS?)

Maytag 2.0 cubic ft. compact front load washer Model # MHWC7500YW
Maytag 3.8 cu. ft. compact electric dryer Model # MED 7500YW

Whirlpool 2.0 cu. ft. compact front load washer Model # WFC7500VW
Whirlpool compact electric dryer with 11 cycles Model # WED7500VW

Well, first off, I would rule out the Bosch models altogether. It costs 50% and the price premium does not appear to be justified by features or expectations of reliability.

Secondly, the Maytag and Whirlpool models are IDENTICAL in every way except for the nameplate. As such, you can either toss a coin and choose, or you can shop around for the best price on either of these models. Ideally, you would end up with a W/D pair from the same manufacturer, but I think a mix-match situation is fine too.

[HejiraNYC]

Is PC Richards any good Ed. I've been in the store but never made a purchase there yet.

As you know, PC Richard is a consumer electronics and appliances retailer with locations throughout the NY NJ CT tri-state area. The product selection is not unlike the other big national chain; i.e., Best Buy; however, one is likely to find a number of more upscale product lines at PC Richard, i.e., Viking, Fisher & Paykel, Electrolux, etc. In general, both chains tend to price things at full retail.

The big difference between PC Richard and Best Buy is that the sales staff at PCR tends to be more knowledgeable and more attentive overall. Unfortunately, this also means they are more inclined to be pushy. The other difference, and it is more than a slight annoyance, is the fact that PCR sells many smaller items behind the counter only, which prevents one from inspecting multiple items before making a decision. They also tend not to put price tags on anything, which can make even the most simple transactions tediously complicated.

In conclusion, if you need to buy simple/small/inexpensive things, go to Best Buy. If you are looking for an appliance or a piece of electronic equipment, go to PC Richard.

[Macfanforever]

As you know, PC Richard is a consumer electronics and appliances retailer with locations throughout the NY NJ CT tri-state area. The product selection is not unlike the other big national chain; i.e., Best Buy; however, one is likely to find a number of more upscale product lines at PC Richard, i.e., Viking, Fisher & Paykel, Electrolux, etc. In general, both chains tend to price things at full retail.

The big difference between PC Richard and Best Buy is that the sales staff at PCR tends to be more knowledgeable and more attentive overall. Unfortunately, this also means they are more inclined to be pushy. The other difference, and it is more than a slight annoyance, is the fact that PCR sells many smaller items behind the counter only, which prevents one from inspecting multiple items before making a decision. They also tend not to put price tags on anything, which can make even the most simple transactions tediously complicated.

In conclusion, if you need to buy simple/small/inexpensive things, go to Best Buy. If you are looking for an appliance or a piece of electronic equipment, go to PC Richard.

Thanks for the tip Ed.Yes I did notice that PCR have no price tag on their stock plus the small devices are behind the counter.

I like the hands on the product when I'm looking to buy something.

[louielouie2000]

Since I know you're a bit of a health guru, what are your thoughts on a carb limiting diet? Living in Austin, I have a very active lifestyle... I hike/jog and/or swim more days a week than not. I don't think I eat horribly... I don't really eat any fast food, or drink many sugary beverages. Yet I have been mildly doughy my entire life. I'm thinking my addiction to carbs is the root cause. I absolutely live for pasta, rice, bread, etc. I almost always exclude non-starch veggies as side items & go for high-carb options instead. So what should I do? Should I cut out carbs altogether? Or should I just try and reduce them? Or am I barking up the wrong tree altogether? :shrug:

[HejiraNYC]

Since I know you're a bit of a health guru, what are your thoughts on a carb limiting diet? Living in Austin, I have a very active lifestyle... I hike/jog and/or swim more days a week than not. I don't think I eat horribly... I don't really eat any fast food, or drink many sugary beverages. Yet I have been mildly doughy my entire life. I'm thinking my addiction to carbs is the root cause. I absolutely live for pasta, rice, bread, etc. I almost always exclude non-starch veggies as side items & go for high-carb options instead. So what should I do? Should I cut out carbs altogether? Or should I just try and reduce them? Or am I barking up the wrong tree altogether? :shrug:

Carbs, carbs, carbs... one of the great enigmas of modern life. Unfortunately, this is a very individual thing. There are those who can enjoy mashed potatoes with their fettucine alfredo and still maintain washboard abs. Then there are those who will spill out of their skinny jeans just from eating a bagel. A large part of this is presumably due to the body's insulin tolerance. But there are myriad other intrinsic factors- genetics, thyroid, adrenal cortex, resting metabolic rate, etc. that are, short of medical intervention, beyond the control of the individual. The key to successfully achieving a physical goal is experimentation and learning what works for you.

Indeed, if you are like the majority of people, a drastic reduction in ones intake of simple carbs will effect some degree of weight loss, and perhaps even a reduction in body fat. However, whenever one embarks on any kind of drastic dietary/lifestyle alteration, one must ask the questions: Is this sustainable? Are there potential adverse long-term consequences? How do I feel? Is this compatible with my lifestyle? I am personally not a fan of any kind of "temporary" dietary intervention, i.e., low-carb diet, liquid diet, fasting, etc. If it is not sustainable or healthy for the long haul, it's probably not good for the short term either. If you are really committed to changing something about your health, your physique, or your wellbeing, then you should make only the changes that you are willing to adopt permanently, whether it's an exercise regimen, a diet regimen, a sleeping regimen, etc. Once you have actively committed to making permanent lifestyle changes (hopefully for the better!), your body/mind will find its own level. If, say, after a month, nothing positive is happening, it's time to re-evaluate and recalibrate. Experiment, experiment, experiment!