Do you believe in love at first sight? [Archive]

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ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 10:32 AM

I think it has happened to me....

Let me start from the beginning.

As some of you know, I was in a serious, committed relationship for two years. We lived together, traveled the world together, did everything together. Then, disaster. This past New Years, we were in London, having a ball. One night, my boyfriend just blurted out, "I can't do this anymore", and he broke up with me during our two week vacation in Europe. I came back to the states early and hibernated with a friend in Pittsburgh. Eventually, I had to go back to NYC and to our apartment. His grandma died, and he was in Denver for a week after I returned to the city....

Well, of course it was a disasterous break-up. I found out he had been cheating on me with a 23 year old (He's 33). It went back and forth for weeks....he moved out...but came back...we made love over and over....he left again...came back....over and over. We had a talk one night and he said he was in love with two ppl...me and this other ****er. Ugh. I was devastated....heartbroken....lifeless.....

Eventually, it totally fell a part by mid February. I had no desire to share my love with someone else. At that point, I decided to just be single for awhile...no dating...no falling in love....no desires for sex. I've been hanging out with my best friend (along with my roommate, co-workes, and neighbor) a lot, and we have been having the best time!

Now. A week ago Saturday, I was waiting for my friend to meet me at the West 4th stop on the F line....I NEVER take the F line. We were going to a show in the East Village. As I was walking along the track to find a place to stand, I met eyes with someone. I instantly stopped in my tracks. I was in awe. I felt in love and like I knew this guy forever. He smiled, but we didn't talk....a few glances. He got on the oncoming train, but my friend wasn't there yet, so I waited. As the door to the train closed, we smiled at each other. I thought that would be the last time I would see him.

The next afternoon, I felt weird inside, like there was something urgent I had to do. Oddly, it was to check "missed connections" on Craigslist. And there it was.....not one, but two messages about me from this guy...asking me to find him.....Weird. I never go on that site and would have never imagined anyone trying to find me. Obviously, I responded and went out on a date that first night. It was wonderful.....as was the second date....amazing.

It is now Monday. I haven't seen him since Wednesday, since his friend from LA was in town for the weekend. We are going to dinner tonight.

Is this a love at first sight thing? Fate? Right place, right time? For the first time in my life, I feel complete. Too early for that? I'm freaking out a little because 1) it is too early in the relationship to feel this way and 2) I just had my heart pulled out my chest with the last guy.

Any advice? Do I just run with it or stay guarded?

----everything happens for a reason, stay clear----

HighPassion

04-25-2011, 10:47 AM

I don't believe in love at first site, but I do believe there can be a "connection" at first site. Like, something that could lead to it.

I hate to sound like a debbie downer, but if you're in a relationship with someone for that long, your next love interest (no matter how long afterwards) is very likely to be a rebound, and sometimes with a rebound you just jump "all in".

However, that's not the case for everyone. It's just what I've observed with a few friends. :shrug:

I do think though, it's very possible to have some sort of a connection at first that opens the door for it building into love. Thats personal experience :thumbsup:

Silver Springs

04-25-2011, 10:51 AM

To be honest with you, for a few years now I haven't even been sure of the existence of love.

GypsySorcerer

04-25-2011, 11:02 AM

It does sound like you made a connection, but from my experience, don't have too many expectations. Proceed, but proceed with caution. :wavey:

bluefox4000

04-25-2011, 11:19 AM

HejiraNYC

04-25-2011, 11:41 AM

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say I really don't think it's strong enough. No...

Woo! (rolls tongue while pushing my hair back)

KarmaContestant

04-25-2011, 11:42 AM

I do, absolutely! :nod: I believe in love at first sight, and karma and reincarnation and 'soul mates', and that everything you do comes back to you and that everything happens for a reason. That's a lot, but they all go hand-in-hand. :laugh:

That's a great story, by the way, the way you met each other.

"...future lovers hide love inside their eyes..."

ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 11:45 AM

Do you believe in life after love?
I can feel something inside me say I really don't think it's strong enough. No...

Woo! (rolls tongue while pushing my hair back)

:lol: You are posting through a vocoder, right?

ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 11:48 AM

To be honest with you, for a few years now I haven't even been sure of the existence of love.

I doubt love, as well, especially after my ex. How can someone say they 'love' me so much, yet stray? :cool: I don't understand that logic. He told me he loved me two weeks after we met. It took me awhile to fall in love. I don't doubt that he did love me, but I guess I wasn't his "one love".

Pyewacket

04-25-2011, 12:00 PM

I think it has happened to me....

Any advice? Do I just run with it or stay guarded?

----everything happens for a reason, stay clear----

Both! You can do both. It sounds wonderful and I am happy for you, but it's too, too early to communicate these thoughts to him and there's no need for you to do so anyway. Keep indicating you're interested by making more dates. If you lay all this information out for him, it will do you both a disservice -- you may scare him and then you'd both lose out. Stay calm and collected -- try to focus on work and the other parts of your life.

He is interested in you -- he placed two(2) ads! Just let that ride for awhile. :)

chiliD

04-25-2011, 12:04 PM

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time.

What do you see when you turn out the light?

I can't tell you but I know it's mine.

{EVERBODY SING ALONG!}

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my frien-n-n-n-n-ds!!!

ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 12:31 PM

I do, absolutely! :nod: I believe in love at first sight, and karma and reincarnation and 'soul mates', and that everything you do comes back to you and that everything happens for a reason. That's a lot, but they all go hand-in-hand. :laugh:

Thanks. :wavey: I'm a romantic at heart and still believe in fairytales.

Did I mention he is French? :thumbsup:

RickRobert

04-25-2011, 12:34 PM

Did I mention he is French? :thumbsup:

Does he have an orgasmic French accent? :blob1:

skcin

04-25-2011, 12:40 PM

Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time.

I can't tell you but I know it's mine.

{EVERBODY SING ALONG!}

I get by with a little help from my friends,
I get high with a little help from my friends,
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my friends,
with a little help from my frien-n-n-n-n-ds!!!

Beatles or Joe Cocker?

Curty - It sounds like there was~a~connneeeeeeccccctttttiiiiiiiiioooooonnnnnn~

Go to dinner. Talk for a while. Keep your legs closed. Make a second date if it feels right. :cool:

ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 12:47 PM

Beatles or Joe Cocker?

It better be The Beatles.

Curty - It sounds like there was~a~connneeeeeeccccctttttiiiiiiiiioooooonnnnnn~

yet he was poet....but a priest of nothing....a legend, perhaps?

Go to dinner. Talk for a while. Keep your legs closed. Make a second date if it feels right. :cool:

This will be our third date. Legs remaining crossed....for a few more days. :p

Amlyn

04-25-2011, 01:01 PM

I think your experience is very cool! I always was one to believe in "everything happens for a reason" and that there is some sort of fate/destiny thing out there.

Like the movie Serendipity. These two people just happened to be in the same place at the same time and it took them years, but they found each other again. I love when that really is what happens between two people. The meeting part that is. It's so natural and unforced, yet it is like there was this "thing" pulling you together. I am such a hardened realist, so to actually feel this way about finding someone/love is such a departure for me.

So with that, I say go for it. Because you don't want to live with regret and the what ifs. If it was meant to be, it will all work out and if not, it might be the thing to get you back out there and enjoying life again.

Just proceed with caution. Let someone in your life have a rough sketch of your whereabouts just in case, until you are passed that awkward getting to know you phase.

Good luck!

Sleepless-Child

04-25-2011, 01:22 PM

No I don't. I believe you could be in lust at first sight. For me love is when you get to know the person. Their like, dislike. their hopes, their goals. You know really KNOWING the person. That's why I fell in love with my wife. I've known her since I was 3. I know the truly wonderful woman she is. I know everything about her and I adore every bit. But I didn't love her at first sight. I did not fall for her till I was 18. It was a slow process...very rewarding. :nod:

Micl

EXACTLY. To me, love is when you are brave enough to spend your entire life with a person you know, when the passion is gone. I believe that love is something that grows, to become huge. Any opportunity to start this kind of relationship must be taken, so go for it ! And stay positive. It didn't work out with your ex-boyfriend for a reason : if you were brave enough, he wasn't. Love doesn't happen many times in a lifetime. (Sorry, if i sound a bit naive).

LikeAWillow

04-25-2011, 01:44 PM

LittleCharmer

04-25-2011, 02:06 PM

CreepingDeath

04-25-2011, 02:19 PM

To be honest with you, for a few years now I haven't even been sure of the existence of love.

Even though I've been with my guy since I was 17, I tend to agree with you. It's worked for us (not without epic fighting along the way), but I think that was just a fluke of cosmic proportions.

To quote Queensryche:

"I don't believe in love
I never have, I never will
I don't believe in love
It's never worth the pain that you feel"

daniellaaarisen

04-25-2011, 02:35 PM

I am losing all faith in love.

That being said, instant connections like that are rare and beautiful, but as others have said, proceed with caution.

Fleetwoodmark

04-25-2011, 03:09 PM

Yeah I believe in Love at first sight. Happened for me anyway.

Good luck :)

HighPassion

04-25-2011, 03:21 PM

I personally think that the whole reason why marriages fall apart, or people become distraught with love, or people will "never love again" is purely because of theories like "love at first site", "soul mates", etc...

Here's why.

We get this view of "love" through songs, movies, novels, tv shows (the list goes on) about what's supposed to happen. About how what we're supposed to feel. About why we feel this way. Yet is that love?

It paints this virtually unrealistic picture of love, that disappoints people to the extent of thinking "love does not exist" when it doesn't work out, or that once you find your soul mate, you don't need to work at it. Those are two completely wrong ideas. And it wrecks a person because of all these expectations.

So why do so many people dilude themselves into thinking it anyway? Because of how we feel around this person. When it's all new and exciting and you want to spend every waking minute with them - you actually start to believe in a fairytale-eque happy ending and that nothing could go wrong. I think it's safe to say, everyone in this forum has thought that about someone at one point or another.

But that's just not the case. Love is something that developes down the road between two people from working on it. And continue to work on it. I don't think actual "love" can be aquired until you figure out the ups and downs of this significant other, you learn to accept who they are (for better or worse--to a reasonable extent), they bring out the ACTUAL best in you, (the real best in you, not what you think is the best in you because of endorphins and emotions running high), and you to them, and BOTH of you working through the good times and the bad times.

And, a lot of this can stem from an infatuation, and there are thousands of people who have had this connection and have made it work. There is definitely chemistry between certain people at times, that give them the opportunity to build this love together. But all it is is an infatuation, or a connection. To call it "love" right off the bat is so dangerous and is the reason why so many of them don't work out.

Granted, some have found that connection early on and have been able to build a loving relationship with each other and it works out in the long run. But I think they mistaken that for "love at first site" because they were fortunate enough to have it work out for themselves.

I don't know, I personally have a hard time explaining things like this. It's like, I know it in my head - but wording it out sometimes makes it look like word vomit...

Btw - AWESOME story to that guy who met his wife when he was 3!!! I loved it. And I totally see where he's coming from.

skcin

04-25-2011, 03:46 PM

EXACTLY. To me, love is when you are brave enough to spend your entire life with a person you know, when the passion is gone. I believe that love is something that grows, to become huge. Any opportunity to start this kind of relationship must be taken, so go for it ! And stay positive. It didn't work out with your ex-boyfriend for a reason : if you were brave enough, he wasn't. Love doesn't happen many times in a lifetime. (Sorry, if i sound a bit naive).

Very well said. :nod:

You know, initially I was thinking "no way" to Curt's question. Then I started thinking about my relationship. I can actually remember the first time I saw my husband - I was 16, he was 18, I was dating a friend of his. We all hung out with the same group of friends on & off for a long time, and after about 3 years we were both single & started dating. Almost 17 years later, here we are. So maybe it's not total bullsh*t. :D

bluefox4000

04-25-2011, 04:22 PM

Btw - AWESOME story to that guy who met his wife when he was 3!!! I loved it. And I totally see where he's coming from.

Thank you very much. It was worth it. But i can assure you it was NOT all roses. It was a difficult and often times painful experience. I have a whole story. Maybe that'll be for another thread:D

Mick

DavidMn

04-25-2011, 04:32 PM

Well, I felt that about 7 years ago with my now ex. We were together for 3 years until his drug issues took over. Anyway Curt, I would say go with your feelings, but be somewhat guarded at the same time. Only you can decide when you are really in love with this person.:nod: Good luck to you!

markolas

04-25-2011, 04:56 PM

:thumbsup: to HighPassion.

I don't believe in love at first sight, or soulmates, or any of that. Definitely proceed with caution. You just had a traumatic break-up and I think it might be coloring your perspective here. Generally, it's a really good idea to take some time (a lot of time) after a break-up and spend some time being (and enjoying) being single. But since you've met the guy and evidently had a connection, I think you should see how it pans out, but know that your emotions might be playing tricks on you. :)

Relationships are hard. Like HighPassion said, there's this idea out there that there's a perfect person for you, and if you just find him/her then life will be just like one of those sappy Meg Ryan movies. It doesn't work that way, at least not for long. You have to overlook a lot of sh!t, and you have to deal with the fact that you may not always like the person you're with. Many people can't do either of those things, and think when they stop having those warm, fuzzy feelings all the time, that it means the relationship is over. If anything, that's when it starts.

LittleCharmer

04-25-2011, 05:16 PM

You have to overlook a lot of sh!t, and you have to deal with the fact that you may not always like the person you're with. Many people can't do either of those things, and think when they stop having those warm, fuzzy feelings all the time, that it means the relationship is over. If anything, that's when it starts.

This is the most quotable thread, ever. :D

-Lillith-

04-25-2011, 06:04 PM

I am losing all faith in love.

That being said, instant connections like that are rare and beautiful, but as others have said, proceed with caution.

Why are you loosing the faith in love ? :(

I believe in love at first sight, it got me in trouble thou... :shrug:

daniellaaarisen

04-25-2011, 06:28 PM

Why are you loosing the faith in love ? :(

Heart broken for the first time in my life a few months ago. Badly.

Then add two really promising and yet short-lived relationships immediately after that.... both ended it with ME for entirely different reasons = me feeling really, really f*cking inadequate and unworthy.

Yay.

-Lillith-

04-25-2011, 06:32 PM

sounds terrible :(

I was in love with someone who didnt love me and couldnt stop run after him :distress:
A classmate of course, so that i have to see him a lot.
He did like me , but in the end decided to stay with his girl, i didnt really accept it and kept making a fool out of me. for myself. :rolleyes:

your not alone ;)

TrueFaith77

04-25-2011, 06:46 PM

i'm late but my advice in such situations is simply this: enjoy it.

Heartboy

04-25-2011, 06:51 PM

I was in love with someone who didnt love me

I know that feeling all to well & it hurts like a son of a bitch.

When you can't be with someone you want so bad! :(

-Lillith-

04-25-2011, 06:55 PM

I know that feeling all to well & it hurts like a son of a bitch.

When you can't be with someone you want so bad! :(

You take the words out of my mouth and he really said and did things that showed that he of course did love me in a way, but he was on the sure side with his girl. :rolleyes:
So if i went he came after me... "No wait" :shrug:
There are lots of storys ...
What happened to you ?

The only good thing is it made me write real cool stuff :thumbsup:

ontheEdgeof17

04-25-2011, 10:13 PM

Then add two really promising and yet short-lived relationships immediately after that.... both ended it with ME for entirely different reasons = me feeling really, really f*cking inadequate and unworthy.

I get that way, too. I NEVER feel good enough. I pick at myself all the time and find flaws that no one else would, or would even care that I have. I have sabotaged many of relationship being insecure.

Like RuPaul says at the end of every Drag Race: "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you going to love somebody else? Can I get an AMEN?!"

daniellaaarisen

04-25-2011, 10:40 PM

I get that way, too. I NEVER feel good enough. I pick at myself all the time and find flaws that no one else would, or would even care that I have. I have sabotaged many of relationship being insecure.

Yup. Sounds like we're living the same romantic life, my friend. Let's bitch to each other over glasses of wine in a week :lol:

LikeAWillow

04-26-2011, 12:58 AM

I was in love with someone who didnt love me and couldnt stop run after him :distress:

My current situation, too :eek: With the added fun of wondering if he'd be able to feel anything back if he got himself in therapy. And knowing that I'm not remotely worth him giving up the things his own particular brand of crazy do for him. And then wondering if I would feel as strongly as I do if it were possible for him to reciprocate. And in the meantime, spending all my weekends with him/arguing with him because at least if he's yelling back at me, we've got something beyond friendship.

Speaking of people who need therapy.

McTrouble

04-26-2011, 07:38 AM

Yes to love at first sight.

Will it last? Doesn't matter.

Just "Carpe Diem" and "Je ne regrette rien".

ontheEdgeof17

04-26-2011, 07:48 AM

Yup. Sounds like we're living the same romantic life, my friend. Let's bitch to each other over glasses of wine in a week :lol:

How about a bottle? ;)

I'm sure my friends here are tired of me talking about my insecurities. They say I'm attractive with a great personality. However, living in NYC, one of the gay capitals in the world, it's hard not to think I am ugly with all the guys with six-pack abs and model faces walking around.

Anyway, my date last night was fantastic. I really like this guy and the vibes I am getting from him are reciprocal. :o

StandbackStevie

04-26-2011, 08:45 AM

yes to love at first sight so yes.

SuzeQuze

04-26-2011, 09:40 AM

How about a bottle? ;)

I'm sure my friends here are tired of me talking about my insecurities. They say I'm attractive with a great personality. However, living in NYC, one of the gay capitals in the world, it's hard not to think I am ugly with all the guys with six-pack abs and model faces walking around.

Anyway, my date last night was fantastic. I really like this guy and the vibes I am getting from him are reciprocal. :o

Amen too. Neither you nor Danielle are inadequate. If people aren't interested in you it is about THEM. Usually they just can't do intimacy.

Curtis I do believe in love at first sight. You do have to tread with caution but also enjoy yourself. Keep your heart, head, and gut in alignment and you're good. Johnny Depp felt this way about his wife. Sometimes it's just right.

I think it's so cute that he posted two ads looking for you. Personally I think you're gorgeous and you have the most beautiful eyes. The over focusing many people do on a perfect outward appearance is a barrier to intimacy. We will never be perfect. Self love is a hard lesson when you have to learn it but you've definitely come a long way over the years. :xoxo:

All this said I'm terrible with relationships in that I just avoid them like the plague. I'm working on that!

chiliD

04-26-2011, 10:40 AM

When you can't be with someone you want so bad! :(

Eric Clapton channeled that same emotion into an entire double album (Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs). Finally "got his girl" 9 years later and found out it wasn't everything that he thought it would be.

SapphireSister

04-26-2011, 11:21 AM

Curtis to answer your question, yes, I absolutely believe in love at first site but there are all different kinds of love. There is the kind you feel when you meet someone and you just have that indescribable connection and it feels so strong in your heart. Then there is the kind of love that involves getting to know someone, value who they are, learn about their habits, faults, good and bad attributes. Giving a part of yourself to that special someone without losing yourself in the process. Love is something that grows in your heart in my opinion but it doesn't mean you can't feel it from the first time seeing someone. After all, love is what you believe it is. I am also a romantic at hear but keep a few things in mind I've had to learn the hard way - love does not conquer all and love can't be a cure for something that's missing in your heart when the only thing that can really fill it is self-love. I'm still learning these lessons today.
I look forward to hearing about how this unfolds...