Long Distance Relationships

[daniellaaarisen]

Any thoughts?

[HejiraNYC]

They don't work. They're a figment of ones imagination. If you *think* you are making it work, it means there is something fatally flawed about the relationship- the distance becomes the excuse not to be together rather than the obstacle.

Just being brutally frank.

[Nikolaj]

"I got a fever running through my blood night and day that will never fail,
and there's only one thing that's gonna satisfy me,
and you can't send it through the mail"--

from the 70s song 'Long Distance Love Affair'. Sooner or later, one person of the two will get h*rny and cheat,and the faithful one will feel pithed.

[RickRobert]

I have a friend who was in a long-distance relationship with an American dude for about three years. He came to visit and it was great, but a week or two afterwards the distance suddenly became too much for her and now they don't speak at all. Quite sad really...

[ButterCookie]

It murders me that I can't get to talk to my friends in the US and Scotland face to face, never mind considering a relationship :laugh:

[Fleetwoodmark]

It murders me that I can't get to talk to my friends in the US and Scotland face to face, never mind considering a relationship :laugh:

Good point.

Obviously it's a case by case basis but if you couldn't see someone you loved regularly I can only imagine would be pretty hard.

[APerfectLie]

I wouldn't say they never work, but I don't think they'd work for me. If you can't see eachother, you can't hang out, you can't cry on eachothers shoulder, you can't hug/kiss/have sex, then all you really have is talking on the phone and I'm not much for talking on the phone. But thats just me :shrug:

[GypsySorcerer]

Unless it's a long-distance relationship for the VERY short term (like two or three months), I don't feel they're generally a very good idea.

In my own experiences, and from what I have observed from others', these types of relationships are riddled with guilt and resentment - be it guilt from missed important events or guilt for having fun or enjoying oneself without the other person; or resentment that the other person is getting along fine without you (or conversely, guilt if he/she is not).

Plus, it's this alternate experience that completely distorts reality. So when you're finally together, it's hard to adjust to a more conventional relationship.

Just not a good idea IMO.

[vivfox]

A long distance friendship can always work. A long distance (sexual) relationship, IMO is doomed.

However, there are some exceptions.

[mylittledemon]

Any thoughts?

I've tried it. Twice. Didn't work out. :distress:

[BTFLCHLD]

suck.

OT - nice pic brandon.

[louielouie2000]

They don't work. They're a figment of ones imagination. If you *think* you are making it work, it means there is something fatally flawed about the relationship- the distance becomes the excuse not to be together rather than the obstacle.

Just being brutally frank.

+1. If you're even considering one, you're far too desperate for self-validation to even be relationship material. Nobody NEEDS to be in a relationship... just slow down and enjoy life, and stop trying to make round pegs fit in square holes! :wavey:

I personally discovered that only once I was truly happy being alone and stopped seeking relationships altogether was I truly mentally ready for dating. Relationships aren't required for survival... but they do make life nicer if you find the right fit.

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.

Seriously Dani, just enjoy college. Soak up all the information and life lessons you can while you're there. Stop trying to bypass hurdles and just live life in the right here, right now. You'll enjoy yourself much more without putting these superfluous "necessities" on your agenda. :xoxo:

[daniellaaarisen]

+1. If you're even considering one, you're far too desperate for self-validation to even be relationship material. Nobody NEEDS to be in a relationship... just slow down and enjoy life, and stop trying to make round pegs fit in square holes! :wavey:

I personally discovered that only once I was truly happy being alone and stopped seeking relationships altogether was I truly mentally ready for dating. Relationships aren't required for survival... but they do make life nicer if you find the right fit.

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.

Seriously Dani, just enjoy college. Soak up all the information and life lessons you can while you're there. Stop trying to bypass hurdles and just live life in the right here, right now. You'll enjoy yourself much more without putting these superfluous "necessities" on your agenda. :xoxo:

I wasn't asking about me specifically.

[iamnotafraid]

I wasn't asking about me specifically.

But you could be the long distance winner.

[jannieC]

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.



I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.

[daniellaaarisen]

I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.

Exactly what I think, on both accounts.

[louielouie2000]

I wasn't asking about me specifically.

My bad. I assumed you were making reference to some of the folks we've chatted about in your life.

Either way, just try to enjoy what's going on in your life right here and now: being a gorgeous teenager in a beautiful city attending her first year of college. You only get that experience once... have FUN with it! :D :nod:

[daniellaaarisen]

Either way, just try to enjoy what's going on in your life right here and now: being a gorgeous teenager in a beautiful city attending her first year of college. You only get that experience once... have FUN with it! :D :nod:

.....but I hate everyone my own age. College sucks because they're swarming.

[louielouie2000]

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.

I just think starting off a relationship in a long distance capacity is doomed to failure 99 times out of 100. I personally have always believed relationships should start out fun and easy... if you're dealing with too much BS and pain at the start, it doesn't bode well for how the relationship will progress, IMO. But that's just my personal way of looking at things... we all tackle life differently. :)

[Fleetwoodmark]

.....but I hate everyone my own age. College sucks because they're swarming.

...How do you mean ?

[jannieC]

I just think starting off a relationship in a long distance capacity is doomed to failure 99 times out of 100. I personally have always believed relationships should start out fun and easy... if you're dealing with too much BS and pain at the start, it doesn't bode well for how the relationship will progress, IMO. But that's just my personal way of looking at things... we all tackle life differently. :)

No, I mostly agree with you on this part :) - just not the part about developing and maintaining meaningful and mature relationships before the age of 24.

[daniellaaarisen]

...How do you mean ?

I really don't like people my own age, generally speaking. Most of my good friends are between 23 and 30.

[absinthe_boy]

Any thoughts?

I had a long distance (UK-US) relationship via the internet for 8 months in 1997.

We married in February 1998 and are still together :)

[chelluversu]

My bf and I have been dating since July.
Next year I'm going to be working in Sandusky for 2 and a half months and then I'm going to be at Michigan State (hopefully!!! dammit decide already!!!). He's gonna be going to a community college here in Virginia.

I'm gonna be in a long distance relationship for a while, so I'd like to think that they work sometimes.

[daniellaaarisen]

I had a long distance (UK-US) relationship via the internet for 8 months in 1997.

We married in February 1998 and are still together :)

Thank you. I knew it was possible....

[bucklind17]

I think it depends on the situation prior to the distance. If it's starting a relationship where distance is already a factor, it's not something that I'd personally want for myself. But, I'm also the type of person that doesn't understand a NEED for a relationship and I find that if someone is starting a relationship with someone that is already far away (as in, has never been close enough to start the foundation of the relationship before the distance), then the person involved probably has a different feeling on the necessity of relationships than I do. If distance is such a huge factor, having it be an exclusive relationship, at least right away, is just asking for trouble because there isn't enough knowledge of the basics that make relationships work. At the same time, sometimes it's the challenge of the distance that makes it so appealing, a sort of grass-is-greener thing.

[Stephanie]

I started dating my hubby at age 15 continuously, and after law school, there was a year he was away at NYU getting an extra degree. We got married the year after and have been married 11 years, together over 20. It was a very long distance year and we couldn't see eachother much, but we made it.

and I just remembered to add that our first year of marriage was 50% apart too...I was on residency and he was working in NYC.

[bluefox4000]

They are possible........not for me though. I'm handicapped and I could travel but it's too much work for me. So I could never work one. And i'm greedy i need constant contact lol

Mick

[absinthe_boy]

Thank you. I knew it was possible....

In our case, I put down our success to the fact that in the long distance period, which was most of 1997, we were totally honest with each other. Our communication was mostly internet based, some telephone and photos exchanged by snail mail. During that time we did not hide anything about ourselves, after all nobody is perfect. So there were no nasty surprises in store when we got together in real life.

One of the hurdles we faced was that relatively few people had the internet then and internet relationships were viewed with much suspicion!

[Musicman408]

I feel like I might be able to make one work, though it definitely wouldn't be ideal.

A girl friend of mine from high school dated a guy who was 5 years older than her who went to school a couple of hours away, and they seemed solid- though it was totally obnoxious.

[mylittledemon]

I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.

Actually you make a solid case, there :thumbsup:

[michelle2677]

I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.



^yes.

i've had 3 and they didn't work for different reasons. 1 i'm still very close to and the others i consider them good friends.

i'm not sure if i'd do it again because it's just too hard, but if something fell in my lap and it seemed right i wouldn't remove it from the realm of possibilities. i'm 32 years old and JUST NOW realizing that i don't have to take the hard way every time. some things that are easy can be just as nice as the difficult ones :) and in response to louie's comment about 24, i'm a completely different person from who i was even 2 years ago, not to mention from when i was 24, 8 years ago!! :shocked:

[Shel]

I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.

I really like how this was stated. ^

After having been through a few myself, I feel fortunate to have kept a couple as good friends. I defintely agree that there needs to be a plan for someone to relocate, that's not too far on the distant horizon.

I stay optimistic that's it's still a very viable way to begin a relationship that will last.:)

Shel

[chiliD]

Even with a "plan"...if the timeframe of the separation gets too long, it could be treacherous. It also depends if there are children involved. That sets up a whole separate set of variables.

[daniellaaarisen]

You guys have been very helpful. Nonetheless...

Bladfhahadfhkaljhkadfjgioaerhjafiobadhklaefbaioarhgk. :distress: