Gay dating

[DavidMn]

I've been inspired by some recent converstions with friends here and otherwise to broach this subject. I'm 38 now almost 39, not getting any younger and I would like to meet someone who can be someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Now a little about me. As I said, I'm 38, and in an honest appraisal of myself I will list what I consider my strangths and weaknesses. On the positive side, I've had many people tell me I have the most amazing personality they've ever met. I asked a friend who works with me at, and I'm not kidding, a grocery store here in Minneapolis called Rainbow foods, and she first of all told me "David you're not that bad looking really, but whatever lack of looks you have you more than make up with in your personality." I asked what she meant and she said "Well, you're very honest, very outgoing and there's not an ounceof bull**** in you." I was so flattered by that. TO back that up, One of my best friends, Matt, 25, has told me he has never met a gay man as loyal and decent as I am. Now Matt is not someone who in most circumstances would be caught dead around a guy like me. He's absolutely drop dead gorgeous, 6'3 about 16o pounds and I'm as tall as him however about 100 pounds or more heavier than him. I get alot of satifaction from that. He and I are totally incompatible as boyfriends but incredible friends. Now my negatives as I see them. I realize that I'm not the hottest things on 2 legs and as I said I am signifigantly overweight. I have lost weight this year, which is a plus, but I could stand to lose alot more. I have alot of problems related to depression, I.E the penchant for going off on people around me with little or no provocation, but 've been on meds for the last 7 months and therapy which have helped signifigantly in that area. So I have that under control. I have proven to myself that I can lose weight if I put my mind to it. I'm really trying to figure out where I fit in in this whole gay world. I really dont in a lot of ways, because in addition to Fleetwood Mac andmusic in general I am a HUGE sports, specifically baseball, fan. I cannot tell you how hard it is to find a gay guy that is even tolerant, let alone is as into sports as I am.:laugh: Also my passion for Fleetwood Mac and the amount of traveling I do to see them makes it really hard to sustain a realtionship. I really understand where Stevie is coming from when she says men wont put up with her schedule because she's never there for them always either recording or touring, not that I do any of that:laugh: but I get what shes saying in the sense of developing a relationship. My ex Derek would always get upset and say "You love them more than me!" I told him and I will tell every other boyfriend I ever have that I dont expect you to feel the same way I do about Fleetwood Mac, but you will at nleast tolerate how I fell about them or we can end this relationship right now. I dont compromise on that, because I feel that is a part of who I am and I will not sacrifice that for anyone. Anyway, I know this has been sort of a rambling post, but like I said I'm trying tyo figure this whole thing out, while remaining true to myself, and believe me that's not easy.:o Thanks for listening everyone, and any ideas/thoughts would be appreciated.:)

[louielouie2000]

I encountered a couple of boyfriends who had a problem with me spending so much time and money on my DeLorean. I reminded them curtly that the car came before they did... and the car would probably be around long after they're gone. :lol: Some liked to make fun of my beloved Stevie too... but they usually liked Mariah Carey, Tori Amos, or other such abominations... so that didn't bother me! :lol:

Something I've found in dating is that you don't necessarily have to find somebody who shares your interests at all. You do however, have to find somebody who respects them. While not really caring one way or another about DeLoreans or Fleetwood Mac, my "husband" Jimmy LOVES my passion for both. There seems to be a great amount of gay men who just don't really care for much of anything, but themselves. But that could probably be said about straight dating too. People are inherently self-oriented. I used to search far and wide for someone who shared my interests and passions. I felt it was essential, because without that... another person couldn't possibly "get" me. The one person I dated who shared all of my interests turned out to be the worst person I've ever encountered, and I'm still undoing the damage he did to me.

Interestingly enough, my "husband" Jimmy and I are nearly complete opposites. I'm low key, calm, laid back, and enjoy quiet... he's hyper, loud, and passionate :p. We balance each other out... and any weakness the other has, it's the other's strength. These big differences would cause some couples to fight... but the common element that makes it all work for us is respect.

What I encourage you to do is this: look outside of the box. Try going on a date with somebody you'd normally not give the time of day. That's what Jimmy was for me. I always seemed to fall for the same kind of guy... exactly my age, very handsome, very smart, very masculine, very cocky. Jimmy is none of those things: he's 11 years older, not so masculine, not at all cocky, not tall, dark, or handsome, but he is extremely smart, and has the best sense of humor I've encountered in another person.

I think the biggest thing that made it possible for me to have a successful relationship was also me getting to the point in my life (for the very first time) where I actually didn't WANT to be in a relationship! I was so totally 100% happy with just who I was, and didn't have any interest in somebody ****ing that up. I had a good job, amazing friends, the best family in the world, a cute little dog, a nice car and house... who needed the complications and crap relationships bring? And of course, when I FINALLY decide it's ok to be single (and truly believe it), that's when I met the person I'll likely be with until death separates us. I'm sure all of this is rambling and non-sensical... but these are my experiences. I hope you could make some sort of sense out of what I'm trying to say! :laugh:

[DavidMn]

I am so happy for you!:xoxo: One thing I can definitely say is you cannot compromise what you love to be in a relationship. If you do that, it's almost over before it begins I think.:nod: I really think my best trait is that I'm a really honest person and I have a good sense of humor. Everyone says that what they like most about me is how nice and easygoing I am. Its really nice to hear that.

[DavidMn]

Ok, it seems that I recieved a PM yesterday from someone here that felt it neccesary to make disparaging remarks about me. I wont name the person here because that's not my style but you know who you are because you obviously read this thread. The person wrote and I quote "Honey, no one wants to date Jonah the whale. And besides you're not even good looking. Oh and if you think I'm the only one that feels this way, you're wrong because I've recieved Pm's from SEVERAL other people saying the same thing." Ok fine I can accept that. I know i'm overweight and I'm not exactly what you'd call hot, but I would NEVER even fathom of treating another member here the way this person treated me. In case you didn't know Mr. smart ass, my weight issues are tied to my depression which has been made worse since my mother nearly died last year. I have been working on it, but I have a long way to go I know. I have done nothing but try to be a friend to everyone here and be as friendly as possible and it really hurts that there are people here talking behind my back like this because like I said I would never do that to someone else. The only reason I started this thread is because I genuinely wanted advice on how I could meet someone and have a boyfriend, not to be insulted and backstabbed. I'm just totally disgusted with this board right now and quite honestly I dont want to come somewhere where people dont like me and I dont even know who they are. :mad:

[jannieC]

David, ignore mean-spirited people. When you open yourself up and share personal feelings in a public forum, you are sure to attract people who enjoy hurting other people's feelings. I don't understand that mentality, but it does exist, of course. Take care and carry on!

[louielouie2000]

David, ignore mean-spirited people. When you open yourself up and share personal feelings in a public forum, you are sure to attract people who enjoy hurting other people's feelings. I don't understand that mentality, but it does exist, of course. Take care and carry on!

Exactly. Anybody who says things like that to another person is simply trying to distract others from their own shortcomings. Don't give them what they want by quitting posting around here. I would say that the majority of Ledgies truly enjoy reading about your exploits of following the band around. It'd be a shame to lose your voice around here. :nod:

[WarmSir3]

It hurts me to see others being put down like this in a public forum! Take jannieC's advice. I know it's not exactly easy to just ignore what other people say, but at the end of the day take comfort in knowing they can't exactly enjoy being surrounded with such negativity. You on the other hand are a great person with a great life. Feel pity on these people and move on. More than likely the "other people" that were mentioned don't exist! Don't worry be happy!

[Sanne2]

Wow that's just horrible! I hope you reported that person, his/her ass should be bannend from here!
Unfortunately, there are some truly rotten apples on this board, it wouldn't be the first time that I've encountered them. You should not leave because of them, they're not worth it.
You're one of the most interesting, entertaining and honest members here, don't let them chase you away.

Also, If I were you I would totally quote the PM here and post the members name, f*#k that ****!
But that's just me.

[Dodfather]

David, I' sure I speak for all Ledgies (other than the truly pathetic asshole who sent you this PM) when I say that I am truly sorry this happened to you. As others have already said, there are such horrible people everywhere and sadly we all encounter tham every now and again.

Don't let them drag you down.

I really enjoy reading all of your posts on this board and I'm sure most other people do too. This is Fleetwood Mac board after all and most of us would love to have seen them as often as you and be able to travel to do so!

As for the vile comments regarding your appearance, please don't take them toi heart. That's very easy for me to say but as you've said before, you're making great strides in terms of your weight (not that that would make you any better or worse a person if you didn't of course!) but the fact that you are being so proactive in this and your other life choices is most probably what has pissed off the person who PM'd you in the first place. Envy is a very ugly thing!

Keep going and stay on the board! You're a great Ledgie, and a great guy!

[HomerMcvie]

David, ignore that PIG of a human being! I had a similar situation, last night.

I have a friend, and she's rather large, and she got dumped yesterday. Well, I was sitting at a bar, consoling her. And this other girl I've been home with, a few times, came up, pulled me aside, and said, "I can't believe you'd rather be with her, than me". I said, "she's my friend, and we're just talking about her problems". This went on, for about 30 minutes(making gestures behind her back, about how large she is). She finally came up and said it to me again. I told her to get the FUKC away from me, and told her that I pick friends, over sex, any day of the week. Damn I was pissed. I came home, deleted her from Yahoo IM, and blocked her from my Facebook and Myspace. I'll never talk to her again.

Beauty's on the inside, David. I have no use for those SHALLOW pieces of ****, that go around passing judgement on people like that.

[HomerMcvie]

That's very easy for me to say but as you've said before, you're making great strides in terms of your weight (not that that would make you any better or worse a person if you didn't of course!)
Yes David, you are making great strides. Keep it up. I did it recently, and you can too! I went from 215, three years ago, down to 155 now. I'm wearing 29 and 30" jeans. I've not worn anything that small, since probably 4th grade!!:lol:
But again, you CAN do it. Believing in yourself, is the biggest step. I did it, knowing that I needed to make some big changes in my life, and losing weight(for me, it REALLY helps my self-esteem, when I lose some weight) was crucial, for me to get the changes moving. I got called "scrawny", last night! To me, that was the ultimate compliment, of my entire life!:lol: (yeah, I know, there are many other compliments, that would be better....but I've been battling weight for so long, that "scrawny" felt like victory!).
I'm dating constantly now, and I'm the best person I've ever been!

Believe in YOU, David

[LukeA]

Wow. What an asshole. Way to be a walking- no, prancing stereotype, catty & superficial gay boi.

David, I'm sorry you had to receive that PM. When I first read your post, I found most of what you said could also be felt & experienced by straight men/women- the same universal feelings of frustration we all feel in the dating world. I now realize that while straight men/women can certainly be brutally piggish/superficial, I doubt many (if any) would actually have the fortitude or lack the decency to do to you what this person did. Its unfortunate that there's a certain segment of gay culture/community that thinks that going this far out of their way to be hurtful (ie. "fierce") is a personality trait they'd choose to identify themselves with.

[fringed n fab]

Wow. What an asshole. Way to be a walking- no, prancing stereotype, catty & superficial gay boi.

David, I'm sorry you had to receive that PM. When I first read your post, I found most of what you said could also be felt & experienced by straight men/women- the same universal feelings of frustration we all feel in the dating world. I now realize that while straight men/women can certainly be brutally piggish/superficial, I doubt many (if any) would actually have the fortitude or lack the decency to do to you what this person did. Its unfortunate that there's a certain segment of gay culture/community that thinks that going this far out of their way to be hurtful (ie. "fierce") is a personality trait they'd choose to identify themselves with.

I think most people whether straight or gay, would never be outright mean like this. I would like to think this was a fun board where we can discuss fun things whether it's FM or SN ( or Brandon :lol:) or things going on in our daily lives. I would just ignore rude people and try and have fun on here with ones that matter.

[LukeA]

I think most people whether straight or gay, would never be outright mean like this. I would like to think this was a fun board where we can discuss fun things whether it's FM or SN ( or Brandon :lol:) or things going on in our daily lives. I would just ignore rude people and try and have fun on here with ones that matter.

Not sure what you meant by bolding that particular part of my message- are you suggesting I was being "outright mean" by referencing the stereotype & suggesting the mystery PM'er is one of the reasons why it exists?

[fringed n fab]

Not sure what you meant by bolding that particular part of my message- are you suggesting I was being "outright mean" by referencing the stereotype & suggesting the mystery PM'er is one of the reasons why it exists?
No not at all. I was actually agreeing with you about whoever it was that was trying to be "cute" and so mean.

[mylittledemon]

David, eventually you'll meet that person who loves all those quirky things about you. I can sit here all day and give you advice, but it doesn't matter much... because there is nothing you really need to change. If you do change something, do it for yourself... because you want to, not because someone else wants it.

I find that usually during those times, the right person will come along when you least expect it. All my past "long term" relationships (the good ones anyway) came along when I wasn't even looking for them. :xoxo:

[EnchantedKiwi]

WTF! David! Your the king of this forum! :nod::p I don't know why anyone would consider saying such things! Anyone who speaks to you like that isnt worth the time of day, and it disappoints me that this ignorant person is a member on The Ledge.

I'm sure you can see everyones got your back ;) Its just annoying for some reason, people can't get over their prejudices (probably due to their own insecurity).

And anyway didn't LB say you lost weight!! You are one lucky guy

:D

[vivfox]

David I know exactly how you feel. Right now I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life and almost everyone I talk to tries to give me unsolicited advice on how to lose weight.
However, I have been overweight for several years now and strangely enough I've had more dates with major hot and thin guys while I've been fat, and much more fun with them than when I was thin.
Also there have been several public verbal attacks against me recently on this board that almost made me want to stop posting completely. Then I thought to myself, "Viv, just keep posting 'cause there are more nice Ledgie's than mean ones and I like it here so screw 'em, I'm staying."

[fringed n fab]

Vivfox I would stay right here and wouldn't move. You seem nice and you contribute to the board and people seem to like you so you stay for those ones over the ones that don't. I tend to think most people are nice and easy to chat with and befriend on these fan boards, but I have also found them sometimes to be sort of clique-ish and some tend to pick and choose their friends which that's ok because in turn we can do the very same if need be. But I just try to get along with everyone really even tho I'm known to be outspoken sometimes. I have also found that no matter how hard you try, some people just simply will never like you and that goes for online people and ones in real life. You just live with that and surround yourself with people that do.

[louielouie2000]

I used to find the board quite cliquish as well, and that was a big turn off for me. I went years without posting because of it. Then one day I realized that I just didn't give a damn about any of it, and that I was going to start sharing my opinion even if a single person didn't care what I said. It seemed like for a long time I was largely ignored. But the more I posted, the more people perhaps took seriously what I had to say, and saw I had something to add around here. I'm sure there are people who would love to see me shut the hell up. But this is my favorite band damnit, and they aren't going to affect that in the least! I'm going to keep on posting here because I love Fleetwood Mac, and I love interacting with others who like the band. :nod: If others don't like what I have to say, or don't like me personally... that's fine. That's their problem, not mine. I'm not out to make others happy here. I'm not here to be popular. If somebody doesn't like me, they can just ignore me. I'm simply on here to voice my opinions, and read others. I hope to disperse some knowledge, and hope even more to gain some.

If somebody were to attack me personally, I'd see that as a weakness on their part. Why? Because it's so easy to attack somebody personally. The tougher thing to do is to dispute opinions and differences through logic and reason and facts. It chafes a certain group of people's asses that I like Stevie Nicks. They try to throw personal insults at her and try to degrade me to make their points clear. The thing they don't realize, is they make their points perfectly clear: they're intellectually weak, and can't have carry out a dispute using purely factual evidence. They have to make it personal. So when other people take cheap digs at you Dave, remember they're simply showing their own inherent weakness, and their own insecurities. They're the ones with far bigger problems to work on than you! :nod:

[diane_k]

Horrifying! :distress:

I can't believe what some people have the nerve to post. So sorry to hear of all of this, and I mean it.

[fringed n fab]

Well I like you Louie. You're cool as far as I'm concerned and obviously a vital member here. I like your posts and what you have to say. We chatterboxes are what move these boards along lol.

[MoonWaterPoet]

Ok, it seems that I recieved a PM yesterday from someone here that felt it neccesary to make disparaging remarks about me. I wont name the person here because that's not my style but you know who you are because you obviously read this thread. The person wrote and I quote "Honey, no one wants to date Jonah the whale. And besides you're not even good looking. Oh and if you think I'm the only one that feels this way, you're wrong because I've recieved Pm's from SEVERAL other people saying the same thing." Ok fine I can accept that. I know i'm overweight and I'm not exactly what you'd call hot, but I would NEVER even fathom of treating another member here the way this person treated me. In case you didn't know Mr. smart ass, my weight issues are tied to my depression which has been made worse since my mother nearly died last year. I have been working on it, but I have a long way to go I know. I have done nothing but try to be a friend to everyone here and be as friendly as possible and it really hurts that there are people here talking behind my back like this because like I said I would never do that to someone else. The only reason I started this thread is because I genuinely wanted advice on how I could meet someone and have a boyfriend, not to be insulted and backstabbed. I'm just totally disgusted with this board right now and quite honestly I dont want to come somewhere where people dont like me and I dont even know who they are. :mad:

David ~ I am so sorry you had to endure any kind of backlash like this from your post... People who bully other people like this, is truely insecure with their ownselves... and just ignore them. I know it's hard to... I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve on these message boards, only to have some mean people to pounce on me... Some people forget that We are All Human Beings with true Life feelings, though they think they can be mean to one another... But we are real people behind these email addresses and screen names... And we all have feelings... So don't pay any attention to these bashers... Karma is a Bitch...

xoxoxox to You... ;-)


Donnie Wayne ~

[MoonWaterPoet]

David ~ I am so sorry you had to endure any kind of backlash like this from your post... People who bully other people like this, is truely insecure with their ownselves... and just ignore them. I know it's hard to... I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve on these message boards, only to have some mean people to pounce on me... Some people forget that We are All Human Beings with true Life feelings, though they think they can be mean to one another... But we are real people behind these email addresses and screen names... And we all have feelings... So don't pay any attention to these bashers... Karma is a Bitch...

xoxoxox to You... ;-)


Donnie Wayne ~


I also meant to add... that... "There is An Ass, for Every Chair that is Made" ~... Send that response to the one who made the bad remarks... J/K...


Donnie Wayne ~

[louielouie2000]

Well I like you Louie. You're cool as far as I'm concerned and obviously a vital member here. I like your posts and what you have to say. We chatterboxes are what move these boards along lol.

Thank you Shane! Your personality is starting to reveal itself through your posts as well, and I'm liking what you have to say too! I look forward to "getting to know you" more in time. :wavey:

As a rebuttal, I say the more people who don't like what any of us say, the more we talk! It's exactly opposite of what anyone who dislikes another person wants. So David, post away my friend! :D

[MoonWaterPoet]

Thank you Shane! Your personality is starting to reveal itself through your posts as well, and I'm liking what you have to say too! I look forward to "getting to know you" more in time. :wavey:

As a rebuttal, I say the more people who don't like what any of us say, the more we talk! It's exactly opposite of what anyone who dislikes another person wants. So David, post away my friend! :D


Amen ~ Louie... :wavey:


Donnie Wayne ~

[mylittledemon]

Ok, it seems that I recieved a PM yesterday from someone here that felt it neccesary to make disparaging remarks about me.

Btw, why didn't you forward this PM to a mod? Regardless of the fact that it was sent in private, it's still not cool.

[LukeA]

No not at all. I was actually agreeing with you about whoever it was that was trying to be "cute" and so mean.

That's what I thought :) No worries!

I also thought that I had already posted a response to you hours ago, but it seems to have disappeared without notification or explanation- which is odd, since it didn't contain anything controversial or inflammatory. A mystery!

[fringed n fab]

That's what I thought :) No worries!

I also thought that I had already posted a response to you hours ago, but it seems to have disappeared without notification or explanation- which is odd, since it didn't contain anything controversial or inflammatory. A mystery!
It's cool... and don't you hate when that happens? lol

[fringed n fab]

Thank you Shane! Your personality is starting to reveal itself through your posts as well, and I'm liking what you have to say too! I look forward to "getting to know you" more in time. :wavey:

As a rebuttal, I say the more people who don't like what any of us say, the more we talk! It's exactly opposite of what anyone who dislikes another person wants. So David, post away my friend! :D You're welcome. For almost 10 years now ever since I have been online I have tried to be as genuine and as real on here as I am offline with people and I always hope people pick up on that because I never wanted to be someone else when I sit down in this chair when online. I talk and carry on the same as if you were right here with me in person. So that's how I always wanted to be around people on here. Just myself really. I know some people prefer to escape on here and take on a whole other persona from themselves but that was never me. I also like people to make up their own minds regarding me and not ever be steered by what anyone else would have to say. If I could sum myself up quickly I would say I am outgoing and funny, outspoken about topics on occasion (but I always mean well) and I can be very serious sometimes. Like sit down Oprah serious. You'll just have to see sometime I guess. :laugh:

[DavidMn]

Ok Ive had all day to think about this and 've come to the conclusion:






F**K EM!




I thought seriously about reporting the person who did this to me but I decided that in the end Karma will come around. I'm not giving them the attention they want. I deleted the pm and I'm moving on. It is really nice and quite humling to recieve the support from the people I do care about and really in the end thats all that matters.:xoxo:


I believe I will meet the right man and that will be because of who I am not trying to be someone I'm not. I accept wholeheartedly that my body is what it is, and while I'm trying to lose weight, I'm not going to become some kind of shrinking violet because of this situation. Thank you everyone again for being so nice to me. I guess being nice does pay off sometimes.

[chriskisn]

I believe I will meet the right man and that will be because of who I am not trying to be someone I'm not. I accept wholeheartedly that my body is what it is, and while I'm trying to lose weight, I'm not going to become some kind of shrinking violet because of this situation. Thank you everyone again for being so nice to me. I guess being nice does pay off sometimes.

That is exactly the point, if you meet the right person they won't care about size, looks, or whatever. I may be straight but the issues are the same for everyone - I weigh in at about 250, down from 270 a couple of years ago, so fully appreciate where you are coming from.

One day you will meet someone who will love you and everything about you. Until then, just have fun looking! ;)

[diane_k]

That is exactly the point, if you meet the right person they won't care about size, looks, or whatever. I may be straight but the issues are the same for everyone - I weigh in at about 250, down from 270 a couple of years ago, so fully appreciate where you are coming from.

One day you will meet someone who will love you and everything about you. Until then, just have fun looking! ;)


I couldn't have said it better. In the end, it's all about trust and honesty..and how the person makes you feel. The rest shouldn't matter. Just be up front, be honest, be yourself, and you'll attract someone in no time!

[petep9000]

How awful for someone to send a PM like that. Sorry that you had to endure that BS.
As for love and dating and meeting someone? When you LEAST expect it, it will happen, and it will be wonderful and life changing and even a little scary but also fun and warm and all kinds of other great things.

Hang in there, get out there, and you wait.!!! How do I know? Because it happened to me and I never thought I'd ever find someone again!!

[TrueFaith77]

I remember being in a bar like two or three years ago. I saw some cute, young guy and decided to try to flirt. As I began some of my signature lines, he lashed out at me: GROW SOME HAIR! -- and he sauntered away. That was the first time anything like that had ever happened to me. It was such a blow to my self-esteem that I went into hiding for a year. It was all I could think about. And believe me, I explored options. I spoke with my hair stylist. I went to Bosley to get find out I could get that generic merkin for $10,000!!!! *not gonna happen. So I decided to start working out (mildly)--now my body oscillates between its usual skinny-minny and toned hotness :lol:. And a year ago, I decided to just get my head shaved once a week (clippers, 0). And that seems to be about as good as I can get. It emphasizes the fact that I'm bald up front, but it restored some of my confidence--and I remain with some of that confidence intact--and yet I continue to find new things I don't like about my body (before going bald, it was chest hair... but I got over that and I'll continue to get over everything else, I suppose). It's life. So that's my wisdom and it brings us up to date.

My point is. I share David's quandary. I, too, am getting older (32 years old now). I, too, find it difficult to make lasting connections. I spent too long getting over a broken heart. But I'm not trying to regret anything.

But now, how is it done? I know I can work on physical improvement and I know I can work on being more patient and understanding with people (I'm so self-centered). Those are things I CAN fix.

But what I don't know, which I think might be David's point, is how do I meet people? NYC is hard. The clubs are a good way to get laid, but not a good way to make lasting connections. Fleetwood Mac hasn't proven to be a way to meet people to date, for me. My activities generally tend to be rather solitary. Listening to music, writing, and, especially, going to movies which is a rather intimate experience for me. Club-going, again, serves other purposes. And I've never been much for social events, networking, and the such. I've thought about going to church. Everyone says: take a class. Although maybe that's the best advice for David and me: STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

Anyway, maybe suggestions/advice in that dept would be helpful. Either for me--or for others similarly mystified by dating and mingling and getting to know people.

[skcin]

Didn't this happen to you before David? I'm having a case of deja vu here. Seems that you started a very similar thread a couple years back & got a mean PM then too? Maybe it was someone else. :shrug:

[mylittledemon]

I remember being in a bar like two or three years ago. I saw come cute, young guy and decided to try to flirt. As I began some of my signature lines, he lashed out at me: GROW SOME HAIR! -

what a fu*kin prick. :distress:

[louielouie2000]

I remember being in a bar like two or three years ago. I saw some cute, young guy and decided to try to flirt. As I began some of my signature lines, he lashed out at me: GROW SOME HAIR! -- and he sauntered away. That was the first time anything like that had ever happened to me. It was such a blow to my self-esteem that I went into hiding for a year. It was all I could think about. And believe me, I explored options. I spoke with my hair stylist. I went to Bosley to get find out I could get that generic merkin for $10,000!!!! *not gonna happen. So I decided to start working out (mildly)--now my body oscillates between its usual skinny-minny and toned hotness :lol:. And a year ago, I decided to just get my head shaved once a week (clippers, 0). And that seems to be about as good as I can get. It emphasizes the fact that I'm bald up front, but it restored some of my confidence--and I remain with some of that confidence intact--and yet I continue to find new things I don't like about my body (before going bald, it was chest hair... but I got over that and I'll continue to get over everything else, I suppose). It's life. So that's my wisdom and it brings us up to date.

My point is. I share David's quandary. I, too, am getting older (32 years old now). I, too, find it difficult to make lasting connections. I spent too long getting over a broken heart. But I'm not trying to regret anything.

But now, how is it done? I know I can work on physical improvement and I know I can work on being more patient and understanding with people (I'm so self-centered). Those are things I CAN fix.

But what I don't know, which I think might be David's point, is how do I meet people? NYC is hard. The clubs are a good way to get laid, but not a good way to make lasting connections. Fleetwood Mac hasn't proven to be a way to meet people to date, for me. My activities generally tend to be rather solitary. Listening to music, writing, and, especially, going to movies which is a rather intimate experience for me. Club-going, again, serves other purposes. And I've never been much for social events, networking, and the such. I've thought about going to church. Everyone says: take a class. Although maybe that's the best advice for David and me: STEP OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

Anyway, maybe suggestions/advice in that dept would be helpful. Either for me--or for others similarly mystified by dating and mingling and getting to know people.

Unfortunately, your experiences are all to common. I encounter the same kind of crap here in Charlotte, North Carolina as you do in NYC. I just don't understand why gay guys have to be so nasty to one another. After all, the majority of the rest of the world is nasty to US! Why pick ourselves apart further? :shrug: You'd think we'd all want to band together :distress:.

I know I too ended up wandering around for years trying to find my place. Looking for guys at coffee shops, bars, the 'net, stuff like that. I was introduced to the guy I'm with now through a mutual friend... we all worked at a bank headquarters together, though in completely different departments. At first I was very hesitant, as he was older, ran in far higher circles than I did, dressed heads and tails nicer than me, drove a pricey car... all the hallmarks of the type of "fags" I normally avoid at all costs. But the book turned out to be far, far different than it's cover. So you might want to take a chance on something that you might normally brush off.

I do know what you mean about going into hiding too. I hardly show my face in my town anymore either. I've gained some weight, and am not dating one of the poster boys like I used to. I'd be immediate fodder for the glitterati set. I shouldn't give a damn, but people can be so cruel... so I just don't give them that chance.

[mylittledemon]

David, you should just name the person who sent you the PM, they don't deserve to remain nameless.

I disagree; it should've been forwarded to a MODERATOR. :shocked:

[mylittledemon]

Well because unfortunately, the PM has been deleted, so now it's hearsay.

[petep9000]

The DBA can probably retrieve a deleted PM.
David you don't have to name him/her out loud. Give us a hint, you can use pig-Latin.

[JazmenFlowers]

David, you should just name the person who sent you the PM, they don't deserve to remain nameless.
I agree.
Unfortunately, your experiences are all to common. I encounter the same kind of crap here in Charlotte, North Carolina as you do in NYC. I just don't understand why gay guys have to be so nasty to one another. After all, the majority of the rest of the world is nasty to US! Why pick ourselves apart further? :shrug: You'd think we'd all want to band together :distress:.

I know I too ended up wandering around for years trying to find my place. Looking for guys at coffee shops, bars, the 'net, stuff like that. I was introduced to the guy I'm with now through a mutual friend... we all worked at a bank headquarters together, though in completely different departments. At first I was very hesitant, as he was older, ran in far higher circles than I did, dressed heads and tails nicer than me, drove a pricey car... all the hallmarks of the type of "fags" I normally avoid at all costs. But the book turned out to be far, far different than it's cover. So you might want to take a chance on something that you might normally brush off.

I do know what you mean about going into hiding too. I hardly show my face in my town anymore either. I've gained some weight, and am not dating one of the poster boys like I used to. I'd be immediate fodder for the glitterati set. I shouldn't give a damn, but people can be so cruel... so I just don't give them that chance.
this is so funny because I have seen this kind of stuff over and over again. I've never really "fit in" with any one group. I never really know how to act around a bunch of gay people. I'm just myself. I definitely don't fit into any one category. but I feel like I'm always judged because I'm either too fem or not fem enough or wear too much makeup or not edgy enough, etc. etc. I've always been the floater among lots of different crowds for that reason, but I've had my share of haters. what I love is to see them now. I've managed to maintain my divinty, and they just look like tired, haggard morons. lol. I've always had the "to the left, to the left" kind of attitude anyway.

[mylittledemon]

I agree.


Well like I said above, he's deleted the PM... so now it's all hearsay. There's no point in stirring the pot further. :shrug:

[JazmenFlowers]

Well like I said above, he's deleted the PM... so now it's all hearsay. There's no point in stirring the pot further. :shrug:
maybe I'm just being nosy. :p

[mylittledemon]

:lol:

well, it's not a sin.

[vivfox]

Unfortunately, your experiences are all to common. I just don't understand why gay guys have to be so nasty to one another. After all, the majority of the rest of the world is nasty to US! Why pick ourselves apart further? :shrug: You'd think we'd all want to band together :distress:.


Louie, you are such a good writer. All the posts you've made in every forum for the last couple of months are very enjoyable to read. The part I highlighted is the way I've felt all my life. Thank you for sharing how you feel too.

[louielouie2000]

this is so funny because I have seen this kind of stuff over and over again. I've never really "fit in" with any one group. I never really know how to act around a bunch of gay people. I'm just myself. I definitely don't fit into any one category. but I feel like I'm always judged because I'm either too fem or not fem enough or wear too much makeup or not edgy enough, etc. etc.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm probably on the more masculine end of the scale: I like cars, boating, snow skiing, hiking, classic rock (no Lady Gaga for me! :laugh:), don't care much for the gay scene, etc. But I don't fit in with the real masculine guys either, because I hate sports, act silly, am not a gym rat, or a log cabin Republican. Oh well, I'm supremely happy with who I am, and am very comfortable in my skin. People who are nasty enough to insult others are just showing how insecure they really are. And to each their own I say... our differences is what keeps life interesting! :wavey:

[fringed n fab]

I agree.

this is so funny because I have seen this kind of stuff over and over again. I've never really "fit in" with any one group. I never really know how to act around a bunch of gay people. I'm just myself. I definitely don't fit into any one category. but I feel like I'm always judged because I'm either too fem or not fem enough or wear too much makeup or not edgy enough, etc. etc. I've always been the floater among lots of different crowds for that reason, but I've had my share of haters. what I love is to see them now. I've managed to maintain my divinty, and they just look like tired, haggard morons. lol. I've always had the "to the left, to the left" kind of attitude anyway. I can understand this because I have always been the same way. I was just always myself around people and never fitting in, although I always had more straight friends than I ever did gay ones and it kind of confuses people when I say that. It's not that I planned things that way, it's just the way things always were. And from the things you guys are telling me, I'm glad I haven't had to deal with such a mean, rude gay bunch. But I know not all of us are that way. I could never be so mean to any man who is trying to politely flirt with me or kindly pick me up. If I didn't like someone or accept their advances, I would simply deal with it the same polite way that women have done since the beginning of time with men. There are ways to refuse someone politely without being so mean. I don't want to seem like I'm talking about "my people" but I'm just glad I've never had to deal with some's cattiness. I hope I made sense.

[DavidMn]

I just dont feel like giving this person the attention they seek. I'm really over it but I did send PM the name of this person to one member. I will say the person who PM'd me has barely any posts here. And I should've known that they probably completely made up the whole "I've gotten several pm's from other's saying the same thing about you." I'm just sensitive and easily riled up. I should just ignore this BS which is what I'm going to do from now on.:nod: I really enjoy hearing the stories of how alot of u guys out there are trying to be just yourselves. It's good to know I'm not the only one that has that attitude. For me, I AM very much into sports, especially baseball, my 2 favorite teams being the Boston Red Sox and Minnesota Twins. I get umpteen comments from guys at the bar OMG UGHHH HOW CAN U LIKE SPORTS?! I dont know if Ive told many people here this, but baseball is like my alter ego to Fleetwood Mac. As most of you know I've been to quite a few Mac related shows, and Ive also had the priveledge of having been to every major league baseball park in the country with the exception of the 2 new parks in NYC. So I guess I'm going to have to give at least 1 up to fit a boyfriend in eh?:laugh:

[DavidMn]

Oh I havent mentioned this because I dont know exactly where its going to go yet. But Ive been talking to this guy online from Long Island whos a HUGE baseball fan just like me. His name's Rick, and he's 25. He doesnt care about my age or what I look like. I couldnt believe the words that came out of his mouth when he said at only 25 that he was so tired of all the Gay bull**** just like I was... Godamnit why cant he live near me UGH!!!:lol: I'll keep everyone posted here as to how it goes. I really like him. Oh Did I mention he's Italian and knows how to cook some mean Veal Parmigiana!:lol: Now there's a man that knows what I love!:lol:

[DavidMn]

Didn't this happen to you before David? I'm having a case of deja vu here. Seems that you started a very similar thread a couple years back & got a mean PM then too? Maybe it was someone else. :shrug:Yeah it was. I dont remember that person's sn, but they made comments to me in a pm after supposedly seeing me in Las Vegas for Stevie in 2005.

[skcin]

Well because unfortunately, the PM has been deleted, so now it's hearsay.

Yes, it is. Too bad.

I know exactly what you mean. I'm probably on the more masculine end of the scale: I like cars, boating, snow skiing, hiking, classic rock (no Lady Gaga for me! :laugh:), don't care much for the gay scene, etc. But I don't fit in with the real masculine guys either, because I hate sports, act silly, am not a gym rat, or a log cabin Republican. Oh well, I'm supremely happy with who I am, and am very comfortable in my skin. People who are nasty enough to insult others are just showing how insecure they really are. And to each their own I say... our differences is what keeps life interesting! :wavey:

Why don't you & David hook up? :shrug: Sports, classic rock, don't like the gay scene or the gym. Sounds like you two are meant for eachother.

Yeah it was. I dont remember that person's sn, but they made comments to me in a pm after supposedly seeing me in Las Vegas for Stevie in 2005.

Good to know I'm not losing my mind. I thought this all sounded really really familiar.

[louielouie2000]

Why don't you & David hook up? :shrug: Sports, classic rock, don't like the gay scene or the gym. Sounds like you two are meant for eachother.


Because I've been happily "married" for 3 years now. Thanks for thinking of me tho! ;)

[skcin]

Because I've been happily "married" for 3 years now. Thanks for thinking of me tho! ;)

Aw. And here I thought I was going to be a matchmaker. :angel:

[vivfox]

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[Enchanted_Stevi]

David, who ever said that is an asshole. Seriously, looks arent everything. They help a little bit, but they arent everything. Your such a nice guy!! Dont listen to that person. Put them on ignore. I cant believe they would have the balls and tell you that and not even be anonymous.

Anyway, from what I have been reading there was been some good advice. Try not to LOOK for the right person. I wasnt looking for someone to date mostly because I've been trying to concentrate more on school, but it just happened that I started dating my best friend. We're still dating and its almost 4 months and we're madly in love. So just dont try to look for the person. Go out to gay clubs or bars or get togethers and just meet people and who knows.

GOOD LUCK DAVID!!