Mad4stevie
01-06-2009, 10:41 PM
Ok - so this is way long - but I seriously can use some input from people who are not personally connected to the situation.
I am 6 months out from my destination wedding in Jamaica. My finacee and I are spending a week on the South Coast of Jamaica in private villas with 30 family and friends and getting married at the end of the week. We are planning all of this on our own because we are not getting married at a typical resort, so we don't have a wedding coordinator on site. So . . .
My FMIL (future mother in law) has been an absolute bitch since my fiancee and I have decided to do this whole destination wedding thing and informed them of it this past summer. By way of background . . . she is my finacee's stepmother - his mother died after battling cancer when he was 12 years old (25 years ago), and this woman was waiting in the wings to scoop up his dad right after his mom died (this woman was my fiancee's brother's 2nd grade teacher at the time). They got married less than one year after his mom died. Because of how screwed up that situation was, my fiancee has always had a strained relationship with her.
So, ever since we decided to get married in Jamaica, she has been negative, condescending and critical. Nothing but negativity from her no matter what the topic. She is pissed because she wants to prance around like a peacock at a wedding in New York (where she lives) in front of all her friends. It is ALWAYS about her. Anyway, at this time in the planning process, we have received all the RSVPs from guests who are going to stay with us in the villas, and have potentially assigned rooms to those guests who have paid a deposit to us. We thought it would be an appropriate thing to stay in what we perceive to be the best villa, along with our parents and bridal party (we only have one attendant each). We have always told everyone that this is the plan and there was no disagreement about it until . . .
We went up to NY the second weekend in December for my fiancee's birthday and we out to brunch with his stepmother, father and brother. During the brunch, FMIL asks me where people are staying. My fiancee repeats what we have always told them that they are staying with us and my parents in a villa and that the other family members coming are staying in another villa. She says to me in front of everyone, "I don't want to sound mean, and even though we have met your parents, we don't know them and don't want to stay with them". Umm . . . WHAT???? My fiancee's brother had a look of horror on his face, and my FFIL (future father in law) was just spacing out (he rarely listens to her anymore). My fiancee tried to explain why we had this arrangement, and she then repeated that she wanted to stay in a particular room at a particular villa. Frankly, I couldn't be happier that this woman is not going to stay with us. Both my fiancee and I prefer it. She then says that she is paying her way and it is a vacation for her and she should get to stay where she wants. It was an extremely uncomfortable brunch to say the least. When we returned to his parent's home the insults continued:
- I was told that my bridesmaid dress choice was not good for her daughter (my fiancee's half-sister), and that she would only wear certain colors
- I was told that I would have no idea what dress style would be appropriate because her daughter had big boobs, and I don't
- She told me that we had better not ask for any contribution because they don't have any money to help out
- That I should been doing more planning now, even though I teach law at the college level and work about 60 hours a week and really only have the time during school breaks (like now over the holidays)
- That my job shouldn't be used as an excuse because she used to be a 2nd grade teacher and my job is no different than her job used to be and she had plenty of time off
Ok, so whatever . . . I think I was actually the least offended compared to my fiancee and his brother (who confronted the father and stepmother after my fiancee and I left saying how rude she was).
So we do the Christmas thing where we try to make both families happy by driving all over creation on Christmas. We spend Christmas Eve and morning with my family and then drive for 4 1/2 hours to New York to see his family. They were told not to wait for us because we didn't know what time we would be arriving. We got there around 8 pm. We went inside and she completely ignored us for the first 1 1/2 hours, other than to order me to sit down. I find out that she has bought a new huge flat screen tv, a Wii and a brand new Honda Pilot (wow where did she get the $$$ for those things?)
She then finally breaks her silence to tell us that they we waiting for us all day to open presents and we should unwrap them now. So, I get a gift card (I was told to use them to purchase my pot and pans on my registry) and another bag that has a 3 piece towel set inside. I was thinking that it was another gift from our registery, and then she says, "These towels are for you to bring with you when you come to the lake cottage and then take with you when you leave so you won't dirty our towels". WTF?!? I sat there thinking what the hell do I say to that? The thing is, my fiancee owns an equal share in the cottage and pays his part of the mortgage each month. And this woman has the nerve to give us towels to use when we visit a home in which he is a part owner? :mad:
She says nothing to us the rest of the night. The next morning, before she leaves for her trip down to Hilton Head, she barges into our room and wakes us from a dead sleep and tells us how inconsiderate we are for not putting up all pictures of our family on our website and that her friends have been calling her and wondering why my fiancee's sister isn't on the site yet! This is ridiculous because there aren't any other siblings on the site yet! She saids her daughter cried and felt like she wasn't important enough to be on the site. :rolleyes: So my fiancee gets up out of bed and tells her that this comment is not appropriate. She freaks out on him and tells him she has been a mother to him and that he is just a selfish jerk. Several other things were said concerning how we are handling our plans, and several other snide comments were made to my fiancee.
So now my fiancee is so pissed that he wants to tell her she cannot attend the wedding. Needless to say, he says we are never going there with her behaving this way toward me and him. Frankly, I have grown to intensely dislike this woman, and I am trying to figure out a way to keep her out of the loop. Unfortunately, there are things like our at home reception that she thinks she will be helping my mom with, as well as a bridal shower. I don't want to be anywhere near this woman. How do I extricate myself from this??
I am 6 months out from my destination wedding in Jamaica. My finacee and I are spending a week on the South Coast of Jamaica in private villas with 30 family and friends and getting married at the end of the week. We are planning all of this on our own because we are not getting married at a typical resort, so we don't have a wedding coordinator on site. So . . .
My FMIL (future mother in law) has been an absolute bitch since my fiancee and I have decided to do this whole destination wedding thing and informed them of it this past summer. By way of background . . . she is my finacee's stepmother - his mother died after battling cancer when he was 12 years old (25 years ago), and this woman was waiting in the wings to scoop up his dad right after his mom died (this woman was my fiancee's brother's 2nd grade teacher at the time). They got married less than one year after his mom died. Because of how screwed up that situation was, my fiancee has always had a strained relationship with her.
So, ever since we decided to get married in Jamaica, she has been negative, condescending and critical. Nothing but negativity from her no matter what the topic. She is pissed because she wants to prance around like a peacock at a wedding in New York (where she lives) in front of all her friends. It is ALWAYS about her. Anyway, at this time in the planning process, we have received all the RSVPs from guests who are going to stay with us in the villas, and have potentially assigned rooms to those guests who have paid a deposit to us. We thought it would be an appropriate thing to stay in what we perceive to be the best villa, along with our parents and bridal party (we only have one attendant each). We have always told everyone that this is the plan and there was no disagreement about it until . . .
We went up to NY the second weekend in December for my fiancee's birthday and we out to brunch with his stepmother, father and brother. During the brunch, FMIL asks me where people are staying. My fiancee repeats what we have always told them that they are staying with us and my parents in a villa and that the other family members coming are staying in another villa. She says to me in front of everyone, "I don't want to sound mean, and even though we have met your parents, we don't know them and don't want to stay with them". Umm . . . WHAT???? My fiancee's brother had a look of horror on his face, and my FFIL (future father in law) was just spacing out (he rarely listens to her anymore). My fiancee tried to explain why we had this arrangement, and she then repeated that she wanted to stay in a particular room at a particular villa. Frankly, I couldn't be happier that this woman is not going to stay with us. Both my fiancee and I prefer it. She then says that she is paying her way and it is a vacation for her and she should get to stay where she wants. It was an extremely uncomfortable brunch to say the least. When we returned to his parent's home the insults continued:
- I was told that my bridesmaid dress choice was not good for her daughter (my fiancee's half-sister), and that she would only wear certain colors
- I was told that I would have no idea what dress style would be appropriate because her daughter had big boobs, and I don't
- She told me that we had better not ask for any contribution because they don't have any money to help out
- That I should been doing more planning now, even though I teach law at the college level and work about 60 hours a week and really only have the time during school breaks (like now over the holidays)
- That my job shouldn't be used as an excuse because she used to be a 2nd grade teacher and my job is no different than her job used to be and she had plenty of time off
Ok, so whatever . . . I think I was actually the least offended compared to my fiancee and his brother (who confronted the father and stepmother after my fiancee and I left saying how rude she was).
So we do the Christmas thing where we try to make both families happy by driving all over creation on Christmas. We spend Christmas Eve and morning with my family and then drive for 4 1/2 hours to New York to see his family. They were told not to wait for us because we didn't know what time we would be arriving. We got there around 8 pm. We went inside and she completely ignored us for the first 1 1/2 hours, other than to order me to sit down. I find out that she has bought a new huge flat screen tv, a Wii and a brand new Honda Pilot (wow where did she get the $$$ for those things?)
She then finally breaks her silence to tell us that they we waiting for us all day to open presents and we should unwrap them now. So, I get a gift card (I was told to use them to purchase my pot and pans on my registry) and another bag that has a 3 piece towel set inside. I was thinking that it was another gift from our registery, and then she says, "These towels are for you to bring with you when you come to the lake cottage and then take with you when you leave so you won't dirty our towels". WTF?!? I sat there thinking what the hell do I say to that? The thing is, my fiancee owns an equal share in the cottage and pays his part of the mortgage each month. And this woman has the nerve to give us towels to use when we visit a home in which he is a part owner? :mad:
She says nothing to us the rest of the night. The next morning, before she leaves for her trip down to Hilton Head, she barges into our room and wakes us from a dead sleep and tells us how inconsiderate we are for not putting up all pictures of our family on our website and that her friends have been calling her and wondering why my fiancee's sister isn't on the site yet! This is ridiculous because there aren't any other siblings on the site yet! She saids her daughter cried and felt like she wasn't important enough to be on the site. :rolleyes: So my fiancee gets up out of bed and tells her that this comment is not appropriate. She freaks out on him and tells him she has been a mother to him and that he is just a selfish jerk. Several other things were said concerning how we are handling our plans, and several other snide comments were made to my fiancee.
So now my fiancee is so pissed that he wants to tell her she cannot attend the wedding. Needless to say, he says we are never going there with her behaving this way toward me and him. Frankly, I have grown to intensely dislike this woman, and I am trying to figure out a way to keep her out of the loop. Unfortunately, there are things like our at home reception that she thinks she will be helping my mom with, as well as a bridal shower. I don't want to be anywhere near this woman. How do I extricate myself from this??