Your families

[amber]

What is the make up of your family? What you consider your immediate family? What people constitute the family you spent the most time with? Feel free to post pics.

I was just tripping out again on someone's fam. Or everyone's. I'm always amazed at how big everyone's fam is. In my fam, for 15 years, it was just me as the kid, and then some adults (on my mom's side, which is the only one we ever visited on holidays). It was me, my nonna (grandma), her sister my great aunt, my uncle and possibly his girlfriend, my aunt, and that was basically it until I was 15 and my mom's 2 siblings finally had some kids. And, I won't even ever have nieces and nephews since I am an only child. Just cousins. Who are all 15 years younger than me.
Other people have these voluminous families that they can't even keep track of.
Cousins, nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, blah blah forever. So many family members I can't even imagine. I've known people who have "discovered" they have family members they didn't know about before. Sure, that is Oakland, and lots of people are related, but it trips me out. I never had so many relatives! :shocked:

I practically was my family for 15 years. At least I was the reason they gathered together. It was so small, and so lovely, all the holidays. Random adults, plus me, the focal point, the one that the family members actually liked (because everyone likes a kid). I've just come to learn that most families are bigger, expotentially. I wonder how that works.
My dad's fam was more expotential, but I didn't ever really get to know them.

It is hard for me to fathom families where you don't know some of them, and you only meet them once a year when you all get together for the reunion.

I always thought family was so insular and easy to comprehend, because mine was. It was me, and a handful of adults gathered to make holiday things special for me, while they visit with each other, even though lots of them didn't actually like each other. But they all thought food and holidays were important, and they still wanted to see the family members they had grudges against. Or, if they didn't, they would do it anyway, for me. And it would be fun and cool. Like, real holiday style. There would be a big production, with the meal and the visit. My grandma was serious about the meals for the holidays, like any good Italian grandma would be. It was all epic. Epic and delicious and ceremonial.
And why shouldn't it be, if only 8 or so people are in attendance.

Which is my point - tell me about your families, and their size, and their traditions, etc.
These are the favorite memories of my family, where we got together to eat for holidays. It was truly magical. We put out all the stops. Plus, we were all supposed to be Catholic, and we were all Italian, so any Jesus occasion was our forte. Food and God, I tells you what. lol.

But my truth isn't the truth of everyone. Everyone else has bigger families and different traditions.


But how is it for the bigger fams? When it isn't self contained? When there are cousins for miles?
It boggles my tiny mind.
In the way that I want everyone to share their stories and possibly post pics.

I'm just saying this all because I think that if I feel so strongly about my weird family holiday things, others will have just as great holiday traditions and possibly recipes to share.
Holiday traditions are the unsung gold of human experience. For reals.

Like, I can't fricking wait to hear the weird dishes my non Italian cousins from the south bring to light. (yeah, I'm talking about you, Jaz & Michelle).

And just in general what constitutes "family" to others.

Food and holidays and its rituals are important, don't make me come over there!!!
Peace and snacks out -
I could edit, but Night Moves just came on the radio. Can't miss that singing opp.

[jannieC]

I am in a similar situation. Growing up, it was always just my parents, brother, sister, and me. Both of my parents were only children, so I have never had any aunts, uncles, or cousins. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was nine. My father died when I was 17.

As a teenager, I dated a boy for about five years. He was Polish and had a HUGE family. Holiday gatherings were so foreign to me. While I sort of enjoyed them, they overwhelmed me. SO many people; kids running around, people laughing and yelling- I always needed a nap when it was over.

I've been with my husband for 12 years, and his family has kind of become mine now. Christmas is a big deal in this family- lots of food and lots of presents (which at first was weird for me, but I've grown used to it over time).

I don't have much more to share and since you wanted to hear from folks with big families, I'll let others chime in now. :)

[markolas]

I don't speak to any of my relatives, currently; mostly because my mother is a very toxic person and I finally realized that a functional relationship with her was just not possible. Anyway.

My mother has a large extended family, though they're all starting to die off now; her mother is one of 6 children (only 3 are still living) and we usually saw them at Xmas and a few other times during the year, but otherwise were not especially close. My mother has one sister who is (what's the PC term?) mentally challenged. And my dad has one brother who didn't have kids until he was in his 40s, so growing up, I didn't have any first cousins, or really any relatives besides my younger brother who were close to my age.

My dad's parents (who are well into their 80s now) are the only relatives I can say I really like. My mom's parents (her dad passed away several years ago) were both big-time alcoholics, and as a result of that, I wound up not having too much respect for my grandmother or my mother for leaving us kids in her care.

Older brother is an ultra-conservative Southern Baptist minister, which as you can imagine interacts wonderfully with my homosexuality. :rolleyes: The last few times I've seen him, you could've cut the tension with a knife. Finally, I just decided I didn't need the stress anymore. Younger brother is just a weed-head and a layabout.

Last year when my mother called and left a nasty message on my work voicemail, I officially disowned her. But that had been about 15 years in the making. I'm happy that others have functional relationships with their families, but mine has been nothing short of toxic.

[sara1998]

I am an only child also. My mothers side of the family always lived in the south, so holidays were spent with my dad's side, meaning, my grandparents, an aunt, uncle and collectively 4 cousins. Then my moms family moved up here when I was 18. I don't really get along with them too much except for my grandfather and his second wife. Anyhow, my dads parents passed and I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on that side, and my moms parents passed, and I really don't talk to anyone on that side except my moms little brother, and my step grandmother. So, now, my family ultimately consists of my girls, my parents, and an uncle and step grandmother. That's all I'll claim anyway.

[danax6]

Let's see. I've stopped talking to my mother -and her family- a long time ago. In fact, I don't even consider her, or them, my family. I hardly even know them. She had two kids after us, so I do have two little brothers, who I adore immensely. They're the only reason I ever drive up there.

Then there's my non-biological mom, who I've always considered my real mom. She passed away two years ago. She had a daughter, we all grew up together, I consider her my little sister.

I am very close to my real sister. She and I even share an apartment. Very close to my dad also.

My dad comes from a big family. I only see my grandmother now and then, for bingo nights. I'd have to say that 80% of his family I've never even met. I have 9 aunts and uncles from his side, and at least 50 cousins, if not more, but I know maybe 2 or 3. I used to be very close to one of my aunts, she lived down the street, but she moved to Belgium a few years ago, and since then we've barely had contact.

I recently joined a Dutch website, equivalent to MySpace, and I keep getting all these messages from people over the country saying 'hey, we're family! how are you?' I never respond.

In short: I only really consider my two sisters, my two brothers and my dad family. My dad's best friend, who he's known for 45 years, and two of his other friends are all people that stepped in when my mother left and helped my dad out when we were little. I consider them family also.

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

[jannieC]

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

I agree with this. All of my "aunts" and "uncles" were close friends of my parent's.

[sara1998]

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

My oldest daughter isn't my daughter, but my biological daughters half sister. I consider my oldest my own.

[suzyvermoesen]

My family is really small. I'm an only child and have 1 cousin who is 9 years older than me and who i never ever see.
Both my parents are still alive and i see them every couple of weeks. They were never particularly close to the rest of the (small) family, except my mom who adored her father (he passed away in 1984). All my grandparents have died and apart from my mother and father, and my cousin, i have one aunt left who is my fathers' sister , but whom i also never see.
My husband comes from a large family of 5 kids, but some of them are not on speaking terms. I had always wanted an older brother or sister to hang out with, but when i see how my in-laws get along sometimes :eek: i guess i'm better off with a few really good friends:)
some pics:
my dad
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/P1010058.jpg

my mom
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/P1010057.jpg

my best friend and me before going to a costume party:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/101.jpg

with my lifelong friends whom i've known for 40 years (omg!)
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/4februari2007001.jpg

[sara1998]

Just an excuse to show off my girls... I love them so!

http://i18.tinypic.com/6ly8cnm.jpg

[sasja]

Sara your girls are wonderful :D

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/tanjalalie/478B0222.jpg

Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

[jannieC]

Sara your girls are wonderful :D

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/tanjalalie/478B0222.jpg

Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

Holee Sh*t- I need a nap after just looking at that! Wow, what it is like to have that much family? Are the periodic gatherings fun?

[sara1998]

Sara your girls are wonderful :D

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/tanjalalie/478B0222.jpg

Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

Thank you!

You are blessed. My family is so small; if I had a family that size, everyone would need to wear a name tag.... hello, my name is ______. :laugh:

[suzyvermoesen]

Just an excuse to show off my girls... I love them so!

http://i18.tinypic.com/6ly8cnm.jpg

Your daughters are gorgeous !

[suzyvermoesen]

Sara your girls are wonderful :D

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/tanjalalie/478B0222.jpg

Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

Nou moe ! I started counting them but lost count twice :laugh:

[estranged4life]

My family, On both of my parents sides, is quite large. My Dad's family consisted of 6 boys and 4 girls (All of my aunts are living and excluding my Dad and an Uncle all the males are living - I wished I had a working scanner to add their family for y'all to see - Typical Irish/Cherokee family) whereas Mom's family was small 2 girls and 1 boy. I have so many frikkin' cousins I have lost count (About 40-45) some even whom I do not know...

I have 2 older brothers (One full blood and one half-brother) and 4 older half-sisters (Two by Dad, Of one who had passed away back in 1989 and 2 by Mom) so I am the youngest. I have 2 nieces and 5 nephews and coming someday soon I will have a daughter (Via my lady Christy) who is a very intelligent 10 year old.

Lost both my Grand-fathers in 1977 (Along with my Dad), My Grandmothers in 1994 & 1998 and my Mom in March 2005 (As most of y'all know from the thread I started)

[sara1998]

Your daughters are gorgeous !
Thank you so much!
Nou moe ! I started counting them but lost count twice :laugh:
I counted 70...

[rbs3676]

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past summer and we had a huge family celebration at my parents summer home in Colorado.
I am extremely close to my parents -- they are such wonderful, sweet people and I adore them to no end. I live about 10 minutes away from them.
I am the oldest of three children. Both of my siblings are married. My brother lives about 7 minutes away from me and has has two daughters who I am very close to. My sister has two daughters and a son. They live about 4 hours away so we don't see them as often as we'd like.
My Mom was an only child so there are nothing but cousins are her side. My Dad is from Boston and had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I'm pretty tight with one of my aunts and her daughter (my favorite cousin). I try to see them every summer in Cape Cod and we talk on the phone all of the time.
Family is very important to me.

The picture attached was taken last fall at my family's ranch.

rbs

[Sarah]

meh.

I would consider my "immediate" family to be my mom, dad, and older sister. Well, now I guess I count my brother-in-law as well.

I have one aunt on my mom's side... they are super close, so as a rule, we're close as well I suppose. My aunt has 2 daughters and my mom has 2 daughters, and growing up it was kind of like 4 sisters, because we'd always be at my grandmother's house. My aunt's oldest daughter is the oldest of all of us, and I am the youngest... the total distance of age is 10 years. My sister is next (she's 8 years older), then my other cousin (6 years older), then me. They always picked on me like ****ing hell... it's probably the primary reason I am so feisty. It only took me a few years to learn how to fight back. Other than my step-uncle's family members, this is it for this side of the family pretty much. Since my grandparents passed away, we never see their siblings and families anymore.. and truth be told, I don't like going to family gatherings and talking to everyone anyway. It's embarassing when they start talking about me when I was little. And when all the memories start coming back up, I start getting picked on again. I can't tell you how many holidays have been ruined for me because they think it's just so goddamn funny to pester me to death. I love my family because they're my family, but I honestly don't feel close to anyone.

My dad's side of the family is ridiculously dysfunctional. My abusive, alcoholic grandfather died before I was born. My grandmother remarried when I was quite small, but apparently that guy was an asshole, too. He got alzheimers, was in the nursing home for a long while, and died when I was probably like.. 8 or so. When he went in the nursing home, my great aunt moved in to live with my grandmother there... so to me, I've always had a granny and a Frances on that side. As far as aunts and uncles go... my dad's oldest brother died in a bridge collapse back in the early 70s. His middle brother is married and has 2 children, a boy and a girl. His son and my sister are the same age and were close growing up.. his daughter is, i really don't know how old she is to be honest. 3 years or 4 years older maybe. Again, I'm the youngest. When one of my great aunts passed away, my dad totally just sat back and let my uncle **** us out of a boatload of inheritance money.. for the sake of not disrupting the family. It didn't really work. We don't see or talk to each other anymore. It's all just too weird. And to be really honest, despite the fact that they live literally 5 minutes away, I probably see my granny and Frances like, 4 times a year. Maybe. I've flaked out of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter for the last 4 years now. It just makes me feel like a wanker and a liar to go over there for holiday stuff.. especially if my aunt and uncle are there. Every year, we always said, let's not exchange gifts, and then did anyway. No, it shouldn't be about the gifts... but my aunt shouldn't really give my sister and I the ****ing Elizabeth Arden or Estee Lauder holiday gift set that you get when you buy someone else's present like.. 6, 7 years in a row. Gee, thanks.. this is great. I can't even ****ing take it back. Eyeroll.

It's nice to see that people enjoy their families. My parents are great. My sister and brother-in-law are great (when my sister and I aren't at each other's throats because we have clashing personalities), but they don't live close at all. My aunt is great, but she's in a different town and always busy. I hardly ever see my "sister cousins" anymore. And the oldest one is a total wingnut loon anyway now... you can't really have a conversation with her at all, she's just totally off her rocker. So yeah. I can't wait to eat turkey and stuffing, but I ****ing dread the holidays like crazy burning hell every year. I always volunteer to work so that I have an excuse to drive separately.. so I can leave early.

Being around everyone is just sensory overload, and it kicks my anxiety problems into double high gear. And with the whole family being southern Baptist... yeah. I kind of just sit there, act like I'm listening, and try to cover up the fact that I am trembling and shuddering with nervousness and anxiety. Blah. But I will say it again that my parents are really great. We've had our clashes and aren't very, very close.. but I'm not a warm person anyway. I always wish that I was.. but I just can't bring myself to hug or say I love you. I don't really know why.

[David]

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past summer and we had a huge family celebration at my parents summer home in Colorado.Wow! Your parents & my parents both celebrated their 50th this past summer (my parents in June). They got married in 1957. They were still living in St. Louis, where they were both born & reared. They moved to California in 1964.

[sara1998]

And with the whole family being southern Baptist... yeah. I kind of just sit there, act like I'm listening, and try to cover up the fact that I am trembling and shuddering with nervousness and anxiety. Blah. But I will say it again that my parents are really great. We've had our clashes and aren't very, very close.. but I'm not a warm person anyway. I always wish that I was.. but I just can't bring myself to hug or say I love you. I don't really know why.

My moms side of the family (her moms side) were all southern baptists also. That's why my grandmother and I never got along, because I'm tattood and pierced, and had a child out of wedlock. When my husband passed, she came, was pissed off because I didn't bury him in a suit and tie, and had a closed casket, and left the day before the actual funeral. That was it for me. The only reason I had contact with them after that was for my mothers sake. She even went so far as to tell the rest of the family (down south) not to send flowers... I didn't need them.

Sarah, there's nothing wrong with being distant with your family. If you don't get along with them, you just don't.

[sara1998]

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past summer and we had a huge family celebration at my parents summer home in Colorado.
I am extremely close to my parents -- they are such wonderful, sweet people and I adore them to no end. I live about 10 minutes away from them.
I am the oldest of three children. Both of my siblings are married. My brother lives about 7 minutes away from me and has has two daughters who I am very close to. My sister has two daughters and a son. They live about 4 hours away so we don't see them as often as we'd like.
My Mom was an only child so there are nothing but cousins are her side. My Dad is from Boston and had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I'm pretty tight with one of my aunts and her daughter (my favorite cousin). I try to see them every summer in Cape Cod and we talk on the phone all of the time.
Family is very important to me.

The picture attached was taken last fall at my family's ranch.

rbs

Beautiful picture. That's amazing how well you all get along. I'm happy for you.

[mylittledemon]

I'm not close to anyone outside of my immediate family (brother, sister, mother, father). If I'm close to anyone else, it'd be my Dad's father...and my mother's 2 sisters. Thats pretty much it. I dont know more than half of my family members. The majority of them, I've never met.

My friends are really my family.

[suzyvermoesen]

meh.

We've had our clashes and aren't very, very close.. but I'm not a warm person anyway. I always wish that I was.. but I just can't bring myself to hug or say I love you. I don't really know why.

I used to feel that way about myself for a long time too, untill i met my husband. Him i could hug and tell him i loved him.
I don't think i've ever told my parents that i loved them. The past couple of years i've tried hugging them and at first they kinda turned to stone when i did, but now the have loosened up a bit, especially my mom.
As a kid, growing up, there never was any hugging going on at our house. Why, i have no idea, but i'm certain that it did influence my behaviour.
What i mean to say Sarah is that, don't say you're not a warm person, cause i think deep inside you are. It just takes the right people to bring that out.
here's a start ::xoxo:

[danax6]

but I'm not a warm person anyway. I always wish that I was.. but I just can't bring myself to hug or say I love you. I don't really know why.Same here, babe. Nobody in my family really is, but we have a way of showing it without all the mushy, touchy feely crap. Besides, we just know. But it has caused a lot of problems with guys and even friends over the years.

[Miss Vicky]

My family is pretty small. There's just me, my parents and my (older) brother. I still live at home, so in terms of proximity I am very close to my parents, but mostly my family just sort of tolerates each other. That's not to say that we don't love each other but we see eye to eye on almost nothing and pretty much all just do our own thing. My brother lives in Washington, so I rarely see him.

As for extended family, there isn't anyone left alive on my mother's side. On my father's side I have three uncles, two aunts (by marriage) and several cousins as well as my grandmother, but I really only ever see them at Christmas (and sometimes not even then).

[GypsySorcerer]

I'm an only child, and my mother is also. So on her side, the only "immediate" family I have is my grandmother. She lived several hours away when I was growing up, so I only saw her about twice a year. She has since moved back near my parents, but I only go home about twice a year. I don't really feel I know her all that well, but I am grateful for her relatively good health and strong mind.

On my dad's side, both of my grandparents are still living, plus there's two aunts and four cousins. We aren't particularly close, although I love them all and I was closer to them growing up. Our family (my mom, dad and I) are sort of the outsiders. The rest of them all live by each other and are very similar in terms of ideas and thoughts. The dissimilarities between us and them caused some problems over the years, though things stay relatively peaceful now.

[Sarah]

thanks for the nice comments guys. you're sweet.

i kind of understand what you mean about turning to stone, suzy. my dad is like that. he's definitely the silent, Marine Corps vet who says a total of about 5 words per day. if we're out and about.. say if we go shopping with mom or something and he and i are standing around waiting for her to just come the hell on alreadyyyy he'll throw his arm around my shoulder or something, but other than that i can't really remember the last time we hugged.

i just feel bad because of my mom though... she's the really sweet, emotional type. i know she wants to be hugged and all that stuff.. i just can't do it. i pick up my little dog to give her a hug, and my mom is like... "everyone likes the dog more than me." :distress: that makes me feel bad.. but a little dog is different, i think. not that a mother isn't unconditional love.. baaahh.. i don't know. i write her cards for her birthday and mother's day to tell her that i love her and i'm sorry that i'm not as sweet.. but i still feel like a bad daughter almost all of the time. (especially since my sister has always been perfect, perfect, perfect. eyerolllllllll.)

[sara1998]

(especially since my sister has always been perfect, perfect, perfect. eyerolllllllll.)

So ****ing glad I didn't have siblings.....

[Chrislit18]

My immediate family is very small.
I live with just my mother. and I am an only child [woohoo!!!]
Then again, I do count my cats as family, because I love them so much. :D

I see my dad once [hopefully gonna begin to be twice] a month. He is married, but no other children.

My paternal grandparents have both passed away, I never met my grandmother on that side, but I was pretty close to my grandfather on that side. He passed when I was turning 8, about a month before.]

My maternal grandparents are like my second family. I was wicked close to my grandfather on that side, he was like my father, but he passed away last year. And my grandmother and I have always been really close. We go out to eat with her like 3 times a week.

I have a crap load of extended family, but nothing special there.

My mom and I are like....sisters almost though. Like, shes only my mom when she wants to lecture me about stuff. We're wicked close, and I can talk to her about anything, and we're like best friends. We joke around so much, and I have more fun with her than with my schoolfriends [SHH!! haha].

I would love to post a pic of me and my mom, but I dont have one...well not recent.
Ill get one tonight, I have to show her how to use my camera anyway. haha.

[sara1998]

My mom and I are like....sisters almost though. Like, shes only my mom when she wants to lecture me about stuff. We're wicked close, and I can talk to her about anything, and we're like best friends. We joke around so much, and I have more fun with her than with my schoolfriends [SHH!! haha].

That's absolutely amazing. I'm so happy to hear that. My stepdaughter and I are really close like that.

[Chrislit18]

That's absolutely amazing. I'm so happy to hear that. My stepdaughter and I are really close like that.
yeah. I really love my mom.
I think that if all the kids my age had relationships with their parents like I do with my mom, then kids wouldnt be so mean.

I think that the kids who are mean at school are just mean to get attention, because they dont get it at home :(

[sara1998]

yeah. I really love my mom.
I think that if all the kids my age had relationships with their parents like I do with my mom, then kids wouldnt be so mean.

I think that the kids who are mean at school are just mean to get attention, because they dont get it at home :(

And there are lots of other things they do to get attention, too, because they're not getting any at home. Trust me, I've seen the difference in someone since she's moved in.

[mylittledemon]

thanks for the nice comments guys. you're sweet.

i just feel bad because of my mom though... she's the really sweet, emotional type. i know she wants to be hugged and all that stuff.. i just can't do it. i pick up my little dog to give her a hug, and my mom is like... "everyone likes the dog more than me." :distress: that makes me feel bad.. but a little dog is different, i think. not that a mother isn't unconditional love.. baaahh.. i don't know. i write her cards for her birthday and mother's day to tell her that i love her and i'm sorry that i'm not as sweet.. but i still feel like a bad daughter almost all of the time. (especially since my sister has always been perfect, perfect, perfect. eyerolllllllll.)

You'll regret all that non-hugging. Its the "stupid" things like that that you remember when they're gone.

[Sarah]

You'll regret all that non-hugging. Its the "stupid" things like that that you remember when they're gone.

Thanks for wrapping it up into a nice little package with a stupid little bow on top for me. Eff off. :rolleyes:

[danax6]

You'll regret all that non-hugging. Its the "stupid" things like that that you remember when they're gone.Stupid, eh? Okay.

[JazmenFlowers]

I don't really have the energy to go way into my family structure, but my immediate family is my mom, dad and younger brother.

[sara1998]

Thanks for wrapping it up into a nice little package with a stupid little bow on top for me. Eff off. :rolleyes:

Stupid, eh? Okay.

Yeah, he has such an eloquent way of putting things....

[mylittledemon]

Thanks for wrapping it up into a nice little package with a stupid little bow on top for me. Eff off. :rolleyes:

Its true! Dont be so cold hearted.

[mylittledemon]

Yeah, he has such an eloquent way of putting things....

If eloquent was a requirement to be on these boards, I dont think any of us would be here (with the exception of ChiliD) HA!

[Sarah]

Its true! Dont be so cold hearted.

Seriously?

Are you serious?

Save your fairy-tale bull**** for someone who gives a damn about your judgement. I certainly don't. And I don't appreciate you acting like you know me. The offer still stands. **** off. That **** just made me angry.

[mylittledemon]

Seriously?

Are you serious?

Save your fairy-tale bull**** for someone who gives a damn about your judgement. I certainly don't. And I don't appreciate you acting like you know me. The offer still stands. **** off. That **** just made me angry.

No, frankly I wasnt really being that serious. I WAS joking around with you, with about 20% truth behind it...but you seem to want me to change tone by your bitchy response so I'll indulge.

Fairy tale bull**** huh? It was really more me trying to point out a better way to behave in your situation that, frankly, doesnt SEEM so bad. My dad died in Aug 2006. All the "stupid" things I was referring to are the silly things that dont mean a damn to anyone else. Thats the stuff I remember the most.

I wasnt judging you, Sarah. You said you felt sorry for your mother cause she needs to be hugged, but you cant bring yourself to give her that attention. Sounds like a selfish way to behave to me...but I didnt say that, you said it yourself. I'd say "cold hearted" was a decent assumption based on what you said. Again, it was mostly in jest.

And no, I dont know you. Sorry to have responded to the topic you started, in a manner that didnt make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Lighten up.

[danax6]

Its true! Dont be so cold hearted.I can't even find the right words to respond to this BS.

[jannieC]

No, frankly I wasnt really being that serious. I WAS joking around with you, with about 20% truth behind it...but you seem to want me to change tone by your bitchy response so I'll indulge.

Fairy tale bull**** huh? It was really more me trying to point out a better way to behave in your situation that, frankly, doesnt SEEM so bad. My dad died in Aug 2006. All the "stupid" things I was referring to are the silly things that dont mean a damn to anyone else. Thats the stuff I remember the most.

I wasnt judging you, Sarah. You said you felt sorry for your mother cause she needs to be hugged, but you cant bring yourself to give her that attention. Sounds like a selfish way to behave to me...but I didnt say that, you said it yourself. I'd say "cold hearted" was a decent assumption based on what you said. Again, it was mostly in jest.

And no, I dont know you. Sorry to have responded to the topic you started, in a manner that didnt make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Lighten up.

Not everyone's family experiences are the same, which is strongly evidenced by this thread, right? Losing a close family member at a young age brings out a lot of guilt and also a bit of resentment to those who don't seem to be appreciating what they have. I understand this because I lost my father when I was 17 and I do remember feeling that way. That being said, Sarah's feelings and experiences are her own. Maybe if you had said "silly" instead of "stupid", she would have interpreted it differently.

[Sarah]

No, frankly I wasnt really being that serious. I WAS joking around with you, with about 20% truth behind it...but you seem to want me to change tone by your bitchy response so I'll indulge.

Fairy tale bull**** huh? It was really more me trying to point out a better way to behave in your situation that, frankly, doesnt SEEM so bad. My dad died in Aug 2006. All the "stupid" things I was referring to are the silly things that dont mean a damn to anyone else. Thats the stuff I remember the most.

I wasnt judging you, Sarah. You said you felt sorry for your mother cause she needs to be hugged, but you cant bring yourself to give her that attention. Sounds like a selfish way to behave to me...but I didnt say that, you said it yourself. I'd say "cold hearted" was a decent assumption based on what you said. Again, it was mostly in jest.

And no, I dont know you. Sorry to have responded to the topic you started, in a manner that didnt make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Lighten up.

Whatever, dude. Nice backtrack.

You decided to pick one little sentence out of a very long post and basically call me stupid. Some people may be able to pick out a bit of humor that you act like you were implying, but I don't. And even if I could pull it out, it still wouldn't be funny. So yet again you've managed to post in a way that makes you sound like a judgemental ass. And I don't play that noise. I don't play it in person and I don't play it online.

I said quite clearly that I wish I could bring myself to hug them more often, and that I feel bad that I can't. BUT I CAN'T. Do you not think this is some **** that I've thought about for, oh, say, an entire lifetime? Do you think you can come along and just tell me how it is... like you can teach me to be warm? No. You can't. You don't have to come along like a little twirp with what you think is some super sage advice and try to make me feel guilty. Then, when it blows up in your face, you don't have to hang yourself up on a cross so you can act like you're trying to save me from my bitchy self.

And you know, I'm sorry that your dad died, but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to my situation. It's not like a hug doesn't work both ways, and neither of my parents are exactly jumping at the bit to give me one, either.

[mylittledemon]

Whatever, dude. Nice backtrack.

You decided to pick one little sentence out of a very long post and basically call me stupid. Some people may be able to pick out a bit of humor that you act like you were implying, but I don't. And even if I could pull it out, it still wouldn't be funny. So yet again you've managed to post in a way that makes you sound like a judgemental ass. And I don't play that noise. I don't play it in person and I don't play it online.

I said quite clearly that I wish I could bring myself to hug them more often, and that I feel bad that I can't. BUT I CAN'T. Do you not think this is some **** that I've thought about for, oh, say, an entire lifetime? Do you think you can come along and just tell me how it is... like you can teach me to be warm? No. You can't. You don't have to come along like a little twirp with what you think is some super sage advice and try to make me feel guilty. Then, when it blows up in your face, you don't have to hang yourself up on a cross so you can act like you're trying to save me from my bitchy self.

And you know, I'm sorry that your dad died, but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference to my situation. It's not like a hug doesn't work both ways, and neither of my parents are exactly jumping at the bit to give me one, either.

Right. I cant explain it any more simpler than I already did. Judgemental or not, its just my opinion. Sorry to have ruffled your feathers. What do you care so much what I think of you? You couldve just as easily ignored my comments.

But since you seem to "know me" just as much as I know you...you think that I've all the time in the free world to come on here and pass the time by being judgemental?? Further proof some of you dont understand me at all. I'm the least judgemental person in the world.

You know what? I'll hang myself on the cross now. You win. I'm an ass. Now I'll go get high and shirk responsibility.

[danax6]

I'm the least judgemental person in the world. Oh, come on. I hope you don't actually believe that.

[mylittledemon]

Oh, come on. I hope you don't actually believe that.

You are right! I hate clowns. I mean, I REALLY hate them. And what would possess anyone to want to be one? Forget it. I could never converse with an actual clown. No way. Or a midget. They remind of those flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz. So yeah...I guess I AM judgemental cause I'm sure there are super nice clowns and height-challenged folk out there. I just...couldnt be friends with them.

[Sarah]

Right. I cant explain it any more simpler than I already did. Judgemental or not, its just my opinion. Sorry to have ruffled your feathers. What do you care so much what I think of you? You couldve just as easily ignored my comments.

But since you seem to "know me" just as much as I know you...you think that I've all the time in the free world to come on here and pass the time by being judgemental?? Further proof some of you dont understand me at all. I'm the least judgemental person in the world.

You know what? I'll hang myself on the cross now. You win. I'm an ass. Now I'll go get high and shirk responsibility.

This really just made me laugh out loud. I'm the least judgemental person in the world, so I'll go get high and shirk responsibility!

What an assholeishly naive thing to say. You are seriously whack, and don't even know it! It's almost awesome in a cartoon-world type of way.

I didn't say I cared what you thought about me. I said you were pissing me off. Nor do I make any claims to understand you. I will never understand people like you, and I'm not going to try.

[danax6]

You are right! I hate clowns. I mean, I REALLY hate them. And what would possess anyone to want to be one? Forget it. I could never converse with an actual clown. No way. Or a midget. They remind of those flying monkeys from Wizard of Oz. So yeah...I guess I AM judgemental cause I'm sure there are super nice clowns and height-challenged folk out there. I just...couldnt be friends with them.Whatever. You don't really want me to start digging up some of your posts. :cool:

[mylittledemon]

Whatever. You don't really want me to start digging up some of your posts. :cool:

I'm sure you'll just take it out of context, like everything else I say seems to be.

Ps...or did you mean that I didnt really hate clowns? Cause I do. And midgets.

[mylittledemon]

This really just made me laugh out loud. I'm the least judgemental person in the world, so I'll go get high and shirk responsibility!

What an assholeishly naive thing to say. You are seriously whack, and don't even know it! It's almost awesome in a cartoon-world type of way.

I didn't say I cared what you thought about me. I said you were pissing me off. Nor do I make any claims to understand you. I will never understand people like you, and I'm not going to try.

WOW. I again, was joking. I don't smoke pot. It went over your head I guess. Which needs to be examined btw.

[Sarah]

WOW. I again, was joking. I don't smoke pot. It went over your head I guess. Which needs to be examined btw.

It didn't go over my head. It was just lame and completely unfunny. It seems like lots and lots of things in this thread are going over YOUR head though. Imagine that!

Keep insulting me. It just gives more and more proof that you are a judgemental little prick. At least I don't lie about being the douchebag that I am. Perhaps you're just in denial.

[Caliestro CD]

Which needs to be examined btw.
Klassy. ...

[mylittledemon]

It didn't go over my head. It was just lame and completely unfunny. It seems like lots and lots of things in this thread are going over YOUR head though. Imagine that!

Keep insulting me. It just gives more and more proof that you are a judgemental little prick. At least I don't lie about being the douchebag that I am. Perhaps you're just in denial.


Sorry my humour seems to elude you. Nothing in this thread went over my head. So...yeah, that made no sense.

You're not going to bait me into further argument with you. You've already made up your mind about me, and most likely, nothing is going to change that.

[mylittledemon]

Klassy. ...

and what Sarah said to me wasnt? I started off responding in the thread by giving some advice, which was met with some "**** OFF" response from Sarah. So if you want to get down to a base level and act like children, then she started it.

[mylittledemon]

That being said, Sarah's feelings and experiences are her own. Maybe if you had said "silly" instead of "stupid", she would have interpreted it differently.

I didnt mean Sarah's experiences were stupid. It was in direct response to her mothers comment amount "everyone loving the dog more than me"... Jeezas

[Sarah]

and what Sarah said to me wasnt? I started off responding in the thread by giving some advice, which was met with some "**** OFF" response from Sarah. So if you want to get down to a base level and act like children, then she started it.

Oh whatever. I said what I meant, unlike you, who insists on following up everything with, "OMG IT WAS A JOKKKKE, YOU DIDN'T GET IT?! LIGHTEN UP!"

And like I said earlier... direct comment about things I said my ass. If it was a direct comment about what my mother said about the dog, then why the **** didn't you quote that? Why did you just straight up call me a cold hearted bitch? I may very well be. But running in here and dispensing your unwanted advice in a manner that is you looking down your nose at me is a SURE FIRE WAY to get told where to stick it.

You can't even have a back and forth of any substance. You completely disregard points that are made and turn it around to look like you're totally the victim of ice princess attitude. If you want to sink to that level, fine. But YOU STARTED IT. Don't be a pathetic little liar. It's disgusting. I'm going to have to ignore you now.. but that's okay. It's not like you've ever said anything interesting or substance-filled anyway.

[mylittledemon]

Oh whatever. I said what I meant, unlike you, who insists on following up everything with, "OMG IT WAS A JOKKKKE, YOU DIDN'T GET IT?! LIGHTEN UP!"

And like I said earlier... direct comment about things I said my ass. If it was a direct comment about what my mother said about the dog, then why the **** didn't you quote that? Why did you just straight up call me a cold hearted bitch? I may very well be. But running in here and dispensing your unwanted advice in a manner that is you looking down your nose at me is a SURE FIRE WAY to get told where to stick it.

You can't even have a back and forth of any substance. You completely disregard points that are made and turn it around to look like you're totally the victim of ice princess attitude. If you want to sink to that level, fine. But YOU STARTED IT. Don't be a pathetic little liar. It's disgusting. I'm going to have to ignore you now.. but that's okay. It's not like you've ever said anything interesting or substance-filled anyway.

Half the stuff I say around here is totally tongue in cheek. Yeesh.

And I did...quote ...the part about your mother...

I'm assuming you meant because I didnt quote the direct sentence. Oh well. Sue me for not sticking to your rules of quotations. "Dispensing unwanted advice"!?! You started the thread for Chrissake. Was it not the intention to solicit responses. I'm sorry you feel like I was looking down at you, I can tell you I indeed was not. In all honesty, my first thought, when I read your initial post about your mother was "thats a shame."

I think I have figured out something...you're good a mincing words. I never called you a cold hearted bitch. You twisted what I said around to make me look like the bad guy. And you accused ME of that? Who's the one playing pathetic little games now? I simply refuse to play with you.

I won't be putting you on ignore, as I pretty much am interested in what everyone on here has to say. But if you can't take the subsequent heat (my prickish judgementalism--*rolls eyes* gimme a break), then get out of the kitchen.

[jannieC]

I didnt mean Sarah's experiences were stupid. It was in direct response to her mothers comment amount "everyone loving the dog more than me"... Jeezas

I didn't say that was your intent, I just pointed out that the wording could have been different to eliminate misunderstandings. It's probably best at this point to let the whole thing go.

[Sarah]

Half the stuff I say around here is totally tongue in cheek. Yeesh.

And I did...quote ...the part about your mother...

I'm assuming you meant because I didnt quote the direct sentence. Oh well. Sue me for not sticking to your rules of quotations. "Dispensing unwanted advice"!?! You started the thread for Chrissake. Was it not the intention to solicit responses. I'm sorry you feel like I was looking down at you, I can tell you I indeed was not. In all honesty, my first thought, when I read your initial post about your mother was "thats a shame."

I think I have figured out something...you're good a mincing words. I never called you a cold hearted bitch. You twisted what I said around to make me look like the bad guy. And you accused ME of that? Who's the one playing pathetic little games now? I simply refuse to play with you.

I won't be putting you on ignore, as I pretty much am interested in what everyone on here has to say. But if you can't take the subsequent heat (my prickish judgementalism--*rolls eyes* gimme a break), then get out of the kitchen.

I didn't start the thread, for Christ's sake. And it's not rules of quotation. It's you saying something idiotic, then backtracking and pretending like you meant something else. In one post you called me cold hearted. In another, you called me a bitch. That equals cold hearted bitch.

And it is a shame about my mother. But that's my problem to deal with. A few other people in this thread have said some really kind, thoughtful things about it... but you had to come in and ruin the whole support mechanism. Good going.

I'm done. Spare yourself the trouble of acting like I'm trying to play with you. That's just ridiculous. I'm trying to tell you WTF is up because you are completely unable to figure it out for yourself.

Sorry, Jannie.

[mylittledemon]

It's you saying something idiotic, then backtracking and pretending like you meant something else.

Umm...no, its called explaining what I meant, because you guys take what I say, and pretend it means something else.

In one post you called me cold hearted. In another, you called me a bitch. .

The cold hearted comment was in jest. I explained that. I didnt however, call you a bitch, nor would I.

[mikeschmike]

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w211/JoeLove2Sky/MakeItSTOP.jpg

[mylittledemon]

I didn't say that was your intent, I just pointed out that the wording could have been different to eliminate misunderstandings. It's probably best at this point to let the whole thing go.

Indeed. Hence, the subsequent trying to explain what I was saying.

[danax6]

http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p164/twinpalms55/random/braindamage.gif

[amber]

Hey, everyone, sorry I didn't check back for a long time, but I just began to read everything and am loving it. And from scrolling, I see people have included pictures. Sweeeet. I love pictures so much.
Anyway, I just wanted to say something because I am so happy there are so many stories shared. Assuming there isn't some multiple pages long ledge fight in the middle of this thing. :lol:
So I'm going to read it all and look at it all now. You guys rock much. Pls don't let there be a big argument...hehehehe. :wavey: I've only read a couple and one was a small family, too, which kind of warmed my heart. I kind of felt really close to all my relatives, and soaked up a lot of love there, I think because we were so small, and could pay attention to each other.
Innyways, blah blah, back to reading. :xoxo:

[amber]

I don't speak to any of my relatives, currently; mostly because my mother is a very toxic person and I finally realized that a functional relationship with her was just not possible. Anyway.

My mother has a large extended family, though they're all starting to die off now; her mother is one of 6 children (only 3 are still living) and we usually saw them at Xmas and a few other times during the year, but otherwise were not especially close. My mother has one sister who is (what's the PC term?) mentally challenged. And my dad has one brother who didn't have kids until he was in his 40s, so growing up, I didn't have any first cousins, or really any relatives besides my younger brother who were close to my age.

My dad's parents (who are well into their 80s now) are the only relatives I can say I really like. My mom's parents (her dad passed away several years ago) were both big-time alcoholics, and as a result of that, I wound up not having too much respect for my grandmother or my mother for leaving us kids in her care.

Older brother is an ultra-conservative Southern Baptist minister, which as you can imagine interacts wonderfully with my homosexuality. :rolleyes: The last few times I've seen him, you could've cut the tension with a knife. Finally, I just decided I didn't need the stress anymore. Younger brother is just a weed-head and a layabout.

Last year when my mother called and left a nasty message on my work voicemail, I officially disowned her. But that had been about 15 years in the making. I'm happy that others have functional relationships with their families, but mine has been nothing short of toxic.

I always kind of like your family stories, and feel bad for you, because they are kind of bad. Everyone, including me, thinks their family is...less than spectacular...but you really have some stuff going on with yours! I hope the few people you do like in your fam that you have been able to gain a lot of support and comfort and love from them. You're a nice slash mean guy, I think you have a good heart, so I hope you can forget about the lameness of your family like I have. My mom never spoke to my whole family again for years now, so I know what you mean. She came to her mom's funeral recently all pissed off, to dance on her grave, spouting grievances, and her sister was so mad at her for all that that she didn't talk to her. It's lame, it's all lame. You have to separate yourself from the toxic, which is what it seems you do. That is great.
I still love all my fam, even though they don't like each other. I'm the common ground, kind of, that no one had a problem with (first kid, everyone is young, yay, hurray, golden child, blah blah) and that is hard, too.
Alcoholism is devastating to a family, especially with multiple offenders.
You have room to grow, as we all do, but I think you are doing pretty darn good considering. I can feel your good intentions. Just remember always that they have nothing to do with you, really. But you can still love them without taking on their qualities or opinions, and you can love other people without them treating you as your family did.
That is the best place to be, I think, with a "problem family". Now that I'm grown up and see my fam for what they really do, I'm appalled and mystified (not always, they have lots of great qualities). But I still love them for what they gave to me before, and the good that is there now, despite the...stupid anger they all hold that I can't comprehend.
:wavey: :xoxo:

[amber]

I am an only child also. My mothers side of the family always lived in the south, so holidays were spent with my dad's side, meaning, my grandparents, an aunt, uncle and collectively 4 cousins. Then my moms family moved up here when I was 18. I don't really get along with them too much except for my grandfather and his second wife. Anyhow, my dads parents passed and I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on that side, and my moms parents passed, and I really don't talk to anyone on that side except my moms little brother, and my step grandmother. So, now, my family ultimately consists of my girls, my parents, and an uncle and step grandmother. That's all I'll claim anyway.

Wow, that is pretty similar to me, in a different geographical area. I like how you made your own family, created it and worked for it, and you guys seem pretty happy. That is my best friend (with Stevie's birthday) whole thing, and I think it is good - she is the normal one in her family, and she had kids and created a great family environment around herself and with them, and I think that while that may seem small when you are the first person to start it, it grows expotentially with great results. It might just seem like you and your daughters and a few others, but the love you sew with that goes on. It's so important, IMO. Just look at me and my nostalgia for my holidays with fam. Those were my favorite times, and one day your girls will say the same thing about their time with you, and make it happen with their own families. It's a priceless gift.

[amber]

Let's see. I've stopped talking to my mother -and her family- a long time ago. In fact, I don't even consider her, or them, my family. I hardly even know them. She had two kids after us, so I do have two little brothers, who I adore immensely. They're the only reason I ever drive up there.

Then there's my non-biological mom, who I've always considered my real mom. She passed away two years ago. She had a daughter, we all grew up together, I consider her my little sister.

I am very close to my real sister. She and I even share an apartment. Very close to my dad also.

My dad comes from a big family. I only see my grandmother now and then, for bingo nights. I'd have to say that 80% of his family I've never even met. I have 9 aunts and uncles from his side, and at least 50 cousins, if not more, but I know maybe 2 or 3. I used to be very close to one of my aunts, she lived down the street, but she moved to Belgium a few years ago, and since then we've barely had contact.

I recently joined a Dutch website, equivalent to MySpace, and I keep getting all these messages from people over the country saying 'hey, we're family! how are you?' I never respond.

In short: I only really consider my two sisters, my two brothers and my dad family. My dad's best friend, who he's known for 45 years, and two of his other friends are all people that stepped in when my mother left and helped my dad out when we were little. I consider them family also.

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

That is so true. I find it interesting that though you have a big family, you really only claim a few to be close to. But like I said before, how could you keep track of that if you never grew up with them? And there are so many? I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. :laugh: JK. It is kind of nice you have so much family, though, maybe in the future you will get to know more of them and your life could be richer for it. Not saying you should do that, just saying it is possible and could be cool. :p

You're family reminds me of the Oakland families - everyone is your cousin. haha.
Do you guys have special holiday traditions and get togethers? Special food?
Thanks for telling me all about your family. I can imagine if I knew you in person there would be tons of stories...

[amber]

random note: In the first page of this thread I have encountered more only children then I ever expected. I thought all y'all had bros and sis.
Nice, very nice. That was kind of comforting to me.

I'm thinking of doing my next speech about only children. Um...do people say to you: "Oh, you're an only child? I could tell!"
mmkay. Cause more than a few have said that to me.
moving on...:p:laugh::angel:

[amber]

My family is really small. I'm an only child and have 1 cousin who is 9 years older than me and who i never ever see.
Both my parents are still alive and i see them every couple of weeks. They were never particularly close to the rest of the (small) family, except my mom who adored her father (he passed away in 1984). All my grandparents have died and apart from my mother and father, and my cousin, i have one aunt left who is my fathers' sister , but whom i also never see.
My husband comes from a large family of 5 kids, but some of them are not on speaking terms. I had always wanted an older brother or sister to hang out with, but when i see how my in-laws get along sometimes :eek: i guess i'm better off with a few really good friends:)
some pics:
my dad
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/P1010058.jpg

my mom
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/P1010057.jpg

my best friend and me before going to a costume party:
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/101.jpg

with my lifelong friends whom i've known for 40 years (omg!)
http://i47.photobucket.com/albums/f172/suzyvermoesen/4februari2007001.jpg

You and your family and friends are beautiful! I have often thought that thing of how it would be great to have a sibling, but then retracted it when I saw the actual siblings in my family. :laugh:
Wow, it really sounds like you come from a pretty small circle, like me. I didn't expect that at all. You and your family and friends make it look lovely, though. And how your husband has more relatives- I kind of gravitate to my friends at holidays now, since my own family won't get together, and if they do they might drink and yell at me about my mom (okay, just my aunt) and how much I am like her and how she is lame, or about how some cousin is lame, or something, everyone is alway mad, or cooking...but my friends have lots of relatives and young kids in their families, and even though that is chaotic, there is something about it I really like to be involved in. I mean, kids are cute and fun, right? Also they are brats, but still. lol.
I wish your husband's fam was on more speaking terms, cause it would probably be fun. If they have kids, I mean. You know, because your own fam is so small...
Thank you for sharing! I can't believe the similarities, I love it. And your pics are priceless. Seriously, you're mom and dad look good for their age. Excellent. And the family and friend pictures are so fun. Y'all are so lovely, and look alike in different ways, which is fun to see. Is it weird, though, that your friends look like they belong in your family?!!? Naaaaahhh, it's fine. lol. My best friend and I are opposites, and people always ask if we are sisters. Seriously, she has blond/red hair, pale skin, freckles, totally different features...though we are both muscly...my point is that I think it is a natural and lovely coincidence that you all look like you belong together. :cool: Cause you do.
:woohoo::wavey:

[amber]

Just an excuse to show off my girls... I love them so!

http://i18.tinypic.com/6ly8cnm.jpg

Normally I wouldn't have responded to this, even though I would have thought they were so cute, I've said that before.
But here, now, it really trips me out how much they look alike! :laugh:
Those "dad" genes were strong, I guess. That is the most beautiful photo, I tell you what. It's like the most perfect "sister" photo. Um, don't tell anyone, but it was heartwarming to me. :p It's cool also that your blood daughter looks a lot like her dad, and the sister does too, and they are gorgeous, but you, who your blood daughter doesn't look as much like (at least not in a photo to my judgment) are gorgeous as well!!!
You are building the foundation for a great family, for years to come. Keep up the good work.

[amber]

Sara your girls are wonderful :D

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/tanjalalie/478B0222.jpg

Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

Whoa!!! Now this is the kind of volume I am talking about! :shocked: Nice pic.
I probably don't have to say this, but that holocaust thing...:mad: I'm glad he has some family to be close to. I wish it were more. :(

[amber]

My family, On both of my parents sides, is quite large. My Dad's family consisted of 6 boys and 4 girls (All of my aunts are living and excluding my Dad and an Uncle all the males are living - I wished I had a working scanner to add their family for y'all to see - Typical Irish/Cherokee family) whereas Mom's family was small 2 girls and 1 boy. I have so many frikkin' cousins I have lost count (About 40-45) some even whom I do not know...

I have 2 older brothers (One full blood and one half-brother) and 4 older half-sisters (Two by Dad, Of one who had passed away back in 1989 and 2 by Mom) so I am the youngest. I have 2 nieces and 5 nephews and coming someday soon I will have a daughter (Via my lady Christy) who is a very intelligent 10 year old.

Lost both my Grand-fathers in 1977 (Along with my Dad), My Grandmothers in 1994 & 1998 and my Mom in March 2005 (As most of y'all know from the thread I started)

Yeah, you know, that "typical" Irish Cherokee family...:shocked: hehehe.
Although, really, you are right. Everyone in America is Irish and Native. I'm a quarter of each! lol.
So, then, what do you guys do for holidays? Who do you hang with, what do you eat, how do you celebrate? Do you cull your dumbest cats and serve them for Thanksgiving? :laugh: (Tooootally a joke everyone. Just a reference to his cats. Neither of us would ever cull or serve them. But he has had some funny ones....)
I never heard about an Oklahoma Irish/Cherokee Thanksgiving. Heard about the Italian/Irish/Native one. Which was just Italian, really.

I was surprised to find out that your mom's family was so small. Sounds like they made up for lost time by spitting out chillen's, though? Had to have, for you to have so many cousins. My mom's fam is two girls and one boy, too, but there are only four kids between them all. 2 only children.

So, what is up with the snacks/grub? Spill.

[amber]

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past summer and we had a huge family celebration at my parents summer home in Colorado.
I am extremely close to my parents -- they are such wonderful, sweet people and I adore them to no end. I live about 10 minutes away from them.
I am the oldest of three children. Both of my siblings are married. My brother lives about 7 minutes away from me and has has two daughters who I am very close to. My sister has two daughters and a son. They live about 4 hours away so we don't see them as often as we'd like.
My Mom was an only child so there are nothing but cousins are her side. My Dad is from Boston and had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I'm pretty tight with one of my aunts and her daughter (my favorite cousin). I try to see them every summer in Cape Cod and we talk on the phone all of the time.
Family is very important to me.

The picture attached was taken last fall at my family's ranch.

rbs

Oh. Em. Gee. And suddenly we are presented with the perfect family.
Nice, very nice. You look wholesome and alike, there are lots of cool family members, but not too many (thanks to your mom's parents forsight).
Excellent. You all look great in the pic. And oddly alike.
I submit that you have just enough relatives for good choice, and to keep a bit in touch, and to have some real close ones, but not so many that you lose track of a lot of them. There is a great mix of kids and adults, as well.
Sounds like you guys also have great, naturey places to hang out and have fun as well.
It sounds almost perfect, all and all. Especially when you said "I live 10 minutes from my parents!!!"
I see my parents once or twice a year. I really like them, they are soooo cool, very admirable - but I wouldn't want to really hang around them a lot. Or, rather, I got my fill while growing up. They are more abstractly great then great in person.
Thanks for sharing, you guys look awesome. I'm a bit dismayed at all the pale skin and blond hair, so I'm just going to say - tell these people to wear sunscreen, and also tell them that there is a new innovation in sunscreen, and that is sunscreen with Mexoryl. MEXORYL. Do it. Tell them. That is too much paleness for me to be comfortable. :laugh:

[hs421139]

My brother passed away in 1970, I no longer speak with my
father, his sister passed away in 1987, her son, my first cousin, I have not seen or spoken to in years, I am not even sure if my fathers mother is alive.
His father passed away in 1972.
My mother has one brother, and he has two children, I am not "close" to my cousins. I have only one cousin (2nd) whom I am close too. Both of my grandparents passed away (mother's mom/dad) My grandfather to me was my father. I miss them both so much, especially during the holidays. :distress:
I have two friends, whom are more like "sisters" to me. One I have known for
over 35 years, and the other I have known for more than 25 years.
When my father was in my life, I felt as though I was a "token", he would come to visit, unannounced, and bring me to his aunt's house, just to make himself look good in his family's eyes. It has taking me a very long time to realize what was in front of me for sooooo very long. One day about 10 years
ago, I reached my breaking point, and decided for many reasons to cease any kind of relationship I had with my father. Quite honestly after all the bs that he put my mother through, and all of the hateful things he did to her and me, as well as countless others, it was a huge relief not to have him in my life. To show you what kind of a human being he is, he was married for 10 years, and when I graduated college, he once again showed up in my life.
To make a long story short, he was married at the time, and I had no idea, and it turns out that his wife did not even know that I existed, for over 10 years, until my fathers cousin mentioned it. They are no longer married.
(no big surprise) Me and her became friends. To say that he treated her badly is an understatement. I know that she remarried, and is happy, I am happy for her, and am glad that he is out of her life as well.
So for me the only family I have is my mother, and my 2 best friends, and thier familes.

[danax6]

That is so true. I find it interesting that though you have a big family, you really only claim a few to be close to. But like I said before, how could you keep track of that if you never grew up with them? And there are so many?Oh so many. I don't even know all their names. One of my uncles committed suicide when I was 5 or 6 years old, but I never knew him, because he was a drunk, and my dad didn't really want us to hang around him. He had 4 kids though, had never met them, never knew their names, but recently his oldest daughter contacted me over the internet. Turns out she lives 4 streets down from where we live. I've seen her at the supermarket a few times, that's how I recognized her when I saw the picture in her profile. ;)

I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. :laugh: JK.Everyone has disowned my mother. :laugh: Even my brothers are starting to at this point. They're only 9 and 12, so I guess they're too young to really understand what's going on or what kind of person she really is, but she and her husband recently got divorced, and they want to live with their father. The oldest is over 12, so he gets to choose, but the youngest will have to stay with my mother for the time being. It's a horrible custody battle at the moment, for which I will have to appear in court soon. :(

Do you guys have special holiday traditions and get togethers? Special food?
Thanks for telling me all about your family. I can imagine if I knew you in person there would be tons of stories...We always get together for the holidays. It's always this little small group of people, and I love it. My youngest sister lives with a foster family, seeing our mom died two years ago and my dad was in no position to take her in at that point, so we have a bit more scheduling to suffer through to make sure she can make the trip down here. She never celebrates the holidays with her foster family, so you can imagine how close they all are. We've had this tradition for years, where we each draw up a name and then have to make that person something special. Then on Christmas Eve we have a biiiiig fondue, after which we open the presents/special gifts.

Next weekend all seven of us are going to a cabin in the Belgian woods. If you guys don't hear from me that following Monday... I will have been eaten by the Blair Witch.

[sara1998]

Normally I wouldn't have responded to this, even though I would have thought they were so cute, I've said that before.
But here, now, it really trips me out how much they look alike! :laugh:
Those "dad" genes were strong, I guess. That is the most beautiful photo, I tell you what. It's like the most perfect "sister" photo. Um, don't tell anyone, but it was heartwarming to me. :p It's cool also that your blood daughter looks a lot like her dad, and the sister does too, and they are gorgeous, but you, who your blood daughter doesn't look as much like (at least not in a photo to my judgment) are gorgeous as well!!!
You are building the foundation for a great family, for years to come. Keep up the good work.

Thanks Amber. Those dad genes are strong! haha! What we all could have missed out on in our lives... I'm so glad we're all together now. Sara looks nothing like me, but thank God she has my nose and my cute little butt. Because Jason had a big ol' nose, and no butt what-so-ever. Those girls do look a lot alike, and even more so in person, because they're body shape is identical: broad shouldered and very angular.
Those girls are the be-all-and-end-all to me.

[mylittledemon]

I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. :laugh: JK. ...

Not me, thank God. Although we werent on the best of terms for a good 5 or 6 years. Thank goodness I just got over it, and we healed the past by "having it out" with one another.

[goldustsongbird]

Further proof some of you dont understand me at all. I'm the least judgemental person in the world.


Oh woe is me.

Family breakdown:

Mom's side -- Italian. Sane.

Dad's side -- Scottish. Insane.

Guess who I like more? :D

[amber]

Oh so many. I don't even know all their names. One of my uncles committed suicide when I was 5 or 6 years old, but I never knew him, because he was a drunk, and my dad didn't really want us to hang around him. He had 4 kids though, had never met them, never knew their names, but recently his oldest daughter contacted me over the internet. Turns out she lives 4 streets down from where we live. I've seen her at the supermarket a few times, that's how I recognized her when I saw the picture in her profile. ;)

Everyone has disowned my mother. :laugh: Even my brothers are starting to at this point. They're only 9 and 12, so I guess they're too young to really understand what's going on or what kind of person she really is, but she and her husband recently got divorced, and they want to live with their father. The oldest is over 12, so he gets to choose, but the youngest will have to stay with my mother for the time being. It's a horrible custody battle at the moment, for which I will have to appear in court soon. :(

We always get together for the holidays. It's always this little small group of people, and I love it. My youngest sister lives with a foster family, seeing our mom died two years ago and my dad was in no position to take her in at that point, so we have a bit more scheduling to suffer through to make sure she can make the trip down here. She never celebrates the holidays with her foster family, so you can imagine how close they all are. We've had this tradition for years, where we each draw up a name and then have to make that person something special. Then on Christmas Eve we have a biiiiig fondue, after which we open the presents/special gifts.

Next weekend all seven of us are going to a cabin in the Belgian woods. If you guys don't hear from me that following Monday... I will have been eaten by the Blair Witch.

Wow, this is incredibly complex. Yet despite all the family drama and effluvia, you manage to have great holidays/traditions. I kind of don't understand the part where everyone is disowning your mother, but then the next paragraph says that your mother is dead? You said "our mom" so I'm thinking your real mom is dead, but then the paragraph before makes me think she is not dead because her young sons are disowning her. :confused: I'm thinking one is your biological mom, and one is your stepmom, the mom of your sister, and I just can't tell which is which.
It's really cool to have your sister who is foster join you. Too bad she has to be "foster" the rest of the time. :(
Although that reminds me of a weird thing in my family where my mom just met the sister that was adopted out that she never knew about. Said sister had a way better life, yet lots of the same interests as my mom, in a way. Also adopted sister ended up living in the part of California where my dad is from, and where my mom met my dad, by moving to that place. Which is a place no one would really move to. Totally remote Sierra Valley small towns, small like...really small. Like 500 people. And my mom is from a city, Stockton. I just thought it was weird that my mom met my dad in the same place that adopted sister chose to live in.
Anyway, adoption can work, I guess. Said sister is blond (weird!!!) married okay, kids are in college which parents paid for, are successful, they have some kind of property ranch thing where they take care of something (horses?) and this adopted out sister just generally has a way better life then those who were not adopted out. Sucks for my mom and uncle and aunt, but, you know, good for adopted sibling. My mom is kind of bitter, always wished she had been adopted out, but...too bad. I remember wishing the same thing. lol.
[B]
Also cool is your uncle's daughter contacting you. That is kind of crazy she lives so close. I hope you guys get along and stuff, that would be fun. I think it is good that your father had the presence of mind to not expose you to bad drunk uncles, as well. Kudos to him.

My mom wouldn't let anyone who had drank in our house, ever, and didn't drink herself (lots before I was born, never after). And called every other relative that drank an alcoholic. :laugh: She didn't let my dad move in with us until he stopped drinking. If he came to visit me, and was drunk, she wouldn't let him in and might call the cops.
It sounds kind of strict, but I think it is good. Cause my dad just came back the next day when he wasn't drunk. And, of course, when he came to live with us he stopped being an alcoholic, stopped drinking. I was 9. Kids don't need to see drunk relatives acting stupid. And my dad is super awesome as a sober man. :)

So...um...your big holiday meal is fondue? Anything else? I know northern and mid Europe is all about cheese, but that can't be all....:p

The big triumph in my family is gravy, and stuffing. Neither seems incredibly hard to me, but I remember BIG discussions about how the gravy turned out, and a few about the stuffing. But like, we had to talk about the gravy for my grandma the cook to feel really, really accomplished. I suppose gravy is in shortest supply at the meal, since it is based on bird juice. It also makes everything you put it on taste better. So, due to its high demand and short quantity, I guess gravy is the "diamonds" of holiday meals. There really isn't ever enough gravy to go around for all the leftovers and stuff.

Oh, I also like your think of drawing one name and making something special. Do you really just make things? You don't buy them? Are they things, or food, or what? It sounds lovely. :woohoo:


I've been to a yankee gift swap holiday party before, where everyone brings some thing they had in their house (I got ben wah balls from it, very pretty), and then there is some kind of hat picking, and everyone picks whether they want the thing the person they picked from the hat brought, or another thing they can offer to trade with some other person who already got their hand me down gift, or just keep their own thing. I think that is mostly how it was, I forget the total specifics. Some New Englandy type tradition. Weird East Coasters!!! :laugh: No, it was great.

[SaidSomething]

Hi you guys...

I know a lot of you might know me. Maybe not. I recognize some from 7W.

Anyway...I'd really like to tell my family story a little bit but, not now. Not that I don't want to I'm focused on my sister that passed away not too long ago. I recently commented on this a little bit in the "Sandy Stewart" thread. It is a little bit sad but, she changed my life and it certainly confirms my belief that we are all sent here on a mission and we don't leave until the mission is accomplished. I'm not going to get into religon or into a lot of my faith issues. Maybe just a touch on faith and heaven. I can be long winded so I'm going to try really hard to make this story very brief. I really want to share this with anyone that cares to read.

Today was a day of memory and celebration.

I had a "disabled" sister that passed a way not too long ago. She wasn't supposed to even reach puberty but, Patty was stonger, smarter and wiser than I'll ever hope to be. Patty couldn't talk much. She couldn't walk. She needed constant care...she couldn't just go get an ice cream or download a bootleg. She never had a date...although she was very attracted to men. She could never get the hottest haircut or neatest pair of shoes because...her hair was kept short for caretaking needs and she couldn't go to Filene's Basement to get a great deal on shoes. She was so "disabled" that she was very limited in what she was "physically" able to do.

We all grew up with Patty at home and she was just our sister. We always knew her the way she was so...it was not like she had a bad car wreck or something and she was now different. We just took for granted, like most of us do, that she was just our sister...how little we knew.

As we got older Patty ran into respratory problems requiring a breathing tube and a feeding tube implanted into her throat. She lived less than 10 minutes from me in a facility that is now closing due to State and Federal cutbacks. My sister died just before turning 40. She would not have lived without her caretakers in that facility. Especially one lady that dedicated almost 15 years to my sister. She misses my sister terribly. As do I.

My sister's favorite holiday was thanksgiving. In the residence where she lived her caretaker and staff would always prepare a thankgiving dinner in their bungalow for the patients and staff. Although my sister couldn't mash the potatoes or season the gravy, she was the boss on this day. It was her special day when she felt SO important. She would sit in a specially designed chair where she could sort of sit upright (built by my grandfather...a Carpenter off the boat from Scotland) and communicate to everyone through eye movements, wild erratic hand gestures, and by kicking her feet on this special chair. Everyone asked her what to do and if it wasn't to her liking...she let it be known. Everyone in my sister's very small world knew her very well...and knew her communication methods...and they knew when she meant business. Anyway, in honor of my sister Patty, my sister Cathi (a 12 year politician in one of the cities near me that quit politics when she finally realized how corrupt it is...how many scams go on...and where state and federal money really goes...etc...) and her politician friends (good ones) gather together and fund a really big Thanksgiving dinner for the remaining patients and staff and families etc... My sister's picture is set up on a little table and everybody floods in for the buffet. I knew she was there today with us...having a ball and laughing her ass of at me skidding accross the floor on spilt cranberry jel and crashing in to the dessert buffett table (yes, I'm as graceful as a ballerina wearing lead boots).

My sister fought her way back to life so many times that there is no way I don't believe in miracles. I can't count how many times I was called to "prepare for the worst" only for my sister to have a complete recovery the next day. She was pushing and fighting for her life in her little "disabled" body everyday...but,for what reason?

One day I was called at work by my sister Cathi and she said, we have to go to Patti's...it's almost time. I work for an airline and it's really hard for people to reach me so, I should have realized the seriousness of her infection this time. I just took for granted that Patti struggled for life and just figured she'd be fine in a couple of days. My sister picked me up at the airport and we drove to her little bungalow on the grounds of the facility. It was pretty late at night near the end of summer and all was so quiet. My sister had a very pink girly room decorated with pink ribbons, purple curtains, hearts and...well you get it...a little girls room. The nurse whispered to us that she's comfortable and pulled my sister aside and motioned for me to go in. I did. I could hear her little tiny rock waterfall running...the hum of her occilating fan...and the sound of her breathing machine. She didn't waken or even stirr. I was cracking my wiseass jokes to her (she loved it when I would cuss...and tell her she had a fat ass, even though she didn't) and I was feeling her forehead, hands and cheeks with little touches that she loved. I was Patti's favorite and she was mine...I think I forgot to mention that. I spent time whispering to her that I loved her and gossiping about the staff and movie stars and stuff. When I returned to my other sister and the nurse I was told to "prepare for the worst" again. I just took for granted that when the sun comes up and it was time for her lilac bath she'd be just fine again. I was made aware of the DNR paperwork but, I really didn't think anything was all that serious. My sister drove me home and I chatted with her about nothing much.

The next morning before I even woke for work my phone was ringing. The doctor called and said, "you'd better come right away." I don't know if it's a protection thing I have or, the fact that I was focusing on how crappy things were in my life at that time or, just refusing to believe that my sister would be leaving earthly bonds soon or whatever because, I didn't freak, panic, get sad or run out my door screaming. I just pulled on a t shirt and jeans, brushed my teeth and dabbed a little lemon-patchoulli on my neck and I got in my car and took the 10 minute drive to Patti's. To my sister that I always took for granted that she was going to always be ok.

My various family members and friends came and went all day from my sister's bungalow. People came from everywhere. I had NO idea how many people's lives my sister touched. I had NO idea how loved she was. I had NO idea what I was in store for that day. NO idea.

I stayed by Patti's bed all day long in her room crowded with people coming and going all day. I took tiny breaks for a smoke or a sip of coffee but, I basically knew I needed to be caressing Patti's hand at all times...or smoothing her forehead...or whispering in her ear gossip about how I thought the cute doctor was having an affair with the girl from the medical files department (whom by the way came too).

I took a 10 minute break to make some important calls. I called my shrink...he was there for me if I needed him. I called out of work. The important call that I urgently needed to make was last. I didn't even know her number. I hadn't talked to her in a couple of years actually. I, at that point, didn't know why it was urgent that I get in touch with her. I somehow got her number and had her on the phone in about 50 seconds. My friend Esther from California. My friend Esther is an older black lady from the south. She is my spiritual mentor. She is amazing. I breifly told her what was going on...and she said hold on I'm coming to you. I was kind of like what...? (she was on the West Coast and I'm on the East) I heard her take a deep breath and I was just about to say, "uuuh...I'll call you back..." She spoke then. She said ok I'm here with you. You're sister room is so cute...it's all pink and has purple curtains...there is soft piano music playing...the tall doctor is here...there's your Ma...etc. Time just stopped for me. She then took a gasp and I asked her if she was ok. She said, she was fine but, she'd never seen anything like this. First of all I was freaked that she described the place to a T. I was freaked that she described every minute detail of the situation to me. What almost made me faint and drop the phone and race back to my sister's side was what she last told me. "I've never seen anything like this...the room is crowded and lots and lots of people are coming and going but, what amazes me is that the room is so jammed with angels that it was hard to see one from the other...everyone in that room has at least 1 angel. The doctor has 2. Your sister has many but, many are just there sent to wait for her to 'finish up'...BUT...it's you outside the side door smoking is what I'm shocked about. YOU have many, many personal angels...always there with you...holding you up...making sure your safe...etc..." She told me that she's never witnessed a single soul on the planet that is completly surrounded at all times by so many angels. She told me something about dark periods in my life and blah, blah, blah...but she's NEVER going to worry about me...I'll always be fine. She then said I'm leaving there...and that your sister needs you right away. Then, I ran to her side like a drama queen, pushing my way past people and right to her side. I said in a loud voice, "someone open the window"...and they did. I asked every body to stand really close...(I was being looked at a little strangely by some of the people) The next thing is Patti's caretaker and best friend said to me...Oh my god Patti smells just like you. I looked at her like, "whaa?" (maybe the patchoulli lemon?) I put my right arm underneath and around my sister's shoulder...my other sister Cathi was on the left side of the bed with Patti's caretaker/best friend...my mom was right behind me...my brother in law was at the foot of the bed with my brother Deano. The room was jammed. I put my cheek next to my sisters...the room was in prayer...I was whispering in my sister's left ear...caressing her left palm...and I was telling her that hey...we're all here Patti...and that I was giving her kisses from Nana who was too sick to make it to her...I was giving kisses from Aunt Joan that was far away in Seattle...I told her not to worry about us...that we'll always be together etc...A staff member(oddly enough a Southern woman that wore her hair just like my friend Esther) said aloud, " Patti, what are you hanging around for, honey?" My brother in law (a fireman) said her resperations are at zero or something like that...one of the doctors listened to hear heart and said, "she's still here..." I then whispered in her ear a wish of love and thanks and a little bit of what my friend told me on the phone...I told her I was going to be just fine...and she doesn't have to worry about me anymore (I don't know what prompted me to say that...) Time DID stand still...a tiny hint of a breeze escaped from my sister's lips...I swear I felt the massive energy of great movement whisk through me and out the window for about 15 seconds...then I said, "I think she's gone...she's gone." It was really, really quiet. The doctor listened to her heart and checked her vitals and confirmed that Patti had "died".

Then there was one more weird thing that I forgot to mention. All day long, while we all hung out, while all the people were coming and going...there was a little chipmunk or a baby squirrel in my sister's window scratching at the screen. Even when I had them open the window and the screen he was on the top part of the screeen...scratching away all day long. I don't know what made me think about it at that point but, he was gone...the scratching stopped...Then little by little sounds came back. I could hear her little waterfall...I could hear her piano music (by the way her favorite piano piece is called "Winterlight" and Linda Ronstadt did a song for it) on loop all day again...I could sense movement...then I heard the sobs. Even the big cute doctor was in tears.

I gave my sister's forehead a little kiss. I was calm as hell.

I walked out just in time to run into my drunk father...just showing up. I told him what he missed.

My sister in law was out in front and wanted to go in...so I took my neice and someone else's kid...I don't remember...and we were blowing bubbles and playing.

I stayed out of the drama and chaos going on in the room with my father and his crap...and preperation of my sister's "body". blah blah blah.

Patti's mission was finally complete here. Her job was over and she had to get home. She waited until she was sure things were going to be cool here.
That we were all going to be alright. That "I" was going to be alright.

I'm so sorry for making this into a LONG depressing story but, I'm going to sum it all up now in a few more sentences.

Remember how I said the bit about everyone having a mission here? Patti was the wisest person I'll ever, ever know. Her body limited her physically but, her very being moved great, great things bigger than mountains. My family was extremely torn up. We had your more than average dyfunctional family thing going on. My dad was on his...I don't know what marriage that one was...he was an addict. My sister Cathi was estranged from my mom and one of my brother's, my grandmother and myself. This one hated that one because that one hated this one and on and on. Patti stitched the family back together that day. She taught us a lot of things. And set a great example. This is what I learned. You should have no limits on love...the capacity of love...or the willingness of love. Things aren't always what they seem. People are not always what you make them out to be. You have chocies in life over being happy or miserable. My sister was labeled "disabled" but, she was not. In fact when people bring her up and say things like, "the poor things was so..." I kindly but firmly reply that she was the happiest person I'll ever know and that her quality of life was so much greater than anything many of us we'll ever know. My sister could have spent her time here being in a very miserable state of being. She chose smiles and laughter. She chose not to hide the fact that she was VERY happy to see you. She chose not to harbour ill feelings about what she couldn't do...She chose not to feel jealous. She made her choices with the hand she was dealt...I believe she was given her mission before coming here and carried it out very well. This tiny, disabled person held the capacity to do things I could never do...even if I went to school and studied my whole life. She just held wisdom. Her courage was like that of something that could never be summoned by me. Her demons were that of immense physical pain. She chose joy through her pains. She didn't get a degree, have sex, or even have the horrible task of paying bills and writing checks.

Yet, she fought hard for every day to live just to be with the people she loved.

Yeah, I have my ups and downs like everybody else. I'm late for work sometimes or I cuss out a friend for thinking they've dissed me. I've hurt people's feelings. BUT...I never take anything for granted anymore. I, and a lot of us have so many more "gifts" and "abilties" that we'll never realize or be able to tap into. I cherish my loved ones, my planet, my abilities and I cherish that day when I was able to be there for my sister's last breath. I don't think I'll ever bear witness to something as awesome as that day ever again. I'll never forget what I've learned from my sister. I'm so thankful of what I have and what I don't have. I'm open to learning new things. And the most important thing is that I've realized that my sister, you, my partner and even my nasty boss at my first job that fired me...is perfect. In everyway. You ask me about perfection in some people? What purpose could some possibly serve but evil and hatred? I'm not sure but, I think it's all about balance. That they were sent here for some reason too. For some mission.

If you don't like this story I hope you didn't read down to this line. If you want to comment that's cool. If you don't that's cool too. Just please, if you're going to say something nasty...you have the right. I just hope you don't do it today.

I really believe that I was "touched by an angel".

Jim

PS...I'm really sorry about this long, long supposedly going to be a quick story. I get carried away on this subject. I just wanted to let you know 1 more thing. Patti was my 1/2 sister. I never knew or saw her real mom. She was from my dad's first marriage. Her mother died in childbirth. Something really bad happened to me not long after she passed. I was on my way for a few seconds. I DID see my sister again. She looked differnetly. Remember how I said her hair was kept really short and her body was mis-shapen? I was...for what seemed like a few minutes was looking up caught up in some kind of breeze and I was standing in front of my sister and a woman was standing behind her. Patti's hair was really long and caught up in the breeze...the woman behind her looked oddly like my other 1/2 brother David. They were both smiling at me...and it's hard to describe...kind of sparkly...then the wind was strong and I felt a really hard jolt. Like a massive snap or something.

And I heard the doctor say, "he's back..." I'm not going to elaborate on this one but, I will say this. "I" know that this time here isn't the end and that true, real love...never, ever dies.

Some time later I was shown some pictures of my sister's real mom.

That woman standing behind my sister smiling was Patti's mother. They are together again.

I feel my mission is not finished here. I believe Patti brought her mom with her for me to see them together.

I believe Patti flung me back to my loved ones. To someone that needed me...or may need me someday.

[sara1998]

^^ Thanks for sharing this... I have no real words at this point except for thanks...

[jannieC]

SaidSomething- thank you for sharing this story with us. It puts things in perspective for me and hopefully does for others as well.

"I" know that this time here isn't the end and that true, real love...never, ever dies.

I believe this too. Thank you again.

[Betsy]

Thanks for posting your Story SaidSomething.

It reaffirms my belief in the spirit world and my wonder of it.

My father-in-law passed away the 27th of October. He lingered for about 3-4 days and told how he was suspended between two worlds and he really liked the other side. He found an indescribible (sp) peace and told us excitedly about it.

He told us about the conversations he was having with people from the other side and how he hated to leave us....that he was torn...but...he really, really liked the other place.

Your account of Esther resembles the account from Ed Morrell and his book (from the early 1900's) called the Twenty-fifth Man. He was in prison but could power his mind to leave his body. He described in detail what he saw and experienced...and said that anybody could do it.

With your posting of Patti's story, you and she have touched more lives, and your message of living life and paying attention to all creatures great and small has been heard.

Bravo.

[rbs3676]

Oh. Em. Gee. And suddenly we are presented with the perfect family.
Nice, very nice. You look wholesome and alike, there are lots of cool family members, but not too many (thanks to your mom's parents forsight).
Excellent. You all look great in the pic. And oddly alike.
I submit that you have just enough relatives for good choice, and to keep a bit in touch, and to have some real close ones, but not so many that you lose track of a lot of them. There is a great mix of kids and adults, as well.
Sounds like you guys also have great, naturey places to hang out and have fun as well.
It sounds almost perfect, all and all. Especially when you said "I live 10 minutes from my parents!!!"
I see my parents once or twice a year. I really like them, they are soooo cool, very admirable - but I wouldn't want to really hang around them a lot. Or, rather, I got my fill while growing up. They are more abstractly great then great in person.
Thanks for sharing, you guys look awesome. I'm a bit dismayed at all the pale skin and blond hair, so I'm just going to say - tell these people to wear sunscreen, and also tell them that there is a new innovation in sunscreen, and that is sunscreen with Mexoryl. MEXORYL. Do it. Tell them. That is too much paleness for me to be comfortable. :laugh:

Thanks for the nice words, Amber. :wavey:
We are far from being perfect, but we are a close knit family. My brother and sister have raised their kids to be very cool, very informed children. I treasure the time that the kids get to spend with "Uncle Goose" (my nickname since my first name is Bruce) throughout the year.

Aside from the one year that I went to college in Austin, I haven't lived farther than 10 miles from my parents. I cant imagine being too far from them. I dont see them every day or even every week (at times), but I like to stay close to them. I talk to them daily,though.
I know that I am in the minority here, but I adore my parents and love to spend any amount of time that I can with them. They are one of my favorite parts about being alive.

Thanks for the MEXORYL info. I will pass it on to my dermatologist (the incredible Susan Mahler) when I see her in 2 weeks.

rbs

[SaidSomething]

Hi again, everybody...

I just want to thank you for reading the bit (the "quite a bit") about my sister and for getting to know me a little bit. I really appreciate the things you've had to say. I'm glad to be here among you guys. I DID join a long time ago but, never got activated. I re-applied a few months back and my sign up was completed recently. I've been reading here for a long time...I feel like I know a lot of you already even though I was just a "lurker".

I also am glad to read your family stories and to be allowed a peek into your lives.

I hope you all have a Happy Thankgiving. Drop by the airport...I have to work. haha. My Tom will be having dinner with my family but he's going to hang out with me at work in the afternoon. How great is he? I'm lucky.
I'm praying for a quiet operation but, wicked weather is due. Oh well...at least at the end of my shift I'll be going home to leftovers.

Take good care.
Jim

[Betsy]

^^^

Hey Jim---

Just one more thought. I liked the part about there being a guardian angel with each person in the room.

Years ago, my minister described the same thing.

When he does hospital visits with people who are dying, he feels the prescence of many angels and feels that the room gets awfully crowded. A medium/spiritualist told me the same thing in August at a seminar in Denver.

I really liked how you told your story and it has made me think about you and your sister for the past couple days. Very moving.

[SaidSomething]

^^^

Hey Jim---

Just one more thought. I liked the part about there being a guardian angel with each person in the room.

Years ago, my minister described the same thing.

When he does hospital visits with people who are dying, he feels the prescence of many angels and feels that the room gets awfully crowded. A medium/spiritualist told me the same thing in August at a seminar in Denver.

I really liked how you told your story and it has made me think about you and your sister for the past couple days. Very moving.

Betsy...

Thank you so much for your replies. I don't talk about this much because, some people don't know how to take it. Thank you for sharing your similar beliefs and sharing how you've heard of similar experiences from people you must hold in high regard...like your minister.

It's kind of like you're backing me up and saying, "hey, I've heard of this and Jim's not a whackjob..." haha I know that sounds weird but, do you know what I mean? I can be very outspoken about my passions...or when I see an injustice...or when I see someone kicking somebody just because they are a bully and think they can.

Thank you again.
Jim;)

[suzyvermoesen]

Jim, I found your story very moving and want to thank you for sharing this with us. The way you described the passing of your sister strongly reminded me of a book i read a few weeks ago : The Lovely Bones ( the book was discussed in a thread here on the Ledge). Even though i'm not a religious person (i'm an atheist) i do believe there are things we know little or nothing about and i also want to believe death is not the end.
So, for me , your story has affirmed that belief.
Thank you again,
Suzy

[mylittledemon]

Thanks for posting your Story SaidSomething.

It reaffirms my belief in the spirit world and my wonder of it.

My father-in-law passed away the 27th of October. He lingered for about 3-4 days and told how he was suspended between two worlds and he really liked the other side. He found an indescribible (sp) peace and told us excitedly about it.

He told us about the conversations he was having with people from the other side and how he hated to leave us....that he was torn...but...he really, really liked the other place.

Your account of Esther resembles the account from Ed Morrell and his book (from the early 1900's) called the Twenty-fifth Man. He was in prison but could power his mind to leave his body. He described in detail what he saw and experienced...and said that anybody could do it.

With your posting of Patti's story, you and she have touched more lives, and your message of living life and paying attention to all creatures great and small has been heard.

Bravo.

My father was not a religious man. I think you could say he was a Christian, in a general sense. He never went to church when I was growing up, ever. I never heard him say a prayer even.

At any rate, i think a pastor visited him while he was in hospice in the summer of 2006. No one really knows for sure. I think my father had just been beaten down so much by the cancer, he was a shell of who he used to be. The last time I saw him, 2 months before he died, I didnt recognize him.

Since his death my brother and I, and my sister, have all had varying dreams about him. My sister Megan(who is also very anti-church/God/whatever you wanna call it) cried one day on the phone describing a dream she had.

Megan said in the dream Dad was home all of sudden, and she grabbed hold of him to hug him and he started laughing. Megan was crying and Dad kept laughing and she said "Whats so funny?" Dad looked at her and said "I felt the same way when I saw the Lord. When I saw him, I didnt wanna hug him, but when I did I didnt want to let go."

Now, knowing the kind of man my father was...thats a strange thing for him to say...he never would've said that in life. My sister was so broken up about it...but she said he just smiled in the dream like she'd never seen him smile before.

[michelle2677]

Hi again, everybody...

I just want to thank you for reading the bit (the "quite a bit") about my sister and for getting to know me a little bit. I really appreciate the things you've had to say. I'm glad to be here among you guys. I DID join a long time ago but, never got activated. I re-applied a few months back and my sign up was completed recently. I've been reading here for a long time...I feel like I know a lot of you already even though I was just a "lurker".

I also am glad to read your family stories and to be allowed a peek into your lives.

I hope you all have a Happy Thankgiving. Drop by the airport...I have to work. haha. My Tom will be having dinner with my family but he's going to hang out with me at work in the afternoon. How great is he? I'm lucky.
I'm praying for a quiet operation but, wicked weather is due. Oh well...at least at the end of my shift I'll be going home to leftovers.

Take good care.
Jim

thank for sharing your story. it has touched me :o I didn't have the net this last week, so I was catching up on my phone and I read the whole thing on this little 2 inch x1 inch screen and I couldn't stop reading. it is great that you had such a wonderful relationship with your sister :)

[KristinG]

Jim, you know how much I love you... but thanks for this...

It's so hard this time of year for me, missing my sister and this story made me smile.

Love you!!

[SaidSomething]

Hey everyone...

My name is Jim. I got a little sad here a while ago. I will no longer debate. However, I will offer comments, thoughts...and posts. I mean nothing harsh by this it's just looking at things in a "holier" "more spiritual" "bright" light.

This was one of the first deep thoughts/memories that happened in my life that was really intense. People were really nice.

I DO follow some of you guys...and the ones I follow always make me smile.

I thought I'd bring up this post because the state of our planet is hinging on the decisions we all make. You know I believe that families come first...yes, and the little things that we take for granted. I'm pollyanna-ed out when my deodorant comes out with a new "power" or "force" or whatever ridiculous name scent. I'm that much of a geek.

My partner and I love each other so much. As we do our families.

Last year was hard because I missed a lot of work due to a kidney defect I have. It's alright just a minor bump in the road of life...We are barely making ends meet with meager cents. However, I live in a 2 family home...Tom and I have a huge, beautiful, bright 2 bedroom apartment. When he moved in I was kind of like...ok, here's this poor Irish guy from the "Irish" section of inner city Boston. For those who know Boston it's Dorchester/Southie area. He comes with his few paintings a art and a very different style than mine. I said, We're going to make this work. If you could see our place...it's amazing. It is not the Taj Mahal or Stevie's house...it's just a 2 bedroom apartment in suburbia. My few treasures were mostly willed to me from my "Nana Mac" that I lost in the spring. I have dard rich red, maroon, blue etc. Orientals and a Tiffany. Tom had some valuable (to him and now me too) paintings (originals) from a local artist. So it's kind of like BRIGHT came crashing into my dark muted colors. You know what? Like our relationship...our "things" mashed perfectly together. Much like it was a plan or a blessing...OR...something that was destined to be.

Today we've been together 5 years...and we haven't killed each other Ha ha. I remember when we met I had a bout with this and we lived on a spending budget of less then $500 for the 2 of us and we smoke!!!

If you have love, appreciation and acceptance...you can make it and make it and make it...If you believe you can.

So now while we are both out of work until March...it's sorta going back to the velvet underground. Hamburger, tuna, cheese, ground coffee, creamer, canned veggies...you get my drift?

And this year as I said I'm missing my grandmother that died in my arms on Palm Sunday...but, I don't go mental grieving...she worked very hard for almost 95 years...and I would never deprive her from the heaven she so firmly believed in. If I was soooo down I truly believe she would spiritually hang around here in misery.

...just a quick little story...my grandmother the night before she died...was having full conversations with her past brothers, Joe and Herbie...and kept singing...like I believe...that their was a Choir of Angels awaiting her...for that she believed...on my 1st birthday after her death in July, Tom and I went to a little getaway on an ocean up in Maine. One night I had a dream (I, all my life wake up at the time of my birth on my birthdays...4:01 am) that Nana and I were both laughing and flying over the vast ocean and waves looking down and seeing tiny dots but great detail of the sky and the clouds and the land and the ocean. There were no words exchanged...she was holding my hand. I was SO happy and pain free...then again, I snapped awake like I landed on my bed kind of waking up. 4:01 am. My grandmother raised me since infant due to family politics. I could smell her home, the soap, the dried flowers around the house sewed into ripped panty hose things (her own pot pourri) and her clean light (perfumey?) scent. It was morning twilight...I felt her presence...and true love never dies.

We are ALWAYS going to be ok. Belive, Trust and Love...just do the best you can. And watch for the miracles.

Love you...
Jim

Hey, I really swear and dont change or shave on the weekends...I bitch sometimes...I'm NOT a saint or Pollyanna...far from but...I have bits and pieces and glimpses on how to make it...and you know what? I'm great!!!:angel:

[David]

Best of luck to you & yours, Jim. :wavey:

[CelticGypsy]

Hey everyone...

My name is Jim. I got a little sad here a while ago. I will no longer debate. However, I will offer comments, thoughts...and posts. I mean nothing harsh by this it's just looking at things in a "holier" "more spiritual" "bright" light.

This was one of the first deep thoughts/memories that happened in my life that was really intense. People were really nice.

I DO follow some of you guys...and the ones I follow always make me smile.

I thought I'd bring up this post because the state of our planet is hinging on the decisions we all make. You know I believe that families come first...yes, and the little things that we take for granted. I'm pollyanna-ed out when my deodorant comes out with a new "power" or "force" or whatever ridiculous name scent. I'm that much of a geek.

My partner and I love each other so much. As we do our families.

Last year was hard because I missed a lot of work due to a kidney defect I have. It's alright just a minor bump in the road of life...We are barely making ends meet with meager cents. However, I live in a 2 family home...Tom and I have a huge, beautiful, bright 2 bedroom apartment. When he moved in I was kind of like...ok, here's this poor Irish guy from the "Irish" section of inner city Boston. For those who know Boston it's Dorchester/Southie area. He comes with his few paintings a art and a very different style than mine. I said, We're going to make this work. If you could see our place...it's amazing. It is not the Taj Mahal or Stevie's house...it's just a 2 bedroom apartment in suburbia. My few treasures were mostly willed to me from my "Nana Mac" that I lost in the spring. I have dard rich red, maroon, blue etc. Orientals and a Tiffany. Tom had some valuable (to him and now me too) paintings (originals) from a local artist. So it's kind of like BRIGHT came crashing into my dark muted colors. You know what? Like our relationship...our "things" mashed perfectly together. Much like it was a plan or a blessing...OR...something that was destined to be.

Today we've been together 5 years...and we haven't killed each other Ha ha. I remember when we met I had a bout with this and we lived on a spending budget of less then $500 for the 2 of us and we smoke!!!

If you have love, appreciation and acceptance...you can make it and make it and make it...If you believe you can.

So now while we are both out of work until March...it's sorta going back to the velvet underground. Hamburger, tuna, cheese, ground coffee, creamer, canned veggies...you get my drift?

And this year as I said I'm missing my grandmother that died in my arms on Palm Sunday...but, I don't go mental grieving...she worked very hard for almost 95 years...and I would never deprive her from the heaven she so firmly believed in. If I was soooo down I truly believe she would spiritually hang around here in misery.

...just a quick little story...my grandmother the night before she died...was having full conversations with her past brothers, Joe and Herbie...and kept singing...like I believe...that their was a Choir of Angels awaiting her...for that she believed...on my 1st birthday after her death in July, Tom and I went to a little getaway on an ocean up in Maine. One night I had a dream (I, all my life wake up at the time of my birth on my birthdays...4:01 am) that Nana and I were both laughing and flying over the vast ocean and waves looking down and seeing tiny dots but great detail of the sky and the clouds and the land and the ocean. There were no words exchanged...she was holding my hand. I was SO happy and pain free...then again, I snapped awake like I landed on my bed kind of waking up. 4:01 am. My grandmother raised me since infant due to family politics. I could smell her home, the soap, the dried flowers around the house sewed into ripped panty hose things (her own pot pourri) and her clean light (perfumey?) scent. It was morning twilight...I felt her presence...and true love never dies.

We are ALWAYS going to be ok. Belive, Trust and Love...just do the best you can. And watch for the miracles.

Love you...
Jim

Hey, I really swear and dont change or shave on the weekends...I bitch sometimes...I'm NOT a saint or Pollyanna...far from but...I have bits and pieces and glimpses on how to make it...and you know what? I'm great!!!:angel:


This was so lovely to read. Thanks, Jim. I know that your grandmother must have been a very beautiful lady:)

[CelticGypsy]

Hi you guys...

I know a lot of you might know me. Maybe not. I recognize some from 7W.

Anyway...I'd really like to tell my family story a little bit but, not now. Not that I don't want to I'm focused on my sister that passed away not too long ago. I recently commented on this a little bit in the "Sandy Stewart" thread. It is a little bit sad but, she changed my life and it certainly confirms my belief that we are all sent here on a mission and we don't leave until the mission is accomplished. I'm not going to get into religon or into a lot of my faith issues. Maybe just a touch on faith and heaven. I can be long winded so I'm going to try really hard to make this story very brief. I really want to share this with anyone that cares to read.

Today was a day of memory and celebration.

I had a "disabled" sister that passed a way not too long ago. She wasn't supposed to even reach puberty but, Patty was stonger, smarter and wiser than I'll ever hope to be. Patty couldn't talk much. She couldn't walk. She needed constant care...she couldn't just go get an ice cream or download a bootleg. She never had a date...although she was very attracted to men. She could never get the hottest haircut or neatest pair of shoes because...her hair was kept short for caretaking needs and she couldn't go to Filene's Basement to get a great deal on shoes. She was so "disabled" that she was very limited in what she was "physically" able to do.

We all grew up with Patty at home and she was just our sister. We always knew her the way she was so...it was not like she had a bad car wreck or something and she was now different. We just took for granted, like most of us do, that she was just our sister...how little we knew.

As we got older Patty ran into respratory problems requiring a breathing tube and a feeding tube implanted into her throat. She lived less than 10 minutes from me in a facility that is now closing due to State and Federal cutbacks. My sister died just before turning 40. She would not have lived without her caretakers in that facility. Especially one lady that dedicated almost 15 years to my sister. She misses my sister terribly. As do I.

My sister's favorite holiday was thanksgiving. In the residence where she lived her caretaker and staff would always prepare a thankgiving dinner in their bungalow for the patients and staff. Although my sister couldn't mash the potatoes or season the gravy, she was the boss on this day. It was her special day when she felt SO important. She would sit in a specially designed chair where she could sort of sit upright (built by my grandfather...a Carpenter off the boat from Scotland) and communicate to everyone through eye movements, wild erratic hand gestures, and by kicking her feet on this special chair. Everyone asked her what to do and if it wasn't to her liking...she let it be known. Everyone in my sister's very small world knew her very well...and knew her communication methods...and they knew when she meant business. Anyway, in honor of my sister Patty, my sister Cathi (a 12 year politician in one of the cities near me that quit politics when she finally realized how corrupt it is...how many scams go on...and where state and federal money really goes...etc...) and her politician friends (good ones) gather together and fund a really big Thanksgiving dinner for the remaining patients and staff and families etc... My sister's picture is set up on a little table and everybody floods in for the buffet. I knew she was there today with us...having a ball and laughing her ass of at me skidding accross the floor on spilt cranberry jel and crashing in to the dessert buffett table (yes, I'm as graceful as a ballerina wearing lead boots).

My sister fought her way back to life so many times that there is no way I don't believe in miracles. I can't count how many times I was called to "prepare for the worst" only for my sister to have a complete recovery the next day. She was pushing and fighting for her life in her little "disabled" body everyday...but,for what reason?

One day I was called at work by my sister Cathi and she said, we have to go to Patti's...it's almost time. I work for an airline and it's really hard for people to reach me so, I should have realized the seriousness of her infection this time. I just took for granted that Patti struggled for life and just figured she'd be fine in a couple of days. My sister picked me up at the airport and we drove to her little bungalow on the grounds of the facility. It was pretty late at night near the end of summer and all was so quiet. My sister had a very pink girly room decorated with pink ribbons, purple curtains, hearts and...well you get it...a little girls room. The nurse whispered to us that she's comfortable and pulled my sister aside and motioned for me to go in. I did. I could hear her little tiny rock waterfall running...the hum of her occilating fan...and the sound of her breathing machine. She didn't waken or even stirr. I was cracking my wiseass jokes to her (she loved it when I would cuss...and tell her she had a fat ass, even though she didn't) and I was feeling her forehead, hands and cheeks with little touches that she loved. I was Patti's favorite and she was mine...I think I forgot to mention that. I spent time whispering to her that I loved her and gossiping about the staff and movie stars and stuff. When I returned to my other sister and the nurse I was told to "prepare for the worst" again. I just took for granted that when the sun comes up and it was time for her lilac bath she'd be just fine again. I was made aware of the DNR paperwork but, I really didn't think anything was all that serious. My sister drove me home and I chatted with her about nothing much.

The next morning before I even woke for work my phone was ringing. The doctor called and said, "you'd better come right away." I don't know if it's a protection thing I have or, the fact that I was focusing on how crappy things were in my life at that time or, just refusing to believe that my sister would be leaving earthly bonds soon or whatever because, I didn't freak, panic, get sad or run out my door screaming. I just pulled on a t shirt and jeans, brushed my teeth and dabbed a little lemon-patchoulli on my neck and I got in my car and took the 10 minute drive to Patti's. To my sister that I always took for granted that she was going to always be ok.

My various family members and friends came and went all day from my sister's bungalow. People came from everywhere. I had NO idea how many people's lives my sister touched. I had NO idea how loved she was. I had NO idea what I was in store for that day. NO idea.

I stayed by Patti's bed all day long in her room crowded with people coming and going all day. I took tiny breaks for a smoke or a sip of coffee but, I basically knew I needed to be caressing Patti's hand at all times...or smoothing her forehead...or whispering in her ear gossip about how I thought the cute doctor was having an affair with the girl from the medical files department (whom by the way came too).

I took a 10 minute break to make some important calls. I called my shrink...he was there for me if I needed him. I called out of work. The important call that I urgently needed to make was last. I didn't even know her number. I hadn't talked to her in a couple of years actually. I, at that point, didn't know why it was urgent that I get in touch with her. I somehow got her number and had her on the phone in about 50 seconds. My friend Esther from California. My friend Esther is an older black lady from the south. She is my spiritual mentor. She is amazing. I breifly told her what was going on...and she said hold on I'm coming to you. I was kind of like what...? (she was on the West Coast and I'm on the East) I heard her take a deep breath and I was just about to say, "uuuh...I'll call you back..." She spoke then. She said ok I'm here with you. You're sister room is so cute...it's all pink and has purple curtains...there is soft piano music playing...the tall doctor is here...there's your Ma...etc. Time just stopped for me. She then took a gasp and I asked her if she was ok. She said, she was fine but, she'd never seen anything like this. First of all I was freaked that she described the place to a T. I was freaked that she described every minute detail of the situation to me. What almost made me faint and drop the phone and race back to my sister's side was what she last told me. "I've never seen anything like this...the room is crowded and lots and lots of people are coming and going but, what amazes me is that the room is so jammed with angels that it was hard to see one from the other...everyone in that room has at least 1 angel. The doctor has 2. Your sister has many but, many are just there sent to wait for her to 'finish up'...BUT...it's you outside the side door smoking is what I'm shocked about. YOU have many, many personal angels...always there with you...holding you up...making sure your safe...etc..." She told me that she's never witnessed a single soul on the planet that is completly surrounded at all times by so many angels. She told me something about dark periods in my life and blah, blah, blah...but she's NEVER going to worry about me...I'll always be fine. She then said I'm leaving there...and that your sister needs you right away. Then, I ran to her side like a drama queen, pushing my way past people and right to her side. I said in a loud voice, "someone open the window"...and they did. I asked every body to stand really close...(I was being looked at a little strangely by some of the people) The next thing is Patti's caretaker and best friend said to me...Oh my god Patti smells just like you. I looked at her like, "whaa?" (maybe the patchoulli lemon?) I put my right arm underneath and around my sister's shoulder...my other sister Cathi was on the left side of the bed with Patti's caretaker/best friend...my mom was right behind me...my brother in law was at the foot of the bed with my brother Deano. The room was jammed. I put my cheek next to my sisters...the room was in prayer...I was whispering in my sister's left ear...caressing her left palm...and I was telling her that hey...we're all here Patti...and that I was giving her kisses from Nana who was too sick to make it to her...I was giving kisses from Aunt Joan that was far away in Seattle...I told her not to worry about us...that we'll always be together etc...A staff member(oddly enough a Southern woman that wore her hair just like my friend Esther) said aloud, " Patti, what are you hanging around for, honey?" My brother in law (a fireman) said her resperations are at zero or something like that...one of the doctors listened to hear heart and said, "she's still here..." I then whispered in her ear a wish of love and thanks and a little bit of what my friend told me on the phone...I told her I was going to be just fine...and she doesn't have to worry about me anymore (I don't know what prompted me to say that...) Time DID stand still...a tiny hint of a breeze escaped from my sister's lips...I swear I felt the massive energy of great movement whisk through me and out the window for about 15 seconds...then I said, "I think she's gone...she's gone." It was really, really quiet. The doctor listened to her heart and checked her vitals and confirmed that Patti had "died".

Then there was one more weird thing that I forgot to mention. All day long, while we all hung out, while all the people were coming and going...there was a little chipmunk or a baby squirrel in my sister's window scratching at the screen. Even when I had them open the window and the screen he was on the top part of the screeen...scratching away all day long. I don't know what made me think about it at that point but, he was gone...the scratching stopped...Then little by little sounds came back. I could hear her little waterfall...I could hear her piano music (by the way her favorite piano piece is called "Winterlight" and Linda Ronstadt did a song for it) on loop all day again...I could sense movement...then I heard the sobs. Even the big cute doctor was in tears.

I gave my sister's forehead a little kiss. I was calm as hell.

I walked out just in time to run into my drunk father...just showing up. I told him what he missed.

My sister in law was out in front and wanted to go in...so I took my neice and someone else's kid...I don't remember...and we were blowing bubbles and playing.

I stayed out of the drama and chaos going on in the room with my father and his crap...and preperation of my sister's "body". blah blah blah.

Patti's mission was finally complete here. Her job was over and she had to get home. She waited until she was sure things were going to be cool here.
That we were all going to be alright. That "I" was going to be alright.

I'm so sorry for making this into a LONG depressing story but, I'm going to sum it all up now in a few more sentences.

Remember how I said the bit about everyone having a mission here? Patti was the wisest person I'll ever, ever know. Her body limited her physically but, her very being moved great, great things bigger than mountains. My family was extremely torn up. We had your more than average dyfunctional family thing going on. My dad was on his...I don't know what marriage that one was...he was an addict. My sister Cathi was estranged from my mom and one of my brother's, my grandmother and myself. This one hated that one because that one hated this one and on and on. Patti stitched the family back together that day. She taught us a lot of things. And set a great example. This is what I learned. You should have no limits on love...the capacity of love...or the willingness of love. Things aren't always what they seem. People are not always what you make them out to be. You have chocies in life over being happy or miserable. My sister was labeled "disabled" but, she was not. In fact when people bring her up and say things like, "the poor things was so..." I kindly but firmly reply that she was the happiest person I'll ever know and that her quality of life was so much greater than anything many of us we'll ever know. My sister could have spent her time here being in a very miserable state of being. She chose smiles and laughter. She chose not to hide the fact that she was VERY happy to see you. She chose not to harbour ill feelings about what she couldn't do...She chose not to feel jealous. She made her choices with the hand she was dealt...I believe she was given her mission before coming here and carried it out very well. This tiny, disabled person held the capacity to do things I could never do...even if I went to school and studied my whole life. She just held wisdom. Her courage was like that of something that could never be summoned by me. Her demons were that of immense physical pain. She chose joy through her pains. She didn't get a degree, have sex, or even have the horrible task of paying bills and writing checks.

Yet, she fought hard for every day to live just to be with the people she loved.

Yeah, I have my ups and downs like everybody else. I'm late for work sometimes or I cuss out a friend for thinking they've dissed me. I've hurt people's feelings. BUT...I never take anything for granted anymore. I, and a lot of us have so many more "gifts" and "abilties" that we'll never realize or be able to tap into. I cherish my loved ones, my planet, my abilities and I cherish that day when I was able to be there for my sister's last breath. I don't think I'll ever bear witness to something as awesome as that day ever again. I'll never forget what I've learned from my sister. I'm so thankful of what I have and what I don't have. I'm open to learning new things. And the most important thing is that I've realized that my sister, you, my partner and even my nasty boss at my first job that fired me...is perfect. In everyway. You ask me about perfection in some people? What purpose could some possibly serve but evil and hatred? I'm not sure but, I think it's all about balance. That they were sent here for some reason too. For some mission.

If you don't like this story I hope you didn't read down to this line. If you want to comment that's cool. If you don't that's cool too. Just please, if you're going to say something nasty...you have the right. I just hope you don't do it today.

I really believe that I was "touched by an angel".

Jim

PS...I'm really sorry about this long, long supposedly going to be a quick story. I get carried away on this subject. I just wanted to let you know 1 more thing. Patti was my 1/2 sister. I never knew or saw her real mom. She was from my dad's first marriage. Her mother died in childbirth. Something really bad happened to me not long after she passed. I was on my way for a few seconds. I DID see my sister again. She looked differnetly. Remember how I said her hair was kept really short and her body was mis-shapen? I was...for what seemed like a few minutes was looking up caught up in some kind of breeze and I was standing in front of my sister and a woman was standing behind her. Patti's hair was really long and caught up in the breeze...the woman behind her looked oddly like my other 1/2 brother David. They were both smiling at me...and it's hard to describe...kind of sparkly...then the wind was strong and I felt a really hard jolt. Like a massive snap or something.

And I heard the doctor say, "he's back..." I'm not going to elaborate on this one but, I will say this. "I" know that this time here isn't the end and that true, real love...never, ever dies.

Some time later I was shown some pictures of my sister's real mom.

That woman standing behind my sister smiling was Patti's mother. They are together again.

I feel my mission is not finished here. I believe Patti brought her mom with her for me to see them together.

I believe Patti flung me back to my loved ones. To someone that needed me...or may need me someday.


Patti definitely was a beautiful blessing in your life, Jim. Thank you for sharing this. Patti must have loved you very much to come back for that moment and let you know that she was very happy and with her family in Heaven.