D.i.v.o.r.c.e.....

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Just thought I would let anyone who is interested know that I've started the ball rolling with my divorce from my dickwad of a husband. We seperated back in January but had to live in the same house until it was sold. The marriage had been having problems for a long time and him working abroad made me realise how much happier I was without him. Plus he was a complete asshole over Xmas, upsetting both me and the kids. So I told him we needed to split. I then found out in the February that he had been seeing someone abroad since at least the November (I think it was longer than that though). I moved into my little rented house in July (and I love it! Should have done it years ago!) with the kids and he rented a huge house... the reason for this becoming clear later on. He now has is 'other woman' living with him. She is from Venezuela and she's over here on a 3 month visa with her child. I didn't find out she was here until he had the kids for the first time ever (3 months after we moved into our rented houses). He took them to his, introduced them to her and then told them not to tell me. Bastard. My daughter, Rhiannon was very traumatised by the whole thing. I found out later that she had already been here since the middle of September.. playing happy families.. the child has a bedroom full of clothes and toys that he has brought and she is even in school. Anyway.. I had it out with him... told him I didn't care who he was with but that the way he had behaved had really upset the children. He tried to tell me his private life was none of my business... well I don't agree when it concerns our kids.
And then the money that he had agreed to pay each month for the kids was £100 short at the end of October... said it was all he could afford. Obviously he is splashing all his cash on Carmen Miranda and her child.... sigh

Anyway.. I've been to a solicitor and the divorce is getting started. He has always talked about leaving this country so I have a strong suspicion he will bugger off with this other woman.. maybe not to Venezuela but to Spain. He has always talked about living there. I'm well shot of him but it makes me so sad for my kids. Rhiannon used to adore her daddy and I've just watched that disappear for her.

Oops... didn't mean to write such an essay!

[GODDESS6]

Just thought I would let anyone who is interested know that I've started the ball rolling with my divorce from my dickwad of a husband. We seperated back in January but had to live in the same house until it was sold. The marriage had been having problems for a long time and him working abroad made me realise how much happier I was without him. Plus he was a complete asshole over Xmas, upsetting both me and the kids. So I told him we needed to split. I then found out in the February that he had been seeing someone abroad since at least the November (I think it was longer than that though). I moved into my little rented house in July (and I love it! Should have done it years ago!) with the kids and he rented a huge house... the reason for this becoming clear later on. He now has is 'other woman' living with him. She is from Venezuela and she's over here on a 3 month visa with her child. I didn't find out she was here until he had the kids for the first time ever (3 months after we moved into our rented houses). He took them to his, introduced them to her and then told them not to tell me. Bastard. My daughter, Rhiannon was very traumatised by the whole thing. I found out later that she had already been here since the middle of September.. playing happy families.. the child has a bedroom full of clothes and toys that he has brought and she is even in school. Anyway.. I had it out with him... told him I didn't care who he was with but that the way he had behaved had really upset the children. He tried to tell me his private life was none of my business... well I don't agree when it concerns our kids.
And then the money that he had agreed to pay each month for the kids was £100 short at the end of October... said it was all he could afford. Obviously he is splashing all his cash on Carmen Miranda and her child.... sigh

Anyway.. I've been to a solicitor and the divorce is getting started. He has always talked about leaving this country so I have a strong suspicion he will bugger off with this other woman.. maybe not to Venezuela but to Spain. He has always talked about living there. I'm well shot of him but it makes me so sad for my kids. Rhiannon used to adore her daddy and I've just watched that disappear for her.

Oops... didn't mean to write such an essay!

good luck pip, divorce is never an easy thing, i do wish the best for you & your kids:xoxo:~

[michelle2677]

anyone who ever said divorce was easy is lying. It is a very difficult thing, even if you hate the person. But you are definitely doing the right thing-obviously. It is very unfortunate that he is letting this other woman basically rule his life and seems to have forgotten about his own kids. if he goes off to another country, does that mean he'll be able to get out of child support?

I wish you the best of luck. I really do. Hang in there. The hardest step is actually filing, and then it gets much easier from there. If you need anything at all, let me know. I've been through it. Not with kids, not with a cheater or an asshole, but i've been there. best wishes :xoxo:

[sara1998]

I'm so sorry, Pip. I went through death, not divorce, and I would rather it be that way. I couldn't imagine what you're going through. Hang in there and stay strong for your babies... they need you now more than ever and they will realize which parent was always there for them.

[michelle2677]

I'm so sorry, Pip. I went through death, not divorce, and I would rather it be that way. I couldn't imagine what you're going through. Hang in there and stay strong for your babies... they need you now more than ever and they will realize which parent was always there for them.



yes. this is VERY important. Even if later on, he's off buying them gifts, and taking them places-getting to do all the "fun" stuff with them just to make up for not being there, while you're at home taking them to the dentist and making them do their homework-please remember when they grow up they'll know. That happened to me when i was a kid and I know it killed my mother that my dad hung the moon, but now that i'm older, I know exactly what was up and my mother and I have the best relationship. My dad? not so much.

[sara1998]

yes. this is VERY important. Even if later on, he's off buying them gifts, and taking them places-getting to do all the "fun" stuff with them just to make up for not being there, while you're at home taking them to the dentist and making them do their homework-please remember when they grow up they'll know. That happened to me when i was a kid and I know it killed my mother that my dad hung the moon, but now that i'm older, I know exactly what was up and my mother and I have the best relationship. My dad? not so much.

I don't understand it from any point of view honestly. My folks have been married for 31 years, so I've never been through a divorce. However, I do know that once they are much older and understand much better, they will know who took care of them and who tried to snowball them.

[jannieC]

So sorry you're going through this. It *will* get easier over time, but right now I'm sure it feels very overwhelming. Good luck. :xoxo:

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Thanks everyone for all your support :xoxo:

[mylittledemon]

... they need you now more than ever and they will realize which parent was always there for them.

Well thats kind of an unfair thing to say. Parents have their reasons for doing things. Pip cant stay with her husband, she has said so...well, maybe her husband cant stay with her either. He's got to go off and do his own thing. He cant just stay with her because of the kids--thats not the right thing to do either. I'm not justifying what he's doing...it WILL hurt the kids, but Pip can deal with it. She's said so herself. It's her kids that wont understand until they get older, and they can take their parents off that God-like-pedestal we all put them on, and realize they are human beings too...and make mistakes.

But from the sounds of it, he's already had this bird on the side and has been looking to "get out" for some time. He probably isnt making the wisest decision by leaving the country...he should stay close to his kids. But thats a choice he is going to make, or already has, and will have to deal with those consequences later.

At any rate, PIP...Sorry you have to experience this. My folks got divorced and it was just ****ty. It took me about 6 or 7 years to get over it.

[JazmenFlowers]

sorry to hear this Pip. it's never easy to end a relationship of any kind. take care.

[Steviefan49]

I'm really sorry to hear about this Pip! My heart goes out to you and the kids, and I'm sending you LOADS of strength to get through all of this.

All my love to you,

Arlene

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Well thats kind of an unfair thing to say. Parents have their reasons for doing things. Pip cant stay with her husband, she has said so...well, maybe her husband cant stay with her either. He's got to go off and do his own thing. He cant just stay with her because of the kids--thats not the right thing to do either. I'm not justifying what he's doing...it WILL hurt the kids, but Pip can deal with it. She's said so herself. It's her kids that wont understand until they get older, and they can take their parents off that God-like-pedestal we all put them on, and realize they are human beings too...and make mistakes.

But from the sounds of it, he's already had this bird on the side and has been looking to "get out" for some time. He probably isnt making the wisest decision by leaving the country...he should stay close to his kids. But thats a choice he is going to make, or already has, and will have to deal with those consequences later.

At any rate, PIP...Sorry you have to experience this. My folks got divorced and it was just ****ty. It took me about 6 or 7 years to get over it.

Believe me... he has gone off and done his own thing. And then he didn't even have the backbone to admit it even though I'd seen things with my own eyes. He also would never have had the balls to end the marriage. He thought he could lead two seperate lives until his lying **** caught up with him and I refused to put up with it anymore.

[mylittledemon]

Believe me... he has gone off and done his own thing. And then he didn't even have the backbone to admit it even though I'd seen things with my own eyes. He also would never have had the balls to end the marriage. He thought he could lead two seperate lives until his lying **** caught up with him and I refused to put up with it anymore.

Mmm. Sorry to hear that Pip. Well I guess he's just a cheat then. My father cheated on my mother, so I'm told, and she didnt tell me that until after he died. I cant even remember how it came out. I wouldnt have believe it years ago, but I wouldnt put it past him. I'm sure he did. But it doesnt make me think less of him. I mean, it was a ****ty thing to do though. It just showed how much my mother loved us. She put up with him all those years to keep us together.

[danax6]

Well thats kind of an unfair thing to say. Parents have their reasons for doing things. Pip cant stay with her husband, she has said so...well, maybe her husband cant stay with her either. He's got to go off and do his own thing. He cant just stay with her because of the kids--thats not the right thing to do either. I'm not justifying what he's doing...it WILL hurt the kids, but Pip can deal with it. She's said so herself. It's her kids that wont understand until they get older, and they can take their parents off that God-like-pedestal we all put them on, and realize they are human beings too...and make mistakes. Please, it's not always this black and white. When my parents separated when I was five, my mother sure showed where her priorities were, and they weren't with us. We were raised by our dad, she didn't show her face for years. And it wasn't because she couldn't, she just had more important things to worry about, like education and a career.

So, I agree with Maria, though I do realize it comes down to personal experience. But I've seen it happen with a lot of families that broke up.

Pip, best of luck to you, I know this isn't easy for anyone involved. :xoxo:

[mikeschmike]

Good luck Pip! You know we're here pulling for you so feel free to come and start a "I Hate Carmen Miranda" thread anytime you want! :xoxo:

[Livia]

Hang in there, Pip. :xoxo:

[HejiraNYC]

Well thats kind of an unfair thing to say. Parents have their reasons for doing things. Pip cant stay with her husband, she has said so...well, maybe her husband cant stay with her either. He's got to go off and do his own thing. He cant just stay with her because of the kids--thats not the right thing to do either. I'm not justifying what he's doing...it WILL hurt the kids, but Pip can deal with it. She's said so herself. It's her kids that wont understand until they get older, and they can take their parents off that God-like-pedestal we all put them on, and realize they are human beings too...and make mistakes.


What utter bollocks! If he has gone down the road of taking on the responsibility of having children, then his so-called right to "go off and do his own thing" has been rescinded FOREVER. His kids should be his main responsibility for the rest of his life, period. And this means he had no business sticking his willy in some low-rent international floozy and creating all of this disruption in the lives of his children. Of course Pip can deal with it; it's not like she has any other choice since she is the only one in that marriage taking her responsibilities as a parent seriously! I hardly consider his sneaking around on the side merely a "mistake." That is, unless being born a self-centered charlatan asshole can be considered a "mistake."

Hang in there, Pip. :xoxo:

[SuzeQuze]

Pip, you deserve better. Good for you for getting out of that, it takes a lot of strength. So sorry you are going through it. And I'm sorry for your kids and poor Rhiannon, her dad should never tell her to keep a secret from you, shame on him!

[mylittledemon]

What utter bollocks! If he has gone down the road of taking on the responsibility of having children, then his so-called right to "go off and do his own thing" has been rescinded FOREVER. His kids should be his main responsibility for the rest of his life, period. And this means he had no business sticking his willy in some low-rent international floozy and creating all of this disruption in the lives of his children. Of course Pip can deal with it; it's not like she has any other choice since she is the only one in that marriage taking her responsibilities as a parent seriously! I hardly consider his sneaking around on the side merely a "mistake." That is, unless being born a self-centered charlatan asshole can be considered a "mistake."

Hang in there, Pip. :xoxo:

well that was before Pip told me he was cheating on her. What I said applies to a "mutual" separation.

[Betsy]

Hey Pip --

I don't know you, but I have a suggestion...

If you want to vent, cuss, throw a temper tantrum -- whatever... tell us....get it all out of your system...but don't do it infront of the kids.

We can offer advice, encouragment, prayers, and join in on the cursing ...

I made the mistake (one too many times) complaining to the kids about dad's shortcomings and his moving out...and it just backfired... They began to see me as the bad guy, and began trying to please dad and before I knew it, I had to deal with Saint Dad and nothing I did was right in their eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut.

It is better to let them assess the situation themselves.

Things change and we change...and 5 years from now...this probably won't be a blimp on the radar.

Hang in there and remember there are lots of friends thinking of you.

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

What utter bollocks! If he has gone down the road of taking on the responsibility of having children, then his so-called right to "go off and do his own thing" has been rescinded FOREVER. His kids should be his main responsibility for the rest of his life, period. And this means he had no business sticking his willy in some low-rent international floozy and creating all of this disruption in the lives of his children. Of course Pip can deal with it; it's not like she has any other choice since she is the only one in that marriage taking her responsibilities as a parent seriously! I hardly consider his sneaking around on the side merely a "mistake." That is, unless being born a self-centered charlatan asshole can be considered a "mistake."

Hang in there, Pip. :xoxo:

I have tried to have it out with him many times about his priorities. My children are the number one priority in my life and he actually told me I need more to my life than the kids. I have plenty of other things in my life but they are my number one. Like I said earlier... he has only just started having them. He has them for one day and one night every 2 weeks. Aside from that he never contacts them. No phone calls or text messages. When he screwed up that first time having them I tried to contact him for a week saying we needed to discuss the kids and he ignored my calls and text messages. Eventually a week later he called and acted like there was nothing to talk about.

Oh and just to show what an arrogant asshole he is... about a month ago he borrowed my old mobile phone off of me. He told me his was broken and me being a mug agreed for him to borrow it. At that time I thought we were getting along ok and being amicable for the sake of the kids. She was already over here by then but I didn't know that. Can you guess what's coming next? Yep... he gave the phone to her. How he can think that's acceptable is beyond me. When I found out I demanded the phone back and he tried to argue about who had paid for the bills on it when we were together. He has always laid claim to more money in our relationship even though we had a joint account. As far as he's concerned ... he earns more. Yes he does but I work when i can and I'm at home looking after the kids.
Anyway I got the phone back and the idiot that he is assumed everything would be gone when he took out the sim card. Er... no... it's all still there. Photos of her kid.. text messages between him and her....

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Hey Pip --

I don't know you, but I have a suggestion...

If you want to vent, cuss, throw a temper tantrum -- whatever... tell us....get it all out of your system...but don't do it infront of the kids.

We can offer advice, encouragment, prayers, and join in on the cursing ...

I made the mistake (one too many times) complaining to the kids about dad's shortcomings and his moving out...and it just backfired... They began to see me as the bad guy, and began trying to please dad and before I knew it, I had to deal with Saint Dad and nothing I did was right in their eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut.

It is better to let them assess the situation themselves.

Things change and we change...and 5 years from now...this probably won't be a blimp on the radar.

Hang in there and remember there are lots of friends thinking of you.
Thanks. I have never bad mouthed him in front of the kids and I never would. This is why he makes me so cross when he does the things he does and puts them in an awkward position. He took a load of my kids DVD's to his house and then I found out it was for the other child to watch. I asked for them back. Rhiannon tried to bring them back at the weekend and he sarcastically said to her 'who paid for them' ... wanker

[mylittledemon]

Hey Pip --

I don't know you, but I have a suggestion...

If you want to vent, cuss, throw a temper tantrum -- whatever... tell us....get it all out of your system...but don't do it infront of the kids.

We can offer advice, encouragment, prayers, and join in on the cursing ...

I made the mistake (one too many times) complaining to the kids about dad's shortcomings and his moving out...and it just backfired... They began to see me as the bad guy, and began trying to please dad and before I knew it, I had to deal with Saint Dad and nothing I did was right in their eyes. I should have kept my mouth shut.

It is better to let them assess the situation themselves.

Things change and we change...and 5 years from now...this probably won't be a blimp on the radar.

Hang in there and remember there are lots of friends thinking of you.


Same kinda thing happened to my family. My mother raised my brother and my sister, and I. She was always home. Dad did well enough that she didnt have to work. So when she left dad for a preacher (the pastor of our church) we (for lack of a better term) just crucified her. She had just sunk so low in our eyes. And our father, who was a great man, but not around much...suddenly became the dad we always wanted him to be. We were "all he had" so he wanted to be close to us at that point. So we clutched onto him like a drowning man and a life preserver. I regret that a little now, because my mother didnt deserve that. But I'm also glad in a way, now, because my father has passed on that we got closer thru that ordeal.

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Oh and let me just add. This woman and her child arrived with nothing. The child now has a bedroom full of toys and clothes that he would have brought. My kids don't even have a bedroom at his house. They sleep in his bed when they visit. Also I'm told that he gave her his bank card and pin number so she could go shopping.

[gretchen]

Pip, I know I don't know you that well, but from seeing your posts from time to time, I believe you have the muster and fortitude to get through this. I am not even going to pretend to know what you are going through; my parents have been married for 40 years and are still very much in love. I can't even imagine the pain involved, but I wish you strength and support through this difficult time. Sending hugs across the pond.

[DrummerDeanna]

Jesus Pip. The man sounds like an ass. I can't believe the way he's treating the kids - meaning, I agree that they should be his number one priority but from what you've told us it's clear he's making this other kid a priority which is just sad. And it sends a horrible and very hurtful message to your kids. The DVD thing pissed me off!! "Who paid for them" god..what a dick :laugh: Your poor daugther - this can't be easy for any of you...I can only echo the "hang in there" sentiments...

[Steviefan49]

Oh and let me just add. This woman and her child arrived with nothing. The child now has a bedroom full of toys and clothes that he would have brought. My kids don't even have a bedroom at his house. They sleep in his bed when they visit. Also I'm told that he gave her his bank card and pin number so she could go shopping.

Awww. this REALLY makes me sad Pip! When you said a "Wanker" ~ that was sorta mild for what I wanted to say! Does he not "realize" that those Children ARE his responsiblity too? I SOOOO wish you both lived in Texas, as we don't put up with this crap for a second! They start "child support" right away, and have it "Extracted" from his paychecks, so there's no way he can come up "short"! Other than on BRAINS! :p:rolleyes:

[camchristo]

well that was before Pip told me he was cheating on her. What I said applies to a "mutual" separation.

She said he had been cheating in her first post...


Pip, what a jerk. The DVD thing pisses me off too? What kind of an ass says something like that to their child. Children don't thing of ownership in terms of who paid for something. It was something he bought for them and now he decides he wants them back to give to someone else? People just amaze me. I can't believe how many people put their needs in front of those of their children.

They are lucky to have you. Stay strong and know that in the end, you'll be much better off and will probably be way happier than him. Good luck.:)

[bretonbanquet]

This guy sounds like a serious a$$hole. Hang in there :) Afterwards you'll be the one who always did the right thing, and your kids will see that, they always do :nod: :xoxo:

[SuzeQuze]

She said he had been cheating in her first post...


Pip, what a jerk. The DVD thing pisses me off too? What kind of an ass says something like that to their child. Children don't thing of ownership in terms of who paid for something. It was something he bought for them and now he decides he wants them back to give to someone else? People just amaze me. I can't believe how many people put their needs in front of those of their children.

They are lucky to have you. Stay strong and know that in the end, you'll be much better off and will probably be way happier than him. Good luck.:)

Yes because karma's a bitch. Pip, you probably already are happier than him. How could someone like that be happy?

[Gypsy-Rhiannon]

Yes because karma's a bitch. Pip, you probably already are happier than him. How could someone like that be happy?

Apart from all this **** I'm the happiest I've been in a long time!

I also forgot to add that when I first moved into here he came sniffing around thinking we could pick things up again. He got a swift rebuffle from me !

[jannieC]

Apart from all this **** I'm the happiest I've been in a long time!

I also forgot to add that when I first moved into here he came sniffing around thinking we could pick things up again. He got a swift rebuffle from me !

And really, the best revenge is living a happy life. :nod: I'm sorry your children are having to go through this, but they'll be happier in the long run too, eventually.

[wondergirl9847]

Oh Pip, this is just awful to hear/read. I feel so bad for your kids having to deal with this. It's good that you are happy though. Women seem to stay with pieces of garbage WAY too long. My aunt was abused most of her marriage...and now my uncle is pretty much dying of cancer. Your life is too short to stay with a piece of crap.

He sounds like a gem of a guy.[/sarcasm] Good GRAVY! :distress:

I pray for serenity for the kids in this mess and hope one of these days, he will realize what an a$$ he was all those years. To treat the kids that way...UNCALLED FOR.

(((HUGS))) to you guys.

[MacMan]

Happy Mum = Happy Kids Keep your head up Pip...

[sara1998]

Happy Mum = Happy Kids Keep your head up Pip...

This is so true. Honestly, if neither of you were happy in your marriage, the kids will be better off seeing you divorce and eventually get back to happy, rather than see a bad marriage where both parents are unhappy all the time. I know you'll make it fine, Pip.

[estranged4life]

Hang in there Pip, Everything will be fine.

[darklinensuit]

Pip, sending you good vibes from across the sea.
BTW, tell your ex: Any fool can see on your MySpace that you have interests outside being a great mom (which you are).

- Jake

[gldstwmn]

He sounds pretty immature. Thank dog you are rid of him. Stay strong.

[Serrart]

Hi Pip, I'm really sorry you're getting through this. Luckily the kids have you.

Romy

[suzyvermoesen]

Hi Pip,
I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. But, as someone said earlier, it's better now than 10 years on. I can imagine there's nothing worse than being alone in a relationship, so go for your freedom and happiness !