E-mail, voicemail etiquette

[markolas]

I tried googling this online, but didn't really find what I was looking for, so I thought I'd pose the question here.

What is an acceptable amount of time for returning e-mails or voicemails? Does it make a difference if their personal or business related? Should I be offended if I've left someone three voicemail messages in as many weeks and have still not gotten a call back? If someone goes months without responding to a personal e-mail, should I be annoyed?

And how do you call someone on this without sounding petty? I'll provide background to anyone who wants, but I thought I'd throw it out there as a general question first.

[DrummerDeanna]

I don't know about the official ettiquette on this, but three calls in as many week with still no call back is unacceptable to me. E-mail...it depends on if it's personal or business. I have several friends I e-mail with back and forth - sometimes months go by before we reply to one another....

But business? A month is too long...

Not sure how you'd call someone out on this, but three calls with still nothing, I think on a fourth call you should mention that you've tried to call three other times..and would appreciate a call back...

[goldustsongbird]

Months without responding to an email? Yeah, I would be annoyed. I think it's only natural. I almost always respond the day after, unless I know the person really well, or it's an urgent matter because I have this thing about not wanting to appear to eager. :rolleyes: I'd never put it off for months, tho.

If I come into contact with someone who has ignored my emails or calls, I'll mention it as soon as I see them. Something along the lines of, well, hey, where the hell have you been? I've been trying to contact you via blah blah blah for blah blah amount of days/weeks!!

How's about a bit of backstory, though? Depending on the situation, there's always allowance for personal matters and such... If it's someone I know doesn't use their computer or voicemail often, obviously it makes no sense to make a big deal about it.

[markolas]

Okay, here's the backstory...

I practice in a tradition of Buddhism that has no other members/practitioners in my town. The nearest temple is in Houston, and I'm also in touch with a minister in Portland, OR. Because of financial and car problems, I have not been able to get down to Houston in since early May. So my method of contact has been phone and e-mail.

Supposedly, one of the Houston members is moving to Austin next summer, which I was excited about. I've tried calling him over the past few weeks, but he hasn't called me back. I sent an e-mail to another practitioner in Houston saying I hadn't heard from him, and asked if the move was still on.

My experience has been that all of these people (minister included) are incredibly difficult to reach, whether by phone or e-mail. I understand that people are busy, or that e-mail isn't their preferred form of communication, but come on. There is another Buddhist group that has members practically everywhere (including the town where I live), but I have some qualms about some of the things they teach. However, I am considering giving them a call and scoping them out, nonetheless, simply because I feel a pressing need to be connected to people who understand this practice and can give some support.

[markolas]

I don't know about the official ettiquette on this, but three calls in as many week with still no call back is unacceptable to me.

I do, too, but I want to make reasonably sure that I'm not crazy, or have unreasonably high expectations before I address the issue. I don't want to seem like an ass.

[goldustsongbird]

And you can't reach any of them? Hmmm. No, that would bug me too; you're not a crazy weirdo or anything. I'd do what Deanna suggested... When you call again, make it clear that you've been expecting a response for awhile, and maybe mention that if they don't get back to you, you're thinking of switching to another group.

[markolas]

And you can't reach any of them?

The guy who's supposedly moving to Austin, I have not been able to get ahold of at all. I sent him an e-mail back in September that he finally responded to, like a month later.

The others are reachable, but with the people in Houston, I just have to send 3 or 4 e-mails or call and leave 2 or 3 voicemails before they'll call or e-mail back, and it's sometimes weeks later.

The minister is the same way, although I'm a little more understanding in his case, since I know he is very busy preparing for a cross-country move, plus I think he just doesn't really like e-mail that much.

When you call again, make it clear that you've been expecting a response for awhile, and maybe mention that if they don't get back to you, you're thinking of switching to another group.

And that's what I feel like doing...the frustration and anger has been festering for a while.

[PsychCat]

Okay, goldustsongbird.... it's a little hard to take ya seriously with that picture in your sig. :laugh:

I imagine any newbies might think that was a "goldust songbird" in that vase.
I hope he put his cigarette out before he crawled in there.....:shocked:

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

I don't know - even if someone is busy - I think it's common courtesy to get back to someone in a timely manner - especially someone in your situation (of not being able to just hop on down to Houston all the time).

I don't think you're crazy or unreasonable at all....good luck!

[goldie]

It sounds to me that the person is not interested in getting back to you. I'd probably just forget about it / not expect a call back at this point.:shrug:

[goldustsongbird]

The guy who's supposedly moving to Austin, I have not been able to get ahold of at all. I sent him an e-mail back in September that he finally responded to, like a month later.

The others are reachable, but with the people in Houston, I just have to send 3 or 4 e-mails or call and leave 2 or 3 voicemails before they'll call or e-mail back, and it's sometimes weeks later.

The minister is the same way, although I'm a little more understanding in his case, since I know he is very busy preparing for a cross-country move, plus I think he just doesn't really like e-mail that much.



And that's what I feel like doing...the frustration and anger has been festering for a while.

I'd let them know you were pissed, to be honest. :shrug: Maybe because you haven't made a big deal about things, they just think it doesn't bother you, and that's why they keep doing it. ??

Okay, goldustsongbird.... it's a little hard to take ya seriously with that picture in your sig. :laugh:

I imagine any newbies might think that was a "goldust songbird" in that vase.
I hope he put his cigarette out before he crawled in there.....:shocked:

:laugh: :laugh: This. is. serious.

I'm not sure about the cig. I hope he did... If the bastard starts any fires, I'll be chuckin' his feathered butt on the streets! (He'll just crawl back to Dee or Michelle, anyway)

[markolas]

I'd let them know you were pissed, to be honest. :shrug: Maybe because you haven't made a big deal about things, they just think it doesn't bother you, and that's why they keep doing it. ??

You're probably onto something. I just need to figure out a way to not sound too confrontational (which is going to be tough for me. :lol: ).

[DrummerDeanna]

You're probably onto something. I just need to figure out a way to not sound too confrontational (which is going to be tough for me. :lol: ).

Yeah - I would definitely try to avoid being too confrontational as people will most likely not respond kindly to that and will most likely get very defensive as well...but I think if you tell them how you honestly feel...ya can't be faulted for that :o

[markolas]

Yeah - I would definitely try to avoid being too confrontational as people will most likely not respond kindly to that and will most likely get very defensive as well...but I think if you tell them how you honestly feel...ya can't be faulted for that :o

Well, I just sent the minister an e-mail. I don't think I sounded angry or anything. I did try to convey that I understand that people might be busy, but I'm very frustrated at the lack of responsiveness I'm getting, nonetheless. We'll see if I get a reply before New Year's. :rolleyes: :lol:

[amber]

Does your type of Buddhism teach non attachment to the results of your efforts? I have been reading a lot about that lately. Because you can't control what happens anyway as far as results, only your own efforts.

The good thing is, you aren't exactly hounding the people. I would say try not to get irritated, but still try to reach them intermittently, and also I would say don't hold the expectation of a response in your head. Then you'll be so excited and suprised when they do finally write you back! :laugh:

Good luck. :woohoo:

[markolas]

Does your type of Buddhism teach non attachment to the results of your efforts? I have been reading a lot about that lately. Because you can't control what happens anyway as far as results, only your own efforts.

It teaches equanimity (I'm not sure if that's the same thing, exactly), but it comes gradually and is not something that is consciously cultivated. If that makes sense.

The good thing is, you aren't exactly hounding the people. I would say try not to get irritated, but still try to reach them intermittently, and also I would say don't hold the expectation of a response in your head. Then you'll be so excited and suprised when they do finally write you back! :laugh:

I think part of the problem is that I don't have anything else to do but sit around waiting for them to e-mail or call me back. I've been in this apartment for 2 weeks, and I still don't have all my furniture here, and it's very unnerving. I'll be a little more relaxed once it's here (I've scheduled the movers for tomorrow at 8am). And also, I really don't have any friends outside of my relationship, and that's frustrating as well. I need to be able to hang out with people besides my bf.

[PsychCat]

Does your type of Buddhism teach non attachment to the results of your efforts? I have been reading a lot about that lately. Because you can't control what happens anyway as far as results, only your own efforts.

The good thing is, you aren't exactly hounding the people. I would say try not to get irritated, but still try to reach them intermittently, and also I would say don't hold the expectation of a response in your head. Then you'll be so excited and suprised when they do finally write you back! :laugh:

Good luck. :woohoo:

I was thinking this same principle and you beat me to it. :nod:
Sounds like this is one of those times to truly practice Buddhism... that disappointment arises when we do have an attachment to an outcome.
I totally agree with what you've done.... sounded tactful and honest. With that, I'd let it go and practice releasing any ideas of control over whomever and whatever.
Sounds like you're heading that way. :wavey:

[markolas]

A little update, for anyone who's interested...

I got an e-mail back from the minister. I was so concerned that he was going to be ticked off at me, but he was actually very apologetic and offered some much-needed advice/consolation.

I'm going to continue with my current practice (Nichiren Shu, for anyone who knows what that is), but see about reconnecting with the local Zen meditation center so that I'll have some local, more frequent contact with practicing Buddhists.

I also re-read the e-mail that I sent to the minister, and now think I was apologizing for and minimizing my feelings too much. I've got to try to stop doing that.

[carrie721]

I also re-read the e-mail that I sent to the minister, and now think I was apologizing for and minimizing my feelings too much. I've got to try to stop doing that.

i'm glad you got a response! i also have trouble with that last part - i often minimize my feelings, feeling they're invalid/unwarranted. it's a hard habit to break. :nod:

[amber]

A little update, for anyone who's interested...

I got an e-mail back from the minister. I was so concerned that he was going to be ticked off at me, but he was actually very apologetic and offered some much-needed advice/consolation.

I'm going to continue with my current practice (Nichiren Shu, for anyone who knows what that is), but see about reconnecting with the local Zen meditation center so that I'll have some local, more frequent contact with practicing Buddhists.

I also re-read the e-mail that I sent to the minister, and now think I was apologizing for and minimizing my feelings too much. I've got to try to stop doing that.

That is great! See, no big deal. I'm glad it worked out, and I think it is a great idea to reconnect with the local center even though they practice a different type...:woohoo:

i'm glad you got a response! i also have trouble with that last part - i often minimize my feelings, feeling they're invalid/unwarranted. it's a hard habit to break.

Yeah, how funny that two Cancers say they do that. Well, not so much funny as astrologically predictable and kind of sad...:p I'm not judging you, I do that too. And then everything you learn about the subject will tell you "If you don't think your feelings are valid, and learn to express them as such, others won't think they are valid, either". Blergh.

Anyway, smooches all 'round! :xoxo:

[carrie721]

Yeah, how funny that two Cancers say they do that. Well, not so much funny as astrologically predictable and kind of sad...:p I'm not judging you, I do that too. And then everything you learn about the subject will tell you "If you don't think your feelings are valid, and learn to express them as such, others won't think they are valid, either". Blergh.

Anyway, smooches all 'round! :xoxo:

mark is a cancer too? well lookie there. i still have a lot to learn about astrology but there certainly are a lot of interesting coincidences ... :woohoo:

[amber]

mark is a cancer too? well lookie there. i still have a lot to learn about astrology but there certainly are a lot of interesting coincidences ... :woohoo:

well, one anyway. :D

[carrie721]

well, one anyway. :D

well i wasn't just talking about this one. :p

[amber]

well i wasn't just talking about this one. :p

ooo, shoot, I left my crackerjack astro-coincidence mind reading toggle in my friend's car! :(

[carrie721]

ooo, shoot, I left my crackerjack astro-coincidence mind reading toggle in my friend's car! :(

you mean my use of plural wasn't enough? :confused:

****, you bettah get that thing back FAST! :laugh: :p

[amber]

you mean my use of plural wasn't enough? :confused:

****, you bettah get that thing back FAST! :laugh: :p

Yes, I think I BETTAH!

Since you didn't mention other coincidences, and I only pointed out one, I decided to slightly tease you.

[carrie721]

Yes, I think I BETTAH!

Since you didn't mention other coincidences, and I only pointed out one, I decided to slightly tease you.

:woohoo: :xoxo: :wavey: