That Fuc**ng "Wonderful Christmastime" song!

[SortaSavageLike]

Every year, starting in late November, and ending in early January, I am filled with an uncontrollable rage. A burning desire, a ruthless ambition, a heartless dementia. Who, or what, could possible invoke such strong, negative emotions within myself?

Paul McCartney. For most of the year, I have no issue with Paul McCartney. He is, after all, the man who wrote Back In The USSR, Eleanor Rigby, Let It Be, Band On The Run, and countless other great songs. But for just five weeks of every year, I want to strangle Paul McCartney to death.

Why would I, a perfectly rational human being, want to kill Paul McCartney? Allow me to explain. A few nights ago, having just spent the last five days stuck in my Dad’s apartment as my bathroom was being torn apart, I was at our local K-Mart. I was certainly not having a "wonderful" Christmastime. Then it happened. That song came on the PA system. It poured forth like bile from a ruptured gallbladder - the infamous Wonderful Christmastime!

Part of me wanted to run outside and wander around like a lost puppy for the next five minutes. Instead, I stayed inside, absorbing the aural atrocity I had heard so often before, examining the repulsive ditty as if I were a scientist studying a caged chimpanzee. I wondered to myself, of the hundred-odd people in the store at the time, how many wanted to kill Paul McCartney then and there? How many of them were seriously contemplating hiding in the bathroom, or abandoning their carriages in the checkout isle just to "escape?"

Wonderful Christmastime raises some serious ethical questions. Can it really drive a good man mad? Imagine cornering the man who killed your family in a small, dark room. You’re pointing a gun in his face, ready to pull the trigger. At that very moment, as if my satanic intervention, Wonderful Christmastime begins playing full-blast, but only in that room. Would I shoot him, putting him out of his misery? Would the song drive me into a murderous rage, forcing me to stab him to death with a pocket knife? Or would I lock him in the room, surely a fate worth than death?

The most disturbing thing about Wonderful Christmastime is it’s relentlessly cruel, mechanical inhumanity. Despite being 27 years old, it’s bitter, pre-manufactured coldness has yet to be equaled in modern popular music. Whereas every other 70s novelty song has been put to rest, it marches onwards, impervious to criticism, unstoppable as the Nazi Blitzkrieg. Had Pink Floyd produced a holiday album entitled Christmas From Behind The Wall, it could never instill in me the soul-crushing depression that Wonderful Christmastime does.

Consider: Wonderful Christmastime can not actually be the product of an actual human being. Certainly, someone with strong pop sensibilities like Paul McCartney would have paused before putting such lyrics on paper:

Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime
Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime

The choir of children… sing their song
They practiced… all year long
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong

Not only did McCartney choose to sing this song in an obnoxious lock-step manner, he obviously wrote it in about ten minutes on a piece of toilet paper. The moon is right, the spirits up? Lift a glass, Ahhh, don't look down? Honestly, did Paul McCartney revert to an infantile state when he entered the studio to record this piece of schiese?

Perhaps killing Paul McCartney for a song he wrote in 1979 is an excessive use of force. After all, he already died in 1967 during the production of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Killing him again would be a waste of manpower. Can we imagine a world without Wonderful Christmastime? It isn’t hard to do.

[DrummerDeanna]

So...are you trying to say you don't like this song??

I LOVE...it's on my homemade Christmas compilation cd...it produces no violent rages within me against Paul McCartney, any member of the Beatles or any other member of Humanity (except maybe Mariah Carey.)

Happy Christmas.

[irishgrl]

Every year, starting in late November, and ending in early January, I am filled with an uncontrollable rage. A burning desire, a ruthless ambition, a heartless dementia. Who, or what, could possible invoke such strong, negative emotions within myself?

Paul McCartney. For most of the year, I have no issue with Paul McCartney. He is, after all, the man who wrote Back In The USSR, Eleanor Rigby, Let It Be, Band On The Run, and countless other great songs. But for just five weeks of every year, I want to strangle Paul McCartney to death.

Why would I, a perfectly rational human being, want to kill Paul McCartney? Allow me to explain. A few nights ago, having just spent the last five days stuck in my Dad’s apartment as my bathroom was being torn apart, I was at our local K-Mart. I was certainly not having a "wonderful" Christmastime. Then it happened. That song came on the PA system. It poured forth like bile from a ruptured gallbladder - the infamous Wonderful Christmastime!

Part of me wanted to run outside and wander around like a lost puppy for the next five minutes. Instead, I stayed inside, absorbing the aural atrocity I had heard so often before, examining the repulsive ditty as if I were a scientist studying a caged chimpanzee. I wondered to myself, of the hundred-odd people in the store at the time, how many wanted to kill Paul McCartney then and there? How many of them were seriously contemplating hiding in the bathroom, or abandoning their carriages in the checkout isle just to "escape?"

Wonderful Christmastime raises some serious ethical questions. Can it really drive a good man mad? Imagine cornering the man who killed your family in a small, dark room. You’re pointing a gun in his face, ready to pull the trigger. At that very moment, as if my satanic intervention, Wonderful Christmastime begins playing full-blast, but only in that room. Would I shoot him, putting him out of his misery? Would the song drive me into a murderous rage, forcing me to stab him to death with a pocket knife? Or would I lock him in the room, surely a fate worth than death?

The most disturbing thing about Wonderful Christmastime is it’s relentlessly cruel, mechanical inhumanity. Despite being 27 years old, it’s bitter, pre-manufactured coldness has yet to be equaled in modern popular music. Whereas every other 70s novelty song has been put to rest, it marches onwards, impervious to criticism, unstoppable as the Nazi Blitzkrieg. Had Pink Floyd produced a holiday album entitled Christmas From Behind The Wall, it could never instill in me the soul-crushing depression that Wonderful Christmastime does.

Consider: Wonderful Christmastime can not actually be the product of an actual human being. Certainly, someone with strong pop sensibilities like Paul McCartney would have paused before putting such lyrics on paper:

Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime
Simply… having… a wonderful Christmastime

The choir of children… sing their song
They practiced… all year long
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong
Ding dong, ding dong

Not only did McCartney choose to sing this song in an obnoxious lock-step manner, he obviously wrote it in about ten minutes on a piece of toilet paper. The moon is right, the spirits up? Lift a glass, Ahhh, don't look down? Honestly, did Paul McCartney revert to an infantile state when he entered the studio to record this piece of schiese?

Perhaps killing Paul McCartney for a song he wrote in 1979 is an excessive use of force. After all, he already died in 1967 during the production of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Killing him again would be a waste of manpower. Can we imagine a world without Wonderful Christmastime? It isn’t hard to do.
bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?

ps: great incorporation of an awesome Lennon tune (Imagine) at the end :nod:

[DrummerDeanna]

bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?

They're so different that I won't even compare the two. I do love Happy Christmas :nod:

But John was more of a lyricist - more of a poet, more of a thinker and politicizer...Paul was more the romantic..the mushy one...and as far as music goes (just music - not lyrics) Paul has John beat IMO. But even in that regard their styles were so incredibly different...

To me, Paul's stuff is better - but many a Lennon fan think it's mostly rubbish :shrug:

that said - BOTH Wonderful Christmastime and Happy Christmas (War is Over) are on my Christmas compilation...I love them both :D

[Miss Vicky]

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being.

It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

I generally dislike Christmas music anyway. Around this time I start playing my CD of obscene Xmas tunes like "Ho Ho F*cking Ho," "Amazing Grass," and "He Only Comes Once a Year." :D

[irishgrl]

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being.

It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

I generally dislike Christmas music anyway. Around this time I start playing my CD of obscene Xmas tunes like "Ho Ho F*cking Ho," "Amazing Grass," and "He Only Comes Once a Year." :D
Amazing Grass.......I didnt know such a song existed...........thank you for schoolin' me my friend :nod:

[irishgrl]

They're so different that I won't even compare the two. I do love Happy Christmas :nod:

But John was more of a lyricist - more of a poet, more of a thinker and politicizer...Paul was more the romantic..the mushy one...and as far as music goes (just music - not lyrics) Paul has John beat IMO. But even in that regard their styles were so incredibly different...

To me, Paul's stuff is better - but many a Lennon fan think it's mostly rubbish :shrug:

that said - BOTH Wonderful Christmastime and Happy Christmas (War is Over) are on my Christmas compilation...I love them both :D
Paul's music, John's words. best combo ever.
close second? Simon and Garfunkel.

[Miss Vicky]

Amazing Grass.......I didnt know such a song existed...........thank you for schoolin' me my friend :nod:

Indeed it does. It's by this crazy Aussie named Kevin "Bloody" Wilson.

It was just a seed
A tiny seed
That my mate gave to me
A seed I sewed
And then watched grow
Into a f*cking great tree

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
But now **** faced
Pass the joint 'round please

I can't believe
Amazing weed
One toke
One tiny puff
I'm ripped
I'm bent
I'm off me tits
I'm stoned
I'm wrecked
I'm f*cked

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
Now **** faced
Pass the joint back please

And when I'm old
And near-on f*cked
With cobwebs on me ass
I'll just thank Christ
That I've survived
On my amazing grass

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
But now off me face
Oh, can another toke please?

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
(Laughs)
All heads and no f*cking leaves

Amazing grass
How sweet thou art
That made a wreck of me
I once was straight
Oh, **** faced
Oh, can I have something to eat?

Amazing grass
How sweet the smell
That made a wreck of me
(Laughs)
Pass the munchies please

Amazing grass
How sweet...
I once was straight
Pass the Mars bars please

Amazing grass
I once was f*cking straight
Pass the f*cking Mars bars (laughs hysterically until end)

[Für Elise]

I like this song its one of the only xmas songs I like. I don't see why its so much worse than other xmas songs

[PsychCat]

I loathe this song with every fiber of my being. It's torturous to listen to... and what's worse is that the very mention of it gets it stuck in my head for weeks.

AAAARRGGGGHHHHH!!! And otherwise I LOVE McCartney.... especially the music he was doing around that time with Wings. I still can't believe it's the same guy.... that he never did a legit, listenable Christmas song. :shrug:

I LOVE Sarah McLachlan's new cover of Happy Christmas. She was on "Good Morning America" yesterday (and "Conan" last night but I didn't make it.) I just love me some Sarah. :wavey:

[Miss Vicky]

^^^
Well, I don't love me some Sarah (Sorry), but I do normally love me some Paul - just not that Fing Christmas song (and also not "C-Moon").

[estranged4life]

bleh. It cant hold a candle to John Lennon's Happy Christmas.

Paul was always a sorry second to John IMO. maybe he was still competing?


Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" poops on the Macca track, which I do find annoying since it has been overplayed to death on the radio.

I think Lennon won the competition over Macca with song "How Do You Sleep?", which is a direct slam to to Mr.McCartney, from the "Imagine" album.



As for me, Here's the lyrics of one of my 2 favorite Christmas songs (The other is "The Story of Christmas" by Cheech & Chong)

<div align=center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/music3/rhiannon/KD-NPFC.jpg"></div>

No Presents For Christmas (King Diamond/ Michael Denner)
-------------------------

"Christmas Time Is Here Again
Santa Needs A Helping Hand
He Cannot Find A Single Sheep
To Draw His Sleigh Through The Night
So All The Waiting Christmas Trees
Gonna Hear The Master Sing

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry Drinking Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

Christmas Time Is Here Again
Santa Needs A Helping Hand
It's Getting Very, Very Late
Saint Peter Closed The Golden Gate
And Donald Duck Is Still In Bed
I Wonder Who Is Gonna Help

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry All That Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

There's No Presents, Not This Christmas
There's No Presents
Tom And Jerry Still Drinking Sherry
They Don't Give A Damn

I'm Dreaming Of A White Summer"

[Nixxxed]

It's not just the McCartney song. It's all of them. It would be bad enough if it were just the famous standards being played ad nauseum. But then you have different versions by every washed up artist who's ever been allowed into a studio. And the reggae versions. And the techno versions. And then the parody versions the retailers record to match their stupid commercials. And the dumbass dogs and cats barking/mewing "Jingle Bells"...

It's only Dec. 2, and I'm seriously about to open a vein.

[carrie721]

It's only Dec. 2, and I'm seriously about to open a vein.

god, me too. i can barely bring myself to walk into the grocery store; the one i go to has been playing xmas songs since long before thanksgiving.

[estranged4life]

god, me too. i can barely bring myself to walk into the grocery store; the one i go to has been playing xmas songs since long before thanksgiving.

as some radio stations in the OKC metro, switch from a regular music format to an 'all Christmas music' format from Thanksgiving Day til Christmas Eve...

I'm sorry, I rather vote for a Bush in 2008 than be subjected to that dung-fest.

[carrie721]

as some radio stations in the OKC metro, switch from a regular music format to an 'all Christmas music' format from Thanksgiving Day til Christmas Eve...

I'm sorry, I rather vote for a Bush in 2008 than be subjected to that dung-fest.

oh, isn't that horrible??? i would kill myself if i worked for one of those stations. we have several of those here.

[estranged4life]

oh, isn't that horrible??? i would kill myself if i worked for one of those stations. we have several of those here.

in a retail store that piped that music over the PA 24/7, Can ya say I was ever glad to get off work to come home and make myself somewhat deaf by blasting metal to get the sound of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" outta my head (That's not a slight towards Nat King Cole, who I do own Cd's of & love his vocals...I just hate that song and his daughter :lol: )

Maybe that is why retailer clerks look rather zombie-like at this time of the year, way too much Christmas music on the PA :shrug:

[carrie721]

in a retail store that piped that music over the PA 24/7, Can ya say I was ever glad to get off work to come home and make myself somewhat deaf by blasting metal to get the sound of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" outta my head (That's not a slight towards Nat King Cole, who I do own Cd's of & love his vocals...I just hate that song and his daughter :lol: )

Maybe that is why retailer clerks look rather zombie-like at this time of the year, way too much Christmas music on the PA :shrug:

poor natalie! :laugh:

i'm so glad my boss doesn't make us listen to christmas music ... we always have music playing, but it's never muzak - my boss actually has really good taste. we listen to a lot of blues & americana type stuff.

[Nixxxed]

oh, isn't that horrible??? i would kill myself if i worked for one of those stations. we have several of those here.
It's the same in Houston. Several stations playing nothing but Xmas music, and even the Top 40 stations (pop, AC, etc...) are playing 1 or 2 an hour by "contemporary" artists. I was scanning thru the channels and there are a couple of Spanish stations playing nothing but carols too.

Then add the same songs being played in:

- every retailer
- doctor's offices waiting rooms (where I was all day Mon & Tues)
- every commercial break on TV or radio
- nearly every TV show (in the background or as theme music)
- cell phone ringtones

and the kicker:

- people humming various carols loudly without even realizing they're doing it while sitting next to you at the library, where you specifically went to read the new Rolling Stone because you knew there would be some peace and quiet there - but, oh no!

24 days until the true peace on earth begins.

[carrie721]

It's the same in Houston. Several stations playing nothing but Xmas music, and even the Top 40 stations (pop, AC, etc...) are playing 1 or 2 an hour by "contemporary" artists. I was scanning thru the channels and there are a couple of Spanish stations playing nothing but carols too.

Then add the same songs being played in:

- every retailer
- doctor's offices waiting rooms (where I was all day Mon & Tues)
- every commercial break on TV or radio
- nearly every TV show (in the background or as theme music)
- cell phone ringtones

and the kicker:

- people humming various carols loudly without even realizing they're doing it while sitting next to you at the library, where you specifically went to read the new Rolling Stone because you knew there would be some peace and quiet there - but, oh no!

24 days until the true peace on earth begins.

i want to kick people who have carols as their ringtones. hard. actually, i hate most ringtones out there - i wish my phone just had a regular RING, but it doesn't, and i'm not going to pay for one!

[Johnny Stew]

I actually really love "Wonderful Christmastime." :o

The one Christmas song that I absolutely hate with a passion is "Feliz Navidad," and I hear that dang-blasted song at least once (usually three and four times) every freakin' day in the month leading up to Christmas. :mad:

[Johnny Stew]

some radio stations in the OKC metro, switch from a regular music format to an 'all Christmas music' format from Thanksgiving Day til Christmas Eve....One of our local stations switched over to all Christmas music TWO WEEKS before Thanksgiving!

Talk about pushing things. :rolleyes:

[DrummerDeanna]

I actually really love "Wonderful Christmastime." :o

The one Christmas song that I absolutely hate with a passion is "Feliz Navidad," and I hear that dang-blasted song at least once (usually three and four times) every freakin' day in the month leading up to Christmas. :mad:

Let me add and ITA!!! I HATE Feliz Navidad...stupid Jose Feliciano is the bane of my existance :p

I also really hate Santa Baby :shrug:

But I'm not as much of a scrooge as some of you all - yes I'm calling you scrooges..I LOVE the Christmas carols - I love hearing them in my car, out shopping - it helps me be just a little more happy while shopping...

of course the attitudes here may explain why everyone else at the stores seems to be so damn unpleasant...maybe the carols are making them want to shoot themselves :p

Anyway...that's my $0.02

[carrie721]

Let me add and ITA!!! I HATE Feliz Navidad...stupid Jose Feliciano is the bane of my existance :p

I also really hate Santa Baby :shrug:

But I'm not as much of a scrooge as some of you all - yes I'm calling you scrooges..I LOVE the Christmas carols - I love hearing them in my car, out shopping - it helps me be just a little more happy while shopping...

of course the attitudes here may explain why everyone else at the stores seems to be so damn unpleasant...maybe the carols are making them want to shoot themselves :p

Anyway...that's my $0.02

well i'm glad SOMEbody enjoys them ... i can handle them the week before christmas ... anything else, no way!

[DrummerDeanna]

well i'm glad SOMEbody enjoys them ... i can handle them the week before christmas ... anything else, no way!

Dude..my mom started listening to Christmas music two weeks before Thanksgiving....so I must get it from her...and my grandma LOVES Christmas and all things Christmas...I was just raised that way...

But yeah...this is my favorite time of year...especially now that I can shop online and not have to deal with throngs of angry people :D

[Johnny Stew]

I also really hate Santa Baby :shrug:Do you hate Madonna's version or Eartha Kitt's? Or do you just hate that song in general?
It's actually one of my faves. I used to sing it to my little cousin (well, she's 18 now!) -- I'd sing "Samantha Baby" and change most of the words around, with stuff about Santa Claus coming and she was going to get all kinds of great gifts (She always liked the "outer-space convertible, too -- light blue!" part that I borrowed from Madonna's version).
It was so funny because when she was around 12, she heard the song on the radio and was so bummed out to learn that it wasn't really "Samantha Baby." :laugh:

But I'm not as much of a scrooge as some of you all - yes I'm calling you scrooges..I LOVE the Christmas carols - I love hearing them in my car, out shopping - it helps me be just a little more happy while shopping...I love Christmas songs, too.
I do think that it's ridiculous for radio stations to start playing them before Thanksgiving even arrives though. I mean, let us actually enjoy one holiday before it's time to move on to the next. But then, after that, I say "bring on the Christmas songs!"

[DrummerDeanna]

Do you hate Madonna's version or Eartha Kitt's? Or do you just hate that song in general?
It's actually one of my faves. I used to sing it to my little cousin (well, she's 18 now!) -- I'd sing "Samantha Baby" and change most of the words around, with stuff about Santa Claus coming and she was going to get all kinds of great gifts ("an outer space convertible, too -- light blue!").
It was so funny because when she was around 12, she heard the song on the radio and was so bummed out to learn that it wasn't really "Samantha Baby." :laugh:

I love Christmas songs, too.
I do think that it's ridiculous for radio stations to start playing them before Thanksgiving even arrives though. I mean, let us actually enjoy one holiday before it's time to move on to the next. But then, after that, I say "bring on the Christmas songs!"


Oh I agree - I HATE when the Christmas music starts before Thanksgiving - I hate even more that it seems now right after Halloween the Christmas stuff starts :distress:

I do like to keep my holidays seperate, and enjoy them each for what they are...that said...the day after Thanksgiving my tree goes up :D

And I actually hate all versions of Santa Baby :shrug: Don't know why - though I do have to say the pole dance version my nephew once did at a store was wonderful...(and wonderfully embarassing for my brother-in-law...my nephew was about 3 or 4) :laugh:

Your story is cute though...Samantha Baby hee...

[estranged4life]

Me a Scrooge? Nah, I like Christmas songs...But mostly instrumental versions, such as those found on the two volumes of the "Merry Axemas" CD series (Featuring Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, John Sykes, Neal Schon, etc.)

[Johnny Stew]

As everyone knows by now, we prefer that Ledgies not post download links to commercially available songs (although we don't really say anything if it's just a track here and there), but I was wondering if we should make an exception and start a Christmas mp3s thread to share some of our favorite holiday songs.

Would anyone be interested in something like that?

[BTFLCHLD]

start a Christmas mp3s thread to share some of our favorite holiday songs.

Would anyone be interested in something like that?
yes, let's start a riot. :lol:

[Miss Vicky]

I was wondering if we should make an exception and start a Christmas mp3s thread to share some of our favorite holiday songs.

Would anyone be interested in something like that?

Sounds cool to me. I actually just got an out of print CD with "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear" by Billy Burnette and Mick Fleetwood if anyone's interested.

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

Ooh that does sound cool- - Sounds like a good thread to start - and it sounds like something that'll kick my ass into actually learning how to post mp3s :p

[SuzeQuze]

They're so different that I won't even compare the two. I do love Happy Christmas :nod:

But John was more of a lyricist - more of a poet, more of a thinker and politicizer...Paul was more the romantic..the mushy one...and as far as music goes (just music - not lyrics) Paul has John beat IMO. But even in that regard their styles were so incredibly different...

To me, Paul's stuff is better - but many a Lennon fan think it's mostly rubbish :shrug:

that said - BOTH Wonderful Christmastime and Happy Christmas (War is Over) are on my Christmas compilation...I love them both :D

Yeah, I'm on the Lennon side. Paul is horribly dorky. :lol: But I do like his songs. However, if in a funk, his songs are going to make you want to kill him, which is more about your state of mind than the song. :shrug: I happen to like this song. They're going to play upbeat Christmas songs in the stores because you will buy more.

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

Well not all his stuff is the mushy dorky stuff you hear on the radio - not that I'm saying you don't know more - I don't know how familiar or not you are with Paul's library....buuut he does have some great stuff for when you're down too (well in my opinion at least - but that's the opinion of a complete Paul lover :p )