Something in my heart died last night....

[DrummerDeanna]

Well I'm back from my whirlwind trip to and through New Mexico :D

It was a fun time - got to see my nephew in his very first piano recital -and he kicked ass. No mistakes, not nervous -the kid is a ham plain and simple. He ate up the performing and for the next recital he gets to write his own piano piece.

I went back to my hometown after being away from about a year or so. As soon as I pulled into town I remembered why I left.

There is something just, well....just ****ty about that place. It puts me in a foul mood. My anger management issues come a reeling back and I just hate that place. Hate.

BUT I do still have my mom and some good friends there. And a man who I've always held a hope about. It's a long and at times amusing story. I met Scooter when I was a freshman in high school - he had long black hair and was very sweet and funny (he was a drum instructor who had graduated the year before). I, of course, had a huge crush.

Then Scooter sort of fell off the face of the planet...no one knew what happened to him - then we found out he had a brain tumor. Long story short he came out of it and survived...and every year he works at a cancer camp for kids - every year he shaves his head at camp to show solidarity w/ the kids....:o

Fast forward four years and I graduate and go to college and meet up with Scooter again at church..we become fast friends. He asks me out a few times, but I'm a love idiot and don't realize it -and once laughed in his face...sigh.

He didn't ask me out again..for another two years....(though we stayed friends in the interim)

Anyway....that's the short version - there's always been a certain "something" there - and I guess in the back of my mind I have always thought, "well there's always Scooter"

But this visit - I found out he got married recently :( Damn. It really affected me, though I hadn't actually thought about him in quite a while.

And I got together with my ex-boyfriend - and had an extreme "what the HELL was I thinking!?!" moment. Sweet guy but good god.

The visit with my grandparents was good - their health is getting worse and worse so it was important for me to spend time with them -and my grandma's passive agressive behaviour toward my mom the whole time gave me great amusement.

I've got a few random pictures....and I realize this story will probably be amusing/intersting only to a very few...I don't go on exciting vacations :laugh:

Anyway...a few pics to follow...

[mylittledemon]

Well I'm back from my whirlwind trip to and through New Mexico :D

It was a fun time - got to see my nephew in his very first piano recital -and he kicked ass. No mistakes, not nervous -the kid is a ham plain and simple. He ate up the performing and for the next recital he gets to write his own piano piece.

I went back to my hometown after being away from about a year or so. As soon as I pulled into town I remembered why I left.

There is something just, well....just ****ty about that place. It puts me in a foul mood. My anger management issues come a reeling back and I just hate that place. Hate.

BUT I do still have my mom and some good friends there. And a man who I've always held a hope about. It's a long and at times amusing story. I met Scooter when I was a freshman in high school - he had long black hair and was very sweet and funny (he was a drum instructor who had graduated the year before). I, of course, had a huge crush.

Then Scooter sort of fell off the face of the planet...no one knew what happened to him - then we found out he had a brain tumor. Long story short he came out of it and survived...and every year he works at a cancer camp for kids - every year he shaves his head at camp to show solidarity w/ the kids....:o

Fast forward four years and I graduate and go to college and meet up with Scooter again at church..we become fast friends. He asks me out a few times, but I'm a love idiot and don't realize it -and once laughed in his face...sigh.

He didn't ask me out again..for another two years....(though we stayed friends in the interim)

Anyway....that's the short version - there's always been a certain "something" there - and I guess in the back of my mind I have always thought, "well there's always Scooter"

But this visit - I found out he got married recently :( Damn. It really affected me, though I hadn't actually thought about him in quite a while.

And I got together with my ex-boyfriend - and had an extreme "what the HELL was I thinking!?!" moment. Sweet guy but good god.

The visit with my grandparents was good - their health is getting worse and worse so it was important for me to spend time with them -and my grandma's passive agressive behaviour toward my mom the whole time gave me great amusement.

I've got a few random pictures....and I realize this story will probably be amusing/intersting only to a very few...I don't go on exciting vacations :laugh:

Anyway...a few pics to follow...

Sounds like your own personal "Catcher in the Rye" experience! haha...except, not nearly as pretentious! *wink*

[DrummerDeanna]

Me with the grandparents....and their weird dog.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Grandparents.jpg

Their weird dog Jojo:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Jojo.jpg

Me with the granmda...though she's making a weird face....really I don't smell - she just usually makes weird faces in pictures...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Grandma2.jpg

My nephew after the recital...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/AlexPiano.jpg

[goldustsongbird]

Hey, Deanna! Great pics. I love your glasses, btw. I've always wanted frames like that, but I don't think they'd suit me. Your nephew is cute. :thumbsup:

[DrummerDeanna]

Hey, Deanna! Great pics. I love your glasses, btw. I've always wanted frames like that, but I don't think they'd suit me. Your nephew is cute. :thumbsup:

Thank ya..I love my glasses...:nod:

And I can't argue with the nephew cuteness...but I have an extreme bias.

I tried to get more scenic shots (the fall colors in New Mexico are amazing) but my camera sucks for that :(

[carrie721]

that IS a weird looking dog!!!!! your nephew is mega cute, tho. glad you're back.

[DrummerDeanna]

that IS a weird looking dog!!!!! your nephew is mega cute, tho. glad you're back.

Yeah..no clue what kind he is...and he's got little red lips...it's bizarre...he's quite a sweet boy though and he LOVES my grandparents to death so that's cute.

I'm so happy to be home, you have no idea :laugh: I don't want to go back to my hometown for a loooong looong time. Albuquerque on the other hand, I love. Thankfully that's where my closest family is :)

[carrie721]

Yeah..no clue what kind he is...and he's got little red lips...it's bizarre...he's quite a sweet boy though and he LOVES my grandparents to death so that's cute.

I'm so happy to be home, you have no idea :laugh: I don't want to go back to my hometown for a loooong looong time. Albuquerque on the other hand, I love. Thankfully that's where my closest family is :)

awesome. i love albuquerque - totally in my list of top 5 cities i'd love to settle down in.

[DrummerDeanna]

awesome. i love albuquerque - totally in my list of top 5 cities i'd love to settle down in.

Seriously? You've actually been there?

I do love it, and I really hope to end up there (permanently) in the next several years. Of course that would most certainly mean a career change - but in a few years that may not be out of the question.

I just love that city so much. There's something about it, it's a feeling and I just connect there. I lived there for a year - lots of great memories. Then I moved back to Lost Causes, NM (Las Cruces).

I should also mention that upon leaving LC this trip I felt a very real sort of lightness come over me once I was about 15 minutes out of town...no joke, I've never felt that before- but it was like the weight of that hellish place just lifting from me...and I was so happy to be out of there again. My advice- stay away from Las Cruces ;)

The only down side to that is they really do have some of the best hamburgers in the world there :distress:

[carrie721]

Seriously? You've actually been there?

I do love it, and I really hope to end up there (permanently) in the next several years. Of course that would most certainly mean a career change - but in a few years that may not be out of the question.

I just love that city so much. There's something about it, it's a feeling and I just connect there. I lived there for a year - lots of great memories. Then I moved back to Lost Causes, NM (Las Cruces).

I should also mention that upon leaving LC this trip I felt a very real sort of lightness come over me once I was about 15 minutes out of town...no joke, I've never felt that before- but it was like the weight of that hellish place just lifting from me...and I was so happy to be out of there again. My advice- stay away from Las Cruces ;)

The only down side to that is they really do have some of the best hamburgers in the world there :distress:

yep! i've been there a couple times. i know what you mean about connecting with a city/region. that's how i feel about the southwest - like i absolutely belong there. i swear, if god exists, he lives in new mexico. i just feel like i fit in better in the west - it's more laid back, more beautiful, more in touch with its own history, you know what i mean?

i'll definitely heed your advice and stay away from LC, though. :)

[DrummerDeanna]

yep! i've been there a couple times. i know what you mean about connecting with a city/region. that's how i feel about the southwest - like i absolutely belong there. i swear, if god exists, he lives in new mexico. i just feel like i fit in better in the west - it's more laid back, more beautiful, more in touch with its own history, you know what i mean?

i'll definitely heed your advice and stay away from LC, though. :)


Not my pic - but a great shot of ABQ that I found:
http://www.abqcvb.org/images/abqcity.jpg

I know I belong in the west/southwest. That became very clear to me when I moved back east. Blah.

And duh, Carrie - didn't you know that God has land in New MExico? It's right near Ted Turner's ranch ;)

Satan, on the other hand, prefers Southern New Mexico...you know, the Las Cruces region.

[carrie721]

^^ great pic. here's one i took this summer off of rt. 40:

http://carrie721.smugmug.com/photos/81759907-M.jpg

lol. and here is a huge-ass bird that i got too close to in arizona:

http://carrie721.smugmug.com/photos/81759259-M.jpg

sorry, not trying to threadjack. just getting a little nostalgic. i totally wish i could've been in NM this weekend, too!

[DrummerDeanna]

Yeah..that bird is scary. Birds kind of freak me out.

Great shot - I'm kicking myself at the lack of scenic shots - the change of colors was just amazing...fall in Albuquerque can't be beat!

[carrie721]

Yeah..that bird is scary. Birds kind of freak me out.

Great shot - I'm kicking myself at the lack of scenic shots - the change of colors was just amazing...fall in Albuquerque can't be beat!

right after i took that picture, that crazy beast came after me. :lol:

yeah, i'm sure it's beautiful this time of year. sigh!!! i just have to finish school, then i can get outta here. :rolleyes:

[DrummerDeanna]

right after i took that picture, that crazy beast came after me. :lol:

yeah, i'm sure it's beautiful this time of year. sigh!!! i just have to finish school, then i can get outta here. :rolleyes:

Oh how I remember that feeling! And I stayed true to my vow to get the hell out of LC - while everyone kept saying, "oh no - you'll never go..." or "you'll be back" Ugh. It felt good to break away - it feels even better to stay away :laugh:

Now I can't predict what the future holds - but lets hope that if I ever do end up back there that they come out with a wicked powerful anger management drug ;)

[carrie721]

Oh how I remember that feeling! And I stayed true to my vow to get the hell out of LC - while everyone kept saying, "oh no - you'll never go..." or "you'll be back" Ugh. It felt good to break away - it feels even better to stay away :laugh:

Now I can't predict what the future holds - but lets hope that if I ever do end up back there that they come out with a wicked powerful anger management drug ;)

yeah, i hear that a lot too. god i hate people. :rolleyes: :laugh:

[DrummerDeanna]

yeah, i hear that a lot too. god i hate people. :rolleyes: :laugh:

Me too :laugh: And I hate them even more after visiting LC. Ok...sorry. It's going to take me a few days to detox from that trip :p

Seriously though? Really not a fan of people :laugh:

[carrie721]

Me too :laugh: And I hate them even more after visiting LC. Ok...sorry. It's going to take me a few days to detox from that trip :p

Seriously though? Really not a fan of people :laugh:

lol. detox all you need. i actually need to head to bed. gnight!

[irishgrl]

Deanna what great pictures! How great that you got to hear your hambone nephew rock the recital scene! And your Grandparents look so sweet :nod:
Your Grandpa looks like a solid man, and a good one :) and I didnt really see what "weird" face you said your Grandma was making but I'll agree, that dog of theirs IS goofy looking :eek:

My Stepdad used to live in Showlow Arizona, and I had some friends who were SERIOUSLY contemplating moving to Sedona, but other than that, I dont have ANY connection with your part of the country :distress:

That bird looks like a crow, we've got a MILLION of them around here...

Sorry to hear about your lost love connection......been there myself and its not fun.

Glad you're back :nod:

[sara1998]

Thanks for the pic with your nephew. He's a doll-baby! He's getting so big! Glad you had a good vac. Sorry about Scooter.... it just wasen't meant to be!

[carrie721]

That bird looks like a crow, we've got a MILLION of them around here...

i think you're right. we have them here, but definitely not that big! :eek:

[JazmenFlowers]

awww. your story. :(

but your pics. :thumbsup:

[BlackWidow]

Me with the grandparents....and their weird dog.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Grandparents.jpg

Their weird dog Jojo:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Jojo.jpg

Me with the granmda...though she's making a weird face....really I don't smell - she just usually makes weird faces in pictures...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/Grandma2.jpg

My nephew after the recital...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/DeannaRG/AlexPiano.jpg

GREAT PHOTOS!!!:thumbsup:

[CelticGypsy]

Your grandparents and nephew look like such sweet and loving folks. Congrats to your little nephew:wavey: I have relatives in Las Vegas, NM but I haven't been there for ages. I love the photos. Your grandparents little dog looks like "Ellen" and is a cute little dog:lol: Has to be that hair cut near the eyes but that photo made me laugh because it's cute:)

[skcin]

Great pics! Sorry about the "hellish" part of your trip. Los Cruces sounds like Yuma, AZ - a big dry pit of nothingness. :p

Good that you got to spend time with your fam. Nice to see you back. The food threads have been dying - me & Carrie can't keep them going on our own, ya know.

[carrie721]

Great pics! Sorry about the "hellish" part of your trip. Los Cruces sounds like Yuma, AZ - a big dry pit of nothingness. :p

Good that you got to spend time with your fam. Nice to see you back. The food threads have been dying - me & Carrie can't keep them going on our own, ya know.

i love yuma. :p

and we've certainly given it our best shot. :laugh:

[skcin]

i love yuma. :p

and we've certainly given it our best shot. :laugh:

Are you f*cking with me? Yuma? My bro lives there with his fam, has for the last 2 years. They've been trying to move back up ever since. :p Other parts of AZ are kickass, but too expensive. So they're stuck in Yuma. Woot.

I know. We do love to talk about food & diets & exercise & food. And food. That reminds me, I'll be resurrecting (wow, I have no clue how to spell that) the "what are you eating right now" thread after lunch. :D

[carrie721]

Are you f*cking with me? Yuma? My bro lives there with his fam, has for the last 2 years. They've been trying to move back up ever since. :p Other parts of AZ are kickass, but too expensive. So they're stuck in Yuma. Woot.

I know. We do love to talk about food & diets & exercise & food. And food. That reminds me, I'll be resurrecting (wow, I have no clue how to spell that) the "what are you eating right now" thread after lunch. :D

i dunno if i'd want to live there, but yeah, it's cool! i lurve **** like that. :laugh:

i'm totally going to beat you to the eating thread. i just had a chewy kashi granola bar. :D

[Villavic]

Anyway....that's the short version - there's always been a certain "something" there - and I guess in the back of my mind I have always thought, "well there's always Scooter"

But this visit - I found out he got married recently :( Damn. It really affected me, though I hadn't actually thought about him in quite a while.


Wow.. that makes me remember My best friend's wedding..
and remember we should never say "there's always xxxx" cause "always" doesn't exist. The only thing that never changes is the change itself.

[michelle2677]

that dog is CUTE!!! wtf?? I don't think he looks weird. :shrug:

anyway-Deanna, I'm glad overall you had a good time. Sucks that guy got married. Do you not still keep in touch? Why didn't he tell you?.

at any rate, it obviously wasn't meant to be. I had (HAD) a guy friend for a long time and there was always this tension between us. But I was always with someone or he was. One day we did the inevitable and it costed us our friendship. We could NEVER make it work. Then he went off the deep end and became a freak. :laugh: I'm sorry now that we even tried to have something other than a platonic relationship because now we arent' even friends. Just be glad that you are (hopefully ) able to stay friends and that he is happy. I know it sucks right now, the sting of him being married-but it will fade. Especially if he hardly ever crossed your mind. That's how I thought about my friend, and then I ran into him with a girl and I became extremely jealous. I had always thought the same thing. "there's always Bryan" and then that option wasn't there. . But if we had wanted to be together bad enough, we would have worked it out. And the same for you.
(btw...Don't feel bad for ol' bryan and me feeling that way about him. He's a complete ass. and is the one that told me to jump in the river and swim back to shore if I wanted to leave!! ASS!!! :laugh: )

Glad you're back. You were missed :xoxo:

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

Thanks :o

And no, I hadn't kept in touch with him - so I've not talked to him in two years...so really I should not be at all surprised or disapointed :laugh: But I am. But you're right, it wasn't meant to be - because if it was it probably would have happened by now. It does sound like he's happy - and because of the brain tumor and treatment he's sterile - and the woman he married has a kid - so I'm sure that is a great thing for him as he wanted kids.

Now I'm down to my very last "well there's always so and so" person...lets hope they stay single :p At least until I'm no longer single ;)

[michelle2677]

yeah, well, bryan was everything you wanted in a "bad boy" but nothing you wanted for long-term relationship. So when I said.."there's always bryan" well...it wasn't for him to be my husband :laugh: :laugh: And he never minded...until it happened, then he wanted this big relationship, but I had already built him up to be a jackass. So I wasn't going to get hurt! whatever..it's over. That's the way it goes sometimes. :nod:

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

Oh I always thought of Scooter as someone I could end up with for good. Of course I also always thought it couldn't happen because there's too much crap in my past that he (and his family) may not like or be able to deal with. He and they are extremely Catholic...so it was probably a pipe dream - but we still had that connection - of course then I met someone else and ended up in a two and a half year relationship - Scooter and I were never the same after that - and then I left and he moved on. Of course I have too...

I've really not been pining for Scooter all these years - but he's in the back of my mind - and I am surprised I took him marriage news as hard as I did. Of course now I'm good....what did I expect? Such a nice and decent man - he was bound to end up with someone sooner or later - and he has no intentino of leaving Las Cruces and I have no intention of ever living there again.

[wondergirl9847]

I know EXACTLY how you feel in regards to Scooter's marriage. The guy I wanted so bad got married to his "soul mate". It was a super quick thing too. He met her, dated a few months and got married. I was just getting up the courage to ask him out when I found out he was dating her. Devestated? Uh, yeah. :( Haven't met anyone like him since. Sigh....

I like ABQ too. Great city. Didn't take any Lindsey pics in Phoenix, but I did take some from the plane of the landscape. It's so cool. Your pics are great. :)

[goldustsongbird]

awww. your story. :(

but your pics. :thumbsup:

Jaz!!! ferCyn'ssake, take that Cyndi avatar outta yer sig! It's only like, the oldest, ugliest piece of crap I've ever made. *throws up on it*

[carrie721]

Jaz!!! ferCyn'ssake, take that Cyndi avatar outta yer sig! It's only like, the oldest, ugliest piece of crap I've ever made. *throws up on it*

omg, i should've known that was a lisa creation. it's not ugly tho. :p

[goldustsongbird]

omg, i should've known that was a lisa creation. it's not ugly tho. :p

Ew, yes it is. :mad: Don't argue. :p

[carrie721]

Ew, yes it is. :mad: Don't argue. :p

ill fite u bish. :mad: :mad: :mad:

[goldustsongbird]

ill fite u bish. :mad: :mad: :mad:

Put em up, azzho!


(sorry for the hijack, Deanna. :lol: )

[michelle2677]

^^

Oh I always thought of Scooter as someone I could end up with for good. Of course I also always thought it couldn't happen because there's too much crap in my past that he (and his family) may not like or be able to deal with. He and they are extremely Catholic...so it was probably a pipe dream - but we still had that connection - of course then I met someone else and ended up in a two and a half year relationship - Scooter and I were never the same after that - and then I left and he moved on. Of course I have too...

I've really not been pining for Scooter all these years - but he's in the back of my mind - and I am surprised I took him marriage news as hard as I did. Of course now I'm good....what did I expect? Such a nice and decent man - he was bound to end up with someone sooner or later - and he has no intentino of leaving Las Cruces and I have no intention of ever living there again.


My best advice to you is get over it now. Not in a "mean" way...just..make sure you deal with it now (if there is anything to deal with) no matter how hard. A long time ago, I dated this guy. It was definately a long distance relationship, to say the least. We were together for awhile and then I broke it off. I was young (21) and we were so far apart. Well, 5 years later (FIVE YEARS!!!) We were in contact again, and I thought it would be this innocent thing and nothing to it. Well, I hadn't dealt with the breakup (even thought I'M the one that ended it!!) and I was heartbroken. He went back and forth, back and forth but just wasn't "in it" (to quote the asshole :laugh: ) I mean..I had already decided I was going to give up everything, move there. Hell, I even told my friends I wanted to have kids with him!! (that's when they knew it was bad...I HATE kids....:o ) it was disgusting! :laugh: He WAS the guy I could spend the rest of my life with. I just didn't figure it out until 5 years later and it was too late. Not because he was with someone. But he had gotten over me. I blame this all on my dad!!! :lol: a year after we broke up, he called me at work. I was crying and told my dad (he HATED him) and he told me it was nothing and to forget about it. :rolleyes: It was hard, but I have dealt with it and now every thing is peachy keen! Although if I ever saw him I'd probably have to do something very mean and painful to him :laugh:. But that's another story.

[DrummerDeanna]

^^

Oh yeah - I'm definitely working to get over it completely. I didn't realize I still harbored anything for him until I heard he'd gotten married :laugh: But now I'm going to start the forget about it process...

[michelle2677]

^^

Oh yeah - I'm definitely working to get over it completely. I didn't realize I still harbored anything for him until I heard he'd gotten married :laugh: But now I'm going to start the forget about it process...

I'm voting against the "forget about it" process. Because you never know when it's going to creep up and bite you in the a$$ :laugh:




5 years later :laugh:

[DrummerDeanna]

I'm voting against the "forget about it" process. Because you never know when it's going to creep up and bite you in the a$$ :laugh:




5 years later :laugh:

:laugh: Ok..point taken ;)

Oh and just for clarification - I'm not feeling sorry for myself in this situation ;)

Today I'm feeling ok about the Scooter thing - I guess it's always a bit sad when dreams sort of die...but oh well - I'm in a better place than I would have been had I gotten stuck in my evil hometown.

[michelle2677]

o.k. I'm sorry. I HAVE to ask. His real name isn't "Scooter" is it?? :laugh:

[sara1998]

o.k. I'm sorry. I HAVE to ask. His real name isn't "Scooter" is it?? :laugh:

Funny, I had a boyfriend with the nickname Scooter. His real name was Ronnie.

[michelle2677]

I almost named Murray (my dog) scooter. His name actually was that for 2 months. But I hadn't gotten him yet. Then he just didn't seem like a "scooter".

had I known then what I know now, i would have named him fat lazy S.O.B. :laugh:

[DrummerDeanna]

o.k. I'm sorry. I HAVE to ask. His real name isn't "Scooter" is it?? :laugh:

:laugh: No, Scooter is not his real name. His real name is Jeremy :o