Livia
09-10-2006, 02:43 PM
http://www.sundaymirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=17716969&method=full&siteid=62484&headline=i-feel-so-guilty-that-i-ve-found-love---and-a-great-new-dad-for-my-little-girl--name_page.html
I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I'VE FOUND LOVE AGAIN Sep 10 2006
By Andy Lines In Las Vegas
IT is five years since her husband died in the World Trade Centre attacks, but Kellie Lee still feels racked with guilt... because she has found happiness again.
Just 48 hours after her beloved Dan was killed on board American Airlines Flight 11, Kellie had become the first 9/11 widow to have a baby.
Dan had been racing home to be with Kellie for the birth when his hijacked plane was flown into the North Tower.
That night she lay in her hospital bed in tears. As she cradled her new baby Allison Danielle, she wondered whether she would ever be able to smile again.
Today she can... with her new husband Chris Riordan.
She said: "After 9/11 I never thought I'd be happy again. But I do have this 'guilt thing'. Sometimes I feel it's not proper to sit here and say, 'Yeah, my life's wonderful now'."
A picture of Kellie cuddling her baby daughter was the front page image in the Sunday Mirror five years ago - a picture of hope in the aftermath of that blackest of weeks.
We revealed how traumatised Kellie had given birth wondering what the future held for her daughter. Now, as I sit in Kellie and Chris's new home in Las Vegas, Allison is a beautiful, chatty child who started school just last week.
She is looking forward to her fifth birthday on Wednesday and told me shyly she never knew "my daddy who died".
But there are still reminders of Dan - a roadie for pop and rock bands - everywhere.
Kellie and Chris encourage Allison and her seven-year-old sister Amanda to talk about him.
They particularly like flicking through the albums of photos that Kellie has compiled and looking at the hundreds of letters and messages that she received in the months following Dan's death.
Kellie said: "Chris is a lot like Dan -I think Dan would approve. The kids called him daddy from right away. The girls ask about Dan quite a lot. They ask about how he died. I didn't know how much to say about the reality of it.
"When Amanda was three she got really upset and I sat down and told her everything - that he was on a plane and explained it best I could and it helped.
"But she does cry at school a lot and says it's because her dad died. They call him 'the daddy who died' and now Amanda has decided she should call him Dan."" Dan was flying home from Boston, where he had been working at a Back - street Boys concert, to their home in Los Angeles to be there for the birth.
Following the attacks, Kellie moved from the West Coast back to her home state of Pennsylvania to live with her parents. Eventually she moved out and bought her own house.
She described how she met Chris: "I had my new house and I needed a plumber. When he came he stayed for much longer than he needed to and I felt myself get those feelings... what I call 'stomach giggly' and flirting.
"When he left he said if you need anything give me a call and I waited a couple of days and I called him up. His number actually started 0911 - isn't that weird? I said I did need something... I needed a date for New Year's! Actually he was busy but we made another date and it worked out."
They fell in love and decided to move to Las Vegas and make a fresh start.
She said: "We got married on June 25 last year in Las Vegas at the Little Chapel of the West. It was just me and Chris and the kids.
"Then we went back to Pennsylvania and celebrated with the family. We wanted it to be just us - it was hard. My first wedding was more traditional - this was more intimate."
Kellie, 37, recalled the difficulty of dealing with the death of her husband while looking after a newborn baby.
She said: "I even got cards that said congratulations on the birth of your daughter and condolences on the death of your husband.
"My mum made me call the doctor to see if I should postpone the birth. But I just wanted to have the baby out because of the stress I was in.
"I was crying and I was in such a turmoil and I didn't think that would be good for the baby. At the time of the birth my mum and a friend of mine came in - she cut the cord.
"But all I wanted was Dan to be there because he was there when I had Amanda and I remembered him so well with the surgical mask on, smiling.
"But I was so glad she was healthy. And having her and a toddler was a saving grace. I couldn't lay in bed and cry and cry, I had to look after other people and it kind of forced me into living.
"That was important - you can't just cry all the time. I wasn't happy and I didn't feel happy until a year or two after. I didn't think I could ever feel happy again
Kellie recalled how she sat watching footage of the planes hitting the World Trade Centre on TV that Tuesday morning praying that Dan had overslept and not made the early morning flight. But when he failed to call she knew he had died.
"He had called me the night before to say he loved me and I thought maybe he had overslept and I wasn't sure of his flight number," she said.
"But I didn't hear from him - and he would have called me."
Dan's mum died three months after 9/11 but Kellie is still close to his brother Stewart. He is a long-distance lorry driver and had called into see Kellie and his nieces on a trip from Texas to the West Coast on the day we interviewed her.
Because Dan was a roadie in the music industry, he had lots of friends who helped out financially.
Stevie Nicks, Neil Diamond, REO Speedwagon, Janet Jackson, Chicago and Styx were among the stars who put their hands in their pockets to help.
Kellie said: "I was OK financially - the music industry came to my aid right away. The Backstreet Boys crew each donated some of their salary and they gave me 19,000 dollars. A little boy in California stood in front of his church and raised money and two kids in Iowa sold doughnuts.
"The mail box was full of letters and donations. I even had letters from people in London sending baby booties."
Her new husband Chris, 49, has nothing but praise for Kellie and her first husband. And he reckoned that if he had ever met Dan they would have been firm friends.
He said: "Kellie always speaks so highly of him and and I respect everything about him. I think if I would have known him I would have liked him. He was born on January 29 and I was born the 30th.
"I was a 45-year-old bachelor when I met Kellie and it worked out such a way that the kids were like a gift from heaven. We get along fantastic - they call me Dad and we talk about Dan quite a lot. It would have been different if I'd known them together but I never met Dan and I never knew Kellie when she was with him. It was almost two years afterwards and she had already gone through the grieving period.
"I believe there was a reason for me to meet Kellie in those circumstances. I think Dan, looking down upon it, would probably like it."
'I didn't think I could ever feel happy a gain'
[email protected]
I FEEL SO GUILTY THAT I'VE FOUND LOVE AGAIN Sep 10 2006
By Andy Lines In Las Vegas
IT is five years since her husband died in the World Trade Centre attacks, but Kellie Lee still feels racked with guilt... because she has found happiness again.
Just 48 hours after her beloved Dan was killed on board American Airlines Flight 11, Kellie had become the first 9/11 widow to have a baby.
Dan had been racing home to be with Kellie for the birth when his hijacked plane was flown into the North Tower.
That night she lay in her hospital bed in tears. As she cradled her new baby Allison Danielle, she wondered whether she would ever be able to smile again.
Today she can... with her new husband Chris Riordan.
She said: "After 9/11 I never thought I'd be happy again. But I do have this 'guilt thing'. Sometimes I feel it's not proper to sit here and say, 'Yeah, my life's wonderful now'."
A picture of Kellie cuddling her baby daughter was the front page image in the Sunday Mirror five years ago - a picture of hope in the aftermath of that blackest of weeks.
We revealed how traumatised Kellie had given birth wondering what the future held for her daughter. Now, as I sit in Kellie and Chris's new home in Las Vegas, Allison is a beautiful, chatty child who started school just last week.
She is looking forward to her fifth birthday on Wednesday and told me shyly she never knew "my daddy who died".
But there are still reminders of Dan - a roadie for pop and rock bands - everywhere.
Kellie and Chris encourage Allison and her seven-year-old sister Amanda to talk about him.
They particularly like flicking through the albums of photos that Kellie has compiled and looking at the hundreds of letters and messages that she received in the months following Dan's death.
Kellie said: "Chris is a lot like Dan -I think Dan would approve. The kids called him daddy from right away. The girls ask about Dan quite a lot. They ask about how he died. I didn't know how much to say about the reality of it.
"When Amanda was three she got really upset and I sat down and told her everything - that he was on a plane and explained it best I could and it helped.
"But she does cry at school a lot and says it's because her dad died. They call him 'the daddy who died' and now Amanda has decided she should call him Dan."" Dan was flying home from Boston, where he had been working at a Back - street Boys concert, to their home in Los Angeles to be there for the birth.
Following the attacks, Kellie moved from the West Coast back to her home state of Pennsylvania to live with her parents. Eventually she moved out and bought her own house.
She described how she met Chris: "I had my new house and I needed a plumber. When he came he stayed for much longer than he needed to and I felt myself get those feelings... what I call 'stomach giggly' and flirting.
"When he left he said if you need anything give me a call and I waited a couple of days and I called him up. His number actually started 0911 - isn't that weird? I said I did need something... I needed a date for New Year's! Actually he was busy but we made another date and it worked out."
They fell in love and decided to move to Las Vegas and make a fresh start.
She said: "We got married on June 25 last year in Las Vegas at the Little Chapel of the West. It was just me and Chris and the kids.
"Then we went back to Pennsylvania and celebrated with the family. We wanted it to be just us - it was hard. My first wedding was more traditional - this was more intimate."
Kellie, 37, recalled the difficulty of dealing with the death of her husband while looking after a newborn baby.
She said: "I even got cards that said congratulations on the birth of your daughter and condolences on the death of your husband.
"My mum made me call the doctor to see if I should postpone the birth. But I just wanted to have the baby out because of the stress I was in.
"I was crying and I was in such a turmoil and I didn't think that would be good for the baby. At the time of the birth my mum and a friend of mine came in - she cut the cord.
"But all I wanted was Dan to be there because he was there when I had Amanda and I remembered him so well with the surgical mask on, smiling.
"But I was so glad she was healthy. And having her and a toddler was a saving grace. I couldn't lay in bed and cry and cry, I had to look after other people and it kind of forced me into living.
"That was important - you can't just cry all the time. I wasn't happy and I didn't feel happy until a year or two after. I didn't think I could ever feel happy again
Kellie recalled how she sat watching footage of the planes hitting the World Trade Centre on TV that Tuesday morning praying that Dan had overslept and not made the early morning flight. But when he failed to call she knew he had died.
"He had called me the night before to say he loved me and I thought maybe he had overslept and I wasn't sure of his flight number," she said.
"But I didn't hear from him - and he would have called me."
Dan's mum died three months after 9/11 but Kellie is still close to his brother Stewart. He is a long-distance lorry driver and had called into see Kellie and his nieces on a trip from Texas to the West Coast on the day we interviewed her.
Because Dan was a roadie in the music industry, he had lots of friends who helped out financially.
Stevie Nicks, Neil Diamond, REO Speedwagon, Janet Jackson, Chicago and Styx were among the stars who put their hands in their pockets to help.
Kellie said: "I was OK financially - the music industry came to my aid right away. The Backstreet Boys crew each donated some of their salary and they gave me 19,000 dollars. A little boy in California stood in front of his church and raised money and two kids in Iowa sold doughnuts.
"The mail box was full of letters and donations. I even had letters from people in London sending baby booties."
Her new husband Chris, 49, has nothing but praise for Kellie and her first husband. And he reckoned that if he had ever met Dan they would have been firm friends.
He said: "Kellie always speaks so highly of him and and I respect everything about him. I think if I would have known him I would have liked him. He was born on January 29 and I was born the 30th.
"I was a 45-year-old bachelor when I met Kellie and it worked out such a way that the kids were like a gift from heaven. We get along fantastic - they call me Dad and we talk about Dan quite a lot. It would have been different if I'd known them together but I never met Dan and I never knew Kellie when she was with him. It was almost two years afterwards and she had already gone through the grieving period.
"I believe there was a reason for me to meet Kellie in those circumstances. I think Dan, looking down upon it, would probably like it."
'I didn't think I could ever feel happy a gain'
[email protected]