Nightmare Weekend

[DavidMn]

Well, where on earth do I start. I've just had one of the worst, if not the worst weekends of my life. The stuff I'm about to tell you all, I couldnt make up even if I wanted to so here goes.

Derek a friend of his and I went out to the bar Friday night, and I met them at closing time and they were hammered completely. I guide them back to the car and Derek's friend falls into the back seat and passes out. After making sure he was safely in the car I turned to find that Derek had decided to take a leak right in the middle of the sidewalk! I yelled "Pull your F**KIN PANTS UP!" I finally got him into the car and were on our way home, or so I thought. After getting on the highway and driving for about 15 minutes Derek puked all over himself and the inside of my car.:mad: I pulled over to the side of the freeway and told him to get out of the car so I could clean the mess up. Thankfully most of the **** got on him and not the car, but I still had to use paper towel to pickupthe rest.:eek: Meanwhile Derek had fallen over and passed out in the bushes. So I picked him up to find that he was COVERED with vomit. SO I told him to take his shirt and pants off,(He still had his underwear on) so he could sit in the car again. He didnt like that so I told him he could walk home if he didnt do what I told him. Got him back in the car minus the clothes and as I pulled away from the shoulder he decdides to start punching me. I almost crashed and jerked the car over to the side of the road and I said"WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!" He then got out of the car and decided to run into the middle lane of the freeway in only his underwear. I got him back in the car again and we had to stop at a gas station for gas. While filling up he jumped out of thecar again and ran into the store yelling that I was going to kill him. He thought this becasue when he started hitting me while I was driving, I clocked him a couple on the arm to get him off me. Anyway, I tried to get him back into the car again, and he proceeded to hit me so hard on the back of the head that I fell to the ground. By this time the cops had arrived and they cuffed himand put him into the back of an ambulance. The officer told me that they were taking him to the emergency room for his own safety. Derek had completely destroyed my glasses in addiditon to giving me a black eye. They took him to the hospital and I drove his other friend home. Derek's parents went to pick him up at the hospital later that day, but I went over to a friends place because I just needed a timeout.


Then to make matters even worse, I get home Sunday night and he tells me that hes thinking about going back into treatment because hes been using meth again. HOw prophetic was that meth thread I started?:distress: I had told him that if I caught him doing that stuff again, the relationship was terminated because I wasnt going to tolerate it. He told me taht hed been using it again for about 5 months! I've been completely overwhelmed the last couple days trying to figure out what to do. It's easy to tell someone youre outta there if they do something, but it's alot harder to actually do it. I just dont know what to do.:( Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

[Patti]

Aw David, I'm sorry to hear that. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "this guy's more than just drunk".

Think long and hard as to what decision you're going to make. Do what's right for you, that's all you can do.

[DavidMn]

Aw David, I'm sorry to hear that. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "this guy's more than just drunk".

Think long and hard as to what decision you're going to make. Do what's right for you, that's all you can do.WHats even more upsetting is t hat I asked him several times are you doing it, and he repeatedly denied it. I'm no angel believe me, I've made some bad mistakes with Derek too. You should see the shiner he gave me.

[David]

Dave, I'm sorry to hear about your really crappy weekend. But I must say that your post about it was the most animated post you have ever made on this forum. There was more personality & emotion in this single post than in all your other posts combined, which is what made it so amazing to me. It showed a side of you that quite frankly I had no idea existed (& assumed didn't).

So I hope next weekend is better for you!:wavey:

edit: Holy ****! You got a shiner, too?!

[amber]

I'm very sorry, David. :( But the best part is that he said he's thinking of going back into treatment. Maybe you can say "you better do more than think about it" and then if he goes that will be good. I'm suprised you couldn't tell he's been doing it? I guess he wasn't doing it regularly? I thought you guys spent a lot of time together. But then, you did ask him.

[DrummerDeanna]

that weekend truly does sound like a nightmare. But as Amber said, it's good that he's at least considering treatment, but he probably needs to pushed to actually DO it.

hope things work out - keep us posted.

[carrie721]

Aw, David, I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible weekend. Be strong and remember that you have to do what's best for YOU. :xoxo:

[Pisces Queen]

David ~ I am so sorry to hear about your weekend. I hate to say this but without alot of help and strong will to change on his part ~ he isn't going to quite. I didn't post in the meth thread because it's too hard to tell my story. But I have been through the depts of hell with meth and was married to an addict and he never changed. Only 20% of people who get hooked are able to stop. Not to say your friend won't but the writing is on the wall. You have to take care of yourself. Nobody else will ~ if he's been using for the last 5 months there is no telling what else he has done. My thoughts and prayers are with you ~

[estranged4life]

David, and try to be strong...My thoughts are with you.

[HomerMcvie]

I think I'd get the hell out, David.
My cousin left her husband of 25 years, over Meth. He's pushing 50, and decided he loved Meth more than his wife, and kids, and house, and cars, and boat, and..........
He wouldn't stop, or get help, so she pulled the plug. She HAD to.

[irishgrl]

Ah SH*T David, I had no idea that happened, and you never let on :distress:

My friend, Derek needs help, and its a good thing he realizes it, and for both your sakes, I hope he gets the help he needs. I would guess you're probably in shock over this whole thing, but you need to take care of DAVID first. you and Derek can sort out your relationship later......

side comment: Amber, its possible to not 'know' about a person's drug use--if you dont do drugs (or never did) you dont always know what to look for. My daughter went off the deep end and all I knew was I didnt recognize her any more...I hadnt ever done drugs so drug-related behavior isnt readily apparent to me.

Anyway, David my friend, I grieve for you and will pray for you. I know you are a strong person with both feet on the ground, and you will be fine. In the meantime, here's a virtual *hug* for you and this: :xoxo:

hang in there, and PM me if you want to talk...

[sara1998]

Just remember, in all honesty, you can't "help" someone with an addiction. They have to help themselves, and want to quit. You can be there for support, but there's no making their minds up for them. The only way he can get "help" is if he really wants it.

Good luck to you, David. Decide whats best for you.

[irishgrl]

I think I'd get the hell out, David.
My cousin left her husband of 25 years, over Meth. He's pushing 50, and decided he loved Meth more than his wife, and kids, and house, and cars, and boat, and..........
He wouldn't stop, or get help, so she pulled the plug. She HAD to.

Meth is so EVIL, I HATE that drug. Ive seen more of my friends messed up on that than any other drug. Minds turned to complete mush. lives ruined. ruined. such a pity...

[SuzeQuze]

What a FRIGHTENING weekend, David. I'm sorry that happened. Meth is really nuts huh? Aside from how easy it is to get I don't know much about the toll the drug takes. I'm shocked to see only 20% of people get off of it. That's crazy. But Derek can be part of that 20% if he chooses to. Hang in there and Mary is right, focus on taking care of you.

[irishgrl]

and Mary is right.

Has a nice ring to it doesnt it?:D :]

[strandinthewind]

I'd dump him faster than you can say it.

His shiitte would be on the street.

[foxyluva]

Aww, poor David :distress:

I think you should stick to your original agreement and terminate the relationship - if you stick around now, he may realise he can do anything and you will still be there for him. He needs a good dose of reality....

[sparky]

What a bummer. Sorry to hear this.

What is it Dan Savage says ?

DTMFA.

(Dump The MotherF*cker Already)

[Johnny Stew]

My heart goes out to you, David. I know it's much easier said than done, but I think for your own good... and his... you should walk away just like you told him you would.

Bad analogy, I know, but it's like threatening a child that you'll take away their favorite toy if they don't behave. If they come to realize that you only ever threaten and never really take the toy away at all, then they won't have any reason to behave.
So I think that if Derek sees he can go back to meth and yet you'll still stay with him anyway, then he'll learn that he can use you to fall back on and won't have the proper level of motivation to stay clean.

Whatever you choose to do, you have the support of your friends here.

[DavidMn]

The thing is he's not a violent person. Like I said, I did some dumb things too. Right after we met and started going out I messed around with a couple other guys I used to have a regular thing going with. He didnt give me the boot then, so that makes it doubly hard. I thought it was important to share that because I didnt want to give the impreession that I was talking from my high horse so to speak. We had a "Talk" today and it was civil. I reminded him of what I said before about not living with a drug user, that he could ruin his life but not mine. What I'm really struggling with right now is the issue of forgiveness. I mean it's really hard to get out of my head what he did to me, especially when he hit me while I was trying to drive. I've been talking to my therapist lately about another issue and that's that I'm terribly afraid of being alone ever since my great aunt died 2 years ago. SO that factors into things too. HOw lovely, my crazy F***ED up life.:o

[DavidMn]

Dave, I'm sorry to hear about your really crappy weekend. But I must say that your post about it was the most animated post you have ever made on this forum. There was more personality & emotion in this single post than in all your other posts combined, which is what made it so amazing to me. It showed a side of you that quite frankly I had no idea existed (& assumed didn't).

So I hope next weekend is better for you!:wavey:

edit: Holy ****! You got a shiner, too?!Well, I'm actually kind of proud of that. I like to view myself as a fairly mild mannered person. No controversy here, sort of.:lol:

[DavidMn]

I'm very sorry, David. :( But the best part is that he said he's thinking of going back into treatment. Maybe you can say "you better do more than think about it" and then if he goes that will be good. I'm suprised you couldn't tell he's been doing it? I guess he wasn't doing it regularly? I thought you guys spent a lot of time together. But then, you did ask him.We do actually, but he was able to do it right under my nose.

[gldstwmn]

Aw David, I'm sorry to hear that. As I was reading your story, I was thinking "this guy's more than just drunk".



I was thinking the same thing.

[DavidMn]

I was thinking the same thing.I swear I wouldnt have believed any of it if I didnt see it with my own 2 eyes.

[gldstwmn]

Unfortunately the drugs are alwys going to be the most important thing as long as he is using them. I think you have to consider what is best for you at this point.

[DavidMn]

Unfortunately the drugs are alwys going to be the most important thing as long as he is using them. I think you have to consider what is best for you at this point.and for my left eye.:lol: Geez I can even laugh at something like that...

[strandinthewind]

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth. You be wise not to comnpare the two. Plus, a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Thus, the beating he gave you was liely on his sober mind and was the meth seeing you as a threat.

In any event, I would run and not walk away. If he gets clean and sober, then think about whether it is worth it to take him back. But, actions scream where words whisper.

[DavidMn]

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth. You be wise not to comnpare the two. Plus, a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Thus, the beating he gave you was liely on his sober mind and was the meth seeing you as a threat.

In any event, I would run and not walk away. If he gets clean and sober, then think about whether it is worth it to take him back. But, actions scream where words whisper.Oh and I'm not trying to balem myself for what happened, but I just wanted to be fair I guess.

[madformac]

You have my sympathies David. I was only thinking the other day after your thread, how ironic and unfair if the worst case scenario happened. And here we are.. Fate huh? :confused:

I'm not much good at relationship advice but I think in a situation like this you would probably welcome as many views as you can so i'll do my best here.

The key issue, the absolute issue for me is this. He could have killed somebody through his substance abuse. He could have killed himself but even worse he could have caused you to go off the road and hit who knows what, or who. It may have been a one off but in this type of situation its one time too many. He needs professional help David. Obviously Derek is aware of his problem but as has been mentioned, only he can do something about it. If you don't kick him out or leave then this will happen again, it always does. There will be a period of clean living followed by a relapse. Why? well because he will know he can get away with it.

Derek needs treatment and you need to make it clear that promises were made and broken. Its gonna hurt you like hell to finish this but it will hurt you more in the long run if you don't. Drug abuse wrecks lives, not just the user but everyone around them suffers. He needs to follow his own path here. Either he will see this as a wake up call and sort himself out properly, or he won't and he will have to deal with the consequences. If he cleans up properly, maybe you can work something out in the future, if he doesn't he is gonna take you down with him.

You have to push him into a choice for his own good to make a life change and just as importantly your trust has been betrayed and how the hell do you know now that he is telling the truth if he says he is clean? Do you want to be thinking about it every time you talk to him? You can't live your life looking for signs of if he is clean or not, checking his things, wondering where he is, who he is with. It will wear you down man. You don't deserve that.

Of course we can all sit here and type this stuff. Only you can make that choice. Just look at all the angles first. If he stays you must be prepared for the worse scenarios too.

Good luck with your choice dude, it won't be easy.

:wavey:

[gldstwmn]

Oh and I'm not trying to balem myself for what happened, but I just wanted to be fair I guess.

"What's fair anymore? Nothing is fair in love and war..."

[carrie721]

Messing around when your relationship is brand new (esp. for guys) is WILDLY different than goinf back to meth.

Why is it different for guys? I'm not jumping on you, I'm just curious. Is it just more accepted by guys?

I agree with you, though, comparing those situations is like comparing apples and oranges.

[DavidMn]

I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac and the Stereophonics all the last couple days to take my mind off things. It's nice to know the music is ALWAYS there when you need it.

[irishgrl]

David, madformac is right. Derek needs to get help and you need to get away from him and keep him away from you. if he senses you're weakening about your resolve, he'll use you and abuse you and continue his downward spiral.

PLEASE, dont worry about him, worry about DAVID. Get somplace quiet where you can sort out your thoughts and start healing. :angel:

[DavidMn]

Thank you everyone for the kind words of support. Like I said, I'm still trying to process all of this. Believe me, the support I recieve here is appreciated. Again, thank you. I'm going to get some rest now. At least try to get some sleep.:nod:

[jannieC]

Oh David, I am so so sorry- what a mess. Everyone is giving you top notch advice. You need to do what's best for you- not Derek. You have to take care of yourself and get yourself strong for what's ahead. You can't help him and you can't change him.

I'm so sorry you have a black eye, but I'm glad that you're okay otherwise. :xoxo:

[strandinthewind]

Why is it different for guys? I'm not jumping on you, I'm just curious. Is it just more accepted by guys?

I agree with you, though, comparing those situations is like comparing apples and oranges.

Men are pigs - esp. gay ones :laugh:

Seriously, of all the gay guys I know in relationships, I think I can count on one hand those who have not cheated. The same applies for straight guys.

Personally, I have never cheated and never will.

So, there's that.

[carrie721]

Men are pigs - esp. gay ones :laugh:

Seriously, of all the gay guys I know in relationships, I think I can count on one hand those who have not cheated. The same applies for straight guys.

Personally, I have never cheated and never will.

So, there's that.

:lol: fair 'nuff.

[SuzeQuze]

Men are pigs - esp. gay ones :laugh:

Seriously, of all the gay guys I know in relationships, I think I can count on one hand those who have not cheated. The same applies for straight guys.

Personally, I have never cheated and never will.

So, there's that.

I love you, man. :lol:

I did out of desperation to try to feel better after a really bad time in my life. That feels like it was a different Sue. It was a springboard for me to do something about my life though so I would feel good most of the time instead of once in a blue moon. Thankfully that mission was accomplished.

David, don't beat yourself up over straying early in your relationship because I agree with folks here, there is no comparison. You know you could try an Al Anon meeting, they help loved ones of alcoholics but drug addiction is a different face on the same animal. Or, call your therapist to find some group for support. Talking to other people going through this would be really helpful.

I hope you're getting some rest!

[strandinthewind]

I love you, man. :lol: . . . .

I am mostly brutally honest with people. I will tell them straight up, this ain't workin and I am looking elsewhere. At 39, I am not a big one night stand kind of guy anymore, though I, like most everyone, had my day in that sun.

But, back to the topic at hand and away from MOI :laugh:

I think cheating is no big thing when compared to someone who is letting meth control and ruin their lives.

[Livia]

I'm so sorry to hear this, David. I concur - Derek needs help and you need to do what's best for you. He needs to understand as well that you are not "abandoning" him, and don't allow him to make you the problem.

Best of luck to you both!

[gldstwmn]

I forgot to mention David, once your swelling goes down use warm to hot compresses on your shiner to get that blood circulating and the bruises will go away quicker.

[desertangel]

I've been talking to my therapist lately about another issue and that's that I'm terribly afraid of being alone ever since my great aunt died 2 years ago. SO that factors into things too. HOw lovely, my crazy F***ED up life.:o

That's tough... I wondered about something like that... afraid of being alone. Gawd, I'm really sorry you're going thru this. I really can relate. That was me many years ago. I wish you success in breaking this pattern. It is possible. The more time you spend alone and feeling lonely the easier it gets and pretty soon you don't feel lonely any more. You may even end up like me... prefering to be alone. Well now wait, I guess I wouldn't wish that on you either. Please take care of yourself and trust your gut on this one, not those arguing little "voices" in your head.

[GarboSpeaks!]

Dude, so sorry to hear this. I had a bender a few weeks ago, and I was acting like a complete ASS! Thank God, I was at home, but I put my husband thru the ringer...eventually passing out between the bathroom and closet. No joke. Took a good 4 days to clear that crap out of my system. But I am 34, and TOO OLD FOR THAT CRAP! If I had been out in public, OMG, I fear to think what kind of STOOPID stuff I could have/WOULD have done!
The fact that hubby didn't drop me off on a deserted road says a lot about him, but I was only drinking, and well, I just got stoopid. Someone that repeatedly effs up your trust factor HAS GOT TO GO! I agree it's easier said than done, but that person needs to realize THEY need to pick up their own slack, not someone else for them!
Not only is it dangerous for them, but could get your butt in a load of trouble..if he's being promiscuous, (which I pray is NOT the case, but how do you know?) you need to think about that, and plain and simple, anyone that keeps going back to it, WHEN THEY ARE IN A GOOD THING (i.e you...but not LITERALLY...bwahahah...i just kept making that worse) isn't worth your time. If they haven't woken up and smelled reality/future, they aren't gonna. Take some time, cry a lot if need be. Beat an innocent pillow merciless, whatever you have to do, but man, get out while you can!

[amber]

I was up late as usual, and watching an encore presentation of Oprah. It was about crystal meth. They had the religious soccer mom addict, the beautiful middle class teen girl addicts, and the (previously) wealthy gay addict.

Anyway, there is a website - crystalmeth.org - that the gay guy mentioned, I guess it has places where you can go to meetings, and people who have recovered that can sponsor you and stuff? I didn't look at the site, but I thought I'd pass it on.
What a scourge on humanity. The gay guy was really pissed off that after the gay community lost so many in the 80's and 90's, and are now presented with the same lesson but are going to lose so many more because of bug chasing and barebacking with billions of people per night while on meth. :distress: Now he works to help others get off it and goes to meetings every day.

[Street Angel]

Just wanted to say I'm very sorry to hear that, David. There has been so much good advice so far by other Ledgies that I suppose I don't have much new to add. Nevertheless I wanted to send you some kind of "You're not alone" message and some "mental support" with this post. :)

[seeker007nmss]

Sorry David, I can't add much either. Except a fluff pic (You saw this coming) Having a black eye (or two) isn't all that bad. :D

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a88/Dreamtimezzz/raccoon-2303.jpg

[irishgrl]

I forgot to mention David, once your swelling goes down use warm to hot compresses on your shiner to get that blood circulating and the bruises will go away quicker.

Also Arnica gel will reduce the bruising FAST. I have some by a company called BOIRON, and Im telling you, its miraculous! If you can, go to a pharmacy and ask them to help you get Arnica gel. some work better than others, the Boiron is the best Ive tried so far.

[GODDESS6]

david i am very sorry to hear this, also having met you & knowing how great a guy you are makes me even more sad/mad for you~ i hope derek gets help for his addiction, you saw from the meth thread how it has affected my life, the stuff is just disastorous~ but my advice coming from someone who has been w/ their mate for nearly 20 yrs now~ my hubby & myself have never cheated or put our hands on ea other, NEVER~ & like anita i have been on a bender or 2 myself(usually after a death or something like that) where i totally blacked out & my poor hubby sat here whilst i went on & on & on...but all he did is make sure i didn't hurt myself & made it to bed safely~ nobody deserves to be abused by their significant other~ EVER~ drunk, on meth or not~ love is out there, i hope you move on from him, you deserve so much better & take clay the weenie dog w/ you!!!:wavey: ~

[DavidMn]

Thank you once again everyone. I did put a cold compress on my eye last night. It certainly has helped. Hopefully I'll look good by Fleetwod Mac next year when I can meet you all.:cool: I am very strongly leaning towards leaving, especially after I talked to him last night. I was like I told you what would happen if you did that stuff again, why did you do it anyway? He told me that he had prayed and that he had forgiven himself and god had forgiven him, and those were the only people he had to answer to! I was like HUH?!?!?! SO you dont give a damn what I think, how nice.

[michelle2677]

David, I'm sorry to hear about your weekend and hope you will be able to make the right decision that is best for you. It's hard to hurt the one's we love, and I know it will hurt him if you leave, but you cannot continue to live like that. 5 months over and over is a big difference from a few mistakes you made at the beginning of your relationship. And on top of it, you asked him point blank and he lied. But whatever you decide, I hope it works out:xoxo:

[DavidMn]

David, I'm sorry to hear about your weekend and hope you will be able to make the right decision that is best for you. It's hard to hurt the one's we love, and I know it will hurt him if you leave, but you cannot continue to live like that. 5 months over and over is a big difference from a few mistakes you made at the beginning of your relationship. And on top of it, you asked him point blank and he lied. But whatever you decide, I hope it works out:xoxo:Thank you. It's not easy, believe me. But It could be worse I guess.

[GarboSpeaks!]

He told me that he had prayed and that he had forgiven himself and god had forgiven him, and those were the only people he had to answer to! I was like HUH?!?!?!

OH HEEEEEEEEEELLLL NO! :eek:

:lol:

If I don't see a new banner of you in process...beg. middle & end of you KICKING HIS ASS, I am so on a plane to Viking country!!!!!! :p

Really, that is SO cruel, and just as tacky as can be. I can't belive he said that.

[gldstwmn]

Thank you once again everyone. I did put a cold compress on my eye last night.

Now that the swelling has gone down, start applying warm compresses.

[gldstwmn]

He told me that he had prayed and that he had forgiven himself and god had forgiven him, and those were the only people he had to answer to!

Classic addictive behavior, in denial. :distress: This is probably going to surpirse you but he is either still using or getting ready to do so very, very soon. :sorry:

[gldstwmn]

Also Arnica gel will reduce the bruising FAST. I have some by a company called BOIRON, and Im telling you, its miraculous! If you can, go to a pharmacy and ask them to help you get Arnica gel. some work better than others, the Boiron is the best Ive tried so far.

They sell it in pill form at Whole Foods. But you can't touch it with your fingers. I've used Arnica before and it works very well as does Bromelain.

[amber]

Thank you once again everyone. I did put a cold compress on my eye last night. It certainly has helped. Hopefully I'll look good by Fleetwod Mac next year when I can meet you all.:cool: I am very strongly leaning towards leaving, especially after I talked to him last night. I was like I told you what would happen if you did that stuff again, why did you do it anyway? He told me that he had prayed and that he had forgiven himself and god had forgiven him, and those were the only people he had to answer to! I was like HUH?!?!?! SO you dont give a damn what I think, how nice.

Did you check out the website I told you about?

[JazmenFlowers]

David, I'm so very sorry to hear this and sorry I'm just now reading this to respond. I have nothing really to add to what the other fabulous Ledgies have said, especially Amber and Chris...but take care of yourself and do what's best for YOU. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[sparky]

But It could be worse I guess.

Yup. He could have killed you, himself, the other passenger, and god knows how many innocent bystanders during that cute little car stunt. Next time maybe he will. Oh, and you could be having unprotected sex with him, which I hope for your sake you haven't been. And his mea culpa is forgiveness from God ? The last and only desperate stop for those who won't ask for forgiveness from those they truly hurt. The arrogance is astonishing yet completely predictable. Perfect. Confess to the one who can't hold you immediately responsible for your actions and can't demand you truly repent and change. He said that **** to you because he thinks you're going to let him get away with it.:shrug: :sorry:

Like I said before, DTMFA.

[carrie721]

Yup. He could have killed you, himself, the other passenger, and god knows how many innocent bystanders during that cute little car stunt. Next time maybe he will. Oh, and you could be having unprotected sex with him, which I hope for your sake you haven't been. And his mea culpa is forgiveness from God ? The last and only desperate stop for those who won't ask for forgiveness from those they truly hurt. The arrogance is astonishing yet completely predictable. Perfect. Confess to the one who can't hold you immediately responsible for your actions and can't demand you truly repent and change. He said that **** to you because he thinks you're going to let him get away with it.:shrug: :sorry:

Like I said before, DTMFA.

Excellent, excellent advice, sparky. Excellent. :wavey:

[seeker007nmss]

I was like HUH?!?!?! SO you dont give a damn what I think, how nice.


There is your answer. Life is too short to put up with such crap. It's one thing to "stumble" but this is how he truly feels. I have seen many folks (Male/female) try to stick it out in relationships - far to long , but if it is a one way street, it's time to get out. It is admirable to try to stick it out, but that only shows your qualities, his actions and obvious lack of respect for you does not warrant it. He has not proven himself worthy of you. In fact, quite the reverse.

[strandinthewind]

Classic addictive behavior, in denial. :distress: This is probably going to surpirse you but he is either still using or getting ready to do so very, very soon. :sorry:

Amen sister - I know what that wounds like :nod: RUN AWAY David!!!!!

If he goes through a treatment program - then support him :nod:

[Torri]

{{{David}}}...

[elie]

Hi David

I just read the story and I am very sorry :sorry:
I have nothing to add, just that I hope that you'll do what's best for you.
I know it's easy to walk out on people you love and you've spent a long time with, but you might have to do it for your own sake.

Take care..

[foxyluva]

RUN AWAY David!!!!!


Its one thing to say it, and one thing to actually do it. I really don't know what I would do in your situation David. I guess it really just comes down to whether you love him, and whether he is willing to do whatever it takes to get clean and fix his relationship with you - but for me, physical violence is a deal breaker....

[SuzeQuze]

Yup. He could have killed you, himself, the other passenger, and god knows how many innocent bystanders during that cute little car stunt. Next time maybe he will. Oh, and you could be having unprotected sex with him, which I hope for your sake you haven't been. And his mea culpa is forgiveness from God ? The last and only desperate stop for those who won't ask for forgiveness from those they truly hurt. The arrogance is astonishing yet completely predictable. Perfect. Confess to the one who can't hold you immediately responsible for your actions and can't demand you truly repent and change. He said that **** to you because he thinks you're going to let him get away with it.:shrug: :sorry:

Like I said before, DTMFA.

I agree, do whatever it takes to get away from him. He's going to hurt you. :( I'm sorry, it really really sucks that you're going through this.

[skcin]

Sorry this took me so long David. This really sucks, and I know it's easier said than done - but there are things going on in your life that you cannot control - like Derek's addiction, his decision to not care what you think, his abusive actions.

You need to focus on things that you CAN control - how you're dealing with everything, your surroundings, and peace of mind. Take care of yourself right now.

[DavidMn]

Sorry this took me so long David. This really sucks, and I know it's easier said than done - but there are things going on in your life that you cannot control - like Derek's addiction, his decision to not care what you think, his abusive actions.

You need to focus on things that you CAN control - how you're dealing with everything, your surroundings, and peace of mind. Take care of yourself right now.Thank you Paula. I have always appreciated your honesty towards me, even if the truth hurts sometimes.:)

[golddustwoman77]

David, I'm so sorry to hear about your weekend. Man, that is terrible! I know from first hand experience that it isn't easy to just walk away when you have emotions invested, so here is my two cents. You told him if he was using again you would end the relationship, therefore I would, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends and try to help him though the treatment/rehab. I mean he is sick, and he is going to need all the help he can get. But if he has parents in the area, that is where he needs to stay,until if or when he is clean. If he chooses not to go to rehab, you should then see that he is choosing the drug over you, and there isn't really anything to hold on to, and cut all ties.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Don't be afraid to talk to us on here. You need people to lean on. :xoxo:

[DavidMn]

David, I'm so sorry to hear about your weekend. Man, that is terrible! I know from first hand experience that it isn't easy to just walk away when you have emotions invested, so here is my two cents. You told him if he was using again you would end the relationship, therefore I would, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends and try to help him though the treatment/rehab. I mean he is sick, and he is going to need all the help he can get. But if he has parents in the area, that is where he needs to stay,until if or when he is clean. If he choses not to go to rehab, you should then see that he is choosing the drug over you, and there isn't really anything to hold on to, and cut all ties.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Don't be afraid to talk to us on here. You need people to lean on. :xoxo:Thank you. It's much appreciated.:wavey:

[irishgrl]

Thank you Paula. I have always appreciated your honesty towards me, even if the truth hurts sometimes.:)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, she just copied ME :D

[irishgrl]

whatchoo need is a VACATION! come on out to SUNNY (translation: HOT)
California my friend! I know all the swimmin holes and stuff, and you can get a west coast TAN! woo hoo!

[JazmenFlowers]

whatchoo need is a VACATION! come on out to SUNNY (translation: HOT)
California my friend! I know all the swimmin holes and stuff, and you can get a west coast TAN! woo hoo!
a VACAY! yes yes yes...I agree.

[foxyluva]

whatchoo need is a VACATION! come on out to SUNNY (translation: HOT)
California my friend! I know all the swimmin holes and stuff, and you can get a west coast TAN! woo hoo!

That sounds so lovely - Its so cold here :(

Man I canot wait until summer - I missed the last 3 summers in a row because of work commitments, so I really want to get out and enjoy summer this time round :D

[irishgrl]

Man I canot wait until summer

um...Its summer NOW, man!

[DavidMn]

New Zealand is definitely high on my list of places to visit. I think I'll save even more money now for Fleetwood Mac next year.:)

[madformac]

um...Its summer NOW, man!

Yeah but not in NZ. Reverse seasons down under remember. :nod:

[DavidMn]

Yeah but not in NZ. Reverse seasons down under remember. :nod:It was perfect when I went to Australia in November 2001. Not too hot, not too cold.:)

[BTFLCHLD]

Begeezus David...don't let that bastard abuse you...you deserve better...even if it is just you treating yourself better. I personally would rather be alone than be with someone who treats me like crap and who doesn't give a crap about other people or themselves.