Zingiest Insults

[David]

What are your favorite insults?

Mine is: "Are you insane or did you just eat a bucket of bad steamers?"

[DavidMn]

Anything Don Rickles said!:lol:

[Red]

"I'm rubber, you're glue, what bounces off of me, sticks to you."

Kidding.

Actually, my sweetest comebacks would've been a retort from a nosy guy who wouldn't stop pressing me on why I hadn't found myself a nice man yet. And he wasn't asking in a gentle way, but in a "so-what's-wrong-with-you" sort of way. He was being a total turd, so I said to him in a really sarcastic tone, "Oh come on now, you've got to give a girl some time to find a reeeeeaaaal catch like you, Tiger". That sure shut him the f*ck up.:cool:

[Sugar]

I remember a friend was one commenting/complaining about me being nasty or bitchy or something, to which I retorted glibly, "It's part of my charm."

My future husband then quickly followed with, "It's the bulk of your charm."

:shocked:

[catinthedark]

you know, the zingiest ones i've heard are the ones in the family of:

"you must have mistaken me for someone who cares"

"does this look like the face of someone who cares?"

or

"nope - keep trying. you haven't found someone yet who actually cares"

[JazmenFlowers]

not exactly zingy or an insult, but I love it and use it at least twice a week

"you say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing"

[amber]

you know, the zingiest ones i've heard are the ones in the family of:

"you must have mistaken me for someone who cares"

"does this look like the face of someone who cares?"

or

"nope - keep trying. you haven't found someone yet who actually cares"

What about "yeah, I know, I read that in Who Cares magazine"

- David Spade to fake Vin Deisel on Saturday Night Live.

[catinthedark]

What about "yeah, I know, I read that in Who Cares magazine"

- David Spade to fake Vin Deisel on Saturday Night Live.


see?? endless fun to be had. :laugh: :laugh:

[amber]

see?? endless fun to be had. :laugh: :laugh:

I agree. Simple, but funny.

I can't really think of any others. They kind of arise out of the moment.

[DownOnRodeo]

Even better than the sarcastic variety are the ones that tell the truth.

Just smile kindly and sincerely remark, "Oh, that's ... stupid." :lol:

[irishgrl]

I think the English have the best ones, and all without using a single curse word

My early favorites were from the PG Wodehouse "Jeeves" books
Blot on the landscape
Pimple on the arse of humanity

One came from the "HOOK" movie (Dustin Hoffman as Hook)
You sorry sacks of entrails (there was more, I cant remember it all)

[GODDESS6]

was it the 70's or 80's, when everyones answer was "your mama"?~

[Mari]

read one in a pop mag yesterday that was really bad:thumbsup:
Went something like.. "the problem with you, Morrissey, is that you never had the guts to kill yourself"

ouch. (I'll try to post the quote tonight)

[JazmenFlowers]

don't let your mouth write a check yo ass can't cover

[Lala]

"I know you are, but what am I?"

:laugh:

J/K...I can't think of any good real ones though. It's all spur of the moment.

[strandinthewind]

Husband says - "Why can't I have a little peace"

Wife replies - "Why settle for a little when you could have eternal . . . ."

From - The Lion in Winter!!!!!

[BTFLCHLD]

youre the new james bond with a license to suck!

[SuzeQuze]

Do you know how stupid that comment was or was it some horrific accident?

[estranged4life]

"I would slap/hit you, but **** splatters"

"Stupid is as you does"

"Were you born stupid, Or did you have to work at it?"

"You look like the poster child for why abortions should be kept legal"

and the following is what to use for people who double park in a parking lot:

"If you f**k the way you park, no wonder you cant get it in..."

[SuzeQuze]

Good ones from this page:

http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult8.htm

Are your parents siblings?

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

I bet your mother has a loud bark!

Plus some "you mama's so fat" lines:

http://www.comedy-zone.net/jokes/laugh/insults/insult11.htm

Yo momma's so fat,
she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat,
when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat,
when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo momma's so fat,
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

:lol: :lol:

[skcin]

"Shut up, jerk" is my usual. I'm not very quick witted.

[estranged4life]

I'm not very quick witted.

is that an advertisement? Just kiddin'....:thumbsup:

Brian "Very quick witted...aka World Class Smartass" j.

[hayley]

I just like to say "Suck it" in a high-pitched singsong voice.

[JazmenFlowers]

the character Maxine has the best insults...among my favs:

Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?

I'm out of bed and I made it to the computer. What else do you want?

Don't like my attitude? Send an email to likeIcare.com

[Richard B]

"Your breath just gave me a tan."

[littlewolf]

thanks,suzequze!
there were good jokes,i had a lot of laughs:laugh:

[mylittledemon]

Someone (A bi-atch) recently told me I was the "skidmark on the underpants of society." And then also said I was comparable to an "unflushable turd." I then countered back with "you're like poorly groomed genitals!"

[Ghosty]

What are your favorite insults?

Mine is: "Are you insane or did you just eat a bucket of bad steamers?"


lol! I like that one. Never heard it before.

[bikerchic]

I always tell my husband and kids "Don't go away mad, just go away". I know, I'll never win for mother of the year :laugh:

[Red]

I used to be such a nerdlinger with the yo momma jokes back in the day. The best?

You momma's so fat, when she dances, the band skips.:laugh:

[seeker007nmss]

One I used at work:

"Don't mind him, he is mad because he took Viagra and only got taller"...:shocked:

[elie]

Lol !
Mine would be "you should start using night cream" or "you should not eat more, you have gained a lot of weight lately"
Just kidding..(but seriously, I hate it when people make negative comments about one's appearances). I don't know what to write, because I am not a native english speaker and most of the insults you 've written don't come across the same way here. But I hate it when people imply that I am either stupid (the "ok, keep talking, noone listens to you anyway" sort of thing) or that I don't have good taste.