Pathetic and self indulgent post here

[mylittledemon]

Ok to make a long story short.....my ex-girlfriend and I have not seen each other since late June of this year. She called me last night and left me a message wondering if we could get together for lunch or just to sit and get coffee. I was working so I didn't answer her call...i'm in the habit of putting her straight to voicemail when/and if she calls.

Problem is...I was trying to walk away from what's left between us. She's done some really ugly things to me, and I wasn't the best boyfriend either. But here is it Sunday morning, I woke up alone and I'm lonely right now. But I also know that's not a good reason to go. I really do miss her in truth, but I don't want to get wrapped up in the "stew" of us again. I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?

[Mad4stevie]

My advice would be to go, but only if you can keep control over your emotions to prevent yourself from getting back into the drama. I have struggled with this kind of situation many times, and I learned to honestly evaluate myself as to whether or not seeing the person would be putting myself in a situation where I am tempted to slide back into an unhealthy situation.

If you feel strong enough to handle it, I would say go. Sometimes you can get perspective on your relationship and realize you don't want it anymore. People do change (good or bad), and sometimes it is helpful to see that. For example, I had a really difficult time getting over my college boyfriend. It took nearly seven years of thinking about him and wishing we could have worked it out to get me to the point where, when I spent time with him again, I realized he was not the same man that I had envisioned in my mind all those years. After that realization, I was able to move on.

Good luck! :wavey:

[goldie]

Don't do it! Don't get drawn into it again .... (easier said than done, I know) ... but it's the only way to move on.

[eclipse]

Listen to your head and stay...
Or listen to your heart and go...
but what I am reading from your post, is that you really don't want to go through the drama again.
I think even your heart is telling you to stay

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.

You have my best wishes, :xoxo: follow your heart, my friend.
For your head already knows the results of trying this relationship again.
And sadly, No, you cannot be friends...
(yet), that takes a lot of time apart.

[mylittledemon]

Listen to your head and stay...
Or listen to your heart and go...
but what I am reading from your post, is that you really don't want to go through the drama again.
I think even your heart is telling you to stay

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.

You have my best wishes, :xoxo: follow your heart, my friend.
For your head already knows the results of trying this relationship again.
And sadly, No, you cannot be friends...
(yet), that takes a lot of time apart.


My head says not to go....
My heart says go...I think if anything, I need some closure. I think about this girl EVERYDAY. When I come home at night from work I wonder where she is and if she's ok. *sigh*.....decisions, decisions. Thanks guys.

[GateandGarden]

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.That is so true.


If you can handle telling her and yourself that this is just a friendly thing because you wanted to see her, then by all means, go for it. If that is what you want, then I think you should. But consider how painful it may be because not a lot of time has passed since the breakup, comparatively. Maybe if you waited to see her at a later date, you may gain more perspective and see things more clearly. And you may realize why it's not something you want at all, like Heather said. Or maybe in your situation this is enough time for you to get some perspective. Maybe you have spent enough time apart that you can stand to spend a bit of time together without it being too dramatic. Only you know the best thing for you, but I understand how you feel because I've asked myself that question, too.

You can see what a great decision-maker I am, huh? :laugh:

Best of luck with it, whatever you decide to do. :xoxo:

[strandinthewind]

Dude - ya gotta go. Maybe you can be friends later, but not now. Trust me, I've been there and it is just a one way ticket into a head trip you don't want to go on. Good Luck!!!!!

[GODDESS6]

My head says not to go....
My heart says go...I think if anything, I need some closure. I think about this girl EVERYDAY. When I come home at night from work I wonder where she is and if she's ok. *sigh*.....decisions, decisions. Thanks guys.
awwww how sweet of you~ i say go~

[WildInTheWind]

If it were me I would probably go. Then again, it depends on what happened in the relationship and why you guys aren't together. But maybe you should go just to check out why she wants to see you. If it were me, the curiousity alone would make me go!

[Serendipity]

I have to make an almost identical decision right now. My "head" advice would be dont go. Seeing someone who you miss and think about, it makes the reasons that you know are the right ones for not being together seem like they dont matter. But they do. If you know its going to be a headtrip and you dont want it, do the best thing for yourself and stay away. However, my "heart" advice would be, you dont know until you try. Maybe you can just be friends, maybe it'll lead to closure. But then, maybe not.

I give rubbish advice, I dont know what I want to do either if it helps tho. Whatever you decide, best of luck with it.

~Nicki

[gldstwmn]

I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?

Stay. Unless you make it absolutely clear what your intentions are, you shouldn't see her. You don't sound too sure of what your intentions are.
It's very difficult to remain friends with someone you've been involved with. It can happen but I think a lot of time has to pass.

[catinthedark]

Ok to make a long story short.....my ex-girlfriend and I have not seen each other since late June of this year. She called me last night and left me a message wondering if we could get together for lunch or just to sit and get coffee. I was working so I didn't answer her call...i'm in the habit of putting her straight to voicemail when/and if she calls.

Problem is...I was trying to walk away from what's left between us. She's done some really ugly things to me, and I wasn't the best boyfriend either. But here is it Sunday morning, I woke up alone and I'm lonely right now. But I also know that's not a good reason to go. I really do miss her in truth, but I don't want to get wrapped up in the "stew" of us again. I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?


First thing: you're neither pathetic nor self-indulgent. K? :xoxo:

My thoughts on your dilemma - I'd say sleep on it a bit longer. Nothing says you have to see her today, right? Right now, while you're feeling lonely and sad, it may not be the best time to see her. Let a little more time go by; remember the reasons you broke up, along with what was good. But don't forget why you broke up. It is hard, I know. The last guy I broke up with - things were so bad I was actually afraid to break up with him. I thought he'd be angry and mean - I even made sure my best friend called me at a specific time to make sure I was okay. In the end, he was so nice and so sweet, and at the end of it all, I was like "oh my God - did I do the worng thing???" It's hard to see through sadness and lonliness sometimes. But if you honestly believe that the relationship was not a good thing - if you weren't happier being with her - then don't fall back into it. You need distance to heal - and you will heal. And you'll find someone new who will make you happy.

Good luck.

[GypsySorcerer]

It's very difficult to remain friends with someone you've been involved with. It can happen but I think a lot of time has to pass.
I completely agree with this. I am currently *friends* with my ex, but every time we see each other, it's like old times.

IMO, being friends with an ex only works if the break-up was completely mutual and neither party wants to resume the relationship again. Rarely happens.

[mylittledemon]

I completely agree with this. I am currently *friends* with my ex, but every time we see each other, it's like old times.

IMO, being friends with an ex only works if the break-up was completely mutual and neither party wants to resume the relationship again. Rarely happens.

I think you all have valid points. The last girl I was seriously involved with was from 1998 to 2001. The last time I saw her was January 2002. So from 1/02 to this point, we've just NOW gotten to where we can email each other and neither of us are resentful. She likes to know how my family is, and where I am, and what I'm doing. But it took a few years to get to that point.

I suppose the same is true here. Going back to the original topic........Well, I followed my heart (again) and I returned her call. She did not answer but I left her a voicemail and said it was ok if she wanted to go have a drink. No return call yet...

[irishgrl]

I think you all have valid points. The last girl I was seriously involved with was from 1998 to 2001. The last time I saw her was January 2002. So from 1/02 to this point, we've just NOW gotten to where we can email each other and neither of us are resentful. She likes to know how my family is, and where I am, and what I'm doing. But it took a few years to get to that point.

I suppose the same is true here. Going back to the original topic........Well, I followed my heart (again) and I returned her call. She did not answer but I left her a voicemail and said it was ok if she wanted to go have a drink. No return call yet...

back to your first post: you said she called to ask if you could have lunch together or a cup of coffee. Isnt that something friends do? If that is what you want now, it also sounds like that is what SHE wants. She is probably just as conflicted as you are but she probably recognizes that she values you on some level just as you apparently do with her (especially if you think about her EVERY DAY!) If you are clear that friendship is as far as it goes, I think you have the potential to be great friends. after all, you both know each other very well. I wish you luck.....

[Johnny Stew]

About a year after we broke up, the first guy I dated called me and said he missed me and wanted to spend time together again... just as friends.
I still had some feelings for him and knew it probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, but I missed him too, so I agreed.

Well, hanging out and talking about "the good ol' times" led to us sleeping together again... which was fun in the moment, but was definitely dumb to do given the lingering feelings.

Luckily enough though, it helped me find closure because it reminded me of why we weren't right for each other to begin with (I was into him, and he was into him), and why we could never go the distance (communication was not the strongest area in our relationship).

So, Brandon, I guess you just have to consider whether or not seeing your ex-girlfriend again will help you find closure on the relationship so you can focus on the friendship side of it, or if it'll just make it more difficult to move on.
Sometimes we need to see them again to find it, and other times we need to just walk away forever.

[shackin'up]

My advise: stay.

What I'd do: go. Because love does not match with ratio. Your heart will say if it was a good choice or not afterwards. You can't do that before.

[greatdarkwing]

Well, my experience is that whenever my ex and I have seen eachother since our break-up, we end up...well....you know. Its very hard to forget past emtions and feelings.....and HORMONES!

[mylittledemon]

Got a call from her about an hour ago and she couldnt make it tonight. She wants to meet tomorrow....so we'll see what happens!

[eclipse]

You know, I'll expect details :wavey:
Be careful with your heart

[irishgrl]

Got a call from her about an hour ago and she couldnt make it tonight. She wants to meet tomorrow....so we'll see what happens!

Good Luck! :angel:

[DavidMn]

Believe me when I say this, I've had those lonely feelings when I've fought with my signifigant other, and what happens is that I let those feelings get in the way of what I should do. The best advice I can give is to look past that if you can. Good luck. :nod:

[BTFLCHLD]

i dont know you well enuf to say stay or go...but i will offer the advice to go to your nearest library or order from amazon the book "he's just not that into you" (greg behrendt and liz tuccillo.) this book will help you see clearly through the excuses and reasoning for the break ups to want to get back to the make ups and how youd be a fool to fall into the trap...over and over and over again! lonely? get a puppy and wait for that perfect person to love you and receive your love just as you are :nod:

[DavidMn]

i dont know you well enuf to say stay or go...but i will offer the advice to go to your nearest library or order from amazon the book "he's just not that into you" (greg behrendt and liz tuccillo.) this book will help you see clearly through the excuses and reasoning for the break ups to want to get back to the make ups and how youd be a fool to fall into the trap...over and over and over again! lonely? get a puppy and wait for that perfect person to love you and receive your love just as you are :nod:
Very good advice Niki my friend. Lovely pictures by the way. Hope you had a nice weekend. :wavey:

[mylittledemon]

I JUST got back from a lunch with her. As soon as she saw me, she put her arms around me and kissed my cheek. We went inside and sat down and I immediately ordered a drink. We didnt say anything for a second. I said "well what are your intentions here?" She said that she missed me, but that she was angry at me and resentful. I said that I would agree. I told her about remembering this time I jumped in the shower and scared her about 2 years ago when I she didnt know I was home early. She actually started crying. She said that she is thinking about all these good times we had together, and is trying to let go of the bad, because in the end she still cares about me and doesnt want to remember the negative stuff.

I made a point to tell her that we've only been apart for 3 months now, and that's not nearly long enough to let go of any resentment that is festering. Especially if we tried to get back together...and if I did one little thing to set her off, all those bad memories would come back. I told her that wasnt fair to me, and it isnt fair to her either. I told her I wanted her to be happy, and that I cant make her happy right now.

After all the emotional stuff, we got to talking about my father, who is very sick and in the hospital. She was concerned I think....and we talked about me going to New Zealand next year. She honestly cant believe that I'm going to do it...and she claims that the knowledge of that was NOT was caused her to part ways with me.

At the end of lunch, she reached across the table and grabbed my hand and she said she loved me. I told her I love her too, and maybe we could start over again sometime up the road...and I said I was sorry, and left.

[strandinthewind]

^^^

Well, it seems like it went well and some air got cleared. I bet you feel relieved :nod: Who knows, maybe things will work out and you all can be together - that line sounds like a SN/LB shipper argument :laugh:

Seriously, cool for you!

[mylittledemon]

^^^

Well, it seems like it went well and some air got cleared. I bet you feel relieved :nod: Who knows, maybe things will work out and you all can be together - that line sounds like a SN/LB shipper argument :laugh:

Seriously, cool for you!


Well like I told her, I still love her, but I dont think I'm the guy to make her happy. we both just want different things out of our lives. New Zealand is calling me....she is in school and wants a career. It was kind of a bittersweet meeting to say the least. So now I'm cozying up to some Jack Daniels.

[strandinthewind]

. . . So now I'm cozying up to some Jack Daniels.

Lord love ya - I was there Sat. evening with the same kind of company :laugh:

[GypsySorcerer]

Well like I told her, I still love her, but I dont think I'm the guy to make her happy. we both just want different things out of our lives. New Zealand is calling me....she is in school and wants a career. It was kind of a bittersweet meeting to say the least. So now I'm cozying up to some Jack Daniels.
Aw, I'm sorry. :( It really is easier if you don't see them. :distress:

[BTFLCHLD]

alas...ive been hurt again tonight by the insensitive chit ive allowed to spend time w/me...im at the point where i just throw my head back and laugh..i suppose ive become insensitive myself...to the pain...but as emily dickenson once said "hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all" i do believe there is someone who will love me fully and without condition some day.... :D

[WildInTheWind]

At the end of lunch, she reached across the table and grabbed my hand and she said she loved me. I told her I love her too, and maybe we could start over again sometime up the road...and I said I was sorry, and left.

That is just heartbreaking! You never know what will happen, I guess if it was meant to be, it will be. It's so much easier to say that than to live it out though. Are you glad you went to see her or do you think it was a mistake?

[mylittledemon]

That is just heartbreaking! You never know what will happen, I guess if it was meant to be, it will be. It's so much easier to say that than to live it out though. Are you glad you went to see her or do you think it was a mistake?


I think it was a mistake, perhaps. Because i've been upset the last couple months and have been trying to move on. Now seeing her again, she's fresh in my mind. I know it's not going to work out between us right now, so it makes it difficult to let go of it.