Gypsy-Rhiannon
09-15-2005, 10:37 AM
I know there was a thread about this somewhere but I'm too lazy to look. I was just sent this.... lmao....
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal -
Remember the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had a thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the medicine
cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
apart
and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I
am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out
(YA THINK!?!).
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get
out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax...yeah, right!).
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do
this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I
move
north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for
the ultimate
hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my
bikin line, covering the right half and stretching down to the inside of
my butt
cheek (yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Ok........wheeeewww
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Oh.......Everything is swirly
and
spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...do I hear crashing
drums???
Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a
wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy
pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up
the
strip! There's NO hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down,
foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be
on
the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the
most
sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.
Then I make the next
BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know
I
need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! It was like
hearing the slamming of a prison cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt??
Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what
to
do and think to myself. Please don't let me get the
urge to poop. My head may pop off! What can I do to melt the wax? Hot
water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into
the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt
and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing worse than having your nether-regions glued together, is having
them
glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm
stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to
the
porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have
a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she
has
waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
So,
my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! There is
a
slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does
try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is
located. Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha? She's laughing out loud
by
now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! I should be the joke of
someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your
girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really
have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a
hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully
remove
the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL
OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week
I'm going to try hair color......
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy,
painless removal -
Remember the epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play with the kids. I then had a thought that would ring painfully in my
mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the medicine
cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just
rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them
apart
and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right
off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I
am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out
(YA THINK!?!).
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck
together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get
out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax...yeah, right!).
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do
this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body
hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I
move
north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for
the ultimate
hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the
toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of
my
bikin line, covering the right half and stretching down to the inside of
my butt
cheek (yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply and brace
myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Ok........wheeeewww
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip.
CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Oh.......Everything is swirly
and
spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...do I hear crashing
drums???
Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a
wax-covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy
pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up
the
strip! There's NO hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down,
foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be
on
the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the
most
sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted
hair.
Then I make the next
BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know
I
need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! It was like
hearing the slamming of a prison cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt??
Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what
to
do and think to myself. Please don't let me get the
urge to poop. My head may pop off! What can I do to melt the wax? Hot
water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into
the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt
and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing worse than having your nether-regions glued together, is having
them
glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot
water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm
stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to
the
porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to
have
a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she
has
waxed before and has some
secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
So,
my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! There is
a
slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does
try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax
is
located. Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha? She's laughing out loud
by
now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the
number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!!!! I should be the joke of
someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your
girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super
hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm
pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really
have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a
hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully
remove
the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL
OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week
I'm going to try hair color......