The Camel Toe Report

[dudden22]

Has anyone ever seen this website? The men's and celebrity toes were pretty damn funny.

http://ctoe.bolt.com/index.html

[amber]

:laugh: :lol: :lol:

"Bolinas Toe
Toe Factor: 6
Stench: Unbearable
Pathetic Politically Correct Utterances: Ubiquitous

There are so many reasons to have disdain for the SF Bay Area -- and i'm certain that these two are from there -- or aspire to move there after working a few years up in Humboldt County. Sideways rain, fog over the city like that filthy cloud over Pigpen from Peanuts, Nasdaq 1300, guys at your cookout named Jugadish Bandhole who have more than one cell phone attached to their belts, teams in gym class at Mount Tam high school being chosen based upon strict diversity guidelines, greed masquerading as change-the-world sanctimony, homelessness so rampant that even corners in the nicest neighborhoods overflow with the sweet smell of urine and you get hit up for change on your morning walk from the bed to the shower. I could list these until my fingers fall off. But let's get back to our heroes in this photo... a few thoughts: (1) I don't think this guy is all that big or strong... he's probably just 160 pounds but looks strong because he's wearing size Medium clothes that his mom bought him during a 1977 back to school sale at Ames... nice seagull pattern, though. (2) nice division of labor... she has all the luggage, he has a towel. (3) her purse contains: home-rolled cigarettes, two joints, a wallet with a check in it from the parents she claims to be rebelling against and a condom in a ziplock bag that these two use repeatedly to save money so their road trip can last even longer."

[ontheEdgeof17]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

This site is so much better than bad plastic surgery. The Lil Kim camel is killing me! :laugh:

[dudden22]

Jon Bon Toevi
Toe Factor: 7
Last seen: browsing blow dryers at Circuit City in the Paramus Mall

Jon is a survivor, you have to give him that. So what if he looks increasingly like Leeza Gibbons or Joan Lunden.

:laugh: :lol: :laugh:

[ThePenguin]

I must thank you for the laugh. only I had to laugh silently so as not to attract my children's attention so now my stomach is hurting. :laugh:



Oh my gosh, the men's toes were just too funny. and that guy w/ the Peter Pan website, oh dear.... :eek: :laugh:

-Lis

[dudden22]

I must thank you for the laugh. only I had to laugh silently so as not to attract my children's attention so now my stomach is hurting. :laugh:



Oh my gosh, the men's toes were just too funny. and that guy w/ the Peter Pan website, oh dear.... :eek: :laugh:

-Lis

You are welcome. We spent a good hour on it at work today. A very productive Friday.

[amber]

You are welcome. We spent a good hour on it at work today. A very productive Friday.
I wanted to thank you, too, for providing my friday night reading... :laugh:

[dudden22]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

The Lil Kim camel is killing me! :laugh:

That thing is just wrong :laugh:

[skcin]

Eeeewww. Just eeeewww.

I wonder if they know about John's bulge from his Rumours-era cut-off shorts? :shocked: I don't know if it can technically be defined as a toe, but maybe.

[dudden22]

I wonder if they know about John's bulge from his Rumours-era cut-off shorts? :shocked: I don't know if it can technically be defined as a toe, but maybe.

John McToe
Toe Factor: 8
Pictured with Lindsey Buckingtoe, Christine McToe, and Gold Dust Toe Woman

[irishgrl]

Gasp! I believe the intrepid Captain Custard is really a woman with an appliance attached! She's in the wrong category! However, I am sure she appreciates being in the MEN's category :thumbsup:http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/Custard.jpg

what say you all?

[HomerMcvie]

AMber, I apologize. I didn't even know what Cameltoe WAS! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[SuzeQuze]

:eek: :eek: :eek:

This site is so much better than bad plastic surgery. The Lil Kim camel is killing me! :laugh:

Oy vez, that was too much! It did look like she padded it! :shocked: :lol:

This blurb about Matt Lauer cracked me up:

...Or maybe I was in a deli called Mangia in Midtown last year and this clown cut in line in front of me. Like his time is more important than mine? I don't think so. The moral of the story is: don't act like a jackass. You never know when your target is going to have a website with 50,000 visitors a day and pictures of you with massive shrinkage.

:lol:

[ontheEdgeof17]

Oy vez, that was too much! It did look like she padded it! :shocked: :lol:



We can definately see how many licks it does take.


:sorry:

[SuzeQuze]

We can definately see how many licks it does take.


:sorry:

Ew ew ewwww. :barf:

[irishgrl]

AHA!
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/davidleeroth.jpg

David Lee Roth
Toe Factor: 8

So this is what it's come to. Perhaps the coolest glam rocker of all -- the guy who had more fun and hits and beaver in the 1980's than all the others combined -- now looks like Jeff Skilling in a wig at the 1999 Enron Halloween party. Kudos to Dave for his admirable physical conditioning (we've seen him in a 'unitard' working out at Gold's Gym in Venice, CA) and seemingly ample lumber. But this has to stop. Images like this can overshadow how great it was to listen to "Unchained" at ear-crushing volume on a Blaupunkt car stereo in 1984 (when the radio was more expensive than the rest of my car). Or how much I enjoyed mouthing "Have you seen Junior's grades?" into my bathroom mirror, while popping my first zit in 7th grade. My aversion to this picture aside, DLR even in this state, is still better than Sammy Hagar in his prime.

THAT to all you nay sayers!

[SuzeQuze]

AHA!
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/davidleeroth.jpg

David Lee Roth
Toe Factor: 8

So this is what it's come to. Perhaps the coolest glam rocker of all -- the guy who had more fun and hits and beaver in the 1980's than all the others combined -- now looks like Jeff Skilling in a wig at the 1999 Enron Halloween party. Kudos to Dave for his admirable physical conditioning (we've seen him in a 'unitard' working out at Gold's Gym in Venice, CA) and seemingly ample lumber. But this has to stop. Images like this can overshadow how great it was to listen to "Unchained" at ear-crushing volume on a Blaupunkt car stereo in 1984 (when the radio was more expensive than the rest of my car). Or how much I enjoyed mouthing "Have you seen Junior's grades?" into my bathroom mirror, while popping my first zit in 7th grade. My aversion to this picture aside, DLR even in this state, is still better than Sammy Hagar in his prime.

THAT to all you nay sayers!

I don't know - everything about that photo is wrong wrong wrong! It's not sexy, just ain't. Not that Sammy ever was. Hence the claim. However, being named sexier than Sammy in his prime ain't much. Sorry Dave. Not really.

[SteveMacD]

Now I understand why some women are lesbians:
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/yikes.jpg
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/jesushchrist.jpg
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/Unbelievable.jpg

[dissention]

Nightmarish.

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/Unbelievable.jpg

[dissention]

Has anyone seen Prince?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/prince.jpg

[amber]

Has anyone seen Prince?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/prince.jpg
:shocked: I have now.

[SteveMacD]

The main reason I never wrestled:
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/package.jpg

[dissention]

The main reason I never wrestled:
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/package.jpg

No teabagging, Larry!

[SteveMacD]

Okay, but can the Stevie wannabes REALLY laugh at this guy?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/TronToeFront.jpg
Because getting laid is not an option

[dissention]

Looks like one of Stevie's old boyfriends.

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/schaibes.jpg

[strandinthewind]

AHA!
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/davidleeroth.jpg

David Lee Roth
Toe Factor: 8

So this is what it's come to. Perhaps the coolest glam rocker of all -- . . . .


Again, more hair on his a$$ than his head :eek: THAT is such a wig/extensions/alien spawn -- AND HELLO it ought to at least be big if your gonna show it :nod:

[strandinthewind]

Okay, but can the Stevie wannabes REALLY laugh at this guy?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/TronToeFront.jpg
Because getting laid is not an option


Am I the only one who knows he is dressed, badly as it is, as Tron?

[gldstwmn]

Has anyone seen Prince?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/prince.jpg

Oh yes I think I saw him on that tour, but his balls were actually hanging out. :lol:

[desertangel]

Has anyone seen Prince?

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/prince.jpg


That looks weird... is it the angle? Seems to be hanging kinda low or maybe his pants are pulled up too high. Hhmmm. :shocked: I guess I can see why he and Stevie never hit it off. {{{shiver}}}

Laura

[SteveMacD]

Am I the only one who knows he is dressed, badly as it is, as Tron?
No. I knew. But, he still looks pretty goofy!

[strandinthewind]

No. I knew. But, he still looks pretty goofy!

Yes he does. and Lord Child, has he never heard of a foundation garment like, say, UNDERWEAR to hide the weenie :laugh:

[amber]

Okay, this picture is freaking me out. Does anyone else have a bellybutton this far away from their....stuff? :shocked: Does that look normal, and it's just me? It's closer to her boobs than her coachella! WTF?
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/lindsaytoe.jpg

[Mari]

that looks weird! :shocked:
Photodoctoring or.. very low panties?

[amber]

that looks weird! :shocked:
Photodoctoring or.. very low panties?
Tummy work? Her panties are low, but still, something strange is going on there...

[irishgrl]

oh HELL. somebody had to do it:

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/Disneyworker.jpg

[irishgrl]

the shape of the lips, the barely there mustache, its MJ! :nod:
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/whiteman.jpg


and he thinks he's actually fooling people! :laugh:

[Mari]

oh HELL. somebody had to do it:

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/Disneyworker.jpg

:shocked: :lol: :lol:
And he works for Disney ?!?!?

[ThePenguin]

:shocked: :lol: :lol:
And he works for Disney ?!?!?

I could think of another industry which might welcome him. :sorry: :laugh:

-Lis

[tynan88]

I could think of another industry which might welcome him. :sorry: :laugh:

-Lis

Who is it?

[ThePenguin]

Who is it?

I was thinking adult entertainment. He looks...y'know...big. or is it just me w/ my mind in the gutter....? :laugh:

--Lis

[Sugar]

I could think of another industry which might welcome him. :sorry: :laugh:

-Lis

Perhaps this is just the incentive Disney needs to branch out into other money-making ventures!

The Wonderful World of Disney brings you...

The Pirate of Men's Pants

[dissention]

Okay, this picture is freaking me out. Does anyone else have a bellybutton this far away from their....stuff? :shocked: Does that look normal, and it's just me? It's closer to her boobs than her coachella! WTF?
http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/lindsaytoe.jpg

If that bikini goes any lower, we'll all be her gynecologists.

[dudden22]

This one killed me! I hadn't checked out the Retro Toes before.

http://ctoe.bolt.com/images/rush.jpg

Toe Factor: 8.5
Seen at: Playing State Fairs

There's a lot to work with here. We'll start with the two center-part victims. The one on the left is giving a snotty, Donna-from-90210 glare and the one on the right looks like a cross between Doug Henning and Karen Carpenter after a meatball sandwich (hey, anything's possible in the world of magic). Between them is a guy who looks like he's working the dastardly hairpiece/mullet combo, a long-haired version of Lee Horsley, who played "Matt Houston" during the 1980s. But this is a poor-man's Horsley, and Horsley himself was the poor-man's Tom Selleck. The primary TOE is on the left, and it is a disturbing plate of snake and eggs. Yet there's little doubt that, lurking behind clasped hands and faux silk robes, the others are sporting toes, too. Unless you live in Burbank, Glendale, or some other Valley hamlet in which every other house on your block is shooting porn by the pool, you're not likely to see humans of this color and stripe anytime soon.

The amazing thing about them was that they were from Canada and did not suck. Rush is almost good enough to offset the malice inflicted upon the world by Bryan Adams and Celine Dion. Wait... nothing can ever compensate for Celine Dion. She makes my bowels squirm. But this photo shows you just how ridiculous a rock band can get despite being immensely talented. Look at the outfits. Look at the hair. Look at the toe. But not for too long. Look away! It can do damage. "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." Truer words have never been spoken.

[SteveMacD]

:shocked: :lol: :lol:
And he works for Disney ?!?!?
Well, he could be working for Neverland Ranch...

[irishgrl]

I could think of another industry which might welcome him. :sorry: :laugh:

-Lis

that young man has a LOT of people willing to welcome him, Im betting :]

[irishgrl]

Well, he could be working for Neverland Ranch...

witness the white mothman getup...........I still say thats MJ in "disguise"
that mouth/mustache combo is uncannily familiar. plus, who are WE to say his quest for a whiter shade of pale hasnt actually succeeded?