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David
03-10-2005, 01:25 PM
These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts," & are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down & now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
_____________________________________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

HomerMcvie
03-10-2005, 01:38 PM
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. :lol: :lol: :lol:

DrummerDeanna
03-10-2005, 01:43 PM
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
.

:laugh: :laugh: That one is my favorite :nod:

SuzeQuze
03-10-2005, 01:56 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Love that lawyer slam and this one:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

:laugh: No offense Jason, we know you're not one of them.

HomerMcvie
03-10-2005, 02:06 PM
Love that lawyer slam and this one:

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________

:laugh: No offense Jason, we know you're not one of them.
Wouldn't you give anything to be in the courtroom when that was said? How could everyone NOT have laughed?

SuzeQuze
03-10-2005, 02:09 PM
Wouldn't you give anything to be in the courtroom when that was said? How could everyone NOT have laughed?

I'm quite sure the entire court errupted into uncontrollable laughter. Even the judge! :laugh: Okay, maybe not him/her.

tynan88
03-11-2005, 08:29 AM
Where's Jason?

strandinthewind
03-11-2005, 09:38 AM
Cowering in the corner :laugh:

The most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in court - and I have seen a lot :laugh: - is a judge falling asleep in my face and I knew why because we had been partying the night before :eek:

amber
03-11-2005, 11:57 AM
Cowering in the corner :laugh:

The most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in court - and I have seen a lot :laugh: - is a judge falling asleep in my face and I knew why because we had been partying the night before :eek:
Lawyers can party with judges? And it's okay? neat. :)

strandinthewind
03-11-2005, 05:36 PM
Lawyers can party with judges? And it's okay? neat. :)

It was New Orleans - need I say more :laugh:

amber
03-11-2005, 05:48 PM
It was New Orleans - need I say more :laugh:
:lol: :laugh: :lol:
No, I guess you don't! :woohoo: