Asexuality

[joe]

http://www.cnn.com/2004/TECH/science/10/14/asexual.study/index.html


Well, at least there won't be any controversy over marriage or legal rights!

...Unless these people petition to marry themselves. I could get really carried away on this....

[GateandGarden]

I'm surprised no one has responded to this thread yet. I have to admit that I was weirded out when I read the article. It's hard for me to imagine someone having no interest in sex whatsoever. (And being completely mature and in no way in denial). It's easy for me to see someone just not being all that crazy about it (I guess I fit into that category), but to be born not having the capacity to enjoy it at all seems (I'll regret using this word) unnatural to me. But I really hate to say that because so many say that not being heterosexual is unnatural, so who I am to make that kind of assertion? One of my brothers used to say that you don't really give a damn about sex if you've never had it, but once you have, it's torturous not to have it. Well, those are just the shallow ramblings of someone who honestly doesn't know much about it. :rolleyes:

As for the marriage issue, it occured to me that maybe some who identifies as asexual would want to get married because they still feel drawn to people and fall in love but have no interest in sexual contact. Maybe they need companions like the rest of us? I would assume so. I feel like I can say that if I never, ever wanted to have sex, I would still get married so that I could be with someone I love dearly for the rest of my life.

I actually considered myself something of a eunuch when I was a teenager (wouldn't that be a funnier term to use?), but I think it's because I was trying so hard to repress any feelings of attraction I had to women, and I obviously had no attraction to men.

Okay, that's enough of my meandering. Does anyone else have thoughts on asexuality or "A" pride?

Hillary

[sparky]

I have 2 friends who I think are primarily asexual. One identifies himself as straight. He is 35 and has gone on exactly one date in the 9 years I have known him. The other identifies herself as lesbian, and has sex on a Spock like schedule.
Neither shows much interest in sex at all. Both comment on attractive people, but do little to nothing about it. One seems very happy, the other is a terminal grouch. Whatever. They both funnel a lot of energy into other activities. There is something to be said for it. If I hadn't spent so much time and energy in my life looking for sex or a mate...I would have gotten a lot of other things done ! :nod:

[GateandGarden]

I have 2 friends who I think are primarily asexual. One identifies himself as straight. He is 35 and has gone on exactly one date in the 9 years I have known him. The other identifies herself as lesbian, and has sex on a Spock like schedule.
Neither shows much interest in sex at all. Both comment on attractive people, but do little to nothing about it. One seems very happy, the other is a terminal grouch. Whatever. They both funnel a lot of energy into other activities. There is something to be said for it. If I hadn't spent so much time and energy in my life looking for sex or a mate...I would have gotten a lot of other things done ! :nod:So you're friends aren't really interested in realtionships, either? Does the lesbian date often but she's not that interested in the sexual aspects of it? I'm sorry if I'm asking too much about them.

Hillary

[sparky]

So you're friends aren't really interested in realtionships, either? Does the lesbian date often but she's not that interested in the sexual aspects of it? I'm sorry if I'm asking too much about them.

Hillary

They don't seem to be. The guy is totally down on the whole thing - actually it is a subject he pretty much refuses to discuss. The girl is very happy without dating. She hasn't had a date in years. Her last girlfriend was...4 or 5 years ago. She never complains. She thinks Sharon Stone is the hottest thing going, but that is about it. She admits she has very little sex drive and is fine with it.

[joe]

I'm surprised no one has responded to this thread yet.


yeah, i was surprised too. Maybe people are too lazy to click on the link. I know i've been that way before.

I was starting to feel a little self-conscious about posting it.

Not asexual myself...Just thought it was interesting. I think these people just haven't had the right experience yet. Like someone else said, you can't miss what you haven't had!

[GypsySorcerer]

I have a friend whom I think fits into this category. I have never heard him comment on someone he thinks is attractive, male or female. I have never heard him say he is interested in someone in a sexual or romantic way, male or female. He has gone on a few dates with women, but just really isn't into it. I've also heard he had a relationship with another friend of ours (a bisexual male) and that he didn't seem interested in that, either. He is a great guy; friendly and outgoing, and has always been happy. Some people just don't need sex to be happy.

[amber]

yeah, i was surprised too. Maybe people are too lazy to click on the link. I know i've been that way before.

I was starting to feel a little self-conscious about posting it.

Not asexual myself...Just thought it was interesting. I think these people just haven't had the right experience yet. Like someone else said, you can't miss what you haven't had!
I just didn't have much to say about it. I mean, i guess i figured there were people like this. haven't really known any, though. But i don't think it's that weird. Although, if i knew someone like this i'm sure i'd be grilling them with questions :p "so, you really don't like it?" "you just don't care about it that much? do you know why you're like that?" "were you molested?" and then discussion would follow.... :rolleyes:

[dissention]

I can't comprehend someone not having sexual feelings, let alone not wanting to engage in sexual behavior. You were born with those parts, put them to good use.

[amber]

I can't comprehend someone not having sexual feelings, let alone not wanting to engage in sexual behavior. You were born with those parts, put them to good use.
Did you ever see Simon, the Asexual Icon on Craig Kilborn? :laugh: Hella funny. But, this makes me wonder, do you think these people also don't masturbate?

[GateandGarden]

I just didn't have much to say about it. I mean, i guess i figured there were people like this. haven't really known any, though. But i don't think it's that weird. Although, if i knew someone like this i'm sure i'd be grilling them with questions :p "so, you really don't like it?" "you just don't care about it that much? do you know why you're like that?" "were you molested?" and then discussion would follow.... :rolleyes:What's much more difficult for me to comprehend is people not having the desire to have some sort of companion for life, to not be drawn to one person more than anyone else. I always thought everyone wanted someone to cherish him or her above everyone else. Not really wanting more than some casual friends is very foreign to me.

Hillary

[ontheEdgeof17]

What's much more difficult for me to comprehend is people not having the desire to have some sort of companion for life, to not be drawn to one person more than anyone else. I always thought everyone wanted someone to cherish him or her above everyone else. Not really wanting more than some casual friends is very foreign to me.

Hillary


Sometimes you confuse me, Hillary. You want ppl to be open minded about homosexuality, but tend to just not understand why someone else is the way they are. I'm very empathetic towards asexuality. I know ppl who are and I respect them and find no faults in them. You should understand that it is not a choice and it involves their genetic makeup in some way.

I still love ya, though :xoxo:


-Curt

[GateandGarden]

Sometimes you confuse me, Hillary. You want ppl to be open minded about homosexuality, but tend to just not understand why someone else is the way they are. I'm very empathetic towards asexuality. I know ppl who are and I respect them and find no faults in them. You should understand that it is not a choice and it involves their genetic makeup in some way.

I still love ya, though :xoxo:


-CurtYou're right about that, Curtis. I really want people to be more accepting than they are, and I want to be an example, but I can't help but be honest about it when I really don't understand. I think it would help me if I knew someone like that and he or she could explain it to me so it wouldn't be foreign to me anymore. And if it's a sexual orientation that is genetic just as the others are (or I feel that they are, anyway), then it would be awful of me not to accept it, but I still want to understand it first. And I admit that I have this tendency to confuse understanding or emphasizing with something with relating to it. Sometimes I think that I need to be able to relate to something on some level to really understand it at all. This is probably a really bad way to look at things. I've had people tell me they can't relate to homosexuality at all, but that doesn't mean they don't understand it, so I don't know why I'm not as easily persuaded. I guess I struggle with that issue more than others for whatever reason, but I'm sure if I knew someone who could explain to me how he or she feels, I would feel better about it. I've known some people who couldn't fathom homosexuality and were repulsed by it for no real reason (not even a religious reason, necessarily) until they met a gay person and talked to that person about it. I really do want to accept everyone; I hope I don't come off as being unaccepting. I just get vocal about it if I don't understand, in hopes that someone's going to make it clear to me. If you happen to notice me saying something like that again, Curtis, please let me know. I don't want to be a hypocrite. And, well, sorry for being so redundant in this post.

Hillary

EDIT: And I mean to ask, have I said intolerant things before and I didn't realize they were intolerant? (And can we please say my little blow-up thingy I had on the BuckinghamNicks board is an exception, since I'll argue that I wasn't being intolerant? :angel: )

[amber]

Gosh, i didn't get anything at all from your post. I mean any intolerance. It just seemed like you didn't get how someone could, even though they are asexual, not want companionship. You didn't say anything about not accepting them, you just said you wondered about that. So basically i don't know what Curtis is talking about, really. :wavey: I've never seen you say anything uh, bad. And one time Curtis said my posts are sometimes too off the wall and strange for him to understand. so. :D I say, no harm, no foul.
Amber

[GateandGarden]

Gosh, i didn't get anything at all from your post. I mean any intolerance. It just seemed like you didn't get how someone could, even though they are asexual, not want companionship. You didn't say anything about not accepting them, you just said you wondered about that. So basically i don't know what Curtis is talking about, really. :wavey: I've never seen you say anything uh, bad. And one time Curtis said my posts are sometimes too off the wall and strange for him to understand. so. :D I say, no harm, no foul.
AmberThanks Amber.
:xoxo:

Now, I just have to ask (jokingly) why I got into trouble and dissention didn't get into trouble for his comment about not putting one's parts to use? :laugh: :p

Hillary

[amber]

Thanks Amber.
:xoxo:

Now, I just have to ask (jokingly) why I got into trouble and dissention didn't get into trouble for his comment about not putting one's parts to use? :laugh: :p

Hillary
ah, i was just going to say - maybe cause i'm not gay,and you are, your post seemed different to curtis - and diss isn't gay either, so maybe.... :shrug: More is expected of you? :eek:
AMber

[ontheEdgeof17]

Thanks Amber.
:xoxo:

Now, I just have to ask (jokingly) why I got into trouble and dissention didn't get into trouble for his comment about not putting one's parts to use? :laugh: :p

Hillary


shhh....sometimes I dont read diss' posts. :eek:

-Curt

[ontheEdgeof17]

Gosh, i didn't get anything at all from your post. I mean any intolerance. It just seemed like you didn't get how someone could, even though they are asexual, not want companionship. You didn't say anything about not accepting them, you just said you wondered about that. So basically i don't know what Curtis is talking about, really. :wavey: I've never seen you say anything uh, bad. And one time Curtis said my posts are sometimes too off the wall and strange for him to understand. so. :D I say, no harm, no foul.
Amber


I didn't say she didn't accept them. I just wanted to know why she didn't understand their "differences" when she is "different", herself. I see where she is coming from. It is hard to think some ppl are not sexual in any way, shape, or form. I just thought she would understand their situation. :o

...and yes, Amber...you are off the wall....which is good...makes me think REALLY hard about the topic...that's why I love ya! :p

-Curt

[GateandGarden]

I didn't say she didn't accept them. I just wanted to know why she didn't understand their "differences" when she is "different", herself. I see where she is coming from. It is hard to think some ppl are not sexual in any way, shape, or form. I just thought she would understand their situation. :o

-CurtWell, if anything, I can say without a doubt that I understand their situation, 'cause I know how much it sucks to be in the minority. But it's not the idea that they're not in any way sexual that is hard for me to understand, it's the idea of not wanting a companion, for the deep emotional connection, if not anything really physical. I just thought human beings had an inherent need for intimacy, just not necessarily sexual intimacy.

Hillary

[GateandGarden]

ah, i was just going to say - maybe cause i'm not gay,and you are, your post seemed different to curtis - and diss isn't gay either, so maybe.... :shrug: More is expected of you? :eek:
AMberYeah, but remember diss is a great straight ally, so we expect nothing but complete tolerance and also embracing of gay culture, right? And I haven't forgotten that he likes a couple of guys... :nod:

Hillary

[amber]

I didn't say she didn't accept them. I just wanted to know why she didn't understand their "differences" when she is "different", herself. I see where she is coming from. It is hard to think some ppl are not sexual in any way, shape, or form. I just thought she would understand their situation. :o

...and yes, Amber...you are off the wall....which is good...makes me think REALLY hard about the topic...that's why I love ya! :p

-Curt
aww...thank you. but i don't think she is "different" though i see your point. I guess asexual people seem even more "different" to me..and also, how can she (and me) understand, if we haven't "heard the story" of people like this?

[sparky]

What's much more difficult for me to comprehend is people not having the desire to have some sort of companion for life, to not be drawn to one person more than anyone else. I always thought everyone wanted someone to cherish him or her above everyone else. Not really wanting more than some casual friends is very foreign to me.

Hillary

Well, Hillary....(sounds like the beginning of a Stevie song) I don't really need anyone to cherish me above everyone else, and don't have that much of a drive to have a companion for life. In spite of this, I have met a handful of great men and shared relationships with them that were meaningful and profound. I keep ending up hooked up with someone. Honestly, they all seem like they were accidents ! Not train wreck accidents, but they just happened. As happy as I have been in those times, I am just as happy now with my very close friends, my work, my adorable pets, and not a whole lot of sex or physical intimacy. I have had my fill of that for now, and though it is bound to change, I often think that I will never find "the one" and doubt that such a guy exists. The idea of being single for the long haul is fine with me. It's all good ! And I am so far from asexual it ain't even funny.

[GateandGarden]

Well, Hillary....(sounds like the beginning of a Stevie song) :laugh: Oooooooh! I wish Stevie would write a "well" song just for me, complete with my name and everything! :]

I don't really need anyone to cherish me above everyone else, and don't have that much of a drive to have a companion for life. In spite of this, I have met a handful of great men and shared relationships with them that were meaningful and profound. I keep ending up hooked up with someone. Honestly, they all seem like they were accidents ! Not train wreck accidents, but they just happened. As happy as I have been in those times, I am just as happy now with my very close friends, my work, my adorable pets, and not a whole lot of sex or physical intimacy. I have had my fill of that for now, and though it is bound to change, I often think that I will never find "the one" and doubt that such a guy exists. The idea of being single for the long haul is fine with me. It's all good ! And I am so far from asexual it ain't even funny.Thanks for sharing how you feel. When I think about it, what you've described is all I've really known so far in my life, and it ain't too shabby! :) It's also delightfully void of most of the drama that comes with relationships, and it's hard to argue against the appeal of that.

Hillary