Is anyone faithful anymore??

[DrummerDeanna]

I mean this question in terms of relationships...not religion.

Anyway, I recently broke up with my boyfried, we had a good two year run during which we were both completely faithful to one another...

But in the last two days I've found out about all these people I know who are or have slept with married people! I'm appaled...

First a good friend of mine, he lives a highly highly promiscuous (sp?) lifestyle...which hey..whatever floats your boat...I just don't wanna be hearing about it ya know? Well yesterday I got a picture of just how much he gets around and i was like.."Dude..I just hope you're using protection.." and he said, "Oh yeah...well except for the guy who was already in a relationship, we didn't use protection, and another guy is married with kids, and we didn't use protection.." So I am like freaking out....these people are in relationships...and my friend...I was like "What the hell are you doing sleeping with married people!?!" I was infuriated (even though it really is none of my business...

Okay then another friend of mine is seeing a man who is married and has kids (okay, she's actually the sister of a good friend of mine) but I think that's just not cool...at all...

Anyway, this is mostly a rant because I have some trust issues anyway...and hearing all this crap it's like...are people incapable of staying faithful to one another? I'm losing my faith in that concept...etc...it's just really disheartening...and it freaks me out in regard to any future relationship I may have haha...

Ok..end rant.

[Pisces Queen]

I hear ya ~ believe me loud and clear. I have been single for almost 2 years and I decided it was time to get back in the game. I met a guy on match.com and we started dating. Every Tuesday or Wednesday evening he would be AWOL :thumbsup: . Couldn't reach him ~ cell turned off etc. This went on for like a month and then I got a call from........drum roll please......his WIFE. I thought I was going to die. I told her that I met him on match and that she could view his profile. Needless to say we aren't dating anymore. I am disgusted and mad. I will get over being hurt. I can only imagine how his wife feels. I was married for a short time when I was young and my husband slept with anything that walks. I divorced him when I was 23 and raised my son on my own. Now I am 33 and everyone always ask me "why aren't you married?" Well buddy here's reason # 1,012. :mad:

[gldstwmn]

I was sitting in Hartsfield Airport last Sunday watching CNN while waiting to board my plane. The story about the porn industry AIDS cases came on and they were interviewing a woman who had gotten out of the industry and become a doctor and was working with porn stars now to take precautions and be tested regularly. The interviewer asked her questions about how they were paid and she and he made the point about the risks these people take for a relatively small amount of money. The interviewer admitted to watching porn but not "watching very much." I laughed out loud at that one. The dimwit hausfrau sitting next to me said "Oh my God, I cannot believe we are watching this on CNN" with some indignation. I kept my mouth shut. Then the lady next time me made some sort of milder comment like "can you believe this is on the news?" Well, they tore open one of my Liberal wounds and my Liberal blood started a flowin'. First of all, I told the milder lady, I'm GLAD they are publicizing that PEOPLE GET AIDS FROM HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX. Then I informed her in a voice loud enough for dimwit hausfrau to hear that the US lags far behind other countries in it's availability of low cost treatments for AIDS patients. I closed by saying that nothing that I saw on the news really shocked me anymore. A guy with a ponytail who later asked for the vegetarian plate on the plane turned around and looked at me for a minute. Hmph. I hope dimwit hausfrau's husband, who she was on the phone with at one point, doesn't screw around on her. I think maybe people who have been denied the right to marry for so long might be able to show us what a commitment is all about. I, personally will never marry or be in a relationship again in my life. I look at it as something I've already done and am quite happy and fulfilled with the life I have now. People screw around. It's a major human flaw. Some people can resist it and some can't. :shrug:

[CarneVaca]

Every Tuesday or Wednesday evening he would be a-wall.

Wow! How does he do that?

Anyhoo, don't lose faith.

[DeeGeMe]

NO--and I think it's only gotten worse. There just doesn't seem to be a stigma attached anymore to having an affair with someone who is married. I found out not too long ago that my father was cheating on my mom. And he's a senior citizen! I guess you never get too old these days, what with Viagra! Then I found out that two of my (married) former co-workers had had an affair and that they'd had a baby together. Her husband stayed with her but the other couple ended up getting a divorce. They had 3 kids under the age of 5! Then not long after that, I found out a current co-worker had had an affair with one of our interns! His wife was pregnant with their second child btw. And when the President of the company found out, he fired the co-worker and the intern. I've seen it happen to friends, to family members, co-workers, and neighbors. I just think it's such a selfish act-countless people get hurt in the end because of someone's desire to have sex with someone who isn't their spouse. Either be married or be single. I'm sick of people thinking they can have "it all". Yeah, they might have it all-alright. Did you know that one of the fastest growing AIDS demos is in people over the age of 60? Some folks think just because they're married that it can't happen to them. It can and it does-every day. And people wonder why I'm not married!

[skcin]

Wow! How does he do that?

Anyhoo, don't lose faith.


Heehee, I caught that one too, Carne.

Paula

[Pisces Queen]

Wow! How does he do that?

Anyhoo, don't lose faith.


He did it with his super cheating powers :distress:

[Johnny Stew]

It's hard to be single these days. Whether you're straight and single, or gay and single.
The world is populated with people who have become very self-involved. It's all about instant gratification and what will make YOU happy. Very few people seem to take into account other people's feelings or happiness. In any matter... small or large.

Have a significant other that you're unhappy with it? No problem... just go out and sleep with someone else behind their back. Who cares if anyone gets hurt in the process, just so long as you're happy!

Your relationship requires work? Bah! Dump 'em and find someone else!

Like I've said before, no one has a sense of personal accountability anymore. And no one else matters, other than ourselves.

I've met some seemingly nice guys, who I wouldn't date for all of the money in the world. I don't want an open-relationship, nor would I want to date someone who wouldn't be above fooling around with someone behind my back.

Ah well, that's the end of my rant.

[DrummerDeanna]

Hmm..so we all seem to be a little jaded then eh?

Haha..now see I'm also having a dilema in that I just don't want to associate myself with these people who are having the affairs...two of them are friends...


In my previous post I didn't mention another friend who is seeing a woman...(she's also a woman) and like this woman is married with three kids, but since her husband doesn't suspect anything (cause their both women) my friend goes to their house for dinner, hangs out with her and her kids etc...all under the husbands nose...I have no respect for that...and am so disgusted...disgusted beyond belief....

There have to be people out there who don't cheat, right? haha...I just hope I can find one...I don't wanna go through that crap again...

--And..I found out recently that my grandpa had a long standing affair back in the late 80's early 90's...that one really shocked me...

[Johnny Stew]

He did it with his super cheating powers :distress:

I think CarneVaca was making reference to the fact that it's actually "AWOL" (absent without leave).
But don't worry... if a door can be ajar, then a man can be a-wall. ;)

And I'm sorry to hear about your experience... some people are just asses, period. :distress:

[dissention]

You have to be faithful these days. You screw the wrong person and your arm falls off.

[Pisces Queen]

I think CarneVaca was making reference to the fact that it's actually "AWOL" (absent without leave).
But don't worry... if a door can be ajar, then a man can be a-wall. ;)

And I'm sorry to hear about your experience... some people are just asses, period. :distress:



You guys make me laugh!! Thanks Johnny Stew. I will fix my post to read grammatically correct. I just get so mad when I talk about it. ERRRR :thumbsup:

[gldstwmn]

Hmm..so we all seem to be a little jaded then eh?

Haha..now see I'm also having a dilema in that I just don't want to associate myself with these people who are having the affairs...two of them are friends...




I had a friend who had a looong history of going after married men. Her husband died of cancer after they had been married for about five years (they had no children). After that, she ALWAYS dated married guys. Fast forward about ten years-she reappears in my life after we'd had sporadic contact and she is at rock bottom. I loan the woman money, give her a job and then-she tried to steal from me! Thing is, she's still trying to deny it. I caught her dead to rights. Are the two character flaws related? I'll let you be the judge.

[estranged4life]

I have been in my current relationship with Debbie for 14 years this June and have been married for nearly 11 years (11 years to be exact on this upcoming Monday) and we have both been faithful, Except with occassional fling with absolute BOREDOM...LMAO!!!!

Btw, If we want to annoy the religious right putz in this area, We usually bring up our nightly "bed sharing" with 2 males & 1 female...That is of course 2 males & 1 female of the feline sort (Sometimes 2 females if "Sioban" comes out from under my stereo where she has taken up residence), We just leave the feline part off to watch the look on the faces of these "fake healing bible thumping nimrods" :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[gldstwmn]

Congratulations to you Brian and to everyone who is faithful. Johnny Stew is right. It's about more than the instant gratification.

[estranged4life]

Congratulations to you Brian and to everyone who is faithful. Johnny Stew is right. It's about more than the instant gratification.

I have more years of being in 1 relationship than anyone in my immediately family, Including my Mother & 2 older brothers...Who have all been married and divorced at least once.

I do not see a divorce anytime on the horizon in our relationship, Debbie couldnt live with herself knowing some other poor female would have to put up with me, SO... :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh:

[GardenStateGirlie]

I still maintain that people get married for the wrong reasons...because it's what most people feel you're supposed to do. I remember watching a show not too long ago where a woman said she couldn't wait to get married so she could have the wedding of her dreams. Hey, the wedding lasts one day...the marriage is supposed to be forever.

Now, i'm not saying that all married people don't love each other but I think a lot of people get married for security and because they don't want to be alone. What I don't think people realize is that not everyone has the same "happily ever after" and that maybe for a lot of people, marriage isn't and or shouldn't be a part of that.

Just a thought...

[sparky]

People are still faithful. Some. I can be !

I think I know two married couples who are faithful to each other. And are still on marriage number one. Everyone else cheats. Men are dogs - we are dogs. We're worse, but women do it too. And there is so little consequence, in most cases. This on top of the fact that most guys I know who cheat never wear condoms, if they can get away with it. :eek:

To think - someone lets them get away with it.

Barely anyone takes marriage seriously. Especially men ! If I had a nickel for every guy who was married with kids and hit on me...I couldn't buy a house, but I could go to Starbucks a few times.

Being single again, I am going to have to be dealing with this trash once again. Not excited about it. But hey, I have found people out there who are decent. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs. Cheating frogs.

[Pisces Queen]

Yes I agree and I also feel that people might feel pressured into getting married. I am asked a million times all the time "are you married?" I answer no & then I get "well why not?" Especially by friends or peers my age. I had a friend from high school call me to tell me of her marriage and pregnancy last year. I told her that I was happy for her and then she sneered "well when are you going to get married?" I answered that I am not dating anyone. She said well it's been 10 years, what's wrong with you. I politely answered that I was very happy and secure with my single status and last time I checked it wasn't any of her business. I ended the call in tears. I don't know why I let her get to me but it did. Now I have a 15 year HS reunion this June and I am sure I will hear the impending question on everyone's mind "ARE YOU MARRIED!?!?!"

[GardenStateGirlie]

Yes I agree and I also feel that people might feel pressured into getting married. I am asked a million times all the time "are you married?" I answer no & then I get "well why not?" Especially by friends or peers my age. I had a friend from high school call me to tell me of her marriage and pregnancy last year. I told her that I was happy for her and then she sneered "well when are you going to get married?" I answered that I am not dating anyone. She said well it's been 10 years, what's wrong with you. I politely answered that I was very happy and secure with my single status and last time I checked it wasn't any of her business. I ended the call in tears. I don't know why I let her get to me but it did. Now I have a 15 year HS reunion this June and I am sure I will hear the impending question on everyone's mind "ARE YOU MARRIED!?!?!"

It's so ridiculous! Who came up with this concept that you HAVE to be with someone in order to be happy? I've never understood this. You can be single and dating and be just as happy as if you were married with children, no? :shrug:

[sparky]

It's so ridiculous! Who came up with this concept that you HAVE to be with someone in order to be happy? I've never understood this. You can be single and dating and be just as happy as if you were married with children, no? :shrug:

Evidently it is not so easy to be married with children and still happily have single friends. In some cases.

I have a number of straight, 30 something single women friends - and they ALL get grief from their married girlfriends. And acquaintances. But not from men ! It's the women who back them into a corner. As far as those people who ask the questions "What's wrong with you?" or "Why aren't you married?", I say F 'em. Their questions are all about themselves and their own dissatisfaction with their choices. Anyone who is happy with their lives - married, parents, single, WHATEVER - great ! If unhappy, shut up and leave everyone else alone !

I have been happy in a relationship, and happy outta one. It's all good. Guess you have to be happy with your choices and your situation. Otherwise, the fingers start a pointin' !

[gldstwmn]

I have more years of being in 1 relationship than anyone in my immediately family, Including my Mother & 2 older brothers...Who have all been married and divorced at least once.

I do not see a divorce anytime on the horizon in our relationship, Debbie couldnt live with herself knowing some other poor female would have to put up with me, SO... :laugh: :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh:


:lol: :lol: :lol:

[gldstwmn]

Yes I agree and I also feel that people might feel pressured into getting married. I am asked a million times all the time "are you married?" I answer no & then I get "well why not?" Especially by friends or peers my age. I had a friend from high school call me to tell me of her marriage and pregnancy last year. I told her that I was happy for her and then she sneered "well when are you going to get married?" I answered that I am not dating anyone. She said well it's been 10 years, what's wrong with you. I politely answered that I was very happy and secure with my single status and last time I checked it wasn't any of her business. I ended the call in tears. I don't know why I let her get to me but it did.


My whole theory on that is that conversation is much more about her own shortcomings than those that she perceives you to have. :)

[DrummerDeanna]

Well yea...Brian I'm glad to know there are still faithful people out there...I knew there had to be some!

And yeah, I agree that today many people get married for the wrong reasons, and a lot of times too young...everyone is different, but man when you look at the divorce rate along with the amount of people (who admit) to having affairs...marriage is like a joke...

I'm 24, my sister was married at 21 (she now says she was way too young...) and my cousins have all had kids by the time they were 20...(my sister got married...didn't have kids until 6 years later...and constantly got crap for it) It's like my family thinks there's something wrong with me because I'm not married, no longer in a relationship and DO NOT want children...I imagine there are a lot of people who get married simply because their families pressure them so much...

I'm really excited about being single right now...I'm not a relationship jumper (one who goes from relationship to relationship) and I'm looking forward to dating and such...BUT also I'm dreading what may be out there lol...

[jadegypsy]

Sorry have to inject some positivity into this thread. My parents will be celebrating thier 25th anniversiry this coming year, so yeah there are faithful people out there. :D

[DeeGeMe]

I get so much crap from other women because I'm still single and they're not. I'm 39 now and I've been in two long-term relationships but never married. I don't regret a thing. I've worked with other women who absolutely seemed to hate me because I was single! It's like they think that being single is a never-ending merry-go-round of fun. It can be but it can also be very tough-going. I've got no one but myself to count on.

In my experience, too many people get married because they think that's what they're "supposed" to do. And I've seen too many people who put much emphasis on their wedding day and not enough on their marriage. Or they get married in that first "bloom" of love and then are disappointed when the "excitement" wears off. Let's face it, the day-in, day-out thing of living together is hard work. And add kids and jobs in the mix and the stress has to be simply overwhelming at times. I guess this is where boredom sets in and the affairs begin. It's really very depressing when you think about it all. Some people seem to be able to figure it all out and get it right. Too many don't.

And for my single sisters (and brothers) out there who get the question, "Why aren't you married yet?" I always hit them with this: "When you can show me a happily married couple, I'll get married. I just don't happen to know any. Do you?" That usually shuts them up. Pisses them off, but it does shut them up!

One of my cousin's has been married three times. In fact, she'd been married 3 times by the time she was 35. Anyway, she saddles up to me and my other (then) unmarried cousin when we were in our early 20's and asks us "So, when are you two going to get married?" I looked at her and said, "Well, we figured that you'd already gotten married at least once for each of us so we don't have to!" She's never asked me that question again.

[DrummerDeanna]

Sorry have to inject some positivity into this thread. My parents will be celebrating thier 25th anniversiry this coming year, so yeah there are faithful people out there. :D

How dare you try to inject positivity ;) Just kidding..congrats to your parents..that is awesome....and those are the kinds of stories I"m looking for...I know marriage is a long hard road...and I admire people who can work through the hard times etc...It just seems to be a rarity nowadays...

[DrummerDeanna]

And for my single sisters (and brothers) out there who get the question, "Why aren't you married yet?" I always hit them with this: "When you can show me a happily married couple, I'll get married. I just don't happen to know any. Do you?" That usually shuts them up. Pisses them off, but it does shut them up!

One of my cousin's has been married three times. In fact, she'd been married 3 times by the time she was 35. Anyway, she saddles up to me and my other (then) unmarried cousin when we were in our early 20's and asks us "So, when are you two going to get married?" I looked at her and said, "Well, we figured that you'd already gotten married at least once for each of us so we don't have to!" She's never asked me that question again.

Awesome!! LOL...those are great responses...I'm just never ballsy enough to reply with stuff like that...unless I'm really pushed to the edge...

[DeeGeMe]

Awesome!! LOL...those are great responses...I'm just never ballsy enough to reply with stuff like that...unless I'm really pushed to the edge...

Deanna--I'm just older than you. It means I've had way too much practice in replying to these folks! :)

[sara1998]

I was with my late husband for 5 years, married almost 3 when I was widowed. I was a very happliy married gal. I loved being married to him. I never once thought about cheating, and I don't think he ever did either. We were perfect for eachother. It will be a year the 29th that he died, and I haven't dated since. I don't look forward to starting that game up again anyhow. I miss being married to him. It's not that I miss the concept of being married, it was all about him. I am OK single. It's a little lonely at times, but I look at the fact that I have a 5 year old who dosen't need to see this man and that man being with mommy. The funny part about that is, is that no one else seems to look at it that way. Now that I am at my one year mark of being widowed, everyone sort of wants to pressure me about when I will start dating again.... Why the hell do I want to drag a man into my life and my daughter's life, just for the relationship to fall flat on it's face, and risk not only being hurt again, but hurting my kid? She's been through enough hell.

As far as being unfaithful, my mom had an affair on my dad when I was 15. I literally caught her in the act. I learned my lesson there. If your not happy, get out of the relationship. Don't hurt your family because of your unhappiness. Believe it or not, my folks are still together, and it will be 28 years in September. Thats commitment on my dad's part, because I probably would have left in a heartbeat.

Maria

[WelshWitchPMD]

Dating these days can be pretty scary! :eek: Thats why I don't even bother.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago. If figure that if I have not met my soul mate by now I never will. :(

I wish that I could tell you younger people that it gets better but it really doesn't.

I am sorry to sound so negative but that is just the way I have been feeling lately.

[DrummerDeanna]

I was with my late husband for 5 years, married almost 3 when I was widowed. I was a very happliy married gal. I loved being married to him. I never once thought about cheating, and I don't think he ever did either. We were perfect for eachother. It will be a year the 29th that he died, and I haven't dated since. I don't look forward to starting that game up again anyhow. I miss being married to him. It's not that I miss the concept of being married, it was all about him. I am OK single. It's a little lonely at times, but I look at the fact that I have a 5 year old who dosen't need to see this man and that man being with mommy. The funny part about that is, is that no one else seems to look at it that way. Now that I am at my one year mark of being widowed, everyone sort of wants to pressure me about when I will start dating again.... Why the hell do I want to drag a man into my life and my daughter's life, just for the relationship to fall flat on it's face, and risk not only being hurt again, but hurting my kid? She's been through enough hell.

As far as being unfaithful, my mom had an affair on my dad when I was 15. I literally caught her in the act. I learned my lesson there. If your not happy, get out of the relationship. Don't hurt your family because of your unhappiness. Believe it or not, my folks are still together, and it will be 28 years in September. Thats commitment on my dad's part, because I probably would have left in a heartbeat.

Maria

Wow...thanks for you post, it's good to hear about people like you and your late husband, who are faithful to one another...I am sorry for your loss, and will be thinking of you and your family on the anniversary of his death...

[DrummerDeanna]

Dating these days can be pretty scary! :eek: Thats why I don't even bother.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago. If figure that if I have not met my soul mate by now I never will. :(

I wish that I could tell you younger people that it gets better but it really doesn't.

I am sorry to sound so negative but that is just the way I have been feeling lately.

Aww...perk up Pattie, it's never too late...my mom is 54 and she just met her soul mate a little over a year ago....she'd been married before (to my dad) but that was an awful marriage...so now at 54 she's finally happy...it's great to see!

[WelshWitchPMD]

Aww...perk up Pattie, it's never too late...my mom is 54 and she just met her soul mate a little over a year ago....she'd been married before (to my dad) but that was an awful marriage...so now at 54 she's finally happy...it's great to see!


Deanna thats great that your Mom met her soul mate!

I know that I should not give up but I want to have a baby soon. Like really soon! Men are so lucky they can have kids until they are senior citizens. I think that is why I am so bitter these days. :rolleyes:

[DeeGeMe]

I'm 39 too. I feel like, at this point, if it's meant to be, it will happen. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I possibly can be living alone and single!

[WelshWitchPMD]

I'm 39 too. I feel like, at this point, if it's meant to be, it will happen. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I possibly can be living alone and single!

Exactly, that's why while I am single at least I can travel and go to a bunch of Mac shows. It makes me happy. I have nobody to answer to.

[Janet]

Ok-confession time,

When I was 19 I started working in this company. I was single. My boyfriend in high school broke my heart in a million peices over and over. Even when I did start this new job, he was in college and things were lingering, but he had ruined my self esteem and I felt I would never ever love anyone but him.

I met this guy. He was alot older. He was good looking. He was married.

He told me I was beautiful. He said my ex was a jerk. He gave this attention that I never gotten before. It was secret but the high school boyfriend only wanted me on the side too. I felt this was the way...this was a real relationship.

So for months we were this secret couple ( so I thought) I loved him and stayed dedicated to him in my heart. HE WAS MARRIED.

Well after a few months I noticed him giving attention to this young girl who had this tattoo and who was very thin. I hated her. I kept walking by his office to remind him of me but if the girl was there..no.

The last experience with him was horrible...terrible. He made me do something in his office in daylight and in my desperation I did. I could stand being rejected anymore...I didn't want to think it was over....this fake relationship.

Well soon after I found out he had been with a relative of mine that worked with me as well. We both found out and it was done. Now it's many years later and he still works in that company ( I quit as soon as I found out he had been with my relative) and his wife is pregnant and he's sleeping with someone ELSE, a friend of a friend. He's like 42 now and still going at it.

I am not proud but I did what I did because I thought he loved me--I thought that was the only love I'd get.

Its funny. I'm 26 now and the only other relationship was with a man about to get divorced...and he took too long so I ended that one.

Now I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship. Men scare me. I never had a open healthy relationship ever. I really feel I will be single the rest of my life.

So much more goes into this but I'm putting a fresh perspective on this. The evil people you speak of, I am one of them. But you take what you get and its a challenge maybe, and it's not a real committment and when you have no confindence, you are content being a side thing. That's all I ever expected I could be.

The married men....they are pigs. Usually they just need someone younger who will give them a different kind of sex. Plus they know young people are stupid, they will believe that it's ok, that they love you blah blah.

I know alot of people who have done what I done, maybe not knowing or totally knowing...it's really bad out there. Married men go to happy hour and take a girl to a hotel.

It's just horrible. I will never get married. I will get what I deserve but I doubt I'm strong enough to handle that.

It just stinks...but thats life isn't it?

[Violet]

I come from a family of broken marriages and cheaters. My parents divorced when I was 12. It had been my mom's 2nd marriage, my dad's first. He had been seeing a woman at work, who he eventually married and is still with, 18 or so years later. My mom had also been seeing someone, and she's still with him, but not married. My brother (from my mom's first marriage) is on his 4th marriage, but he married one of the women twice. The first time he divorced her it was because she cheated on him with a woman. My sister is on her 3rd marriage, and she got divorced the 2nd time because she cheated.

As for me, my husband and I got together in 12th grade, got married at 22, and Friday we celebrated our 16th anniversary. Neither of us has ever cheated or even been tempted. We're both totally committed to making this work. Of course we've had problems and fight, but that's healthy. Even though he travels a LOT for work, I have no worries that he'll cheat while he's away. He knows what a stupid mistake that would be and what it would cost him.

So that's my story......

Carol

[DeeGeMe]

Now I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship. Men scare me. I never had a open healthy relationship ever. I really feel I will be single the rest of my life.So much more goes into this but I'm putting a fresh perspective on this. The evil people you speak of, I am one of them. But you take what you get and its a challenge maybe, and it's not a real committment and when you have no confindence, you are content being a side thing. That's all I ever expected I could be.

The married men....they are pigs. Usually they just need someone younger who will give them a different kind of sex. Plus they know young people are stupid, they will believe that it's ok, that they love you blah blah.

I know alot of people who have done what I done, maybe not knowing or totally knowing...it's really bad out there. Married men go to happy hour and take a girl to a hotel.

It's just horrible. I will never get married. I will get what I deserve but I doubt I'm strong enough to handle that.

It just stinks...but thats life isn't it?

Janet--if at all possible, you need to get some therapy and figure out why you fell into these relationships and why you're willing to settle for less. There are many companies out there that offer mental health counseling to their employees for free-and it's confidential too--so you have nothing to lose. There are also local mental health organizations out there too that offer no-cost or low-cost counseling.

I can't tell you how much good it did me when I broke up with my longtime boyfriend and was trying to figure out what I had done wrong (Turns out it wasn't me after all!). It was really like talking to a friend except they gave me a whole new persepective on the situation.

Anyway, don't ask me how, but the bad guys (and girls too) can smell self-esteem issues in someone a million miles away. Trust me, they know full-well who they can make their victim. But you don't need to be a willing volunteer any more. Being independent and happily single is one thing but avoiding relationships is quite another. I promise you that if you get stronger and healthier, then the good ones will find you! Then you can decide if you'd rather go it alone or if yeah, maybe committment doesn't look so bad after all.

[DrummerDeanna]

Anyway, don't ask me how, but the bad guys (and girls too) can smell self-esteem issues in someone a million miles away. Trust me, they know full-well who they can make their victim. But you don't need to be a willing volunteer any more. Being independent and happily single is one thing but avoiding relationships is quite another. I promise you that if you get stronger and healthier, then the good ones will find you! Then you can decide if you'd rather go it alone or if yeah, maybe committment doesn't look so bad after all.

:nod: Yep, I'm a strong believer in therapy...BUT a person has to be completely ready and willing otherwise nothing will come of it...and a good therapist is also important, a lot of times people go to one..don't click or have a negative experience and base the whole thing on that...swearing off therapy for good...I've come to find you have every right to shop around so to speak and interview your docs before finding the right one...but yeah, if someone is repeatedly falling into bad relationship then there's something there that needs to be looked at...

I had a lot of bad "relationships" in my last year of high school and into college, the last one left me defeated and totally crushed with no self-esteem, and I knew at that point, I needed to do something about myself if I were ever to be in a healthy good relationship...so after a lot of soul searching and some therapy I did meet a great guy...and he's the one I just broke up with haha..but it wasn't a bad break up by any means...in fact we just spoke today...he's like an old friend now..it's nice....

And I didn't mean to imply that I think people who have affairs are evil..I know there are issues and stuff and reasons as to why people get involved in situations like these...they just seem to be getting more common, which is what freaks me out...

[littlelies7]

After reading all this, it reminds me of something my mother told me when I was young: "Be picky."

And also, I got the rest of my life to find my Mr. Right. I don't see the rush to get married and have children. So, if it takes me a long time, well... so be it. I can concentrate on my writing.