A Halloween-inspired parody

[Livia]

Yes, I'm getting (you) started again!! Oh, Jaa-aake! Bruce and I were goofing around this afternoon and came up w/ this:

(to SYW)

Something in your Halloween bag was good
I snuck a few candies out
Here in the dark where I eat in my bed
I remember that piece
Some chocolate mixed with peanut butter - YUM!
That certain kind of taste
That you love because you can buy it again in an instant

Say you will, say you will
Give me M&M's
Peanut, please, no not the plain
They always seems to hit the spot
When I need that chocolate I crave

Say you will say you will
Put your ghost mask on
At least put on a sheet so you can trick or treat
So please don't you tp my house
I promise to doal out the sweeeets

[Livia]

RTTG (by Bruce)

Until she herself...
Ate all the chocolate pumpkins...
Leaving only wrappers...and green M&M's...
Oooh...until she herself...ran out of all candy...
Hands all sticky...no napkin in sight...

And so you knock again...on someone else's door...
There are so many houses to run up to....
For the candy that I must have...
For the candy that I must have...
Trick or treat!

Your turn!!

[dissention]

Oooh, Livia, we had so much fun with these back in April after the Leno shows! We came up with some fab-o ones about Mama Nicks' dress. :laugh: In the tradition of Halloween candy...

Candy Rules

Maybe we were together eating truffles
Maybe we are together eating taffy and Mars bars
Maybe our cholesterol is not supposed to go up
Maybe your treats are not supposed to make me jiggle

I hear about you now and then
I wonder how you taste and if you're sticky
Sometimes I walk by and I get that certain craving
Just to make sure that you still taste gooooood
Just to make sure that I can still enjoy you

When I eat you again
As I always do
It appears to me that candy rules
That my metabolism is ruthless
With the weight gain it chooses
It's not being fatty, it's just making me drool
I'm not a fool

Six weeks at Jenny Craig
How the time flew
I didn't eat Godiva
But I heard it coo...
Now it was the only time that I couldn't eat Toberlerone and gummy fish
I just said 'I quit!' and ran home

When I eat you again
As I always do
It appears to me that candy rules
That my cellulite is ruthless
With the ass cheek it chooses
It's not being overweight, it's just enjoying good food
I'm not a fool

I like peanut butter cups
I like mallomars
I like the way that peanuts fir into M&Ms so snug and tight
It's like heaven in my salivating mouth
The sugar is storing itself in my fat glands
Like lots of carbs eaten late at night, making me cry...

When I eat you again
As I always do
It appears to me that candy rules
That the scale is ruthless
With the number it chooses
It's not feeling ashamed, it's just knowing that you're obese
I'm not a fool

[Livia]

BWA-HA-HA! Love it!!!

Unwrap Me (Illume)

Unwrap me, says the candy that I hold
A delectable morsel
All the way down my throat
Unwrap me – like it teases
I am a scrumptious treat
From the corner store

I like the Snickers bars
I like the Mounds
I like the way the M&M’s
Melt in my mouth, not my hands

[dissention]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

You ate it up again
I watched it happen
Every piece, piece by piecccccccccccccce
But more important,
Calorie by calorie

You held it in your palms
You licked it's chocolate off
I listened to you chew its caramel like a cow

Weighed down
Like Hoffa in the sea
Maybe now it could prove to you
That candy is no good for you
And you should stick to salad...

You say it's good
Now you should throw it away
But it tastes so sweet and you have no other treat
You're attracted to sweets like worms to bait
WELLLLLLLLL, you eat it and are no longer thin...

[dissention]

A sad song about a spurned candy bar...

Go on eat me up
Leave the wrapper here
You love some other confection
I shouldn't be here

Don't tell me why
You know the answer
It's so filling, little one
There is no nougat here

I have come to know
This world of new sweet treats
I don't have any peanut butter
I can't change it

But be true to me
My center's creamy
I'm so lovely, little one
But I won't be eaten

[dissention]

In case anyone needs inspiration, check out the old songs we did about Stevie's black dress:

http://ledge.fleetwoodmac.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=9557&perpage=15&highlight=leno&pagenumber=1

Ahhh, those were the days. C'mon back everyone, you're missed! :)

[sparky]

After The Candy's Gone


Well I never thought I'd eat the whole bag by myself
I never thought that I could keep it down
But what I've chewed today could choke a nanny goat
What I've left to eat, well you know I'll find a way

For me it's the only day I'm in a sugar haze
Mrs. Fields is just a mini mall away
Even though the dental decay will come on strong
It's not wrong
The cravings remain even after the candy's gone

The hungriness every Halloween is hard to take
We'll all eat something it might be coconut cream
The timeless taste of a truffle tonight makes my back teeth ache
Oh you know the treats keep coming even when
You have skipped a meal

For me it's the only day I'm in a sugar haze
Mrs. Fields is just a mini mall away
Even though the dental decay will come on strong
It's not wrong
The cravings remain even after the candy's gone
The wrappers remain even after the candy's gone




Dissention...You are HYSTERICAL.

Come on, Jake. Give us a classic !

[dissention]

sparky!!! LMAO!!! :laugh:

Here's another:

Well I heard she dived down into a box of Russel Stover's
He said, "That's not what I heard...I hear she went for Hershey's."
She depended on her gut to tell her when to stop it
To make her churn and give up...this is chocolate binding you up...

Like a woman drinking Slim Fast...
She used to know who she was
Don't call out my weight...call out my weight
But she gets an answer...she prays...that it's not tipping the scale

"Better run for your life!" cried her personal trainer
"Alright," she said..."I'm going back...
To the Weight Watchers clinic...I'm going back..."
Oh no, you cannot tell a big-boned woman...ooh, that she's no longer a member
She'll become a deadly weapon...and sit on those in her path
Oh get some pumpkin pie...

[The Tower]

Originally posted by dissention


I hear about you now and then
I wonder how you taste and if you're sticky
Sometimes I walk by and I get that certain craving
Just to make sure that you still taste gooooood
Just to make sure that I can still enjoy you

When I eat you again
As I always do

I have to admit- I have a very dirty mind, mostly in a humourous way. Well, when I read this part- candy didn't come into my mind at all. Which reminded me that there are so many songs that talk about candy, when they are really talking about sex ("I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow being a prime example. And all those boy bands doing songs related to candy.

Dissention, you should start writing Harlequin romances- but instead of mock-Fabio drawings on the covers of your novels they should be mock-Lindsey drawings (Lindsey's waaay more sexy than Fabio anyday.... then again, who isn't??? :laugh: )

The Tower <----- apologizing in advance for smutting up an otherwise sparklingly clean thread

:eek: :blob2: :angel:

[sara1998]

Eating you
Isn't the right thing to do

How can I
Put down this chocolate candy

If I could
Baby, I'd eat it all day

How can I
When it puts 10 pounds on me

You can eat chocolate cake
(eat chocolate cake)

You can call another Jenny Craig

You can eat chocolate cake
(eat chocolate cake)

You can call another Jenny Craig...

OK... someone finish this up for me... I have to go to work, and I can't keep sittin' here!

:laugh:

[Livia]

Another one by Bruce (1000 Days):

The closest you ever came to me was Halloween in 1983...
I was playing in Austin, Texas...with a big witch hat for all to see...
We'll you've been praying...you're always saying...you want to trick or treat...
Oooh, why do you want to spook?
I said it's my favorite holiday and now you're stalking me, my friend...

It seems like a thousand queens just steal my dreams...
It seems like a thousand queens just steal my dreams...

You're not a girl...you're not a guy...
And Margie Kent never made an outfit in your size...
If you must impersonate...please take off my cape...
Why not be Cher and let my boots be spared?...

And as all good drag queens do Miss Ross...
Please give my Rhiannon dress a toss...
Well, give it a rest...
Try your best...

It seems like a thousand queens just steal my dreams...

[dissention]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Love it!

[golden braid]

You guys are so creative. I'm trying to think of something but I didn't get very far:
:confused:

So I'm back to the candy store
Back to the smell that I love
To a room with some chocolate and gummy bears
Back to the truffle that I was

[mylittledemon]

Weird...very, very, VERY WEIRD.

[macmar71]

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
You guys have such great parody talent! Keep it coming!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Livia]

This is a song, about a Halloween witch…

Rhiannon rings like a bell at your door
“Trick or Treat,” is what they’re saying
You want to answer, but your teeth are sore
From all the candy you’re eating

All your life, you’ve never seen
So many spiders and jack-o-lanterns
Would you stay if she promised you Zagnuts?
Will you ever diet?
Will you ever diet?

She is like a cat in the dark
And then she carves a pumpkin
Takes to the sky and howls and barks
A werewolf, a fairy, a goblin

Someone finish it - time to go hooooooome!!!

[dissention]

Originally posted by Livia
Would you stay if she promised you Zagnuts?

:laugh:

Sung to the tune of Talk To Me...

I can see we're thinking 'bout the same thing
Yes, I see that expression when the doorbell rings
We both know trick-or-treaters are here

There's no sense in keeping all the Snickers
Sugar hungry brats get mean when you treat them with neglect
Don't horde them now,
Or you'll find danger out there, yeah...

Pass them out
You can pass them out
Put them in their bags
Or they'll get your windows with shaving cream, ooh...

Toilet paper
Hidden in their pockets
Seldom seen
Until you close that front door
Look outside,
It's hanging from your trees, ooh what a view...

Is it all that hard
Is it really all that tough
Well, they've done so much already
You can hide treats from them
But they'll light a bag of poo on your front porch...ooh, yeah...

Pass them out
You can pass them out
Put them in their bags
Or they'll pee on your deck...welllllll....

So, you give them apples
No cavity, no gum disease
Their voices search for some swear words
That they'll yell and scream
The spit flies fast, to tell you you're a stingy schmuck

OOH, let the TP fly past
Set your sprinkers free
You'll get them sopping wet and they will flee
You can get them to leave
And you'll still have your Snickers here

[darklinensuit]

Intense...leg cramps
As I squeezed through the door
Trick or treat bag tearing
But still I begged for more
And no queen sized sheet ghost get-up could be wider than me
And no Goodyear Blimp synthetic could cover down to my knee
Real loud indigestion
It was hard to breathe
I was a strain on the top of the stairs
And I called...for feed!

And so you fed me
As scared neighbors often do
You cared not for sweets nor fat dudes
You think I knew
And Jenny Craig, they'll charge me
I'll weigh in, then eat more food
I had asked you, Be my sponsor
Sponsor of the moo

Some call you sponsor of the moo
Some say Why don't I wipe my chin
I binge on Fruit roll wraps and Pixie Stix
Does anyone <belch> have "One thin mint" (It's wafer-thin)

So we make our choices
For tricks or else for treats
We can hear our own voices
But we can't see our own feets
And when the Atkins dieters gather around you saying
Why don't you just lay off the carbs
Well tell them I won't be your sponsor
Not your diet, not the Subway diet, not the Weight Watchers diet,
Not the grapefruit Hollywood stomach stapling Not the
ghyuxs dshh jjvbhj dshn njbjdsnjm xnnksk
(Spins, eats microphone, falls through stage)

[darklinensuit]

I hate that I have a full weekend ahead. I have ideas for songs but no time to write yet. Titles keep popping into my head:

- Seven Wonkas
- Battle of the Diet
- Grubbo
- Silver Scale
- Snickers Honey
- Stop Draggin' My Ass So Round
- Girdle on Blond

I'll be back when I'm able...

[darklinensuit]

GIRDLE ON BLOND

Learn to eat just salad
Bland so bland
By sneeze-guard she finds...more cucumber
I crave more food now
What was it, that smell
Was it one chocolate bar
Like the Hersheys that I love
Was it Krackle, Nestle,
Or tell me...Was it Dove
Would it give more strain to my side
Add more to my hide
Something not too touch
Because girdle hurts too much

Well have you come to see
That my hips stick out from me
Oooh beneath my flesh colored girdle
And how I dream
To eat some more ice cream
On a stick one night...no crime
On a cone one night...no crime
Chew the tofu I am sick of...which vice
Well I hear Good Humour ringing...which vice
Does it force you to remember
All the junk you used to love
To be slim fight the hunger
Girdle on blond
Not pulled too tight
Because it hurts too much
Just how to cheat
Do you reach in bag
Every Halloween night
Every Halloween night

Oooh I crush my ribs now
My will power fell
Well this time I think my waist grew
This time

[DownOnRodeo]

Originally posted by darklinensuit
(Spins, eats microphone, falls through stage)

Mercy!! :laugh:
OK I am compelled to participate now.

[DownOnRodeo]

Originally posted by golden braid

Back to the truffle that I was
Lmao! :laugh: Oh to be bothered making a dodgy photoshop of Stevie as a truffle.


Not Healthily

It isn't just chocs that caused my sudden weight gain.
Everything I eat now, isn't Lite or plain.
Well it hurts my self esteem, it hurts my arteries.
Oooh, I have really
Got that blimpy feeling

Sometimes it was Cadbury
Sometimes it was O-ohhhh Henry
Sometimes it was just Three Musketeers
Well I want to roll away (Ooh, well I want to roll away)

Then there's Halloween
That adds another stone
The sweets that make we weigh
Far too much

Not healthily then, I don't eat healthily now. (Haaaa, haaaa).
Not healthily then, I don't eat healthily now. (Haaaa, haaaa).
I wasn't underweight then, but I'm sure overweight now. (Haaaa, haaaa, haha Ha-ha).

[darklinensuit]

Well it hurts my self esteem, it hurts my arteries.
[/QUOTE]

:D

SNICKERS HONEY

One bite, baby, one bite
Well I think you
Will like Snickers, Honey
It will help you reach sugar high
Even if you hate peanuts
You'll like these peanuts
Steal from the bag of your brother
Steal from the bag of your brother

Tastebud sensation
Some kind of temptation
To eat Snickers
Never Halloweening yourself
Do you understand the phrase sugar coma
Well you say it's just a moment on the lips
So it's not worth it

Can you find one more
The answer's always yes
Even brother's bag looks pretty full today, saving

No body's tight, baby, all the time
And the day after Halloween you'll have a huge behind
So take some time to pig out from baggy
'Cause eventually we'll all be real fat and saggy
Don't let one double chin bring you down, baby

Come back trick or treater
It's your last chance
Junk's almost gone now
And she'll eat fast like a starved kid
And feel just like a carved pig
She'll toss back Alka Seltzer
Whispering the words One more bar, baby
Just one more bar

[darklinensuit]

SILVER SCALE

It was a silver scale
Bought at suburban mall
She was a hefty girl
Dressed just in her thong and bra

She would have preferred
The last Chunky with raisins
But that's not light
She's here to weigh

She ate from bag for lunch
She had some Nestles Crunch
She ate $25,000 bar
And she looks like it

She's had a few hard candies
Sometimes gut strains her panties
The tug of elastic bandies
Sometimes they leave red marks

Sometimes she kept to her diet
But you'll never really know
Shadow moves across the scale
She cannot see it though
Unless she steps down
Can't see her toe

She was a costumed girl
Caught in a neighbor's door
And as the people stare
She feels just like Pooh-Bear

Still she's on mission girl
To get Halloween bag filled
For candy she'ss even killed
She's a hungry ex-Weight Watcher

Sometimes, she'd scold herself the next day
But you'll never really know
Shadow moves across the scale
You cannot see below

[Livia]

Jake, I knew you wouldn't let me down! LOL!!!

More, more! Someone has to do I'm So Afraid?!