tragedy and OSOTM

[miriamswell]

I was just listening to TOSOM and it is such a terribly, terribly sad album. I was trying to remember all the Stevie trivia I have stored in my brain and aside from the band break up and the onset of the Klonopin stupor(I was precscibed Klonopin by a half-witted, bumbling, perveted, creton of a doctor, for cramps of all things -- sorry for those with tender sensibilities -- and it turns you into a total zombie, it was like someone had hit me in the head with a brick and then done it again for good measure. I have no idea how Stevie even managed to dress herself and not just sit in a chair and drool and stare all day. I continue to be amazed by her sheer strength of will.) which were huge, life-changing, tragic things, if anything else was going on. Even in the interviews from that era she just seems so, so sad, so resigned, you want to make her tea and stroke her hand and tell her it really will be OK. ( And in another 10 years it'll be GREAT ) I don't know, listening to the songs, watching the interviews there is just this undercurrent that something *more* is going on. Does anyone know?
~Mim

[jwd]

Well Mim, I think you pretty much nailed it. I think Stevie was so "unhappy" at the time of this album because of Klonopin and Lindsey having left FM a few years before. I think Stevie felt like there was so much more to do with Lindsey as far as her/their music goes. "In the back of her mind" she knew it just wouldn't be the same without him there. Even though she gave it a shot with BTM, she decided to call it quits not long after that album was recorded...well by the end of that tour. Keep in mind that was about 3 yrs. after Lindsey left the band. She even said later that she would never be involved with FM without him in it. When she dedicated her life to music and gave up everything else for it, I'm sure she felt like part of her dream was left unfulfilled. One other point that might be valid was that Stevie was in her early 40s then...a time for reflection for a lot of people...where have I been, where am I going etc. You have to deal with not only whats going on on the inside, but the changes happening "outside" too...and for a woman with Stevie's beauty(she still is beautiful)that can be a tough one to handle. Stevie was at a crossroads at EVERY point in her life. I think she reached for something we all do when there we feel desperate...we reach for something spiritual...something unreal. We take ourselves away from it all. Hence OSOTM...her "magic album"....to escape.


Joe

[miriamswell]

jwd,

Everything you said makes *perfect* sense. It is weird though, because what you are seeing in the OSOTM, is pretty much exactly what I was seeing in "Space Needle." I would love to know when "Space Needle" was written, because I can totally see if fitting on OSOTM.
Here are some of the things I dug out of "Space Needle." I would *love* your input:
I think “Space Needle” is lyrically one of the most sophisticated and multi-layered songs Stevie has ever written. I agree that it is about many things, something she does instinctively as an artist and something she does on a more conscious level as sort of cryptic “clues” to what was going on that served as an inspiration for the song. I also think that the imagery is less concrete than in some of her other work — this song is in many ways a mosaic. I was struck in particular by her description of “the black space needle/Casting its black shadow down through time,” which, at least for me, was much more evocative of the ancient obelisks of Egypt, in particular Cleopatra’s Needle – a monument that commemorates a woman famous for her beauty and her lovers, who killed herself, after being abandoned and betrayed. This image is just so much more powerful and mystical than that of the space needle built for the world’s fair. Also, if I recall correctly, Stevie wore a pyramid necklace for many years and gave similar necklaces to her loved ones as gifts. It is one of the “mystical” themes that runs through her songs along with ocean, rain, and night.

This description also seems to imply a darkness that is eternal – that it is always lurking – perhaps a reference to the darkness in “Bella Donna” and “Sisters of the Moon,” both of which are, in part, about a woman so consumed by her desire to please and be loved that she literally loses herself – spiritually and physically. It is also reminiscent of her comments about Robin Anderson’s death – that her passing extinguished a light that could not be replaced or replenished. In a way, these lines are an acknowledgement as well as a way of bearing witness to those who have been in the depths of despair and who have not survived it. If one accepts that some of this song is at least in part about Kurt Cobain’s suicide, it is almost as if Stevie is giving voice to his grief or acting as his voice, that he might finally be heard, something that never happened while he was alive. And if Stevie was close to the Widow Cobain (BTW, I love the idea of using such a proper term to refer to such a totally improper woman, gods love her! ) at the time of his suicide, she may also be giving voice to the grief of someone who has lost the love of their life – she is putting meaning to Courtney’s despair and perhaps remembering her own beloved dead. One cannot help but wonder if at this moment her recollections of the years of her rift with Lindsey felt in some ways as though he had died or at least the Lindsey who was her spirit twin and other half of her musical self, despite the fact that she initiated the separation. Did Stevie at times feel like Lindsey’s widow?

The chorus also lends itself to many interpretations. The beautiful faces that are no longer beautiful may indeed refer to the pain and betrayal Stevie experienced at the way she was treated when she no longer looked like a fairy princess. She may also be referring to the way drug abuse destroys both body and soul. A heroin junkie jonesing is not pretty. A woman in a rage because she doesn’t have access to cocaine or pills is not pretty. These words seem to acknowledge this truth as much as they are an empathic understanding of how drugs become the singular driving force in an addict’s life. Rather than a simplistic “just say no,” she concedes the seductiveness of drugs and pays tribute to those who did not have the strength to break free, “to come in out of the darkness.” I think the chorus is the most heart wrenching part of the entire song. It is utterly hopeless. So much has been lost, there is nothing ahead and the past is fading.

The reference to “the crossroads” is also quite intriguing. It is an image that shows up in many traditional blues songs, the most famous being the story of Robert Johnson who sold his soul to the devil (or in his case Chess records) so he could play guitar like no mortal could even dream of doing. (Dare we hope this reference to such a grand old Bluesman will entice Lindsey enough to work on the song? ) There appears to be a parallel being drawn here between Cobain and Mr. Johnson and perhaps Stevie herself. All of them made tremendous sacrifices for their art. On a completely different level, in the practice of voodoo, crossroads play a significant part in magic and in dealing with the dead. The lines: “When it began I was standing at the crossroads/I was hopeful/
That was then, this is now,” are consistent with someone who has made a deal with the devil and is finally coming to realize, for the first time what the consequences of such a decision are. It also brings to mind the more traditional usage of crossroads as being symbolic of a major life change. To live or to die. To go forward or back. To do a solo album or not.

The repetition of reference to the loss of enchantment echoes both “Enchanted” and “Destiny,” both of which speak poignantly of a love that was lost or could not be, and the narrator, Stevie, ultimately meeting a tragic end – “My destiny says that I’m destined to fall.” Fall in love or fall in a more existential way or fall in every way that there is to fall. In many ways this sort of irrevocable loss is the undercurrent that runs through the entire song. And knowing the legend of Stevie and Lindsay it is impossible to not assume that on some level she is engaging in some retrospection about their relationship, which seems to have been the most significant of all subsequent relationships for both of them.

The next two verses seem to be (IMHO) a concrete repetition of what has been said more abstractly in the previous verses. When one is caught in the throws of grief and despair time becomes meaningless – one is simply enduring rather than living. I don’t know if her use of the word town is a reference to a specific place or to a state of being. If it does refer to a specific place, it sounds a great deal like a young Stevie lost in the merry-go-round of LA, poor, homesick and unsure of the future. And again she may be lending her voice to Cobain’s – echoing his disenchantment with the entire music industry and his own sense of confusion, despair, betrayal and hopelessness.

The reference to no longer being afraid also sounds like the voice of someone in a very dark place. When one has faced the devil, fear becomes a trifling thing. Again, I think Stevie is drawing on her own experience and possibly lending her voice to another person. For some reason this verse is more evocative to me of the Widow Cobain, rather than the man himself.

The verse “Now we are dying etc.” brings to mind the tragic end many of Stevie’s musical and literary idols met – dying of spectacular, extravagant self destruction: Joplin, Hendrix, Wilde, Mabel Normand – all died, if not by their own hand, then surely by giving in to their demons and the need to anesthetize themselves with whatever was at hand. Perhaps what Stevie is saying is that she sees this cycle repeating itself in the next generation, the heirs, as it were, to the great and magical rock and roll kingdom of the seventies. The dark people could be internal devils or drug dealers or record executives who exploit talented young people and then dispose of them when they are no longer a viable commodity. Perhaps all of these things. Perhaps none.

The last verse is like the concluding paragraph in a thesis, it is the high and lonesome, lost and cold, there is no hope and the darkness surrounds. The repetition of “My music is lost I am very thin and I am always in need,” could be taken directly from “Sisters of the Moon.” Again the image of someone who has given all of themselves to make the world just a little sweeter and yet in the end is alone, without hope or love or light. This could also be a drug reference – being thin and constantly in need are both part of addiction. Or one could interpret the state of being in need as being forever unfulfilled, a constant yearning for something that is utterly necessary but defies description. Thus need implies want, which in turn implies lack. And so the darkness that is everywhere.

~Mim, thrilled that someone wants to come out and play

[jwd]

THAT WAS DEEP AND HEAVY STUFF!!

Where have you been? You say play?!...sure anytime.

I've only listened to Spaceneedle a few times and erroneously deleted it from my drive and have not downloaded it again...yet.
With an essay like that I'm going to have to do a little homework and get back with you! You've definitely piqued my interest!



Joe

[Sorcerer386]

Hello all, haven't posted in some time. I'm having some problems and really don't feel like doing much of anything. I know what Miriam means because I've been taking Xanax now three times a day, and I just stand at work and stare. I'm constantly zombied out but I can't go to sleep, and concentrating is next to impossible, so I can't read very much. So yeah, I'm taking a total .75 mg of Xanax a day, I think Stevie was taking 2 mg of Klonopin...I think she said two pills twice a day, probably coming in .5 mg pills. So I have no idea how she got up the energy to go out onstage and perform.

The thing that I thought over about Space Needle is that, as I once said I didn't think it was about Kurt Cobain and Seattle, I'm thinking maybe it WAS, and the black needle casting it's black shadow down through time was that Seattle grunge movement. Grunge music was always pretty dark and dreary, plus it took attention away from normal rock and roll. Space Needle has to be mostly about 1994 when not only Seattle stuff was big, but when Stevie was at her least popular. Anyway, that's about all I can think right now...

[miriamswell]

Sorcerer386,

I am not a doctor, but I have worked in the mental health field for years. Xanax is an old, very strong drug that came before even valium. It is a sedative and an anti-anxiety drug, but it has so many and such strong side effects that almost no doctors use it anymore because there are newer and better drugs. It is also very addictive. I don' t want to presume or invade your privacy here on the board so please, if you feel like it, email me at miriamswell68@yahoo.com. In general, Xanax should be used only at night as an aid to sleep and then only for a short time because as I said, it is *very* addictive and it can have a rebound effect, which means, when you stop taking it, your insomnia comes back and can be even worse. Again, there are better, newer drugs for help with sleep. As for anxiety drugs, the newest drug of choice is Paxil, it works very well, not only for anxiety, but also for depression and it has much fewer, much milder side affects. I know it can be terrifying to stand up to any doctor or nurse, but it is *your* body and *your* life and you have the absolute right to decide what you do or do not do with it. Doctors are not God and they make mistakes and sometimes have bad judgement. Whatever is wrong doesn't in any way, shape or form affect what kind of a person you are. The most important thing is the world is to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. Everything else flows from that.
kindest regards,
~Mim

[Arizona Ranger]

Joni Mitchell has had a slew of emotional/personal problems and she has made a career of talking about them through her songs !!!

I enjoyed reading your thoughts on OSOTM miriamswell !