If your not interested in my problems, please stay away from this thread! :)

[jaycee]

Here comes another stream of consciousness... and if it's any excuse, I'm drunk... although I only did it tonight because I wanted to, not because I depend on it (dependence on alcohol seems rather silly to me - alcohol's just something to enjoy every now and then).
Btw I'm listening to Tusk - it seems perfect for this moment in time.
It's funny - in the past I've often made a point of not talking about anything that's been worrying me. After all, everyone else has their own problems to worry about, and they hardly need mine too! But lately I've been whining more than usual, mostly to friends (I don't want my parents to know about my affairs in particular, to be honest).
At university I'm only doing two units, which is basically part time. And yet I still seem to be having trouble with those subjects - my physics experiment reports are due in the day after they're done, and I have one overdue by a month! Last semester I'd be able to hand them in at most a day late, but this semester I've been hopeless at writing them. My maths subject has suffered as a result of worrying about these reports - I've only handed in one half of one assignment out of five so far. But the physics reports are required to pass the subject, so...
I'm also a bit caught up over a girl, Tessa, at the moment - we worked together in a maths tutorial about ten weeks ago, and I knew I loved her (i.e. "liked", for those who don't like my language) after she left the tute, as I felt disappointed and kinda lonely when it was over. I spoke to her briefly a few weeks later, and two weeks ago asked for her phone number. She basically said she was busy and dashed off... that actually made me laugh, despite my feeling distraught inside. I'm a generally happy person on the exterior - like I said, I don't like to give anyone else my problems... until now, it seems...
She actually spoke to me today - I handed a note to her friend Alex last week, who's a bloke I really like (i.e. as a friend - again my language confuses most people), who studies History and Philosophy of Science with a diploma in maths, so we had a rather insightful chat about philosophy and maths. Anyway, I basically said in the note to Tessa that I was sorry if I embarrassed her when I asked for her phone number (I really was - I know I felt pretty torn up after it, and I wouldn't have been surprised if she felt similarly), and if she wanted to catch up she could call me. If not, I wouldn't hold it against her (again, I really wouldn't - I seem to enjoy the life of a lonely bachelor, and don't approach women unless I feel compelled to! Besides, it really is her decision to make!).
Btw "Brown Eyes" just came on - so much for my original position of me saying all Fleetwood Mac songs were equally awesome... although I don't think I ever said that here on The Ledge...
I'd like to see her on Friday, to kind of explain myself to her - I feel as if everything seems unfinished between us, because some of the... mannerisms, I guess... of mine may have been taken the wrong way. Today I saw her in our maths lecture at the end of it, although I couldn't tell if it was her (btw here's a "secret", inasmuch as I've only ever told two people - I find it very difficult to distinguish different peoples' faces, and have a very poor memory for faces), so I was probably looking more mad than in deep thought trying to work out if it was actually her! But she ended up approaching me, and said that she got the note, and (something along the lines of) that she was too busy for a relationship, I think from memory... but I basically replied that I was just happy that she was flattered and not embarrassed at my asking for her phone number. After that she left, but in retrospect I wish I had walked with her and just explained some of the things I've mentioned here. Well, there's always Friday (our next lecture)!
Lastly, my dad and stepmum are getting divorced. Mind, they haven't been close for years now, and it seems to be a rather silly divorce, as my stepmum still wants to live with dad in the same house after the divorce! She must have realised how useful dad's income is! Anyway, what's really worrying is my younger (half) brother and sister - 10 and 8 respectively. My brother is autistic and can barely talk, and my stepmum can't handle him at all really - she usually distant with him, and spends much more time with my sister. As a result my dad spends as much time with my brother as possible.
In any case, I only see my dad's family on alternate weekends during uni - I simply couldn't handle any more than that, what with uni... even when I'm not doing well at it! Understandably, my dad tells me all about the latest happenings with the divorce and related matters...
I guess that'll do for now with this diatribe! Any comments are welcome, but I'd appreciate it if anyone avoided suggesting the following:
1. Seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist - so far as I know, few of them have any idea of the notion of evolutionary psychology (unlike, for example, Steven Pinker - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steven_Pinker), and as a result have no idea about how the human mind should be expected to operate. Thus, any of their theories are liable to be based on induction, and hence pseudo-scientific. But that's kinda another discussion for another thread.
2. Turn to religion - that's a thread in itself, so I'll keep it brief - don't bother! My atheism and these problems are unrelated - my atheism is simply an intellectual position, not an emotional one. I think (as usual) Dawkins hit the nail on the head when he said that "belief that X is true doesn't mean X is true", and "X is nice doesn't mean X is true". So unless I decided to self-deceive and forgo my passions for philosophy, maths, science, and generally studying the universe, religion is out of the question,
Thanks for everyone's patience for reading this - it's much appreciated. Like I said before, I usually don't talk about these things, so I must be really far gone for me to be doing this! Anyway, thanks again!

[ButterCookie]

Oh Jason, I wish I could give you a big hug! I'm sorry to hear about your parents and I'm being honest when I say that I know how it feels. My situation was very different but my mum (I don't know, nor do I care about my dad) is happier without my dad and if your parents aren't close any more then maybe it's for the best? As for Tessa, hang in there! Keep your self open to other opportunities but don't give up on her completely. I'm sure she's worth it Chin up, hun. We love you!

Oh, and don't feel the need to cover your own back about being drunk. If people don't like it, let them grumble to themselves! Ale and Tusk... The great Chris in the sky is pleased

[HomerMcvie]

Whew, that's a long one!
My gut response to her not wanting you to have her number, is that she's not interested. However, that may not be true, entirely. I've been primarily dating college students for the past year....some are incredibly immature, and some, -the SERIOUS students-, ARE too busy to have a life, or want a life, outside of school. Grad students are the worst! I've dated like 5 grad students, and they really don't have time for a life. As soon as I hear "grad student, and I also teach sections", I want to run for the hills, because I KNOW they don't have time for a relationship.
Fortunately, I've got a grad student dropout now!

One your studies failing somewhat - I too, have let my business somewhat wither, in the past year. After years of being alone, and focusing on business, I've really been relationship oriented for the past year, and have ignored a lot of business things, that I shouldn't have. So I understand that it's hard to have a dual focus, on school and relationships. I guess you just need to try and be as regimented as you can, with your studies.
Best of luck!

[Zombie]

I would caution against trying to keep explaining yourself to the girl. I totally understand the need to make sure someone understands what you did or didn't mean by a certain action, but if you've already given her the note and she's already said it's okay, then I wouldn't push it any further, whether or not you feel like she really got it or you said everything you needed to say or whatever.

She's said she's not interested (too busy - same thing), so further explanation or something is not going to make her change her mind - it'll only make you come off as annoying (at best), desperate (slightly less than at best) or creepy (at worst).

Know what I'm sayin'?

[jaycee]

I just read back through my post, and now I'm like "oh geez... the things I do when I'm drunk..."

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

Oh Jason, I wish I could give you a big hug! I'm sorry to hear about your parents and I'm being honest when I say that I know how it feels. My situation was very different but my mum (I don't know, nor do I care about my dad) is happier without my dad and if your parents aren't close any more then maybe it's for the best? As for Tessa, hang in there! Keep your self open to other opportunities but don't give up on her completely. I'm sure she's worth it Chin up, hun. We love you!

Oh, and don't feel the need to cover your own back about being drunk. If people don't like it, let them grumble to themselves! Ale and Tusk... The great Chris in the sky is pleased

(Jordan, not Jason, but don't worry - it's not an insult or anything!)
Well, remember that it's my dad and stepmum, and I've never really like my stepmum that much, although we very rarely argue. As for my mum and stepdad, they get along wonderfully, and I really like David, despite that we never talk that much (different interests basically... except for Top Gear, of course!)
Well, I'm actually not interested in trying to woo her or anything - she essentially said she doesn't want in, so I'm fine with that. That said, I still find myself musing over her excessively! Thus why I'm hoping that a final chat will clear things up a bit. I'm actually optimistic that she, Alex and I could see each other outside of class as friends in the future, but we'll see how that goes, I guess.
My sentiments exactly! Although, like I said, I enjoy drinking alcohol from time to time (and usually when I do it's quite a bit - nothing's done by halves! ), and if I didn't enjoy it, I wouldn't do it. Sadly, some people feel that they can't help themselves when it comes to alcohol, so I just didn't want to mis-portray myself as being that way.

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Whew, that's a long one!
My gut response to her not wanting you to have her number, is that she's not interested. However, that may not be true, entirely. I've been primarily dating college students for the past year....some are incredibly immature, and some, -the SERIOUS students-, ARE too busy to have a life, or want a life, outside of school. Grad students are the worst! I've dated like 5 grad students, and they really don't have time for a life. As soon as I hear "grad student, and I also teach sections", I want to run for the hills, because I KNOW they don't have time for a relationship.
Fortunately, I've got a grad student dropout now!

One your studies failing somewhat - I too, have let my business somewhat wither, in the past year. After years of being alone, and focusing on business, I've really been relationship oriented for the past year, and have ignored a lot of business things, that I shouldn't have. So I understand that it's hard to have a dual focus, on school and relationships. I guess you just need to try and be as regimented as you can, with your studies.
Best of luck!

Yeah, I gathered she's not interested. What concerned me was that she'd think I was angry/upset with her for turning me down, which I'm not in any way - I'm just disappointed. She seems to understand, but I'm not sure if she feels entirely comfortable...
As for uni... I've been finding it unusually hard since the start of semester. My interest in Tessa and her turning me down was really just a catalyst for me to start whining to people about my troubles, which in the grand scheme of things are really quite trivial! As I say, each and every one of us is very lucky to be alive at all (in the particular individual lotto-winning sense, not in a collective sense - someone has to win lotto at some point), so make the most of every moment! Needless to say, some people are born into situations where there isn't much hope for them, but that discussion may take us into a political field that's better suited for another thread.
Cheers HM! Good luck for... well, everything in your life!

Originally Posted by Zombie

I would caution against trying to keep explaining yourself to the girl. I totally understand the need to make sure someone understands what you did or didn't mean by a certain action, but if you've already given her the note and she's already said it's okay, then I wouldn't push it any further, whether or not you feel like she really got it or you said everything you needed to say or whatever.

She's said she's not interested (too busy - same thing), so further explanation or something is not going to make her change her mind - it'll only make you come off as annoying (at best), desperate (slightly less than at best) or creepy (at worst).

Know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah... you may not be wrong! After all, you'd know better, being a girl yourself!
I'll probably still see her tomorrow, but maybe in just a generally friendly way... like I said before (somewhere here), Tessa and Alex are enjoyable and insightful people to be around, so I'd really like to continue seeing them as friends... I can only try. But don't worry, I'm not concerned about trying to win her over or anything - it's completely up to her if she isn't interested in me.

[Zombie]

Originally Posted by jaycee

Yeah... you may not be wrong! After all, you'd know better, being a girl yourself!
I'll probably still see her tomorrow, but maybe in just a generally friendly way... like I said before (somewhere here), Tessa and Alex are enjoyable and insightful people to be around, so I'd really like to continue seeing them as friends... I can only try. But don't worry, I'm not concerned about trying to win her over or anything - it's completely up to her if she isn't interested in me.

Well, I wouldn't use me personally as a yardstick regarding female thoughts on male attention for various reasons, BUT I do have experience with the things some guys will do to get your attention, and even the most well-meaning dudes can make a chick nervous sometimes.

I think you'll be fine. I just had to say that, to give you some food for thought in case you were considering going the further-explanation route with Tessa.

[ButterCookie]

Where the hell did I get Jason from? Sorry dude I'm notably crap with names.

[holidayroad]

Silly question probably, but, is your half brother your stepmom's son or a child of your father's from an altogether different marriage? I mean, I know that raising an autistic child (or any child with health issues) is anything but easy, but if this is her son, she is just as responsible for the care of him as your dad is, especially if she is going to remain in the household (which is a very odd arrangement to agree to.)
As for the girl you like, Tessa, it probably is likely that she really doesn't feel she has time for a relationship or isn't ready to be in one. She may be struggling to keep up with her classwork, just like you are.
I hope things get better for you soon. You shouldn't hesitate to tell people at The Ledge what's on your mind. It helps to get other perspectives on a situation.

[jaycee]

Originally Posted by holidayroad

Silly question probably, but, is your half brother your stepmom's son or a child of your father's from an altogether different marriage? I mean, I know that raising an autistic child (or any child with health issues) is anything but easy, but if this is her son, she is just as responsible for the care of him as your dad is, especially if she is going to remain in the household (which is a very odd arrangement to agree to.)
As for the girl you like, Tessa, it probably is likely that she really doesn't feel she has time for a relationship or isn't ready to be in one. She may be struggling to keep up with her classwork, just like you are.
I hope things get better for you soon. You shouldn't hesitate to tell people at The Ledge what's on your mind. It helps to get other perspectives on a situation.

Jake is my dad and stepmum's son, and thus my half-brother. Caitlin is also their child and my half-sister. In any case, my stepmum Jo looks after him, but in a bare-essentials kind of way. I can't say I've ever really seen her play with him, and she rarely takes him out alone (although she's always too happy to take out Caitlin alone).
Damn straight it's an odd arrangement! Like I said, she knows dad's useful for money, and she knows she won't be able to get a reasonable amount of money out of any work she might try to find - she has no qualifications to speak of. She also claims to be depressed, but I think dad's rather harsh but nonetheless accurate comment is more relevant to her - "maniac depressant". She's just not a reasonable person... anyway, I'll leave it there.
Well, it's certainly fair enough for her to feel that way - I do myself! I mean, I'm not the sort of bloke who goes searching for women. The only reason I chased after Tessa (so to speak) is that... well, two reasons really - I felt a bit of an overwhelming attraction to her (), and (if this makes any sense to anyone) I thought that having a girlfriend may make me feel a bit happier with the world, and maybe somehow (not sure how) help me to feel more confident and enthusiastic with my studies.
For the sake of including a silly inductive inference, I've fallen in love (my language) with one girl a year at uni (I'm in my third year), and will probably continue to do so in that fashion. The first girl, Emma, I was good friends with in our German class (I gave up German for philosophy now), but I never made a move on her, as I was suspicious that she was dating another classmate, Jeremy, who I quite liked. Basically, it was a "Stay away from that one, Jordan!" kind of mindset I had with Emma and Jeremy. Anyway, I called her once on the phone while I was on holiday relaxing in the forested town of Halls Gap, in the Grampians, two years ago, and we had a rather nice chat. After that, we never spoke again... I still regret that we never became firm friends, and I don't want the same thing to happen with Tessa and I. The thought of not seeing Tessa again after this semester is... depressing, to say the least. As for the second girl from last year... well, I never even learned her name! Basically, I was enjoying being a lonely bachelor too much! I can't say I have regrets about her in particular, seeing as I never knew her.
Thanks very much holidayroad! Well, I might from time to time, but some people (quite understandably) don't like to hear others whinging about their lives, because they could just as easily burden everyone else with their own set of affairs. Like you say though, getting a range of opinions is always useful.
Btw, I think tonight I realised the main reason for my rather unhappy state lately - I don't want to live at home with mum (or dad) anymore. I'm too much of an individual, and I neither care to hear my mum or dad complain about each of their lots, let alone mum's continual interest in the happenings of my life (dad respects me enough to let me talk about my affairs only if I want to). Of course, moving out would have some interesting ramifications - mostly financial - but it would be doable, despite not having finished my degree. I'm considering going to Halls Gap for about a month on my own in the June/July holidays, and afterwards deciding whether I think I could endure independence or living with parents better. The results should be interesting...

[holidayroad]

Originally Posted by jaycee

Jake is my dad and stepmum's son, and thus my half-brother. Caitlin is also their child and my half-sister. In any case, my stepmum Jo looks after him, but in a bare-essentials kind of way. I can't say I've ever really seen her play with him, and she rarely takes him out alone (although she's always too happy to take out Caitlin alone).
Damn straight it's an odd arrangement! Like I said, she knows dad's useful for money, and she knows she won't be able to get a reasonable amount of money out of any work she might try to find - she has no qualifications to speak of. She also claims to be depressed, but I think dad's rather harsh but nonetheless accurate comment is more relevant to her - "maniac depressant". She's just not a reasonable person... anyway, I'll leave it there.
Well, it's certainly fair enough for her to feel that way - I do myself! I mean, I'm not the sort of bloke who goes searching for women. The only reason I chased after Tessa (so to speak) is that... well, two reasons really - I felt a bit of an overwhelming attraction to her (), and (if this makes any sense to anyone) I thought that having a girlfriend may make me feel a bit happier with the world, and maybe somehow (not sure how) help me to feel more confident and enthusiastic with my studies.
For the sake of including a silly inductive inference, I've fallen in love (my language) with one girl a year at uni (I'm in my third year), and will probably continue to do so in that fashion. The first girl, Emma, I was good friends with in our German class (I gave up German for philosophy now), but I never made a move on her, as I was suspicious that she was dating another classmate, Jeremy, who I quite liked. Basically, it was a "Stay away from that one, Jordan!" kind of mindset I had with Emma and Jeremy. Anyway, I called her once on the phone while I was on holiday relaxing in the forested town of Halls Gap, in the Grampians, two years ago, and we had a rather nice chat. After that, we never spoke again... I still regret that we never became firm friends, and I don't want the same thing to happen with Tessa and I. The thought of not seeing Tessa again after this semester is... depressing, to say the least. As for the second girl from last year... well, I never even learned her name! Basically, I was enjoying being a lonely bachelor too much! I can't say I have regrets about her in particular, seeing as I never knew her.
Thanks very much holidayroad! Well, I might from time to time, but some people (quite understandably) don't like to hear others whinging about their lives, because they could just as easily burden everyone else with their own set of affairs. Like you say though, getting a range of opinions is always useful.
Btw, I think tonight I realised the main reason for my rather unhappy state lately - I don't want to live at home with mum (or dad) anymore. I'm too much of an individual, and I neither care to hear my mum or dad complain about each of their lots, let alone mum's continual interest in the happenings of my life (dad respects me enough to let me talk about my affairs only if I want to). Of course, moving out would have some interesting ramifications - mostly financial - but it would be doable, despite not having finished my degree. I'm considering going to Halls Gap for about a month on my own in the June/July holidays, and afterwards deciding whether I think I could endure independence or living with parents better. The results should be interesting...

Concerning your stepmom/father, I have a major feeling that living in the same house, yet being divorced is going to make things worse for them, not better.
I can see why you may feel that having a relationship will make you happier/more enthusiastic/confident. I have felt the same way before. But I figured out pretty quickly that you can't look at love/relationships with the mindset that it will solve everything. For now, you should concentrate on trying to figure out 'who you are' and where you stand in life. Living on your own is a huge step toward that. Hopefully your month away from your parents/stepparents will help you see where you want to go next.