Your families

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by Sarah

It's you saying something idiotic, then backtracking and pretending like you meant something else.

Umm...no, its called explaining what I meant, because you guys take what I say, and pretend it means something else.

Originally Posted by Sarah

In one post you called me cold hearted. In another, you called me a bitch. .

The cold hearted comment was in jest. I explained that. I didnt however, call you a bitch, nor would I.

[mikeschmike]

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by jannieC

I didn't say that was your intent, I just pointed out that the wording could have been different to eliminate misunderstandings. It's probably best at this point to let the whole thing go.

Indeed. Hence, the subsequent trying to explain what I was saying.

[danax6]

[amber]

Hey, everyone, sorry I didn't check back for a long time, but I just began to read everything and am loving it. And from scrolling, I see people have included pictures. Sweeeet. I love pictures so much.
Anyway, I just wanted to say something because I am so happy there are so many stories shared. Assuming there isn't some multiple pages long ledge fight in the middle of this thing.
So I'm going to read it all and look at it all now. You guys rock much. Pls don't let there be a big argument...hehehehe. I've only read a couple and one was a small family, too, which kind of warmed my heart. I kind of felt really close to all my relatives, and soaked up a lot of love there, I think because we were so small, and could pay attention to each other.
Innyways, blah blah, back to reading.

[amber]

Originally Posted by markolas

I don't speak to any of my relatives, currently; mostly because my mother is a very toxic person and I finally realized that a functional relationship with her was just not possible. Anyway.

My mother has a large extended family, though they're all starting to die off now; her mother is one of 6 children (only 3 are still living) and we usually saw them at Xmas and a few other times during the year, but otherwise were not especially close. My mother has one sister who is (what's the PC term?) mentally challenged. And my dad has one brother who didn't have kids until he was in his 40s, so growing up, I didn't have any first cousins, or really any relatives besides my younger brother who were close to my age.

My dad's parents (who are well into their 80s now) are the only relatives I can say I really like. My mom's parents (her dad passed away several years ago) were both big-time alcoholics, and as a result of that, I wound up not having too much respect for my grandmother or my mother for leaving us kids in her care.

Older brother is an ultra-conservative Southern Baptist minister, which as you can imagine interacts wonderfully with my homosexuality. The last few times I've seen him, you could've cut the tension with a knife. Finally, I just decided I didn't need the stress anymore. Younger brother is just a weed-head and a layabout.

Last year when my mother called and left a nasty message on my work voicemail, I officially disowned her. But that had been about 15 years in the making. I'm happy that others have functional relationships with their families, but mine has been nothing short of toxic.

I always kind of like your family stories, and feel bad for you, because they are kind of bad. Everyone, including me, thinks their family is...less than spectacular...but you really have some stuff going on with yours! I hope the few people you do like in your fam that you have been able to gain a lot of support and comfort and love from them. You're a nice slash mean guy, I think you have a good heart, so I hope you can forget about the lameness of your family like I have. My mom never spoke to my whole family again for years now, so I know what you mean. She came to her mom's funeral recently all pissed off, to dance on her grave, spouting grievances, and her sister was so mad at her for all that that she didn't talk to her. It's lame, it's all lame. You have to separate yourself from the toxic, which is what it seems you do. That is great.
I still love all my fam, even though they don't like each other. I'm the common ground, kind of, that no one had a problem with (first kid, everyone is young, yay, hurray, golden child, blah blah) and that is hard, too.
Alcoholism is devastating to a family, especially with multiple offenders.
You have room to grow, as we all do, but I think you are doing pretty darn good considering. I can feel your good intentions. Just remember always that they have nothing to do with you, really. But you can still love them without taking on their qualities or opinions, and you can love other people without them treating you as your family did.
That is the best place to be, I think, with a "problem family". Now that I'm grown up and see my fam for what they really do, I'm appalled and mystified (not always, they have lots of great qualities). But I still love them for what they gave to me before, and the good that is there now, despite the...stupid anger they all hold that I can't comprehend.

[amber]

Originally Posted by sara1998

I am an only child also. My mothers side of the family always lived in the south, so holidays were spent with my dad's side, meaning, my grandparents, an aunt, uncle and collectively 4 cousins. Then my moms family moved up here when I was 18. I don't really get along with them too much except for my grandfather and his second wife. Anyhow, my dads parents passed and I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on that side, and my moms parents passed, and I really don't talk to anyone on that side except my moms little brother, and my step grandmother. So, now, my family ultimately consists of my girls, my parents, and an uncle and step grandmother. That's all I'll claim anyway.

Wow, that is pretty similar to me, in a different geographical area. I like how you made your own family, created it and worked for it, and you guys seem pretty happy. That is my best friend (with Stevie's birthday) whole thing, and I think it is good - she is the normal one in her family, and she had kids and created a great family environment around herself and with them, and I think that while that may seem small when you are the first person to start it, it grows expotentially with great results. It might just seem like you and your daughters and a few others, but the love you sew with that goes on. It's so important, IMO. Just look at me and my nostalgia for my holidays with fam. Those were my favorite times, and one day your girls will say the same thing about their time with you, and make it happen with their own families. It's a priceless gift.

[amber]

Originally Posted by danax6

Let's see. I've stopped talking to my mother -and her family- a long time ago. In fact, I don't even consider her, or them, my family. I hardly even know them. She had two kids after us, so I do have two little brothers, who I adore immensely. They're the only reason I ever drive up there.

Then there's my non-biological mom, who I've always considered my real mom. She passed away two years ago. She had a daughter, we all grew up together, I consider her my little sister.

I am very close to my real sister. She and I even share an apartment. Very close to my dad also.

My dad comes from a big family. I only see my grandmother now and then, for bingo nights. I'd have to say that 80% of his family I've never even met. I have 9 aunts and uncles from his side, and at least 50 cousins, if not more, but I know maybe 2 or 3. I used to be very close to one of my aunts, she lived down the street, but she moved to Belgium a few years ago, and since then we've barely had contact.

I recently joined a Dutch website, equivalent to MySpace, and I keep getting all these messages from people over the country saying 'hey, we're family! how are you?' I never respond.

In short: I only really consider my two sisters, my two brothers and my dad family. My dad's best friend, who he's known for 45 years, and two of his other friends are all people that stepped in when my mother left and helped my dad out when we were little. I consider them family also.

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

That is so true. I find it interesting that though you have a big family, you really only claim a few to be close to. But like I said before, how could you keep track of that if you never grew up with them? And there are so many? I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. JK. It is kind of nice you have so much family, though, maybe in the future you will get to know more of them and your life could be richer for it. Not saying you should do that, just saying it is possible and could be cool.

You're family reminds me of the Oakland families - everyone is your cousin. haha.
Do you guys have special holiday traditions and get togethers? Special food?
Thanks for telling me all about your family. I can imagine if I knew you in person there would be tons of stories...

[amber]

random note: In the first page of this thread I have encountered more only children then I ever expected. I thought all y'all had bros and sis.
Nice, very nice. That was kind of comforting to me.

I'm thinking of doing my next speech about only children. Um...do people say to you: "Oh, you're an only child? I could tell!"
mmkay. Cause more than a few have said that to me.
moving on...

[amber]

Originally Posted by suzyvermoesen

My family is really small. I'm an only child and have 1 cousin who is 9 years older than me and who i never ever see.
Both my parents are still alive and i see them every couple of weeks. They were never particularly close to the rest of the (small) family, except my mom who adored her father (he passed away in 1984). All my grandparents have died and apart from my mother and father, and my cousin, i have one aunt left who is my fathers' sister , but whom i also never see.
My husband comes from a large family of 5 kids, but some of them are not on speaking terms. I had always wanted an older brother or sister to hang out with, but when i see how my in-laws get along sometimes i guess i'm better off with a few really good friends
some pics:
my dad


my mom


my best friend and me before going to a costume party:


with my lifelong friends whom i've known for 40 years (omg!)

You and your family and friends are beautiful! I have often thought that thing of how it would be great to have a sibling, but then retracted it when I saw the actual siblings in my family.
Wow, it really sounds like you come from a pretty small circle, like me. I didn't expect that at all. You and your family and friends make it look lovely, though. And how your husband has more relatives- I kind of gravitate to my friends at holidays now, since my own family won't get together, and if they do they might drink and yell at me about my mom (okay, just my aunt) and how much I am like her and how she is lame, or about how some cousin is lame, or something, everyone is alway mad, or cooking...but my friends have lots of relatives and young kids in their families, and even though that is chaotic, there is something about it I really like to be involved in. I mean, kids are cute and fun, right? Also they are brats, but still. lol.
I wish your husband's fam was on more speaking terms, cause it would probably be fun. If they have kids, I mean. You know, because your own fam is so small...
Thank you for sharing! I can't believe the similarities, I love it. And your pics are priceless. Seriously, you're mom and dad look good for their age. Excellent. And the family and friend pictures are so fun. Y'all are so lovely, and look alike in different ways, which is fun to see. Is it weird, though, that your friends look like they belong in your family?!!? Naaaaahhh, it's fine. lol. My best friend and I are opposites, and people always ask if we are sisters. Seriously, she has blond/red hair, pale skin, freckles, totally different features...though we are both muscly...my point is that I think it is a natural and lovely coincidence that you all look like you belong together. Cause you do.

[amber]

Originally Posted by sara1998

Just an excuse to show off my girls... I love them so!

Normally I wouldn't have responded to this, even though I would have thought they were so cute, I've said that before.
But here, now, it really trips me out how much they look alike!
Those "dad" genes were strong, I guess. That is the most beautiful photo, I tell you what. It's like the most perfect "sister" photo. Um, don't tell anyone, but it was heartwarming to me. It's cool also that your blood daughter looks a lot like her dad, and the sister does too, and they are gorgeous, but you, who your blood daughter doesn't look as much like (at least not in a photo to my judgment) are gorgeous as well!!!
You are building the foundation for a great family, for years to come. Keep up the good work.

[amber]

Originally Posted by sasja

Sara your girls are wonderful

For me:
Huge fam that I rarely see anymore since moving to US, maybe once a year or so my aunts and uncles, rarely cousins anymore. Here a pic from when we were in Holland this August/sept, my parents had a big 50th wedding anniversary bash, this is all my fam.:



Avi's fam is tiny since not much survived the Holocaust (Russian and German jews)
He has 2 cousins maybe, and one aunt and uncle.
a sister he is close to and a brother, not so much.

Whoa!!! Now this is the kind of volume I am talking about! Nice pic.
I probably don't have to say this, but that holocaust thing... I'm glad he has some family to be close to. I wish it were more.

[amber]

Originally Posted by estranged4life

My family, On both of my parents sides, is quite large. My Dad's family consisted of 6 boys and 4 girls (All of my aunts are living and excluding my Dad and an Uncle all the males are living - I wished I had a working scanner to add their family for y'all to see - Typical Irish/Cherokee family) whereas Mom's family was small 2 girls and 1 boy. I have so many frikkin' cousins I have lost count (About 40-45) some even whom I do not know...

I have 2 older brothers (One full blood and one half-brother) and 4 older half-sisters (Two by Dad, Of one who had passed away back in 1989 and 2 by Mom) so I am the youngest. I have 2 nieces and 5 nephews and coming someday soon I will have a daughter (Via my lady Christy) who is a very intelligent 10 year old.

Lost both my Grand-fathers in 1977 (Along with my Dad), My Grandmothers in 1994 & 1998 and my Mom in March 2005 (As most of y'all know from the thread I started)

Yeah, you know, that "typical" Irish Cherokee family... hehehe.
Although, really, you are right. Everyone in America is Irish and Native. I'm a quarter of each! lol.
So, then, what do you guys do for holidays? Who do you hang with, what do you eat, how do you celebrate? Do you cull your dumbest cats and serve them for Thanksgiving? (Tooootally a joke everyone. Just a reference to his cats. Neither of us would ever cull or serve them. But he has had some funny ones....)
I never heard about an Oklahoma Irish/Cherokee Thanksgiving. Heard about the Italian/Irish/Native one. Which was just Italian, really.

I was surprised to find out that your mom's family was so small. Sounds like they made up for lost time by spitting out chillen's, though? Had to have, for you to have so many cousins. My mom's fam is two girls and one boy, too, but there are only four kids between them all. 2 only children.

So, what is up with the snacks/grub? Spill.

[amber]

Originally Posted by rbs3676

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this past summer and we had a huge family celebration at my parents summer home in Colorado.
I am extremely close to my parents -- they are such wonderful, sweet people and I adore them to no end. I live about 10 minutes away from them.
I am the oldest of three children. Both of my siblings are married. My brother lives about 7 minutes away from me and has has two daughters who I am very close to. My sister has two daughters and a son. They live about 4 hours away so we don't see them as often as we'd like.
My Mom was an only child so there are nothing but cousins are her side. My Dad is from Boston and had 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I'm pretty tight with one of my aunts and her daughter (my favorite cousin). I try to see them every summer in Cape Cod and we talk on the phone all of the time.
Family is very important to me.

The picture attached was taken last fall at my family's ranch.

rbs

Oh. Em. Gee. And suddenly we are presented with the perfect family.
Nice, very nice. You look wholesome and alike, there are lots of cool family members, but not too many (thanks to your mom's parents forsight).
Excellent. You all look great in the pic. And oddly alike.
I submit that you have just enough relatives for good choice, and to keep a bit in touch, and to have some real close ones, but not so many that you lose track of a lot of them. There is a great mix of kids and adults, as well.
Sounds like you guys also have great, naturey places to hang out and have fun as well.
It sounds almost perfect, all and all. Especially when you said "I live 10 minutes from my parents!!!"
I see my parents once or twice a year. I really like them, they are soooo cool, very admirable - but I wouldn't want to really hang around them a lot. Or, rather, I got my fill while growing up. They are more abstractly great then great in person.
Thanks for sharing, you guys look awesome. I'm a bit dismayed at all the pale skin and blond hair, so I'm just going to say - tell these people to wear sunscreen, and also tell them that there is a new innovation in sunscreen, and that is sunscreen with Mexoryl. MEXORYL. Do it. Tell them. That is too much paleness for me to be comfortable.

[hs421139]

My brother passed away in 1970, I no longer speak with my
father, his sister passed away in 1987, her son, my first cousin, I have not seen or spoken to in years, I am not even sure if my fathers mother is alive.
His father passed away in 1972.
My mother has one brother, and he has two children, I am not "close" to my cousins. I have only one cousin (2nd) whom I am close too. Both of my grandparents passed away (mother's mom/dad) My grandfather to me was my father. I miss them both so much, especially during the holidays.
I have two friends, whom are more like "sisters" to me. One I have known for
over 35 years, and the other I have known for more than 25 years.
When my father was in my life, I felt as though I was a "token", he would come to visit, unannounced, and bring me to his aunt's house, just to make himself look good in his family's eyes. It has taking me a very long time to realize what was in front of me for sooooo very long. One day about 10 years
ago, I reached my breaking point, and decided for many reasons to cease any kind of relationship I had with my father. Quite honestly after all the bs that he put my mother through, and all of the hateful things he did to her and me, as well as countless others, it was a huge relief not to have him in my life. To show you what kind of a human being he is, he was married for 10 years, and when I graduated college, he once again showed up in my life.
To make a long story short, he was married at the time, and I had no idea, and it turns out that his wife did not even know that I existed, for over 10 years, until my fathers cousin mentioned it. They are no longer married.
(no big surprise) Me and her became friends. To say that he treated her badly is an understatement. I know that she remarried, and is happy, I am happy for her, and am glad that he is out of her life as well.
So for me the only family I have is my mother, and my 2 best friends, and thier familes.