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How Well Do You Know The Bible?
Just sent to me:
(Let me know if this has been posted already) >Catholic Elementary School Test > >Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the >Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a >Catholic Elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old >and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were >written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected. >(i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). > >1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating >the >world so he took the sabbath off. >2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called >Joan >of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears. >3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire >during the night. >4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble >with >unsympathetic Genitals. >5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel >like >Delilah. >6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. >7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread >which >is bread without any ingredients. >8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went >up >to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. >9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. >10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. >11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the >Hebrews >in the battle of Geritol. >12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to >stand >still and he obeyed him. >13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He >fought >the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times. >14.Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. >15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna >Carta. >16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found >Jesus in >the manager. >17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. >18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. >19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others >before >they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat >alone. >20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get >the >tombstone off the entrance. >21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. >22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals. >23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. >24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which >is >another name for marraige. >25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. >IN GOD WE TRUST! - Jake
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“The hair went from perm to growing out perm to really bad growing out perm to almost straight to good straight to long straight to beautiful straight to a lot of work straight back to the perm.” |
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OMG..that was hilarious....
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Re: How Well Do You Know The Bible?
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**Christy** |
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Haha so funny! Sent it to all my friends!
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...Sarah |
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Re: How Well Do You Know The Bible?
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That was great, Jake... thanks for sharing it!
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"Although the arrogance of fame lingers like a thick cloud around the famous, the sun always seems to shine for Stevie." -- Richard Dashut, 2014 |
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LOL
Note to self do not read these threads when trying to eat lunch in a room with co-workers!
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Thanks for sharing! That was hilarious!
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"And the time keeps going on by and I wonder...What is to become of me? And I'm unsure...I can't see my way...And he says 'Lady, you don't have to see..." ~Stevie Nicks, "Knocking on Doors" |
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Glad you guys liked it.
- Jake
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“The hair went from perm to growing out perm to really bad growing out perm to almost straight to good straight to long straight to beautiful straight to a lot of work straight back to the perm.” |
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