Random Thoughts/Express Yourself...Part II

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Last night for me was an example of being happy and depressed at the same time - I AM happy with my job, life etc - I have everything I could ask for - yet I was also depressed at the thought of dying alone

I dunno what I am sad about. It's odd. I bet I'm just a manic depressant. I'm a happy guy, but in the back of my mind, there's something that bugs the **** out of me. I don't want to say it's lonliness...makes me look weak and dependent.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

I don't want to say it's lonliness...makes me look weak and dependent.

Oh I know what you mean! After I typed that big old long thing at the beginning of this thread I thought, "damn, I sound so needy and dependent" when in reality I'm not.

I so value my independence - and part of the problem with the people I've met here is the constant calling, wanting excuses when I can't/don't want to go out - ugh - I like coming and going as I please and not having to "report" to anyone

Well Curtis, hope you feel better soon...perhaps it's just that you're at a sort of transition point in your life? I mean you just graduated etc..that's always a change

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by sparky

Not a pathetic rant at all. I have a number of women friends over 30 who are single. Number one, their married friends browbeat them and harrass them about being single and childless. So do their families. Then the married moms ignore them. The families tend to slow down the harrassment at about 35 in my estimation. It's a real problem. Many friendships are lost over this.

Hope you get none of this BS from your friends or family. Give yourself a break ! Our lives take the turns they are supposed to. You'll get what you need. You have plenty of time.

I think I love you. That was so nice. An aunt was sort of doing this on the 4th. Then another aunt came over and said "She doesn't need a BF to be happy and she should never settle!" Her first marriage was horrid so she knows what it is like to marry the wrong man. He cheated on her with her best friend, squandered money, was controlling, etc...

[ontheEdgeof17]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Oh I know what you mean! After I typed that big old long thing at the beginning of this thread I thought, "damn, I sound so needy and dependent" when in reality I'm not.

I so value my independence - and part of the problem with the people I've met here is the constant calling, wanting excuses when I can't/don't want to go out - ugh - I like coming and going as I please and not having to "report" to anyone

Well Curtis, hope you feel better soon...perhaps it's just that you're at a sort of transition point in your life? I mean you just graduated etc..that's always a change

It makes me warm inside to know someone understands.

Like you, I'm not on someone's call. I do what I want when I want. The bad part of that coin is that what I want to do is just lay around the house in complete darkness wrapped up in a blanket. When I do go out, I have a blast....even though I get depressed seeing all my friends with dates and bfs. I think about that for awhile and get sad. I wake from that all refreshed knowing I dont need anyone to complete me. The cycle begins again.....

I guess I need someone who lets me do my thing. All my past relationships have smothered me. I'm not used to freedom when being coupled.


I can ramble on...but I won't

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by ontheEdgeof17

It makes me warm inside to know someone understands.

Like you, I'm not on someone's call. I do what I want when I want. The bad part of that coin is that what I want to do is just lay around the house in complete darkness wrapped up in a blanket. When I do go out, I have a blast....even though I get depressed seeing all my friends with dates and bfs. I think about that for awhile and get sad. I wake from that all refreshed knowing I dont need anyone to complete me. The cycle begins again.....

I guess I need someone who lets me do my thing. All my past relationships have smothered me. I'm not used to freedom when being coupled.


I can ramble on...but I won't

Yeah, the right person will let you be you. What about your crush, any potential there?

Last night I went to a MoveOn house party to discuss the Supreme Court and the upcoming nominations. Basically they want to mobilize a large calling network if a right wing judge is nominated to pressure congress to block the nominee however they can. I also thought maybe I would meet some new, interesting people. I did but most of them were middle aged which is cool but I am looking to meet more people my own age with similar interests.

When I told my roommate the purpose of the meeting when I got home she got mad. She is so ignorant about what that means it makes me boil. I really need to meet more people like me. I didn't want to tell her what I was doing so I told her I had a "thing to go to" and I'd be home later but then she pressed me about being so "mysterious". She seemed tolerant then but when I got back she was like "What was the group discussing regarding the judges?" I shouldn't have answered but she'd been so tolerant earlier. But her tone indicated I shouldn't answer but I did and I got a silent stare at the TV and a sigh.

I felt so angry I wanted to run. I need to get my own place. I have to get away from her and I am not happy in my room. All of my stuff is crammed in my bedroom and I hate it. I've also had a leak in my ceiling since I moved in here.

The upside is I live right near downtown/Fanueil hall and lots of great/interesting places to keep me busy and such. Location location location. I am trying to get creative to fit everything in my room better too but I find it difficult to focus and get organized.

Thanks for starting this thread Deanna. Some time maybe we can try to hang out since if we meet halfway I don't think the drive is that far.

[DrummerDeanna]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Yeah, the right person will let you be you. What about your crush, any potential there?

Last night I went to a MoveOn house party to discuss the Supreme Court and the upcoming nominations. Basically they want to mobilize a large calling network if a right wing judge is nominated to pressure congress to block the nominee however they can. I also thought maybe I would meet some new, interesting people. I did but most of them were middle aged which is cool but I am looking to meet more people my own age with similar interests.

When I told my roommate the purpose of the meeting when I got home she got mad. She is so ignorant about what that means it makes me boil. I really need to meet more people like me. I didn't want to tell her what I was doing so I told her I had a "thing to go to" and I'd be home later but then she pressed me about being so "mysterious". She seemed tolerant then but when I got back she was like "What was the group discussing regarding the judges?" I shouldn't have answered but she'd been so tolerant earlier. But her tone indicated I shouldn't answer but I did and I got a silent stare at the TV and a sigh.

I felt so angry I wanted to run. I need to get my own place. I have to get away from her and I am not happy in my room. All of my stuff is crammed in my bedroom and I hate it. I've also had a leak in my ceiling since I moved in here.

The upside is I live right near downtown/Fanueil hall and lots of great/interesting places to keep me busy and such. Location location location. I am trying to get creative to fit everything in my room better too but I find it difficult to focus and get organized.

Thanks for starting this thread Deanna. Some time maybe we can try to hang out since if we meet halfway I don't think the drive is that far.

That is why I try to steer clear of roomates Of course in Rochester I can afford to live by myself - the same may not be the case in someplace like Boston or NYC or something.

I've never had a roomate though and love living by myself - I can cook naked if I want to and no one cares!!! Um - not that I ever do that.

Actually since I'm so close to Boston I've been thinking recently of going there for a visit - it's a city I've always wanted to see - so it's totally on my agenda!

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

"She doesn't need a BF to be happy and she should never settle!"

I hate the preconcieved notion that everyone should have to be married and have two children and the white picket fence, etc. It's not for everyone and shouldn't be expected from everyone. You shouldn't settle FOR someone -- you should settle down WITH someone. I don't care if that doesn't happen until i'm 50 -- i'm not just going to get married because someone way back in time said it's what i'm supposed to do.

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

That is why I try to steer clear of roomates Of course in Rochester I can afford to live by myself - the same may not be the case in someplace like Boston or NYC or something.

I've never had a roomate though and love living by myself - I can cook naked if I want to and no one cares!!! Um - not that I ever do that.

Actually since I'm so close to Boston I've been thinking recently of going there for a visit - it's a city I've always wanted to see - so it's totally on my agenda!

Great, let me know when you're coming and I'll show you around a bit.

I can't afford to live in Boston by myself since I think even a small studio is like $1200. There are some cheaper places though, East Boston is up and coming but to get there you have to go through the tunnels which can get congested. Southie is relatively "cheap". I would have to leave the city to live on my own, I think.

Generally my roommate has been good. 100x better than my last one who was psycho. At least she's not psycho!

[SuzeQuze]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

I hate the preconcieved notion that everyone should have to be married and have two children and the white picket fence, etc. It's not for everyone and shouldn't be expected from everyone. You shouldn't settle FOR someone -- you should settle down WITH someone. I don't care if that doesn't happen until i'm 50 -- i'm not just going to get married because someone way back in time said it's what i'm supposed to do.

Right, and it's bullsh*t anyway. Half the people get divorced and then half of the remainder stays unhappily married. But there's those 25% left that have it pretty good, I wouldn't settle for less either. Hmph.

Riss, you are very young as far as I know and shouldn't even worry about this crap!

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Right, and it's bullsh*t anyway. Half the people get divorced and then half of the remainder stays unhappily married. But there's those 25% left that have it pretty good, I wouldn't settle for less either. Hmph.

Riss, you are very young as far as I know and shouldn't even worry about this crap!

My family has divorce, deception, lies, cheating, etc. throughout it. Not my immediate family (thank god) but it's amazing that even in one family there can be that much BS -- if it's just in that small group of people, I don't doubt there's a lot in other families as well which means that probably in this country, your totals are fairly accurate (even for a guesstimate) What's the sense in being married if there's any doubt you can't be managamous?

I'm young but i'm old (if that makes sense) -- I still think about these things. Insane -- far beyond my years I suppose

[Janet]

Ugh, I really need to do this.

First of all, I am really sorry that everyone seems to have problems. Does anyone really have what they want in life? Doesn't seem so. I know this sounds horrible, but it's a tad comforting...

I am 27 and not married. I do feel pressure. My boss yesterday told me he sees me getting married and having kids. This is one of the reasons he gave me for not stepping down from my positon as manager back to assistant manager. He doesn't listen. He just says sacrifice NOW so at 45 I have alot more. What if I don't make it to 45 and I have sacrificed alot already. No holidays, no sleep, no life, no weekends, I mean really, what more? I lost 24, 25, 26...and now 27 will be a distant memory soon and how many more years are to be swept away for a stupid job?

Like Curtis, I have a crush too and I also feel 10. This guy though has told me to my face " he isn't sexually attracted to me"...and yet, I still kind throw myself on him. It's like a part of me won't believe him. I never threw myself at guys that didn't want me, not since high school, and now I am doing it again. I work with him and maybe I do it to keep work interesting, since I hate my job otherwise.

My best friend...God. We have been best friends for 8 years and spent most of it fighting, alot. People have accused us of being lesbians and lovers and so on. No one understands two girls who hang out so much and fight so much and so on. I don't either. I have tried to break away, because it such a dependant friendship. Now she has gotten back to all her old friends, who do not like me, and they all have little 9-5 jobs and make alot of money and they can go out every night and take weekend trips ( I cannot) and now I am feeling jealous, because I feel totally friendless now. My other friends...I have just lost touch because of my schedule and she was the only one who really stuck around and now I forced her away from me and now she is and I just feel like...weird.

When does life start? I am 27 and I am still waiting for it. I can't believe I am living what is my life! It seems like such a waste. I am incredibly unhappy, in debt, overweight, and I keep saying it will get better but I keep thinking one day I'll wake up rich, thin and in love.

Life doesn't work that way, does it?

And my little problems don't compare to the real **** going on in the world. People dying, starving, getting beaten by their parents or spouces, not havin g a place to live...horrible things. I have to tell myself I am lucky for what I have and my problems are just because Im too chicken **** to change anything...

[GardenStateGirlie]

Originally Posted by Janet

Ugh, I really need to do this.

First of all, I am really sorry that everyone seems to have problems. Does anyone really have what they want in life? Doesn't seem so. I know this sounds horrible, but it's a tad comforting...

I am 27 and not married. I do feel pressure. My boss yesterday told me he sees me getting married and having kids. This is one of the reasons he gave me for not stepping down from my positon as manager back to assistant manager. He doesn't listen. He just says sacrifice NOW so at 45 I have alot more. What if I don't make it to 45 and I have sacrificed alot already. No holidays, no sleep, no life, no weekends, I mean really, what more? I lost 24, 25, 26...and now 27 will be a distant memory soon and how many more years are to be swept away for a stupid job?

Like Curtis, I have a crush too and I also feel 10. This guy though has told me to my face " he isn't sexually attracted to me"...and yet, I still kind throw myself on him. It's like a part of me won't believe him. I never threw myself at guys that didn't want me, not since high school, and now I am doing it again. I work with him and maybe I do it to keep work interesting, since I hate my job otherwise.

My best friend...God. We have been best friends for 8 years and spent most of it fighting, alot. People have accused us of being lesbians and lovers and so on. No one understands two girls who hang out so much and fight so much and so on. I don't either. I have tried to break away, because it such a dependant friendship. Now she has gotten back to all her old friends, who do not like me, and they all have little 9-5 jobs and make alot of money and they can go out every night and take weekend trips ( I cannot) and now I am feeling jealous, because I feel totally friendless now. My other friends...I have just lost touch because of my schedule and she was the only one who really stuck around and now I forced her away from me and now she is and I just feel like...weird.

When does life start? I am 27 and I am still waiting for it. I can't believe I am living what is my life! It seems like such a waste. I am incredibly unhappy, in debt, overweight, and I keep saying it will get better but I keep thinking one day I'll wake up rich, thin and in love.

Life doesn't work that way, does it?

And my little problems don't compare to the real **** going on in the world. People dying, starving, getting beaten by their parents or spouces, not havin g a place to live...horrible things. I have to tell myself I am lucky for what I have and my problems are just because Im too chicken **** to change anything...

Chin up, sweets. You're beautiful, you're intelligent and I have no doubt when the time is right, you'll meet someone amazing who will treat you right and you'll be married and have children.

[WelshWitchPMD]

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Yeah, the right person will let you be you. What about your crush, any potential there?

Last night I went to a MoveOn house party to discuss the Supreme Court and the upcoming nominations. Basically they want to mobilize a large calling network if a right wing judge is nominated to pressure congress to block the nominee however they can. I also thought maybe I would meet some new, interesting people. I did but most of them were middle aged which is cool but I am looking to meet more people my own age with similar interests.

When I told my roommate the purpose of the meeting when I got home she got mad. She is so ignorant about what that means it makes me boil. I really need to meet more people like me. I didn't want to tell her what I was doing so I told her I had a "thing to go to" and I'd be home later but then she pressed me about being so "mysterious". She seemed tolerant then but when I got back she was like "What was the group discussing regarding the judges?" I shouldn't have answered but she'd been so tolerant earlier. But her tone indicated I shouldn't answer but I did and I got a silent stare at the TV and a sigh.

I felt so angry I wanted to run. I need to get my own place. I have to get away from her and I am not happy in my room. All of my stuff is crammed in my bedroom and I hate it. I've also had a leak in my ceiling since I moved in here.

The upside is I live right near downtown/Fanueil hall and lots of great/interesting places to keep me busy and such. Location location location. I am trying to get creative to fit everything in my room better too but I find it difficult to focus and get organized.

Thanks for starting this thread Deanna. Some time maybe we can try to hang out since if we meet halfway I don't think the drive is that far.

Sue, if you liked going to the meetings you should still go. Even if you don't meet anyone your age it might still be fun to meet new people. They might have a relative that you could meet or something. Anyway, if you enjoy a hobby you should still go and do it regardless of the people.
That is how it is here in RI, however. There are either older people or college kids. I might join the Photography Society of RI in the fall. Lots of older people there but I enjoy the hobby.

Boston is such a great city and it sounds like you live in a great area. There must be a lot to do there. Not too much to do in this dump of a city. This time of year everyone and their brother is down in Newport. It is a lovely place but too many young kids hang out there now. I feel so old.
To get a hotel there is $$$$, too. I know that it is not far to drive but staying there is so much fun.

I am going to NYC next weekend so that is something to look forward to anyway. Sometimes I think that all the really cool people are just at home going "where do I go to meet someone nice?" Of course they can't find anyplace so they just stay home.

[WelshWitchPMD]

You know what is funny? I just got an email that reads in the subject line" If your are over 30 and single read this". Of course I did not read this and I deleted it.
I just thought that it was odd like someone was reading the board and then emailed me.

[Janet]

Originally Posted by GardenStateGirlie

Chin up, sweets. You're beautiful, you're intelligent and I have no doubt when the time is right, you'll meet someone amazing who will treat you right and you'll be married and have children.

Ahh, but I'm sure that is what I want. I feel I have to heal who I am from the inside before I could be with anyone. I kind of messed myself up the past year and I need to clear out big time.

No rush for kids or marriage, trust me. I don't even want a relationship. I guess, I just kind of want a guy to think I'm cute...LOL!