My Turn

markolas · #1 09-18-2005, 08:29 PM

Everyone else is doing it, so I will, too!

About a month ago, I broke up with a guy I had dated since the first of the year. Basically, he was just very clingy and high-maintenance, and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

So, these last few weeks, we've been attempting to be "just friends," and have hung out a couple of times. Last night, I went with him and another friend of his to see this band (another friend of my ex-bf is in the band).

It was a nice evening, and we went and had dinner after. After we dropped my ex's friend off, that's when the drama ensued.

As we were driving back, I sensed that he was upset about something. I figured he was having a hard time being around me after the break-up. And since I thought if I tried to be comforting or whatever, that would just make things worse, I didn't say anything. So, we're stopped at a red light and he turns to me and asks me to come home with him.

I let out kind of an annoyed sigh which let him know that wasn't something I wanted to do, and we continued on to my house. The rest of the way, he was sighing and sniffling and making it known (without saying anything) that he was unhappy with my response. Or at least that's what I thought. So, we got back to my house, and he stops the car in the driveway and says "Obviously I shouldn't have asked. I expected to get a yes or no, but I didn't expect a snort of disgust." Now I was really ticked off. The whole ride home, he had been working himself up over what he imagined my response to entail. Before I got two words out, he angrily huffed "I can't talk about this now. I'll talk to you later." I got out and went inside, and he went home.

He sent me an e-mail late last night, and we talked. I thought things were okay by the time we finished and I went to bed, but now he's sent me another e-mail basically saying that he thought about our conversation and now doesn't believe my explanation.

Argh!! This is the kind of high-maintenance crap that caused me to break up with him in the first place!! So now I'm rethinking being friends with him.

To top it all off, I go on gay.com and the only guys who'll talk to me are old (my ex is 50, and I'm 26...I don't want to deal with that big of an age gap again) or fat. The guys that I contacted that *I* thought were attractive wouldn't talk to me.

Plus, I hate my job and am not ready for the weekend to be over, even though I was just on vacation for a week. Woe is me, indeed!

LiquidBlue5000 · #2 09-18-2005, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

Everyone else is doing it, so I will, too!

About a month ago, I broke up with a guy I had dated since the first of the year. Basically, he was just very clingy and high-maintenance, and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

So, these last few weeks, we've been attempting to be "just friends," and have hung out a couple of times. Last night, I went with him and another friend of his to see this band (another friend of my ex-bf is in the band).

It was a nice evening, and we went and had dinner after. After we dropped my ex's friend off, that's when the drama ensued.

As we were driving back, I sensed that he was upset about something. I figured he was having a hard time being around me after the break-up. And since I thought if I tried to be comforting or whatever, that would just make things worse, I didn't say anything. So, we're stopped at a red light and he turns to me and asks me to come home with him.

I let out kind of an annoyed sigh which let him know that wasn't something I wanted to do, and we continued on to my house. The rest of the way, he was sighing and sniffling and making it known (without saying anything) that he was unhappy with my response. Or at least that's what I thought. So, we got back to my house, and he stops the car in the driveway and says "Obviously I shouldn't have asked. I expected to get a yes or no, but I didn't expect a snort of disgust." Now I was really ticked off. The whole ride home, he had been working himself up over what he imagined my response to entail. Before I got two words out, he angrily huffed "I can't talk about this now. I'll talk to you later." I got out and went inside, and he went home.

He sent me an e-mail late last night, and we talked. I thought things were okay by the time we finished and I went to bed, but now he's sent me another e-mail basically saying that he thought about our conversation and now doesn't believe my explanation.

Argh!! This is the kind of high-maintenance crap that caused me to break up with him in the first place!! So now I'm rethinking being friends with him.

To top it all off, I go on gay.com and the only guys who'll talk to me are old (my ex is 50, and I'm 26...I don't want to deal with that big of an age gap again) or fat. The guys that I contacted that *I* thought were attractive wouldn't talk to me.

Plus, I hate my job and am not ready for the weekend to be over, even though I was just on vacation for a week. Woe is me, indeed!

dating sucks...

.. oh and you can NEVER be friends with people who still are attracted to you.. take it from me.. there are always issues that pop up.. why can't they just understand that you don't want to be with them?

SuzeQuze · #3 09-18-2005, 09:19 PM

Life can really suck sometimes. You were smart to get away from that guy. I would give it a lot of time before trying to be "friends". Some people say they can handle that even when they know they can't just to keep you around. I had to stop being friends with a guy because he told me he was falling in love with this girl he was dating. But later that night he asked me to go home with him. Actually, he told me I was going home with him. But I'm not attracted to him, it isn't there. I had no desire to go. I hate being put in that position because I can't help how I feel. So I haven't seen him since. I thought we were done with that sh*t after I explained to him for the 12th time why I pulled the plug on us 3 years ago. We went out like twice. I feel bad for the guy but pity does not a relationship make.

Last nite I was at a friend's party. This guy I work with pulled some crap on me too. I don't remember what the hell he said. But I got all weirded out and left without saying goodbye to anyone.

Plus, the guy I was dating who moved to Oregon, I have not heard from him in like 2 weeks. Not that we were going to become BF/GF or anything but the courtesy of an e-mail like "I arrived, how are you?" would have been nice but is apparently too much to ask.

I have no luck with men, I keep picking the ones who would rather pick their bums than make a stupid call or send an email. Just not that into me I suppose but you could have fooled me when he was here.

Hopefully our luck will change and we will meet guys who are reasonably mature and self-confident. Too much to ask? I hope not!

markolas · #4 09-18-2005, 09:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiquidBlue5000

dating sucks...

I just want a friend with benefits. I hate being the only person in my house who isn't having lots of great sex.

Quote:

.. oh and you can NEVER be friends with people who still are attracted to you.. take it from me.. there are always issues that pop up.. why can't they just understand that you don't want to be with them?

After this...I'm done.

markolas · #5 09-18-2005, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuzeQuze

Hopefully our luck will change and we will meet guys who are reasonably mature and self-confident. Too much to ask? I hope not!

I don't think I'll be doing any dating for quite awhile...

Johnny Stew · #6 09-18-2005, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

Argh!! This is the kind of high-maintenance crap that caused me to break up with him in the first place!! So now I'm rethinking being friends with him.

I've been there before. I hate to say this, but there's no way to remain friends with them.
No matter what you do, or how far you go out of your way to keep their ego soothed, they'll always find something to be upset with you about. You didn't greet some suggestion of theirs as excitedly as they were expecting, or you talked to someone else just a little bit longer than they think you should have, etc. etc. Everything becomes drama.

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

To top it all off, I go on gay.com and the only guys who'll talk to me are old (my ex is 50, and I'm 26...I don't want to deal with that big of an age gap again) or fat. The guys that I contacted that *I* thought were attractive wouldn't talk to me.

Always had that problem with gay.com, too! Every guy that seemed into me, was a "daddy-type" looking to make me their "son"... and all the good looking & interesting guys around my age, weren't the least bit interested in me.

I eventually just gave up on chatting in gay.com (though I did make some good friends there, who I keep in touch with).

markolas · #7 09-18-2005, 09:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

I eventually just gave up on chatting in gay.com (though I did make some good friends there, who I keep in touch with).

My roommates certainly don't seem to be having problems with it.

Johnny Stew · #8 09-18-2005, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

My roommates certainly don't seem to be having problems with it.

Maybe destiny is trying to move you in a different direction.

markolas · #9 09-18-2005, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

Maybe destiny is trying to move you in a different direction.

The direction of celibacy and sexual frustration?

Johnny Stew · #10 09-18-2005, 10:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

The direction of celibacy and sexual frustration?

It's supposed to be good for the soul, isn't it?
At least that's what I always told myself!

markolas · #11 09-18-2005, 10:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

It's supposed to be good for the soul, isn't it?
At least that's what I always told myself!

All I know is that I need to have the big O. And soon.

Johnny Stew · #12 09-18-2005, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by markolas

All I know is that I need to have the big O. And soon.

"He do the shake... the rattlesnake shake...."

amber · #13 09-19-2005, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnny Stew

"He do the shake... the rattlesnake shake...."

I thought I warned you about that, Johnny?!

Anyway - since you guys just broke up, Markolas, everyone is probably right, the friends with benefits won't work. Plus, he sounds like a tool. But aside from that, you may be able to resume a friends with benefits thing at a later date. Which i realize isn't right now, but still. I've often made a somewhat regular practice of "getting together" with exes. You just have to wait awhile.

Sorry that stuff happened. Sorry about your dry spell, too.