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  #46  
Old 09-09-2009, 01:01 AM
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daniellaaarisen daniellaaarisen is offline
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Originally Posted by carrie721 View Post
trust me, i don't care enough to report anything. and we're not friends on facebook, so don't worry about deleting me. LOL. you realize that you don't have to be someone's friend to see what networks they belong to, right? again, i'm not about to start interfering in your january-december fauxmance. i don't even know who you are.

alls i'm saying is that within the teacher-student dynamic there is always an inherent power structure that is skewed toward the teacher, and this kind of situation reeks of sexual impropriety, whether or not it is overt.
Yeah.... not on my list of concerns. Your point is taken and understood, though.
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  #47  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:50 AM
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Originally Posted by carrie721 View Post



i am never quite sure what your posts are trying to say. you acknowledge the seemingly understood dangerous and cliched nature of the situation, advise that some wider perspective is needed... and then say "have fun." wtf?

just because something is not "shockingly original" does not mean that it is appropriate. your argument is specious and suspect.
Me honestly thinks you're analyzing the details of my post WAAAAY too much.
We're not being tested on this. My meaning was pretty simple and wasn't intended
to be complex - or graded. It was simply to express that this situation MAY be
more complex than it appears to be on the surface; and that senior year should be
a FUN year - for example all the dances that high schoolers go to - with each other.
It seems to me that you're automatically equating my general statement "have fun" with
the specific idea of "having fun" with the older teacher.

At any rate, in my honest opinion we've let this expand a little bit more than anybody ever intended.
Danni had a great, meaningful conversation with a teacher and after asking her about it, she's confirmed
to us that there's no problem and that everything's okay. As we all know she's a very smart and
mature person and I'm sure she has everything "under control." So let's
just feel happy that she had this meaningful conversation that she's chosen to
share with us; and I hope we can just leave it there and move on to sharing
other great stuff.

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Originally Posted by carrie721 View Post





oh dude, that's just sad.

please allow me to provide you with a list of songwriters whose work, if you are trying to be cerebral

Who said anything about trying to be cerebral?

I was trying to be nice.

Oh by the way, like Pulitzer-Prize winner Samantha Power said, "Never use the big word when the small word will do."
"Specious" isn't exactly college-level . . . That's high school. Assuming and implying that a person is unintelligent and "trying to be
cerebral" just because you don't like every little detail of their argument or because you disagree with them
is Junior High School. And hurtful.

We now return to our "regulary scheduled programming."
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Last edited by Ghost_Tracker : 09-09-2009 at 02:59 AM.
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  #48  
Old 09-09-2009, 09:13 AM
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Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen View Post
He's been a mentor figure for the past two years and people are widely aware of that. He's done the same thing with my writing and I don't see a problem with him asking for feedback in return . The emotional aspect of it was unexpected-- and fine. I go to a relatively small private school where this type of stuff isn't normal, but isn't shunned, either. I have two teachers who I am very close with (the other is female)-- babysit their kids, get lunch on weekends, they've come to my house for dinner-- my parents are aware of it, my classmates are aware of it and the school is mildly aware of it. Even so, I am one Dani from California who goes to a private shool and has abnormally close student-teacher relationships. If someone wants to report it, have fun trying-- I think that is outrageously nosy and ridiculous, and I will be deleting some friends if anyone else considers this a legitimate concern.

I consider myself so, so lucky to be able to have these relationships. Sorry it weirds you out.
I think it's cool that you have mentors. In today's world, teachers are generally not able to show any special interest in their students, and it's a shame. You are obviously a very bright and unusually talented girl and I imagine that most of your teachers find you to be a breath of fresh air. That being said, you called this teacher "sexy" and said you were "obsessed" with him. Whether you mean that in a girlish crush type way or not, I'm quite certain that he is aware, even if only slightly, of your feelings. In light of that, sharing with you such personal information is inappropriate.

ALL THAT being said, no one is going to call DSS.
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  #49  
Old 09-09-2009, 11:28 AM
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Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen View Post
He's been a mentor figure for the past two years and people are widely aware of that. He's done the same thing with my writing and I don't see a problem with him asking for feedback in return . The emotional aspect of it was unexpected-- and fine. I go to a relatively small private school where this type of stuff isn't normal, but isn't shunned, either. I have two teachers who I am very close with (the other is female)-- babysit their kids, get lunch on weekends, they've come to my house for dinner-- my parents are aware of it, my classmates are aware of it and the school is mildly aware of it. Even so, I am one Dani from California who goes to a private shool and has abnormally close student-teacher relationships. If someone wants to report it, have fun trying-- I think that is outrageously nosy and ridiculous, and I will be deleting some friends if anyone else considers this a legitimate concern.

I consider myself so, so lucky to be able to have these relationships. Sorry it weirds you out.
I'm close to a couple of my teachers as well. My Pre-Calc teacher from High School(senior yr) I am still friends with her and we text eachother and stuff. Same thing with my HS English teacher. PLus, he lives a street over from me and I'm friends with his daughter. I am also friends with my college math teacher on facebook; we also IM and text.
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  #50  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen View Post
He's been a mentor figure for the past two years and people are widely aware of that. He's done the same thing with my writing and I don't see a problem with him asking for feedback in return . The emotional aspect of it was unexpected-- and fine. I go to a relatively small private school where this type of stuff isn't normal, but isn't shunned, either. I have two teachers who I am very close with (the other is female)-- babysit their kids, get lunch on weekends, they've come to my house for dinner-- my parents are aware of it, my classmates are aware of it and the school is mildly aware of it. Even so, I am one Dani from California who goes to a private shool and has abnormally close student-teacher relationships. If someone wants to report it, have fun trying-- I think that is outrageously nosy and ridiculous, and I will be deleting some friends if anyone else considers this a legitimate concern.

I consider myself so, so lucky to be able to have these relationships. Sorry it weirds you out.
I also have very close relationships with some of my teachers in high school. I remember going to a teachers class every day senior year when I thought I was having mental breakdown and she would just talk to me and listen and hug me. She's now a friend on fb, we text, I visit her often. I also had another teacher who I considered mom. This also happened senior year. She helped me with college stuff. Also a great mentor. So I understand Dani! I think it's great
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  #51  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:21 PM
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^Yes, but your situation, it appears, is different - your mentors were female. Dani's is male. And she said he was sexy and she was obsessed with him. And she's mentioned several times on these boards that she is into older men.

When I was in junior high, the assistant principal tried to be buddy-buddy with me. I babysat for him a few times (during which his daughter told me she hated her dad). My mom despised the guy and kept major tabs on the situation. I'm glad she did. He was convicted of child molestation the following summer and sentenced to nine years in prison. Looking back now, I can see he was trying to set it up to go down that road with me.

Granted, I was 13 and Dani is 17. However, I don't care how mature you are, or think you are. You just are not equipped as a 17 year old to handle a relationship with a lates 20's or 30 something teacher. And shame on him for not finding someone other than a student to share these deep emotions with. Some lines should just not be crossed.

I don't know Dani and I'm not going to lose sleep over what she decides to do with her life. I'm just expressing my opinion, as one of the older members of this board (since it is now overrun with teenagers), and trying to provide some perspective from an old lady's point of view.
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  #52  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:44 PM
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Dani, I don't want you to feel like we're all ganging up on you, but I have to agree with Carrie, Jannie and Cam. I have to admit I was pretty shocked by your post. The teacher is in the wrong here 100 per cent, I mean, I think it's great that many of you feel you are friends with your teachers, but your teacher should not be spending alone time with any of his students and pouring out his life story and feelings, no matter how special said student is. I would say he's pretty aware of the fact you like him, and that makes it all the more inappropriate.
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  #53  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:47 PM
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rather disturbing...the 'sexy sexy' teacher and his sex poems. yikes.
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  #54  
Old 09-09-2009, 12:51 PM
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I'd like to add that your age has little to do with my opinion (though it is in the back of my mind, making me uncomfortable). I think Carrie mentioned it, but it's the balance of power, boundaries, etc. that makes it disturbing. This is why it's inappropriate for any teacher, therapist, employer, etc to be emotionally involved with their student, client, employee, etc.
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  #55  
Old 09-09-2009, 01:11 PM
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I'd like to add that your age has little to do with my opinion (though it is in the back of my mind, making me uncomfortable). I think Carrie mentioned it, but it's the balance of power, boundaries, etc. that makes it disturbing. This is why it's inappropriate for any teacher, therapist, employer, etc to be emotionally involved with their student, client, employee, etc.
As you know, any time is a good time to interject Beethoven The Immortal, but now especially.

Beethoven pined for several of his female piano students, and sometimes dedicated compositions to them or even proposed marriage to them. These relationships usually floundered when Beethoven forced the young lady into a (figurative) corner, pressing his feelings, & compelling her to tell him bluntly that she wasn't interested in him in "that way."

The inappropriateness of Beethoven's behavior extended to his eccentricity in dress. Count von Keglevics, the nephew of Beethoven's pupil Barbara, wrote: "He had the whim -- one of many -- since he lived across from her, of coming to give her lessons clad in a dressing gown, slippers, & a peaked nightcap."

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  #56  
Old 09-09-2009, 01:27 PM
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As you know, any time is a good time to interject Beethoven The Immortal, but now especially.

Beethoven pined for several of his female piano students, and sometimes dedicated compositions to them or even proposed marriage to them. These relationships usually floundered when Beethoven forced the young lady into a (figurative) corner, pressing his feelings, & compelling her to tell him bluntly that she wasn't interested in him in "that way."

The inappropriateness of Beethoven's behavior extended to his eccentricity in dress. Count von Keglevics, the nephew of Beethoven's pupil Barbara, wrote: "He had the whim -- one of many -- since he lived across from her, of coming to give her lessons clad in a dressing gown, slippers, & a peaked nightcap."

David, you always know how to snap me back into reality.
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  #57  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:16 PM
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I started sixth form today. Incase anyone isn't aware of the British school system, sixth form is like college, except all I had to do is stay at my secondary school. I didn't see the need for upheaval to move to another school, and then get acquainted with everyone, with teachers I didn't know. At least this way I know I've got amazing teachers, and will achieve the grades I want.

Anyway, I found out I got onto my Pyschology course. I was ecstatic, because I didn't get a high enough Maths grade at GCSE to do it (I got a C, a B was the minimum requirement. English has always been my subject anyway) so I think some strings were pulled and they took into account my English grades. I've got two years of English Literature, History, Politics and Pyschology. Apparently I've took some of the hardest subjects you can take.

We don't start proper lessons until Friday, tomorrow is "pirate day"! Supposedly it's a lesson in improvisation and problem solving skills, because we have to build something and the short notice to design our costume is a lesson in having tasks thrust upon you and being required to deal with them.
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  #58  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:51 PM
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I'm just expressing my opinion, as one of the older members of this board (since it is now overrun with teenagers), and trying to provide some perspective from an old lady's point of view.
Speaking as someone who has met and spent time with you, I about spit out my water at you describing yourself as an old lady. If I didn't look atrocious in the picture of me, you, and Michelle, I would share it, and let the rest of the ledge enjoy the humor in this

To make this more relevant to the thread- Cammie's a little bit beyond gorgeous. JTIS.
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  #59  
Old 09-09-2009, 02:55 PM
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^Yes, but your situation, it appears, is different - your mentors were female. Dani's is male. And she said he was sexy and she was obsessed with him. And she's mentioned several times on these boards that she is into older men.

When I was in junior high, the assistant principal tried to be buddy-buddy with me. I babysat for him a few times (during which his daughter told me she hated her dad). My mom despised the guy and kept major tabs on the situation. I'm glad she did. He was convicted of child molestation the following summer and sentenced to nine years in prison. Looking back now, I can see he was trying to set it up to go down that road with me.

Granted, I was 13 and Dani is 17. However, I don't care how mature you are, or think you are. You just are not equipped as a 17 year old to handle a relationship with a lates 20's or 30 something teacher. And shame on him for not finding someone other than a student to share these deep emotions with. Some lines should just not be crossed.

I.
Dani I hate to say it but I think I agree with what this person and others are saying today. Trust me on one thing: It's easy for a smart person, when they're 17, to feel that they completely understand something or to feel that they "have something under control." And it's natural to feel that you have enough life experience at this point to understand what's going on. That's the trap, and it's easy to fall into it - almost everyone does, in one way or another. Part of being smart is being wise and yielding to the voice of experience; and listening to people who are older and wiser than you when they tell you that you may be wrong and that there may be more going on than meets your eye. You're saying you know how to solve this Freshman-level calculus problem, and a bunch of professional mathematicians are telling you that it's actually a graduate-level exercise in 12-dimensional math.
Maybe we've all made "too big a deal" - but so what? Nobody gets hurt if you listen to the voice of experience and carefully, logically consider what some fairly wise friends are saying to you, en masse.
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Old 09-09-2009, 04:03 PM
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Dani I hate to say it but I think I agree with what this person and others are saying today. Trust me on one thing: It's easy for a smart person, when they're 17, to feel that they completely understand something or to feel that they "have something under control." And it's natural to feel that you have enough life experience at this point to understand what's going on. That's the trap, and it's easy to fall into it - almost everyone does, in one way or another. Part of being smart is being wise and yielding to the voice of experience; and listening to people who are older and wiser than you when they tell you that you may be wrong and that there may be more going on than meets your eye. You're saying you know how to solve this Freshman-level calculus problem, and a bunch of professional mathematicians are telling you that it's actually a graduate-level exercise in 12-dimensional math.
Maybe we've all made "too big a deal" - but so what? Nobody gets hurt if you listen to the voice of experience and carefully, logically consider what some fairly wise friends are saying to you, en masse.
Here's the thing. I agree with you that everyone who's posted has given really good advice, and generally has the attitude of the objective observer trying to give a little perspective. I mean, really, I don't think anyone here's calling Dani a harlot except me. And that's neither here nor there.

I'm going to keep up with Ghost Tracker's math analogy to give my thoughts on the situation. This might get a little more suspect than Stevie Nicks's grasp of grammar. I apologize in advance.

Like I said before, we're all standing outside the classroom (no pun intended) and trying to help her see that the homework problem she's working on isn't as easy as she's presented it to be. Advice, though, is only as valuable as the knowledge that goes into it. In our case, we know the graduate level mathematics that we think are required to solve this, but what we're hazy on are the actual details of the problem...because Dani hasn't shared them.

Is this man a current teacher or a former teacher? Does he have any actual power or authority over her? Just how old is he? What details/tears/emotions might Dani have already shared with him that pushed their relationship from teacher/student to friend/friend? How far is Dani from 18? Has he ever entered into a relationship like this with a student previously? Just how much sex was actually in the "sex poem"? How much of Dani's "obsession" is an actual crush, and how much a glamorization? And, of course, to what extent do we all tweak the true details of our lives when we present them to others?

I think the answers to these questions determine whether or not this man should be judged for his behavior (because I think most of the fervor sparked by Dani's post stems from the sex poem, a work whose contents we have no idea of), but whether or not we judge the teacher, the student should be implicitly blameless. If we're assuming Dani should have known better than to get herself into a bad situation, we're also assuming she's an adult capable of making those decisions, and if she's an adult, then why are we bothering with this relationship at all?

The moral of my story is really that Dani shouldn't share anymore, because she ruins everything. God.
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Last edited by LikeAWillow : 09-09-2009 at 04:06 PM.
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