Is anyone faithful anymore?? - Page 3

WelshWitchPMD · #31 05-23-2004, 01:03 AM

Dating these days can be pretty scary!

Thats why I don't even bother.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago. If figure that if I have not met my soul mate by now I never will.

I wish that I could tell you younger people that it gets better but it really doesn't.

I am sorry to sound so negative but that is just the way I have been feeling lately.

DrummerDeanna · #32 05-23-2004, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sara1998

I was with my late husband for 5 years, married almost 3 when I was widowed. I was a very happliy married gal. I loved being married to him. I never once thought about cheating, and I don't think he ever did either. We were perfect for eachother. It will be a year the 29th that he died, and I haven't dated since. I don't look forward to starting that game up again anyhow. I miss being married to him. It's not that I miss the concept of being married, it was all about him. I am OK single. It's a little lonely at times, but I look at the fact that I have a 5 year old who dosen't need to see this man and that man being with mommy. The funny part about that is, is that no one else seems to look at it that way. Now that I am at my one year mark of being widowed, everyone sort of wants to pressure me about when I will start dating again.... Why the hell do I want to drag a man into my life and my daughter's life, just for the relationship to fall flat on it's face, and risk not only being hurt again, but hurting my kid? She's been through enough hell.

As far as being unfaithful, my mom had an affair on my dad when I was 15. I literally caught her in the act. I learned my lesson there. If your not happy, get out of the relationship. Don't hurt your family because of your unhappiness. Believe it or not, my folks are still together, and it will be 28 years in September. Thats commitment on my dad's part, because I probably would have left in a heartbeat.

Maria

Wow...thanks for you post, it's good to hear about people like you and your late husband, who are faithful to one another...I am sorry for your loss, and will be thinking of you and your family on the anniversary of his death...

DrummerDeanna · #33 05-23-2004, 10:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WelshWitchPMD

Dating these days can be pretty scary!

Thats why I don't even bother.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago. If figure that if I have not met my soul mate by now I never will.

I wish that I could tell you younger people that it gets better but it really doesn't.

I am sorry to sound so negative but that is just the way I have been feeling lately.

Aww...perk up Pattie, it's never too late...my mom is 54 and she just met her soul mate a little over a year ago....she'd been married before (to my dad) but that was an awful marriage...so now at 54 she's finally happy...it's great to see!

WelshWitchPMD · #34 05-23-2004, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DrummerDeanna

Aww...perk up Pattie, it's never too late...my mom is 54 and she just met her soul mate a little over a year ago....she'd been married before (to my dad) but that was an awful marriage...so now at 54 she's finally happy...it's great to see!

Deanna thats great that your Mom met her soul mate!

I know that I should not give up but I want to have a baby soon. Like really soon! Men are so lucky they can have kids until they are senior citizens. I think that is why I am so bitter these days.

DeeGeMe · #35 05-23-2004, 12:27 PM

I'm 39 too. I feel like, at this point, if it's meant to be, it will happen. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I possibly can be living alone and single!

WelshWitchPMD · #36 05-23-2004, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeGeMe

I'm 39 too. I feel like, at this point, if it's meant to be, it will happen. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life and be as happy as I possibly can be living alone and single!

Exactly, that's why while I am single at least I can travel and go to a bunch of Mac shows. It makes me happy. I have nobody to answer to.

Janet · #37 05-23-2004, 01:55 PM

Ok-confession time,

When I was 19 I started working in this company. I was single. My boyfriend in high school broke my heart in a million peices over and over. Even when I did start this new job, he was in college and things were lingering, but he had ruined my self esteem and I felt I would never ever love anyone but him.

I met this guy. He was alot older. He was good looking. He was married.

He told me I was beautiful. He said my ex was a jerk. He gave this attention that I never gotten before. It was secret but the high school boyfriend only wanted me on the side too. I felt this was the way...this was a real relationship.

So for months we were this secret couple ( so I thought) I loved him and stayed dedicated to him in my heart. HE WAS MARRIED.

Well after a few months I noticed him giving attention to this young girl who had this tattoo and who was very thin. I hated her. I kept walking by his office to remind him of me but if the girl was there..no.

The last experience with him was horrible...terrible. He made me do something in his office in daylight and in my desperation I did. I could stand being rejected anymore...I didn't want to think it was over....this fake relationship.

Well soon after I found out he had been with a relative of mine that worked with me as well. We both found out and it was done. Now it's many years later and he still works in that company ( I quit as soon as I found out he had been with my relative) and his wife is pregnant and he's sleeping with someone ELSE, a friend of a friend. He's like 42 now and still going at it.

I am not proud but I did what I did because I thought he loved me--I thought that was the only love I'd get.

Its funny. I'm 26 now and the only other relationship was with a man about to get divorced...and he took too long so I ended that one.

Now I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship. Men scare me. I never had a open healthy relationship ever. I really feel I will be single the rest of my life.

So much more goes into this but I'm putting a fresh perspective on this. The evil people you speak of, I am one of them. But you take what you get and its a challenge maybe, and it's not a real committment and when you have no confindence, you are content being a side thing. That's all I ever expected I could be.

The married men....they are pigs. Usually they just need someone younger who will give them a different kind of sex. Plus they know young people are stupid, they will believe that it's ok, that they love you blah blah.

I know alot of people who have done what I done, maybe not knowing or totally knowing...it's really bad out there. Married men go to happy hour and take a girl to a hotel.

It's just horrible. I will never get married. I will get what I deserve but I doubt I'm strong enough to handle that.

It just stinks...but thats life isn't it?

Violet · #38 05-23-2004, 02:20 PM

I come from a family of broken marriages and cheaters. My parents divorced when I was 12. It had been my mom's 2nd marriage, my dad's first. He had been seeing a woman at work, who he eventually married and is still with, 18 or so years later. My mom had also been seeing someone, and she's still with him, but not married. My brother (from my mom's first marriage) is on his 4th marriage, but he married one of the women twice. The first time he divorced her it was because she cheated on him with a woman. My sister is on her 3rd marriage, and she got divorced the 2nd time because she cheated.

As for me, my husband and I got together in 12th grade, got married at 22, and Friday we celebrated our 16th anniversary. Neither of us has ever cheated or even been tempted. We're both totally committed to making this work. Of course we've had problems and fight, but that's healthy. Even though he travels a LOT for work, I have no worries that he'll cheat while he's away. He knows what a stupid mistake that would be and what it would cost him.

So that's my story......

Carol

DeeGeMe · #39 05-23-2004, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

Now I'm terrified of ever being in a relationship. Men scare me. I never had a open healthy relationship ever. I really feel I will be single the rest of my life.So much more goes into this but I'm putting a fresh perspective on this. The evil people you speak of, I am one of them. But you take what you get and its a challenge maybe, and it's not a real committment and when you have no confindence, you are content being a side thing. That's all I ever expected I could be.

The married men....they are pigs. Usually they just need someone younger who will give them a different kind of sex. Plus they know young people are stupid, they will believe that it's ok, that they love you blah blah.

I know alot of people who have done what I done, maybe not knowing or totally knowing...it's really bad out there. Married men go to happy hour and take a girl to a hotel.

It's just horrible. I will never get married. I will get what I deserve but I doubt I'm strong enough to handle that.

It just stinks...but thats life isn't it?

Janet--if at all possible, you need to get some therapy and figure out why you fell into these relationships and why you're willing to settle for less. There are many companies out there that offer mental health counseling to their employees for free-and it's confidential too--so you have nothing to lose. There are also local mental health organizations out there too that offer no-cost or low-cost counseling.

I can't tell you how much good it did me when I broke up with my longtime boyfriend and was trying to figure out what I had done wrong (Turns out it wasn't me after all!). It was really like talking to a friend except they gave me a whole new persepective on the situation.

Anyway, don't ask me how, but the bad guys (and girls too) can smell self-esteem issues in someone a million miles away. Trust me, they know full-well who they can make their victim. But you don't need to be a willing volunteer any more. Being independent and happily single is one thing but avoiding relationships is quite another. I promise you that if you get stronger and healthier, then the good ones will find you! Then you can decide if you'd rather go it alone or if yeah, maybe committment doesn't look so bad after all.

DrummerDeanna · #40 05-23-2004, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeeGeMe

Anyway, don't ask me how, but the bad guys (and girls too) can smell self-esteem issues in someone a million miles away. Trust me, they know full-well who they can make their victim. But you don't need to be a willing volunteer any more. Being independent and happily single is one thing but avoiding relationships is quite another. I promise you that if you get stronger and healthier, then the good ones will find you! Then you can decide if you'd rather go it alone or if yeah, maybe committment doesn't look so bad after all.

Yep, I'm a strong believer in therapy...BUT a person has to be completely ready and willing otherwise nothing will come of it...and a good therapist is also important, a lot of times people go to one..don't click or have a negative experience and base the whole thing on that...swearing off therapy for good...I've come to find you have every right to shop around so to speak and interview your docs before finding the right one...but yeah, if someone is repeatedly falling into bad relationship then there's something there that needs to be looked at...

I had a lot of bad "relationships" in my last year of high school and into college, the last one left me defeated and totally crushed with no self-esteem, and I knew at that point, I needed to do something about myself if I were ever to be in a healthy good relationship...so after a lot of soul searching and some therapy I did meet a great guy...and he's the one I just broke up with haha..but it wasn't a bad break up by any means...in fact we just spoke today...he's like an old friend now..it's nice....

And I didn't mean to imply that I think people who have affairs are evil..I know there are issues and stuff and reasons as to why people get involved in situations like these...they just seem to be getting more common, which is what freaks me out...

littlelies7 · #41 05-23-2004, 06:53 PM

After reading all this, it reminds me of something my mother told me when I was young: "Be picky."

And also, I got the rest of my life to find my Mr. Right. I don't see the rush to get married and have children. So, if it takes me a long time, well... so be it. I can concentrate on my writing.