How Well Do You Know The Bible?

darklinensuit · #1 02-26-2004, 11:01 AM

Just sent to me:
(Let me know if this has been posted already)

>Catholic Elementary School Test
>
>Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the
>Bible, even a little, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a
>Catholic Elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old
>and new testaments. The following statements about the Bible were
>written by children. They have not been retouched nor corrected.
>(i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).
>
>1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating
>the
>world so he took the sabbath off.
>2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree. Noah's wife was called
>Joan
>of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.
>3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire
>during the night.
>4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
>with
>unsympathetic Genitals.
>5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel
>like
>Delilah.
>6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
>7. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread
>which
>is bread without any ingredients.
>8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, Afterwards, Moses went
>up
>to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.
>9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
>10. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
>11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the
>Hebrews
>in the battle of Geritol.
>12. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to
>stand
>still and he obeyed him.
>13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He
>fought
>the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.
>14.Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
>15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
>Carta.
>16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found
>Jesus in
>the manager.
>17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
>18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
>19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others
>before
>they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat
>alone.
>20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get
>the
>tombstone off the entrance.
>21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
>22. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
>23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
>24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which
>is
>another name for marraige.
>25.Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
>IN GOD WE TRUST!

- Jake