Tusk: The Story Behind the Story

[Hawkeye]

1. More John and chris
2. More stevie fiddling around with her songs
3. Less Mick

[DownOnRodeo]

Come on Carne.. If you don't I'm gonna have to.. and believe me, none of you want that!!

[tommer]

some things are missing here,
where are the razors?
the mirrors?
the 100$ bills?

[Vianna]

I loved the Stevie song taking 32 minutes!

Keep em coming=:-)

[CarneVaca]

Rodeo, do it. I've hit a bit of a creative lull. Anyone else who wants to pick up the thread, should do so.

[DownOnRodeo]

You asked for it mate!

[DownOnRodeo]

'The Following events occur in a recording studio control room on a day of the Californian recording of Tusk.

[Back in the studio, sometime 1979....Mick has conveniently gone on hiatus. Blame Hawkeye]

Lindsey is fiddling at the control desk.
Christine is sitting in a corner reading her 'Brits in Exile Weekly' magazine. She looks at the magazine warmly and thinks to herself, "Lord it's good to read you, cause I'm far away from home!"
John is sitting in the opposite corner reading the label on his whisky bottle.
"Christine!" Stevie calls out as she swivels into the room with the phone. "There's a call for you. I think it's Deeeeniiiiis!" she adds teasingly.
Christine rotates her eyebrows and leaves with the phone. John raises his eyes nonchantly. Once he's satisfied Christine is gone, he races eagerly over to pick up the 'Brits in Exile' mag.
As Stevie moves into the room, she is inspired for lyrics for the fourth time that hour. "I know," she thinks to herself, "I can write a song about the story of a girl who walks into rooms! ...No wait... up stairs! Hang on, I know... hallways are good. Yeah, hallways! Or hallways with stairs! Do they have those??"
Mixed up in her dreamy inspiration, Stevie begins pirouetting on the spot. That's Lindsey's cue to get up and stalk out, emitting a disgruntled grunt. As he passes he quips, "You know if we needed the floor shined we could've hired a professional floor polisher guy!"
John looks up over the mag he's reading. "Actually Lindsey I just ordered them this morning."
"Ah, well, I guess you must have used the crystal ball instead of the white pages!" Lindsey mutters as he leaves.
Stevie dances herself out the doorway, recovering oh so gracefully from a slight altercation between a wisp of chifon and the heel of her shoe.
John, finally alone in the control room, discards Chris' magazine and heads for the recording decks. He inserts two tapes labelled in his own handwriting: "Classical bass" and "JJ McVie Croons to Mother's Favourite Ditties".
"Now for ....the splicing!" he murmurs triumphantly, which turns into a maniacal chortle as he picks up some scissors....


[Stevie is down at her local fancy dress shop. The owners love her - she keeps them in business!]

"Hi, look Fleetwood Mac have a special meeting with Warner Brothers tonight. I need these." She hands the attendant a list.
"Shawls of Shangrila No. 98... Children of Chiffon No. 16 .... OK, we should be able to manage that for you Ms Nicks."
"One more thing." Stevie gives the attendant a grimace, then hikes up her skirt to reveal a boot.
"Oh no, Ms Nicks, surely not. We've already given you five heel rises this week!"
Stevie gives her a dark look.
"But it's just not right, ms Nicks! I can't raise them any more! Please - think of your health!"
"Just..stop arguing and do it! I need it bad!!"
The attendant gives in and leads Stevie into a dodgy back room.


[Back in the studio. A few hours have passed. John is still industriously cutting and pasting cassette tape, and intermittently Stevie twirls in and out of the room.]

John hears someone come into the room. He fumbles and tries to cover up his secret work. "Hi Lind..." But as he turns around he sees it's Don Henley. "Oh, Don! Hallo."
"Hi John."
"So... um...how's The Long Run goin'?"
"OK. Pretty much the usual stuff, you know."
"Uh-huh."
Awkward pause.
"So...um, how's, er... What is it again?... 'Gust'? 'Musk'?"
"Tusk."
"Oh yeah. So it's going OK?"
"Yeah," John coughs nervously, "yeah ....it's OK. I guess."

Lindsey enters with Christine. They're both glancing over their shoulders occassionally to check that Stevie isn't spinning out of control towards him.
John and Don rush towards Lindsey, happy someone has broken the awkward spell. "Lindsey, mate! Great to see you!" "Lindsey, where've you been man." "You're the man!"
Lindsey has a sudden and unwelcome flash of prescience that this'll be the most accollades he'll ever recieve during his work on Tusk.
"Well," says Don, "if Stevie's not here I guess I'll get going. See y'all."

A few moments after Don has gone, Stevie tiptoes cautiously into the room. "Is Don gone?"
Lindsey looks around, stooping to peer under the control panel. "Doesn't seem to be here. Have you checked your cryst..."
"Cram it, baby."
"Stevie, luv, why are you avoiding Don?" asks Chrtistine.
"Oh you wouldn't believe this guy. He's so ... suffocating. It's like he wants to... be with my everywhere! I mean, don't get me wrong. he's a nice guy. Actually we are really good together in..."
"I DON'T WANNA KNOW!!" cries Lindsey quickly.

Dennis Wilson enters. "Honey hi!" cries Christine, leaping up to embrace him.
"Yeah, yeah, hi. Look I need some money for the parking meter."
"Oh, ok, um..." Christine gets out her purse and opens up her wallet.
Dennis reaches in and grabs her cheque book. "This'll do nicely. Thanks baby. See ya!" Dennis leaves.

John pulls Lindsey aside to have a quiet word. "Look about that Stevie. I'm afraid she's a bit of a nuter, lad. You really should get her to a shrink. While you were all out, she kept rolling in and out of here like a badly dressed ball of tumbleweed!"
Stevie hears all, and struts towards John. "For your information, I was refining my inspriation. I'm not gonna write just 'any' song about doorways and hallways and rooms. It has to be 'real'!" She turns on her heel and cocks an eye disparagingly in John's direction. "But I guess you wouldn't knowabout songwriting... You know, being a Bassist and all!" Stevie laughs sharply, and turns again on her heel. This is one turn too many for her over-elevated shoe support. She falls forwards and lands on all fours. "Hey," she thinks, unbelievably inspired again, "if i was wearing a red dress, and this floor was like a chess board, I could really see this working! Oh no, wait...add a giant mirror too!! Yeah!"
As Stevie crawls out, Christine remarks, "Hey are you alright luv? You know the first aid policy around here: If anyone falls..."
Stevie has another song inspiration! But it's one inspiration too many for that day and her brain rejects it. It manages to exert enough mental power to retain the lyrics for use in the distant future!

Christine goes outside to find Dennis. John is following her casually, then all three of them run into each other in the hall.
John is first to speak. "So, you're that guy from the Beach Bums aren't you."
Christine shoots John a warning stare.
John continues. "Oh sorry. So, um, are you the crazy one? Or.. no hang on, there's more than one isn't there!"
"John!" Christine reprimands.

[In the studio the phone rings. Stevie answers. It's Don again.]

"Don, look I told you. When you build your house I'll come by!!." She hangs up, but gets another call.
"Hey! Stevie! It's Mike, remember we used to go out in grade school? Well I've finally built my own house. So...I'm calling you home!"
After a slight shock, Stevie recovers, and her pragmatic side takes over:"Sorry...offer only valid six months!!"

[That evening at the Warner Bros shareholders meeting.]

Chariman. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, here I present... Fleeeeeetwoood ......MAAAAAAAAAAC!"
Committee members clap politely, as the Don't Stop chorus is played for the band's entry. John enters first, carrying a life-sized poster of Mick to get back at him for the Tusk video. Except there wasn't any cardboard pieces big enough for Mick's stature so he had to join two prints together. As a result, after the wear and tear of travel (despite Mick's poster naturally getting it's own limosuine) the head is slightly askew from the rest of the body.
Lindsey enters next in a suit. "Oh, he looks respectable," remarks one of the board members to another. Lindsey proceeds to light up a bong.
Stevie enters. The crowd recognizes their biggest cash cow and gives a standing ovation. Stevie delightfully runs forward and tries to twirl her twirliest twirl. Down she goes.
It might be the weed but Lindsey can't help laughing.
Chrisitne enters next but is overseen as all eyes focus on Stevie. Christine, the band's first aid officer, rushes over to help her up. She whispers to Stevie. "Did you hear about Dennis? He drowned!"
Stevie gasps. "Oh no! In the sea of love??"
Christine stares at her beguiled. "No!.. Just the regular sea!!"
The Chairman walks over to Lindsey. "I'd like to introduce Mr Watkins, he's Warner Bros' Market Research & Development Manager."
80-yr-old Mr Watkins adjusts his monocle and peers up over his walking frame at the poster of Mick. "Hello Mr Mac." He tries to shake the poster's hand unsuccessfully. "My, you should really see someone about that neck. I'll give you then name of my chiropractor. He did great things after my second hip replacement!"

[The finale to a long day!]

The Chairman: "Presenting: a sample of the epic, intelligent, and provoking new pioneering album from Warner Brother's greatest sons: Fleetwood Mac!" (Chairman: "Note to self: In future I probably shouldn't suggest that Brothers have sons!" The Chairman presses play on the tape deck.

Lindsey's voice:
It's not that funny is it
When you don't know what it is
But you can't get enough of it
John's voice:
It is called 'Mum's Meaty Stew!"
John's voice impersonating a British bovine.
Don't....eat... me!
Pleease.....Please...Please!
John's voice impersonating his mother.
You'll eat it cause I said so.
You don't want to be thin, lad.
So don't make me, don't make me mad!

Lindsey looks across to John as the joint falls from his lips.
John grins sheepishly. "I told you I'd get my vocals in there!"

[Dedicated to the Legacy of Carne!!]

[DownOnRodeo]

i think that post is almost longer than Mimi's sig! I said 'almost'!!

J/k Mimi!!

[CarneVaca]

Damn, I can't stop laughing! That was truly entertaining. Had you been working on it, or did it just flow out of you in a burst?

Wonderful.

Now, let's get some more contributors.

[DownOnRodeo]

yeah, it flowed out of my me in a burst, sorta like... Nah, I won't say it!
Lol Thanks Carne. It's all based on yours of course.

[golddustchic]

The funniest part was definitely the end, with John't vocals in there. I don't know why, but I can just picture that in my head. Great job!!!

[ChickenShack]

This is incredible! *******LMFAO******* Thanks for some really intelligent and creative writing. This is how it's DONE. You guys ought to be in movies!!!

[CarneVaca]

Originally posted by ChickenShack
This is incredible! *******LMFAO******* Thanks for some really intelligent and creative writing. This is how it's DONE. You guys ought to be in movies!!!

How about it, DownonRodeo? Let's pitch something to Hollywood.