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  #31  
Old 10-24-2008, 02:19 AM
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Brian,

My heart and prayers go out to you. I don't know why God took Debbie at this time from you but there always is a reason why. Don't be angry with God or with anyone in this world. I have lost a few good people in my life including my mother and my father has about six months to live and sometimes we have to accept God's Will and go on with our lives. I will be thinking of you and sincerely wish you the best in your future. Remember, Debbie with beautiful thoughts and memories. Remember her fondly with love and devotion. That is what she would want for you to do. She would want you to love her and remember her but also she would want you to be happy and go on with your life. Remember that. I am a wife and I know that I would not want my husband and children sad if anything should happen to me. I would want them to move on and have good memories of me. Debbie would want the same from you. Be strong for her so she can look down from Heaven and smile. God bless you!!!
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  #32  
Old 10-24-2008, 12:43 PM
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I am truely at a loss for words. I read this for the first time yesterday and felt horrible. Only now do I feel that I can even say anything, so you must be feeling worse than imaginable. The only good part about this is that the two of you had made up and had a happy last few days together. Just hang in there and know that you have an infiniiate number of friends here on the Ledge that are here for you when ever you need us! This is just horrible.
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  #33  
Old 10-24-2008, 02:34 PM
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mylittledemon mylittledemon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by estranged4life View Post
because last night I had to endure the worst feeling one can suffer through in their entire lives.

About a week ago my former wife Debbie and myself started talking about a reconciliation, and we started down that road over the weekend when I decided to move back home to be with her. All was happy and things were going great for us, we were happy as we once were years ago and life was to be great...

But last night at about 12am I heard a commotion outside the house (We lived on a "Dead End Street") but didnt think much of it. Theen I heard car door slam....Still thinking nothing of it. I decided to go check out the kitchen window to see who was making that noise outside.

I noticed a Carnegie PD patrol car and a OHP (Oklahoma Highway Patrol) outside and remembered what Debbie had told me just a few days earlier about how the Carnegie PD had someone stopped at the intersection just down the street. So I assumed that they had once again had someone stopped and decided "Eh, No big deal..." and I sat back down at the computer desk to finish a CDR I was working on...

When I heard a knock on the door, and not the type one wants to hear at this time of the night, especially when one had seen patrolmen outside their home. I jumped up to the door and said "Hold on a second" - so I could unlock the door and turn on the porch light.

I was asked by one patrolman to identify myself, Which I did, thinking to myself "Am I going to be arrested?". The officer then asked me if I knew a Debbie Johnson...And I knew exactly where this was going once the officers asked if they could come inside, they had news to tell me that they HATE delivering...

About 10:43pm last night Debbie was driving to work in my 2003 Pontiac Grand Prix when something happened to cause her to leave the road about 2 miles West of the town of Verden...The car rolled and she died at the scene

How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Why did some unknown force decide to flatten my soul EXACTLY to the day 31 years later after my Dad's death on October 22,1977? Why was she taken from me just as we were to re-new our lives? How am I supposed to go forward in this life when the person who knew me best has passed beyond my grasp? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I am at a loss for words...I am sitting in this house alone with only the memories to haunt me.

If you don't see me on the Ledge in the foreseeable future, you will know why. My soul has been damaged beyond repair.

I JUST read this post. Oh My God. I am really feeling for you right now. Terrible.

You know what? My father died on my birthday...i am too acquainted with the grief that comes with. It doesn't make ANY SENSE. I suppose it never will.

From an outsiders perspective, in the very least you and your wife were back on the road to recovery. None of us are promised tomorrow...we have have to die. But at least you and your wife were given a chance to patch things up. You may feel worse about it had she passed and you and her were always on **** terms.

When it comes to losing people, it always seems like there's no bright side of the coin. After losing my Dad I thought no good could or would come from it, but there has been good...and it makes sense to me in my heart. Time hasn't healed the wound yet, and I don't think the grief is ever fully healed. BUT, if I didn't believe things are happening for a bigger purpose I probably just couldn't go on. So i have trust and hope in that.

I remember Tolkien wrote something beautiful once about Death; and how it's a road we all inevitably take. He said it was a gift to Men, from God himself. He said only as the years of earth wore slowly on that Death became a grief to men and they came to fear it because of the shadow of evil in the world. I mean, it's not Nietzsche, but beautiful nonetheless.

Our prayers are with you my friend!
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  #34  
Old 10-24-2008, 05:08 PM
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estranged4life estranged4life is offline
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Well, I'm sitting here having exhausted myself to the point I cannot let my guard down or something may happen (I can understand why the M.E. told me "You wouldn't believe how many people harm themselves after such traumatic news").

I have all the arrangements for her burial, which will be Tuesday at 2pm.

I picked out on of her nursing uniforms for her to wear as she is laid to rest, since we had (In the past) talked about that 'inevitable' time that could occur (I figured I would pass before she would). Picked out the headstone and all the other related issues that go with a funeral.

I had the funeral director place a handmade double-wedding band ring quilt in her casket along with 2 handmade Raggiedy-Ann and Andy dolls (The quilt and dolls were made by my Mom as presents for Debbie). He asked if I would like to view her, I declined - I cannot deal with that...I am STILL HAUNTED by seeing my Mom in that manner.

The (car) insurance company have been PRICKS to me...Showing ZERO regard to this tragedy. They dont care that Debbie died, all they WANT is their f**kin' $$$$. Hadn't even been 24 hours after the accident and they were ALREADY concerned about their OWN SELF-INTEREST over my interest. They act as if the car was not a total lost...The front axle was bent and broken, the tires were bent from vertical to horizontal, If that isnt proof of being TOTALLED then I dont know I can find an example that will show what TOTALLED is.

Questions continue to run through my head "Did someone force her off the road?" "Did someone see something noone else saw that night and not report it?" "How was the car located if others on the highway did not see the accident?"

I plan to post an ad in the local newspapers asking if someone may have seen something that night. I have her cellphone (Which was in her purse, which was with her until the funeral home received her body) and I know what time the hospital placed calls trying to locate her (11:23pm) - and I know the EXACT time she left the house (9:50 pm). Someone somewhere had to see something...There are oil-rigs in that general area and those truck PLOW off onto the highway without regard for others at ALL times of the night, I even encountered a few of those trucks without any lighting (Tail/Head/Brake) at night with the same car she died in.

Sitting here alone in the house...Hangin' in there the best I can.

I grieve in private...I don't like people to see me at my most vunerable.

Thank God I have prescribed propoxyphene (100M) to take to calm my SHATTERED NERVES & SOUL.
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  #35  
Old 10-24-2008, 05:17 PM
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Heart Such sadness

Brian
I know we rerally don't know each other except for occasional exchanges on the ledge..but this is such tragic news my heart breaks for you. I honestly do not know how I would react in your posistion. The only thing that you can do right now is think and THINK hard about your girlfriend and the hopes that you had for the future together. Many before have said things happen for a reason...who knows ?erhaps in a week she would have found out that she was deathly ill with whatever and had to live through the agony of dealing with a slow painful end, that-as well as your devestation. Maybe this is fate's way of taking her, quickly and probably painlessly (She was more than likely unconscience when alll this was happening)
Think of the good- I know it is hard through the darkness, but she got to spend her last few days with you and that is where SHE wanted to be. That is what is important my friend-How you effect others' lives. Know that she died hopeful and optomistic for the future. You have endured more pain than many a soul could bear, and you are still here there is a reason, my friend.

You cannot see it now but there is a reason that you are still here-alone in your grief and strife, but Brian you are strong and you WILL get through this trauma. All of us here are praying and sending warm thoughts.
My sympathies on the loss of your beloved...
but for whatever reason-you were meant to carry on.
So do her proud, be strong and stand up for the ones that have lost their voice- You're stronger than you realise and you will get through this...
blessed be to all,
just breathe....
always, anna
aka eclipse
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  #36  
Old 10-24-2008, 06:55 PM
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GypsySorcerer GypsySorcerer is offline
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You've been in my thoughts all day today and yesterday, Brian. About the only thing I can say is to echo what Jill and some others have said..... that if Debbie's time on Earth were nearing the end, I am glad she spent them reunited with you. Your love for her is evident in your words.

Last edited by GypsySorcerer; 10-24-2008 at 07:05 PM..
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  #37  
Old 10-24-2008, 07:08 PM
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estranged4life estranged4life is offline
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Unhappy I'm trying...

to hang in there, but I feel I'm slipping away...

I always thought the song "Estranged" was about 'someone else' from my past, when all along it was about Debbie. I'm living these lyrics at this exact moment, but in a finality point of view:

"When you're talkin to yourself
And nobody's home
You can fool yourself
You came in this world alone
(Alone)

So nobody ever told you baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to you baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see
One, two

Old at heart but I'm only 28
And I'm much too young
To let love break my heart
Young at heart but it's getting much too late
To find ourselves so far apart

I don't know how you're s'posed
To find me lately
An what more could you ask from me
How could you say that I never needed you
When you took everything
Said you took everything from me

Young at heart an it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now
Old at heart but I musn't hesitate
If I'm to find my own way out

Still talkin' to myself and nobody's home
(Alone)

So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see

When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I'll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I'll get it right next time
An now that you've been broken down
Got your head out of the clouds
You're back down on the ground
And you don't talk so loud
An you don't walk so proud
Any more, and what for

Well I jumped into the river too many times
to make it home
I'm out here on my own, an drifting all alone
If it doesn't show give it time
To read between the lines
'Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything We've ever known's here
Why must it drift away and die

I'll never find anyone to replace you
Guess I'll have to make it thru, this time
Oh this time
Without you

I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we've ever known's here
I never wanted it to die"

I am for once at a loss for words...
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  #38  
Old 10-24-2008, 07:38 PM
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I am so sorry to hear this. My prayers are with you.
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  #39  
Old 10-24-2008, 07:56 PM
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Johnny Stew Johnny Stew is offline
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Brian... I don't know what to say. I'm so very sorry that you've lost Debbie.

Just please know you're in my thoughts and I'm wishing you strength, my friend.
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  #40  
Old 10-24-2008, 08:47 PM
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estranged4life estranged4life is offline
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Question Thanks everyone...

it is much appreciated.


My sorrow is still here, but my anger is starting to boil. Some questions need to be answered before I can understand "why".

My older brother thought of some valid questions I need to ask to the OHP and the officials who investigated the accident:

#1 HOW was the accident reported? Did someone report the accident via cellphone? Did a person happen upon the scene? Debbie left the house at 9:50pm and her cellphone showed that calls from her employer & co-workers continued from 11:23pm until 12:03am of Oct.23rd - but the OHP reported to me that the accident occurred at about 10:43pm and the OHP was in my living room at around 12am. Did the accident actually happen at 10:43pm? Was it called in at 10:43pm?

I can TELL ANYONE from experience that there is NO WAY IN F**KING HELL that no TRAFFIC was not on that highway in those 55 minutes from the time she left home until the accident...No way, I will bet my ENTIRE MUSIC COLLECTION on that, that is how sure I am because I drove that road on a near daily basis for the past 8 years!!!

#2 HOW could NOONE see the car accident when my Grand Prix had daylight running lamps installed that STAY on when the key is in the ignition and in the on position and only turn OFF when the car's ignition is in the OFF position? There is NO WAY one could NOT have seen the car from the highway, My brother & I drove that stretch of road last night and a car could have EASILY been seen from the highway (A 4 lane U.S. Highway at that)


#3 Why did the HOSPITAL NOT call me when they could not reach Debbie? They had my phone number, they could have called me and asked, but noone called me at all. Instead of trying to call her why didnt they call me? That makes no sense at all.


Update: I was able to verify when she received the calls from the hospital and her friends/co-friends, and to why that hospital was unable to contact me when she did not arrive on time: Their record of my phone was a number I havent had since around 2002.

Last edited by estranged4life; 10-24-2008 at 10:33 PM..
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  #41  
Old 10-24-2008, 10:21 PM
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I just read this, Brian and I'm so sad for you. I wish there was something I could do/say to make you feel better or have an answer to all your questions. Unfortunately I don't know what to say. Except that I'm so very sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts, my friend. Please hang in there, Debbie would have wanted you to.
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  #42  
Old 10-24-2008, 10:39 PM
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Brian,

like many people here I don't know exactly what you're going through and you have my deepest condolences. I've sent you a PM (as I'm sure many have) and I can just echo the sentiments of many people here. I hope you can eventually find some peace and I'm so sorry that you had to experience such a terrible even in your life. Please hang in there.

Stay safe,
Peter.
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  #43  
Old 10-25-2008, 12:22 AM
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Well, Spent 2 hours talking to the M.E. tonight - had all my questions answered.

He is very sure that she may have had some type of unknown 'medical incident', since the car traveled 260' parallel to the road before hitting a 10" concrete drainage culvert. The car 'hard rolled' 1.5 times (Imagine a domino standing up and flipping it 1.5 times) and landed. Her injuries would NOT have killed her - but being unconscious as the M.E. believes she may have been, she may have aphixated in that manner.

The seat belt was in the normal position and did not fail. It possibly kept her from breathing IF she was only knocked unconscious, but if she had a 'medical incident' it may not have mattered.

Had she been only knocked unconscious and someone may have seen the accident, and helped free or pull her from the car, the M.E. said she would have had a 100% chance of survival.

There was no evidence of an animal wandering into her path, no no evidence of another vehicle causing the accident (Though he said "the other vehicle therory may be possible, there was no evidence on the Grand Prix pointing that she was struck by another vehicle.") and his opinion it was indeed a 'natural incident'.
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  #44  
Old 10-25-2008, 01:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by estranged4life View Post
Well, Spent 2 hours talking to the M.E. tonight - had all my questions answered.

He is very sure that she may have had some type of unknown 'medical incident', since the car traveled 260' parallel to the road before hitting a 10" concrete drainage culvert. The car 'hard rolled' 1.5 times (Imagine a domino standing up and flipping it 1.5 times) and landed. Her injuries would NOT have killed her - but being unconscious as the M.E. believes she may have been, she may have aphixated in that manner.

The seat belt was in the normal position and did not fail. It possibly kept her from breathing IF she was only knocked unconscious, but if she had a 'medical incident' it may not have mattered.

Had she been only knocked unconscious and someone may have seen the accident, and helped free or pull her from the car, the M.E. said she would have had a 100% chance of survival.

There was no evidence of an animal wandering into her path, no no evidence of another vehicle causing the accident (Though he said "the other vehicle therory may be possible, there was no evidence on the Grand Prix pointing that she was struck by another vehicle.") and his opinion it was indeed a 'natural incident'.
I wonder if she may have had a heart defect that wasnt dectected? Maybe they could look into that to ease you and her family's minds? just a thought.

Last edited by DavidMn; 10-25-2008 at 01:38 AM..
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  #45  
Old 10-25-2008, 02:33 AM
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Perhaps she fell asleep or just zoned off and went off the road?

Any way it happened, I am so sorry. At least you have the comfort in knowing you were on good terms with her during her last days. Not many people can say that!

Hang in there!
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