Tusk: The Story Behind the Story

[CarneVaca]

[The year is 1979. Lindsey rushes into the studio, tape in hand.]

"Mick, Mick. Hey, guys. Listen to this. I was working on this track last night in my bathroom."

Mick stumbles in. The roadie follows. Mick stops. The roadie climbs on a step ladder, Mick turns his head up, opens his mouth. The roadie pours in half a bottle of Bud. Mick swallows with gusto. Wipes his lip on his sleeve.

"What's this, Lad?" he says to Lindsey who, unable to contain himself, has popped the tape in. "Listen..."

"Hmmm... What, what is it that awful percussive sound?" Mick says.

"Oh, it's just a cardboard box. Cool, huh?"

"Cardboard? Oh, OK, we'll tape my part over that, then erase it," Mick says.

"No, no, no, Mick, see. I have this great idea. Let's keep the song just as it is, cardboard and all."

"Well, I'll be. This is majorly disappointing, Lindsey. I've been replaced by cardboard." Mick looks up again, and opens his mouth. The roadie rushes in with the ladder and beer.

Lindsey lights a spliff. For a second, he wishes he were Bob Marley. Then he goes back to wishing he were Elvis.

[Meanwhile, from an adjacent room, some sparse, off-key piano notes spill out. In the room is Stevie, wrestling with a Casio keyboard.]

"I'll eat my eggs before noon," she intones. To herself, she mutters: "Eggs before noon? That's no good. I gotta come up with something else that makes no sense but sounds good." She tacks away on the keyboard. "Hmmm. How about, Be my sisters of the moon? Hey, that's pretty good. I think I'll make that the chorus."

Back in the sound room, an overindulgent Lindsey is rewinding repeatedly to the parts of the song he particularly likes.

"Cardboard box. Crazy bugger," Mick mumbles, while he picks stray coke dustings from his vest and then sucks his fingers. "Little runt, thinks he knows everything. I have a good mind to slap his silly mug, or, or... kick him off the band. I wonder what Clapton is doing these days."

John rushes in. "Lindsey, Lindsey, hey, Liiiiiiinndsey!"

Lindsey barely looks up from the mixer.

"Lindsey, I gotta sing on this record. Come on, you promised last time. You said, 'On the next record, you can sing, John. Come on, I gotta sing, don't you see?

"Hmmm. Yeah, John let's talk about this later. Meanwhile, I want you to redo the bass part on The Ledge. You gotta make it simpler, man. Otherwise, you're going to outshine my guitar parts. We don't want that."

Deflated, John picks up his bass, and saunters off to the booth.

[What will happen next? Will John get to sing? Will Stevie finish her song? Will Lindsey trip on his own ego? And, where's Christine? Tune in next week for the next episode of TUSK: THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY.]

[sodascouts]

Nothing I love more than a good satire. The part about Mick was especially funny. I still shake my head when I see the roadie pouring beer into Mick's mouth in the Mirage concert video.

And poor, underappreciated John. Well, he gets to sing on that prominent Mirage B-track cover "Cool Water." hehe.

[Vianna]

This had me in stitches!!

Write more, please!

[BellaDonnaGypsy]

Originally posted by CarneVaca
Lindsey lights a spliff. For a second, he wishes he were Bob Marley. Then he goes back to wishing he were Elvis.

LOLOL! Sorry... that just amused me for no particular reason. But you must write more!

Laura.

[BlueGrass]

LoL!

[CarneVaca]

Thanks for the reviews. Look for Episode 2 within the next 48 hours. Unless I get really ambitious and give you the Lost Episode... Nah... too soon.

[wondergirl9847]

That was WAY too funny, Carne!! Love this!! Eggs before noon!! LMAO!!

[DownOnRodeo]

In the room is Stevie, wrestling with a Casio keyboard


ROFLMAO LOL - perfect imagery!

[WhiteWingedOne]

Originally posted by CarneVaca
I gotta come up with something else that makes no sense but sounds good."

[CarneVaca]

[The phone rings. Lindsey lifts his head from the console, looks back down, fiddles with the knobs. The phone continues to ring.]

"Hey, guys, anybody? Somebody pickup the phone," he shouts. "Christine? John? Is anybody here?"

He walks over, picks up the receiver, muttering, "I've gotta do everything around here. Now I'm an operator too."

"Hello?"

---------

"Yes? Mick?"

---------

"What!? No, way, not again, Mick. This is becoming a regular..."

---------

"Oh, all right, I'll get somebody to pick you up."

John walks in just as Lindsey, brow furrowed, hangs up.

"Cheerio," John says. "I was thinking, I should practice my vocal parts today and..."

"Oh, not now, John. Mick is in the drunk tank again."

"Again?"

"And you gotta pick him up."

"Me? Why me? I gotta practice my voc..."

"Look, John, I don't have time for this. You gotta pick him up. Damnit, I've got too much, too much to, to do around here... And besides, I know you know where the drunk tank is. You're well acquainted with it, as I recall."

"Oh, gee, Lindsey, there's no need for insults, lad. I'll go pick him up."

"Better check the petty cash box. You're gonna need to bail him out."

John leaves. Lindsey goes back to the console, starts running the tape. "...wwooooork. Don't know why I can't play," he sings along. "This is damn good," he thinks. "I'm damn good, but most importantly, this music has integrity." He sings: "...a place..."

Christine walks in. "Hello," she says. "Where's everybody?"

"Hey, Chris. Well, John just went to pick up Mick at the drunk tank..."

"Oh, not again."

"Yes, again. Stevie's somewhere practicing one of her songs. Something about eggs and high noon, full moon, Big Brothers and Big Sisters, whatever. I gave her my ukelele to play with. That should keep her busy for a while. What's up with you? You got anything for me?"

"As a matter of fact, Lindsey, I've got this song I'm pretty excited about.... It's called Honey Hi."

"Honey High, heh? Is that a new thing? I've heard of getting high from whipped-cream cans. But, hey, I'll try anything..."

"No, no, no, silly. Honey Hi, H-I. As in hello?"

"Oh, well, OK. Let's hear it. It would be cool getting high from honey, though."

"All right. It's kind of sparse though. Just the piano, like Songbird. I think it'll work."

Lindsey pops the tape in. "Hmmm," he says, "I like the repetition. You know I like that..."

"Yeah, I know."

"But I don't know about the piano thing. Maybe we can use just guitar instead." He picks up an Ovation, starts strumming the A-D-E pattern. "Yeah, like that. Now, check out this muted strum pattern, huh?"

"Not quite what I had in mind, Lindsey. I, I..."

"Christine, trust me on this.... Hey, maybe I should sing it too. Baby, I've been trying to tell you. La la la."

"Now, Lindsey, I'll have to put my foot down about this. We can use the guitar, but I'm singing the fookin' song, you hear me? I wrote the damn thing."

"OK, ok," he says, sly grin spreading across his face. He thinks: "I knew that would do it. She'll give me the guitar part if I let her have the vocals. Genius? Methinks."

[Tune in next week for another episode of TUSK: THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY. Mick returns from the drunk tank. What kick-ass percussion ideas will he have come up with in his drunken stupor? Will John get to practice his vocal parts? Will Christine agree to Lindsey's song arrangements? Don't miss a minute!]

[Vianna]

You've got me in stitches again! Can't wait for the next episode...

[rhiannon1119]

LMAO!! This was the funniest thing.. I loved the part about Lindsey giving Stevie his ukelele to play with and how it should keep her busy for a while.. LOL Keep 'em coming!

Michelle

[jmn3]

Originally posted by CarneVaca
"...Stevie's somewhere practicing one of her songs. Something about eggs and high noon, full moon, Big Brother snad Big Sisters, whatever.

LoL...that's just great!!!

[Skylark]

FUNNY STUFF!!!!ROFLOL!!! HA! HA! HA!
Waiting with anticipation for Episode Three! Sky

[CarneVaca]

Just how does Mick master all those frightening facial expressions while on stage? Find out... in the next episode of TUSK: The Story Behind the Story.