"Bittersweet, but what can I do...."

Johnny Stew · #1 10-29-2006, 02:57 PM

Well, this has sure been one hell of a year. And it seems it's been that way for almost everyone I talk to. Is 2006 some kind of Karmic-Cleansing year, or something?

As some of you may recall, one of my closest friends died unexpectedly earlier this year. After that, things continued to go down hill. There has been an unreal amount of turnover and stress at work, our family has had a rash of health problems (including the death of one of my cousins), and then on October 21st, at 1:35am, my sweet little guinea pig, Bandit, died. He had surgery Friday morning (the 20th) for Malocclusion and he came out of it, but his little heart couldn't take the strain and he ultimately passed away later that night, in my arms. He was only three and a half years old (we adopted him on April 15th, 2003 -- the same day that 'Say You Will' was released) and had become such a part of my life. I miss him so much, I can't even say.

The "sweet" thing that is helping to balance all of these bitter experiences is that, while my work and home lives have been pretty miserable, my love-life is the most stable and fulfilling that it's ever been. Joshua is everything I've ever hoped for in a mate and then some... though I'll resist the urge to gush.

It feels strange to have something so wonderful in the midst of so much upheaval and uncertainty, but for the first time in many years I'm seeing (and experiencing) a life outside of my comfort zone, and I'm seeing a world full of possibilities that I never thought I'd be able to pursue.
Maybe I'm finally learning the difference between being alive and LIVING.

Miss Vicky · #2 10-29-2006, 03:06 PM

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your troubles, especially about Bandit. People underestimate just how much pets add to our lives and how big the void can be when they pass. And he was so young, too.

Let's hope 2007 is better for you.

I am thrilled to hear about your luck in love! It's always so nice to hear about relationships that are going well and the people involved are happy. Usually all I ever hear about from people are the negatives.

I also would like to point out that it's nice to see you around on the boards again. Your absence is definitely felt when you are away, even if you're only gone for a couple of weeks. I hope today isn't a one-off thing and you stick around for awhile.

Janet · #3 10-29-2006, 03:11 PM

Brian...I don't think we are far apart in age but everything you said I just ...

I am actually crying because I just KNOW what you are saying.

I am so sorry for your loss...but you are a good person and I really, really believe that God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle...there is a reason this is all happening.

I can only say I hope things get better.

xo!

foxyluva · #4 10-29-2006, 03:15 PM

Im sorry about the bad things, but lets focus on the positives - Im so happy that alot of good has happened for you this year - you are a sweet-heart, and deserve it all

Johnny Stew · #5 10-29-2006, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your troubles, especially about Bandit. People underestimate just how much pets add to our lives and how big the void can be when they pass. And he was so young, too.

Let's hope 2007 is better for you.

Thank you for the kind words, Vicky. I knew if anyone could understand how much I loved and adored Bandit, you would. A lot of people think only dogs and cats count as "real" pets.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Vicky

I also would like to point out that it's nice to see you around on the boards again. Your absence is definitely felt when you are away, even if you're only gone for a couple of weeks. I hope today isn't a one-off thing and you stick around for awhile.

Thanks.

I've made a less-than-stellar re-entry (with my posts in the Stevie Forum)... but, like everyone else, I'm not immune to grouchy days.

Johnny Stew · #6 10-29-2006, 05:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janet

I am so sorry for your loss...but you are a good person and I really, really believe that God doesn't ever give us more than we can handle...there is a reason this is all happening.

I can only say I hope things get better.

Thank you, Janet... I really appreciate that.

I always try to remind myself that "into each life, some rain must fall"... but that doesn't always ease the sting of loss or seeing those that we love going through illness.

All we can do is put one foot in front of the other though, right?

Johnny Stew · #7 10-29-2006, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxyluva

Im sorry about the bad things, but lets focus on the positives - Im so happy that alot of good has happened for you this year - you are a sweet-heart, and deserve it all

Thanks, Michael... you're a sweetheart, yourself.
And, you're right... it's definitely best to focus on the positives. That's what helps us get through the negatives.

michelle2677 · #8 10-29-2006, 05:22 PM

JS-I am so sorry to hear about bandit

And it's not just dogs and cats that should be adored. Hell, I had a baby squirrel for 24 hours and he died and I cried my eyes out.

I'm also sorry about all of your family losses etc. Sometimes things are just hard to explain and understand, but I guess we really aren't supposed to. But it's good that Joshua is there to help you up. It's so bizarre because for me one aspect of my life may be crazy and the other is stable, so I guess I"m not the only one. If you didn't have that positive aspect in your life, you'd probably go crazy!! anyway..hope 2007 gets better and don't stay gone so long next time!!

JazmenFlowers · #9 10-29-2006, 06:21 PM

I love and respect you, as everyone here does. we all have our share of trials and it sure seems like you've been handed a heaping plateful this year. there is so much to be grateful for, at the same time and it's hard to forget those things. take a long, hot bath...chill out to some fabulous music and think happy thoughts.

I'm thinking of you.

irishgrl · #10 10-30-2006, 07:33 AM

Stewie (Brian?)-- having just gone thru a brush with pet disaster myself, I can totally relate about your little Bandit. You do know about the Rainbow Bridge right? Sylvia Browne also says that our animals wait for us. I dont know about you but thats reassuring to me...

I miss your posts, you are always a breath of fresh air, insightful and sensitive at the same time

I hope to see more of you

ps: I hope your personal happiness continues, you deserve it!

BlackWidow · #11 10-30-2006, 07:35 AM

Brian

Sorry to hear about Bandit....
Life does takes us all thru it's twists and turns.
I do believe that when aspects of life are changing...you do get a miracle
to balance things out. I think it is terrific to have love in your life. I thank
God everyday for Tom. My blue-green colors flashin'....

SuzeQuze · #12 10-30-2006, 02:24 PM

I'm happy to read your relationship is so strong and good. Sorry about all of your losses. Life really is a b*tch sometimes and you're right, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. There's no other option! I think it's cool that through all of this you are feeling expansive. That's amazing!

macmar71 · #13 10-30-2006, 02:29 PM

Sorry about the loss of Bandit and all the other things that have been going on in your life. I hope 2007 brings better things for you.

shackin'up · #14 10-30-2006, 05:13 PM

If you feel the love, you have it all, dude.

Sugar · #15 10-30-2006, 05:22 PM

It's been a screwed up year for me too, Brian, so I'm feeling what you're saying...death of my father...my best friend living some drama that's right off of Jerry Springer...contractor problems...fighting with my husband's workman's comp...it just doesn't seem like things should have to be this hard!

And I have rabbits (down to one now) so I know what you mean about people underestimating the attachment you can have to something other than a cat or dog. Thankfully my husband isn't one of them.

But congrats on your love life being so strong in the midst of the chaos. It really does wonders to have that shelter from the storm. Kinda brings everything into focus, don't it?

And yes, it's good to see you around. I've missed you.