Doing Things Alone

[bucklind17]

This has been a subject on a few messageboards I go to lately and I was curious to see how people feel about it here.

I personally have no issues with doing things alone. I go to concerts and movies alone, I've gone to restaurants alone, I've even traveled alone. Not because I don't have friends, but because either they're busy or are not interested in the activity, I'm already out and about and decide to, or because I just need to hang out with just me for awhile. I also can't imagine NOT doing something that I want to do simply because I don't have anyone specific to do it with.

Here in NYC, I think it's a pretty common thing, because so many people are busy and on their own schedules. I also wonder if it's partially an age thing, now that I'm older, I'm less conscious of what other people would think of me hanging out by myself.

But, I'm also finding that the more I see people talking about how they would "never" do one thing or another alone, it makes me wonder what they think of the people who do. I know that it shouldn't matter, but it's one of those things where if someone says "I would NEVER go to a restaurant by myself!", you kind of automatically are like "... but I do that all the time."

Anyway, this is a bit of a ramble. So in a summary, do you like to do things on your own? Does it make you nervous or uncomfortable? What kind of things do you not mind doing by yourself and what things do you try to do with groups?

[Silver Springs]

From an early age I've been doing things alone, enjoying my own company. I love the freedom that not having to hold a conversation when you don't feel like it and being able to go wherever you wish brings. I've been known to head off for a supposedly short visit to town to go shopping and just dissappear for a few days with my iPod and my own thoughts. It's empowering to live by your own schedule and do your own thing. I don't see many of my friends wishing to walk through a wet and muddy forest with me just for the lark of it. So I keep that little pleasure among many just to myself

[TerraRhiannon]

It irritates me when people can't do anything alone. Like, one of my friends, I have to go to the bathroom with her at school or at the mall or something. She can't just go. I don't enjoy going to movies or concerts alone because I want to be able to enjoy the experience with someone else and talk about it with someone else, but things like shopping, going to restaurants, taking a walk (like Bee said), and those things I will do on my own, because it's true, I don't care what people think. And I do sit at coffee shops before class and read to myself once in a while. I think it's really good to spend time with yourself every once in a while, or hell, all the time.

[jeffd8382]

This is an interesting question... I touched a little bit in the "Parents" post about fears I have (without being specific) due to issues stemming from my childhood. Being independent has always been a difficult thing for me and something I still struggle with to this day (I'm 28 years old). I don't like having to run errands by myself (although I do out of necessity), or the idea of going to a movie by myself, or even going to get a bite to eat by myself... I would much prefer the company of someone I'm close to. This really comes from a place of deep anxiety, so it's not just something I arbitrarily have a preference for. I'm not so focused on how it looks to other people to be out and about by myself.. I really don't care much about that.

When it comes to down time, I LOVE having time to myself... I would go as far as to say I NEED having a decent amount of time to myself each day. I'm a fairly analytical thinker, so my mind is wrought with processing things that have happened during the day, or things that are going to happen during the day... likewise, I'm an abstract/creative thinker, so some of the time is spent in imaginative thoughts... music is usually a large part of this time!

[ButterCookie]

As of late, I've been doing a lot of things alone. Last year, I didn't want to do certain things alone and made a habit out of going to the record store with someone I never thought I'd strike up a friendship with.

I prefer to shop alone, though, particularly for clothes and records. I can't be bothered with the incessant nattering of other people's company, unless we can talk about bands and music or literature and maybe film. I also prefer not to be judged when I'm scouring second hand stores for ABBA records and corduroy trousers I love my own company when I can have my iPod or my record player on and just look at photographs (of a lot of different things), read a book or hang around online.

But, having said that, one of my most dangerous traits is my fascination with strangers. I can talk to people I've never met before for hours.

[HomerMcvie]

I'm the King!
I'm an only child, and I've done most things alone, for most of my life. I take several vacations a year, and always go alone. I had a friend who used to go with me, and he canceled out, a couple of times, the night before, so the second time, I said f*ck it, and went by myself. Know what? I had a better time! I could eat where I wanted to eat, and do what I wanted to do. And I've pretty much gone alone, since. Also, I have found, that since texting, and wifi, came along, that I don't really feel THAT disconnected, when I'm away from home for a week.
Eating alone? Out of town, it doesn't bother me, one iota. However, I will admit, that here in my 100K burg, I AM a little self-conscious about it. I'll do it, but I worry about seeing someone I know, and feeling like a loser.

Funny thing is, as a lifetime loner of sorts, this past summer, I started having a few friends over at night, for pool parties. Well, it sort of snowballed, and the summer ended, with 25-30 ppl at my house, almost every night(lord, you should have seen my liquor bill, on my credit card!). My friend said that I was like a rock star, and it sort of felt like that! Anyway, summer ended, and I had been transformed, into a social creature. I LIKED having a house full of ppl everynight! But, I'm finally back to the way I was....it took about 6 weeks, to "de-socialize". It really took me going on a solo vacation, 3 weeks ago, to find my old self. I am a more social person now, but I'm fine solo, too.
Pardon the ramble....

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

But, having said that, one of my most dangerous traits is my fascination with strangers. I can talk to people I've never met before for hours.

Yes, me too! Most of my vacations are in Nashville, and the ppl are really friendly there. MOST nights, I'll end up having a 3 hour conversation, with a stranger.

[Silver Springs]

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

But, having said that, one of my most dangerous traits is my fascination with strangers. I can talk to people I've never met before for hours.

As long as you're safe with it, I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I like interacting with Strangers. I once performed a purely indulgent social experiment where I went around asking random strangers for a hug and their autographs. It was worth it just to see the smiles on the faces of people who had otherwise been skulking their way through their day. Just a small and friendly reminder that people do care, no matter how distanced they appear to you.

[MacShadowsBall]

Really interesting topic...

I too am the only child. So being alone is normal to me. It's just me and my mom at home. We get along "okay" but things go better when we just kinda stay to ourselves which is fine with me. She stays at home, and when I come home after being at work all day, talking with employees and customers, I don't feel like doing that when I get home. However my mom don't really have anyone else to talk to...so that's my little problem...then we start getting into it about something...

Most of the time I go to lunch by myself and I really like it. I find when I go with somebody I talk too much and don't pay attention to other stuff....you know LIKE EATING!! Sometimes having somebody with you is too distracting not to mention deciding where to go eat, shop, etc.

[jannieC]

I love to be alone and I definitely do most of my shopping and errands by myself and prefer it that way. I have never done the following things solo:

*Go to the movies [I would enjoy this, I think. I should try it]
*Go to a *nice* restaurant (I've eaten and hung out in coffee shops by myself) [Not sure I would enjoy this as I would feel self conscious]
*Go on vacation [Intriguing, but probably not for more than a few days to a week]

I am almost never bored, but I could see myself getting a little lonesome on an extended solo vacation. This is an interesting topic. It probably all comes down to the Almighty Myers Briggs. I am an INFJ through and through.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by MacShadowsBall

Really interesting topic...

I too am the only child. So being alone is normal to me. It's just me and my mom at home. We get along "okay" but things go better when we just kinda stay to ourselves which is fine with me. She stays at home, and when I come home after being at work all day, talking with employees and customers, I don't feel like doing that when I get home. However my mom don't really have anyone else to talk to...so that's my little problem...then we start getting into it about something...

Most of the time I go to lunch by myself and I really like it. I find when I go with somebody I talk too much and don't pay attention to other stuff....you know LIKE EATING!! Sometimes having somebody with you is too distracting not to mention deciding where to go eat, shop, etc.

Before my Mom passed away, that's how we were.

While I sometimes like company, I do have an issue with ppl that talk too much! God, there's a guy at work, whose mouth never closes. Nice guy, but STFU!!!!!! I would much rather be alone, than have to be around a motormouth.
Silence is golden, indeed.

[Silver Springs]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Before my Mom passed away, that's how we were.

While I sometimes like company, I do have an issue with ppl that talk too much! God, there's a guy at work, whose mouth never closes. Nice guy, but STFU!!!!!! I would much rather be alone, than have to be around a motormouth.
Silence is golden, indeed.

Uhm....Remind me to keep out of your way lol. When the mood takes me, although I am prone a majority of the time to awkward silences, I can talk so much that I even annoy myself. Mostly when I'm especially passionate about a subject. I'm quite partial to a rant and ramble, and I could see you eating my face for it lol!

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by Silver Springs

Uhm....Remind me to keep out of your way lol. When the mood takes me, although I am prone a majority of the time to awkward silences, I can talk so much that I even annoy myself. Mostly when I'm especially passionate about a subject. I'm quite partial to a rant and ramble, and I could see you eating my face for it lol!

For the record, I wouldn't hurt a fly. I sometimes think that I also, might talk too much. Especially if I've got a buzz. I rarely am unable to carry on a conversation, with anyone. But like someone else said, a page ago, I'm a big thinker, and I really like my quiet time, to contemplate life. It's a four hour drive to Nashville for me, and sometimes my cousin wants to ride 3/4th of the way there(I drop him off at his Mom's). I HATE that, even though I let him. That means I have to talk to him, for 3 solid hours. I'd MUCH rather just have my quiet time.

[daniellaaarisen]

Originally Posted by jannieC

I love to be alone and I definitely do most of my shopping and errands by myself and prefer it that way. I have never done the following things solo:

*Go to the movies [I would enjoy this, I think. I should try it]
*Go to a *nice* restaurant (I've eaten and hung out in coffee shops by myself) [Not sure I would enjoy this as I would feel self conscious]
*Go on vacation [Intriguing, but probably not for more than a few days to a week]

I am almost never bored, but I could see myself getting a little lonesome on an extended solo vacation. This is an interesting topic. It probably all comes down to the Almighty Myers Briggs. I am an INFJ through and through.

I'm an ENFP and everything you said in this post also applies to me, with only one exception-- I go to movies alone all the time and LOVE it. No better way to spend an afternoon in my mind. I love solo shopping/exploring/long drives, too.

[TerraRhiannon]

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

I prefer to shop alone, though, particularly for clothes and records. I can't be bothered with the incessant nattering of other people's company, unless we can talk about bands and music or literature and maybe film. I also prefer not to be judged when I'm scouring second hand stores for ABBA records and corduroy trousers .

I have a hard time shopping with other ladies my age. I just don't prefer them to stand there staring at me while I do just that - look around in music shops and for items I am into. I can't stand people in my ear asking me if I think it's time to eat every 5 seconds, or if I have to use the bathroom every 10 minutes while I'm with them. A person who does this I will not go shopping with if I can help it. I've had some instances where I was shopping with someone however, and she seemed genuinely interested in the music I was looking at. That was enjoyable because she let me tell her all about it and she didn't seem bored by it. But I find these people are few and far between at my age