Please say a prayer for me... - Page 9

lisarod · #**121** 12-15-2008, 03:00 AM

Brian, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I haven't posted here in more than 3 years. I got divorced about 3 years ago and life hasn't been the same for me. I happened to be visiting this site when I read your post. I know you don't remember me, but I'm one of the many people you have traded with. If it wasn't for you and your kindness, I wouldn't have much of a FM collection. I never had anything to trade, but you still made me copies. I'm very sorry this has happened to you. Life can be very cruel. My mother died on my birthday, August 10th, 24 years ago(I turned 21 that day). My thoughts and prayers are with you....

Lee · #**122** 12-16-2008, 06:37 PM

Wow, this is the first time that I've seen this post. I'm really sorry for your loss, Brian. That is so tragic, but I'm sure Debbie is in a better place. Though we don't know each other (I think you've responded to some of my posts before), I'm just wondering how you are doing now.

Take care,

Lee

Sahara · #**123** 12-16-2008, 07:56 PM

Praying so hard for you tonight, and so deeply sorry for your loss.

estranged4life · #**124** 12-16-2008, 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lee

Wow, this is the first time that I've seen this post. I'm really sorry for your loss, Brian. That is so tragic, but I'm sure Debbie is in a better place. Though we don't know each other (I think you've responded to some of my posts before), I'm just wondering how you are doing now.

Take care,

Lee

I am balancing between sanity, insanity and suicide...

The holiday season isnt helping me out. I cannot see myself going out to the Festival of Lights in Chickasha this year. Without Debbie I cant see myself enjoying the holiday as I did the past years - Knowing she isnt here makes it hard to enjoy myself because guilt will set in if I did, and somehow I feel guilty enough...

Received the toxicology and medical examiner report this afternoon, and it ripped open fresh wounds in my mind. Seeing the diagrams of the injuries she suffered has f**ked my mind up, She didnt suffer any major injuries but seeing what she could had suffered through has destroyed me.

I easily tear up (As I am doing as I type this) just knowing how she could had suffered in her last seconds of existance...but the investigators said that didnt happen, she passed away prior to the collision. But my mind cannot comprehend that, It plays THAT 'other' scenario...nearly two months later the remnants of wreckage of what once was a car with a fragile life inside still sits in its final resting place...I see it each time I drive by that sacred place and I cannot compose myself.

All I am left with now is memories that haunt, plans that go nowhere but on the backburner in my mind and a gravestone that will have both her name and my name upon it to remind me this was no mere dream I had to endure the past two months.

And regrets...

regrets...

regrets...

desertangel · #**125** 12-23-2008, 04:30 PM

Hi Brian:
I am so sorry for the great amount of loss you have had to endure in such a short time. You and my brother are suffering a great deal in this life recently, for reasons I cannot understand. It saddens me to see these things happen to such good people. Many years ago I suffered a great loss at Christmas and have never been the same since. It left me with holiday anxiety. Every year I just hang on and look forward to mid-January. My prayers are with you.
Laura

estranged4life · #**126** 12-23-2008, 05:25 PM

^^^
Thanks, I am trying to cope with the holidays as best as I can, but the result remains the same no matter...A picture is worth a thousand words (See enclosed attachment)

estranged4life · #**127** 12-23-2008, 08:01 PM

since when I was out at the cemetary earlier today (The pictures without the headstone) and awaiting the headstone, and it arrived this afternoon:

Stephanie · #**128** 12-23-2008, 11:16 PM

that stone is a lovely tribute to her life, and the life you had together.

sodascouts · #**129** 12-25-2008, 09:41 PM

Brian, I just saw this thread. How horrible. I am terribly sorry. You are in my prayers.

estranged4life · #**130** 04-17-2009, 06:51 PM

today I made a trip to Debbie's former place of employment (Grady Memorial Hospital) to pay off our combined medical bills (Roughly $9600.00) before I continue the "probate" process.

Since Debbie's passing, Whenever I go to Grady I feel very uncomfortable - as if something is wrong with this picture after so many trips over there and back with Debbie (Usually due to my clumsiness). I ran into Debbie's supervisor, who hadn't seen me since the funeral (When she returned to me Deb's belongings that were in her locker at work). We chit-chatted about what had happened, my life now, and etc. when she mentioned did I know about the memorial that the hospital had put together in Debbie's name - Which I knew nothing about.

Her co-workers and friends gathered money together to make a tribute in Debbie's name by planning to purchase a tree for the hospital grounds - but they gathered so much money that they purchased 3 dogwoods, a bench and a plaque that will be setup in her honor. The trees were already planted and the bench & plaque will be arriving shortly...Made me tear up, but I didnt allow Deb's supervisor to notice.

Made me glad to know that I am not the only one who has NOT forgotten about " lil' Debbie".

Gone and NEVER forgotten...

jannieC · #**131** 04-17-2009, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by estranged4life

today I made a trip to Debbie's former place of employment (Grady Memorial Hospital) to pay off our combined medical bills (Roughly $9600.00) before I continue the "probate" process.

Since Debbie's passing, Whenever I go to Grady I feel very uncomfortable - as if something is wrong with this picture after so many trips over there and back with Debbie (Usually due to my clumsiness). I ran into Debbie's supervisor, who hadn't seen me since the funeral (When she returned to me Deb's belongings that were in her locker at work). We chit-chatted about what had happened, my life now, and etc. when she mentioned did I know about the memorial that the hospital had put together in Debbie's name - Which I knew nothing about.

Her co-workers and friends gathered money together to make a tribute in Debbie's name by planning to purchase a tree for the hospital grounds - but they gathered so much money that they purchased 3 dogwoods, a bench and a plaque that will be setup in her honor. The trees were already planted and the bench & plaque will be arriving shortly...Made me tear up, but I didnt allow Deb's supervisor to notice.

Made me glad to know that I am not the only one who has NOT forgotten about " lil' Debbie".

Gone and NEVER forgotten...

Brian that is just so wonderful. What a lovely way to honor her memory. Thanks for sharing that with us.

estranged4life · #**132** 10-22-2009, 12:05 AM

has already passed since the worse night of my adult life, when it all changed from the usual daily boredom & grind to absolute pain & sorrow.

How am I holding up? I'm still here though sometimes I question myself as to "why that is?" Too stubborn is the answer that crosses my mind and #2 Debbie would NOT want me to quit life just because she "went on ahead" without me.

Do I still grieve? Sure. Do I still shed tears? Of course. My mind is always elsewhere, and that is the date of October 22nd. Bad enough to lose my Father on the date in 1977, but to endure of the irony of Oct.22nd again years later has left me with no words and no answers...One beyond my grasp.

My therapist suggested that when I (finally) decide to write about my life, that I should name the book "Escaping Irony" since he says I am the "King of Irony". I told him "When I write it maybe people will understand the life I live and WHY I am the way I am."

Debbie understood me and that was fine, because everyone deserves to have someone in their life that they loved and felt understood the "how's", the "why's" and the bull**** that comes along with it.

As for me, The song "Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon is where my mind is currently at one year later.

------------------

Update: Just came back from the cemetery where I bought and placed a dozen red roses on her side of the headstone...Deb loved roses.

ILoveFM · #**133** 10-22-2009, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by estranged4life

has already passed since the worse night of my adult life, when it all changed from the usual daily boredom & grind to absolute pain & sorrow.

How am I holding up? I'm still here though sometimes I question myself as to "why that is?" Too stubborn is the answer that crosses my mind and #2 Debbie would NOT want me to quit life just because she "went on ahead" without me.

Do I still grieve? Sure. Do I still shed tears? Of course. My mind is always elsewhere, and that is the date of October 22nd. Bad enough to lose my Father on the date in 1977, but to endure of the irony of Oct.22nd again years later has left me with no words and no answers...One beyond my grasp.

My therapist suggested that when I (finally) decide to write about my life, that I should name the book "Escaping Irony" since he says I am the "King of Irony". I told him "When I write it maybe people will understand the life I live and WHY I am the way I am."

Debbie understood me and that was fine, because everyone deserves to have someone in their life that they loved and felt understood the "how's", the "why's" and the bull**** that comes along with it.

As for me, The song "Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon is where my mind is currently at one year later.

I myself lost a family member last October. When it hit the one year mark earlier this month, I couldn't believe that she has been gone for a year. I still cry when I think about her not being here. It's still so hard. I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. I'm going to pray for you and hope you can feel some bit of happiness on this day.

desertangel · #**134** 10-22-2009, 01:16 AM

Brian,
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of year. I know how hard it is. Something really bad happened to me around Christmas many years ago... it still makes me want to bypass the entire season, even though the bad thing that happened sort of rectified itself. Emotional trauma can be an odd thing. You are right, the wheels do keep going round and round, despite everything.
Hang in there my friend,
Laura

DavidMn · #**135** 10-22-2009, 01:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by estranged4life

has already passed since the worse night of my adult life, when it all changed from the usual daily boredom & grind to absolute pain & sorrow.

How am I holding up? I'm still here though sometimes I question myself as to "why that is?" Too stubborn is the answer that crosses my mind and #2 Debbie would NOT want me to quit life just because she "went on ahead" without me.

Do I still grieve? Sure. Do I still shed tears? Of course. My mind is always elsewhere, and that is the date of October 22nd. Bad enough to lose my Father on the date in 1977, but to endure of the irony of Oct.22nd again years later has left me with no words and no answers...One beyond my grasp.

My therapist suggested that when I (finally) decide to write about my life, that I should name the book "Escaping Irony" since he says I am the "King of Irony". I told him "When I write it maybe people will understand the life I live and WHY I am the way I am."

Debbie understood me and that was fine, because everyone deserves to have someone in their life that they loved and felt understood the "how's", the "why's" and the bull**** that comes along with it.

As for me, The song "Watching the Wheels" by John Lennon is where my mind is currently at one year later.

The reason you're still here is to make all of our lives here on the Ledge and elsewhere a little brighter. I had a chance to hang out with you in Tulsa earlier this year, and I can truly say I have NEVER met a more genuine decent person anytime anywhere. You are the most valuable person on this board bar none in my opinion not only for your generosity in sharing music but because youre just one of the good guys in this world. Brian it is an honor to call you a friend pure and simple.