basic cinematic rules

[tommer]

a pre-oscars presentation

1. in every police investigation, no matter the case, detectives must always (even once) attend a strip club.

2. even with no anglo-saxons in sight, japanese /germans /french /italians prefer speaking english to each other.

3. in every bed there must be a magic sheet; on the ladies' side it reaches right above the chest, while on the men's side it would only reach his waist.

4. the police chief should usually suspend his star detective from duty, if not, he will be given 48 hours to find the killer

5. anyone can land a plane if assisted from the control tower.

6. every supermarket bag has a baget peeking from it.

7. a building's ventilation system is the perfect hiding place; it fits a man's size, no one would ever find you there, and you can reach every room in the building very easily.

8. in every police squad you must undergo a special personality test in order to help match every detective with the most unlikely partner.

9. the eiffel tower is viewable from every parisian window.

10. all bombs are attached to a big digital watch with huge digits, so everyone could see how long is there till it blows.

11. anyone with a pistol can relax, any magazine holds about a 100 bullets, and if it needs to be replaced, there will always be another one in hand (even if there wern't any just a while ago).

12. a soldier at war has an excellent chance to survive, as long as he doesn't show anyone his sweetheart's photograph.

13. anyone who wants to diguise as a nazi officer doesn't even need to know a single word in german, all that's needed is a heavy accent and you're done.

14. if the town is thretened by a huge natural disaster or vicious aliens, the first thing to bother the mayor would be the tourism biz or reeelecting.

15. men never show any signs of pain even when badly beaten, crawling in pain is allowed only when women try cleaning their wounds.

16. everyone's got the exact bill to pay the taxi driver, change is never in need, thank you.

17. a police chief is always at least very tanned.

18. nobody turns any lights on stepping into the kitchen in the middle of the night. the fridge's light is always enough.

19. a woman who wakes up at night to the sound of strange noises, will always go check on it wearing nothing but sexy silk underwear.

20. mom always makes full and rich breakfasts including pancakes, eggs, fresh orange juice and cereals, despite the fact that neither her kids nor her husband ever have time to eat any of it.

21. every car that's involved in an accident go in flames and explodes in a matter of seconds.

22. every phone number in america starts with the digits 555.

23. a single match is enough to light up an entire building.

24. slaves in the medieval times have clean white teeth.

25. anyone who wakes up from a nightmare must sit in bed heavily breathing and sweaty.

26. there's no need to ever say hello or bye, you pick up the phone, say what needs to be said and hang up.

27. every driver, even driving straight lanes, must always keep steering the wheel from side to side.

28. every driver will always find an excellent parking spot right in front of the building ne needs to get to.

29. a detective must get suspended in order to solve a mystery.

30. if you happen to fight numerous enemies, do not fear. they will never attack as a group, instead they will attack one at a time while all the others would just dance around waiting patiently for their turn to be beaten.

31. when someone gets punched in the head and loses consciousness, he would never suffer any concussion or other brain damages of any kind.

32. lipstick always stays on, even while swimming and diving.

33. there will always be a chainsaw in hand.

34. every tv newsflash must be connected to the hero, who accidently turned on the tv at the precise moment when the news presenter starts reading.

35. every lock can be opened using a paper clip or a credit card, unless it's a door of a burning apartment with a little kid trapped inside.

36. everyone sleeps on their backs, there is no other sleeping position whatsoever.

37. even someone who's dying of fever would instantly feel better if a wet towel is placed on the forehead.

[seeker007nmss]

and how do they know that lassie is saying "Timmy is stuck in the well" as opposed to "Look at that fluffy kitty over there" or "Can I smell your butt?"



Just curious.

[DrummerDeanna]

LOL..hilarious....!!! I enjoyed that...

[wondergirl9847]

Originally posted by tommer
1. in every police investigation, no matter the case, detectives must always (even once) attend a strip club.

11. anyone with a pistol can relax, any magazine holds about a 100 bullets, and if it needs to be replaced, there will always be another one in hand (even if there wern't any just a while ago).

17. a police chief is always at least very tanned.

29. a detective must get suspended in order to solve a mystery.

I think all these were used in the movie I just watched on VH-1 yesterday...Beverly Hills Cop.

Also, the steering wheel thing gets on my mom's nerves SO bad!! She's all like "Nobody drives like that!!" LOL

Thanks tommer...funny stuff!!

[GardenStateGirlie]

So true...thanks for that, Tommer!!!