Parents

[ButterCookie]

Like Dani, I'm in the transition from the adolescent stage to the adult stage but I can definitely say my parents have had a BIG effect on me. And not necessarily a positive one.

My Nana didn't help either. When I was little, my mum worked 9-6 and wasn't home to give my sister and I our evening meal or wake us for school etc etc. So my Nana looked after us until she was home from work. I dispise my Nana. If ever anything went wrong, it was my fault. When my mum got a sever illness (the first time round) she told her "I hope you don't make it through the operation" and she always said that if any of her sons (my dad and Uncle's) ever did what my granddad did to her, she'd disown them. However, when my dad did follow in his dad's footsteps, she welcomed him back to her house with open arms.

My dad is responsible for my lack of trust in men. I'm in no doubt about that. He's a controlling, abusive, lazy and greedy excuse for a human being. He accused my sister of stealing over £100 from him when in actual fact he had spent it on his girlfriend, with whom he was cheating on my mum. He physically abused my mum and mentally abused all three of us. When my mum kicked him out, I gave him a chance and I went to see him once a week but he did exactly what he did when he was at home; sat and grunted at me before leaving to see his girlfriend who had previously been a pupil at his driving school so she was at least 2o years his junior. He now lives in a house about 10 doors up from us with a new girlfriend who, again, is about 20 years his junior. I find that more than a little weird Time and time again, he has shouted to me as I've walked down the street asking why I won't speak to him.

My mum just gets on my nerves sometimes. She's sick right now, so sick she's been out of work for a year and is now registered partially sighted but we're still waiting for a real diagnosis. If there's one bad personality trait I've inherited from her, it's my inability to communicate and keep friends. She pushes people away and then cries because she doesn't socialise.

Because of this, I seek solace in strangers which is probably one of my most dangerous traits, but it helps me a lot. I'm a recluse and the only thing I truly find happiness in is Blondie. The music, the image, all of it. I don't socialise because I feel so different, which my mum encouraged all my life, my best friends live hundreds and thousands of miles away and the only company I have when I recoil into myself is my dog. I struggle in school because I can't concerntrate any more and I find it easier to communicate with people much much older than me.

/therapy

[TerraRhiannon]

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

Like Dani, I'm in the transition from the adolescent stage to the adult stage but I can definitely say my parents have had a BIG effect on me. And not necessarily a positive one.

My Nana didn't help either. When I was little, my mum worked 9-6 and wasn't home to give my sister and I our evening meal or wake us for school etc etc. So my Nana looked after us until she was home from work. I dispise my Nana. If ever anything went wrong, it was my fault. When my mum got a sever illness (the first time round) she told her "I hope you don't make it through the operation" and she always said that if any of her sons (my dad and Uncle's) ever did what my granddad did to her, she'd disown them. However, when my dad did follow in his dad's footsteps, she welcomed him back to her house with open arms.

My dad is responsible for my lack of trust in men. I'm in no doubt about that. He's a controlling, abusive, lazy and greedy excuse for a human being. He accused my sister of stealing over £100 from him when in actual fact he had spent it on his girlfriend, with whom he was cheating on my mum. He physically abused my mum and mentally abused all three of us. When my mum kicked him out, I gave him a chance and I went to see him once a week but he did exactly what he did when he was at home; sat and grunted at me before leaving to see his girlfriend who had previously been a pupil at his driving school so she was at least 2o years his junior. He now lives in a house about 10 doors up from us with a new girlfriend who, again, is about 20 years his junior. I find that more than a little weird Time and time again, he has shouted to me as I've walked down the street asking why I won't speak to him.

My mum just gets on my nerves sometimes. She's sick right now, so sick she's been out of work for a year and is now registered partially sighted but we're still waiting for a real diagnosis. If there's one bad personality trait I've inherited from her, it's my inability to communicate and keep friends. She pushes people away and then cries because she doesn't socialise.

Because of this, I seek solace in strangers which is probably one of my most dangerous traits, but it helps me a lot. I'm a recluse and the only thing I truly find happiness in is Blondie. The music, the image, all of it. I don't socialise because I feel so different, which my mum encouraged all my life, my best friends live hundreds and thousands of miles away and the only company I have when I recoil into myself is my dog. I struggle in school because I can't concerntrate any more and I find it easier to communicate with people much much older than me.

/therapy

Sounds like you've had it really rough with your parents, ButterCookie. *hug* I understand what you mean by the strangers thing, sometimes they are the best people because they know nothing about you other than what you tell them, and they don't judge you like other people might.

I find it easier to communicate with people older than me as well, maybe not because of the same reasons as you, but I just can't do the whole girl thing with people my age because I feel like I'm interested in different things than they are. Such as music I listen to, book I read, and what I do on Friday nights. I have a lot of adult friends, it seems like their insight is the best. It's funny cause when I'm at a couple of my friends houses I will steal away and sit with my friend's Mom and just have a heart to heart.

I hope you have at least someone you can talk to, ButterCookie, keep you head up

[RickRobert]

My dad got my mum pregnant then left. He tried to be my dad for about a year when I was 7 but got bored of it and left again.

I don't miss him

My mum has been a terrible influence on me aswell and my granddad, they led me to believe for so many years that it was okay to look down on and insult other people, my grandma has always been nice but not loud enough to get by those other two. I now have a stepdad who never makes any effort to talk to me. The only thing that's stopped me becoming a horrible person is the influence my online friends have made on me for so long, in school I have a lot of "friends" but really only one that I think gives a crap about me. I'm still working on getting rid of the negative traits I picked up, I'm very lazy and have big confidence issues but it's hard when no one arounds me cares and spends more time wondering why I love music and my online friends more than anything else...

I consider myself very happy at the moment though, if only because I finally feel that there are some people that care about me, even if they are far away!

Georgie, you deserve to be as happy as can be, if you ever need me I'm always here, always willing to help in any of my own weird ways that I can

[jeffd8382]

Originally Posted by Remy

I didnt ask before, since I wasnt sure if it was suitable to pose such questions here... but i figured Ledgies dont refrain from tackling some serious issues... and I'm curious to find out what you think.

I've been wondering... how much of one's struggles and problems can be traced back to childhood, particularly one's relationship with parents?

I've always struggled with self-esteem issues (and everything related to them: insecurity, difficulties with trust and confidence in relationships), and it sometimes haunts my thoughts, whether it's just the way I'm "programmed" or something more. My parents were by no means abusive, but neither were/are particularly emotional or supportive. On the other hand - many people I know have similarly "neutral" parents, and they "came out fine", or even self-confident.

Is/Was there anything problematic in your personality that you feel might have to do with they way your parents raised you up?

There are always questions about nature vs. nurture.. and probably not a lot of consensus even in the psychological community. There are studies that seem to provide evidence for and against both. I think most fair-minded people recognize each plays a significant role in molding who we become.

One of the things I've found to be insightful in my own life is the realization that it is not what happens/doesn't happen to us that really has an impact; it is what we tell ourselves about what happens/doesn't happen to us... the meaning we draw from these experiences about why/how it happened to us. There is always an internal dialogue going on in our minds whether we're completely aware of it or not. And I'm sure you've probably heard elsewhere about how children have a profound ability to make any situation about themselves.. it's just because they are trying desperately to make sense of the world around them and it's nearly impossible at a young age to see the world from a perspective outside themselves.

I do believe parents/primary caregivers have an incredible impact on children... these are the most important figures in our young lives. They help shape and mold our subjective understanding of the world around us... and that's probably an understatement.

I also have struggled with issues of self-esteem so I hear where you're coming from. I also have had to deal with some very difficult fear/anxiety issues that still plague aspects of my life. And I believe a lot of it does stem from my early years. My father left our family when I was 8, shortly after my grandpa, (mother's father) who I looked up to as a primary male role model, passed away. But it wasn't until recent years when other issues related to my father came to light.. and it helped explain why I never felt comfortable/close with him from a very early age. There are so many other dynamics in play as well, that it would be too hard to explain in a forum like this... but needless to say, I do see how my early experiences have affected me profoundly.

That being said, I know I am wired in a certain way that has made me particularly sensitive and intuitive about the world/people around me. If you could place another person in my exact situation, I think it's very likely they wouldn't become the exact same person I am today (making the same decisions or having the same perspectives).

So I guess a short answer is: there is no definitive answer... lol! But I hope it helps to know you're not alone in wondering about your past and how it's affected you. I think almost all of us ask ourselves these questions at some point in life.

[Silver Springs]

This is a hard question for me to answer. Probably because I'm of the mindset that life is what you make of it, and people can only affect you as much as you allow yourself to be affected. Emotionally speaking of course.

When I was a little girl I had a lot of confidence problems. Probably as many as I do now. These I held my Dad completely to blame for for many years. Okay, I was an overweight child. But I can remember being very happy. Until I started taking in what my Dad would say to me. He found nothing wrong with cracking jokes about my weight, my social awkwardness and my bookish intelligence. He saw it as nothing more than fun, even though years later I was to find out that he had in his childhood battled bulimia due to being an overweight child. He knew how much the bullying could hurt. As long as I can remember, my Dad's been a bully. Not just emotionally. Whenever I did something wrong, took too long in the bathroom or whatever, he would bring out his trusty hard soled slippers and his belt. I was scared of him. At one point he had me so frightened of doing anything to upset him that I wouldn't even allow myself to go to the bathroom. For months, maybe even years I would hold out as long as I could, until eventually I managed to damage myself permanantly. Each time I would have an accident because I hadn't been to the bathroom he would beat me again, only increasing my fear.

But eventually, without his help, I got past that and then the fun years of school began. And I got to know another kind of bully. I think in all honesty, most of my life has been controlled by fear in some way or another. Fear of angering my father, doing something to offend my peers or lose the few friends I can count at the moment. Alot of the time I'm so gripped by it that I retreat into myself. My iPod comes with me wherever I go and I use it to hide from social situations. When I have my music playing, I have somebody that understands me.

After leaving my school and moving into a higher form of education, I was happy. For the longest time I didn't have to worry about bullies or how people were going to treat me. I came out of my shell. Then my Dad found another way to rock my world. My Dad has a severe disability known as Fibrous Displasia, and thus he can't work. Most of the time he's in too much pain to leave the house or even bed. And so he, like me, seeks solace in the online world. Only a few months ago my Mother found out about his girlfriend he'd met on that ****ing horrible site we know as Facebook. He'd been cheating a year. And the worst thing was: I kind of knew about it. I could hear him retreating downstairs in the early hours of the morning to call her and her little girl whom he had allowed to call him Daddy. He would borrow money from me, of course I never knew what he would do with it, to spend on her whilst doing very little for his family other than his usual taunts and jibes. He would even give away precious gifts he'd bought my Mother years before to the woman. We had a really hard Christmas last year and it was only then that we realised why. He'd dipped into the Christmas fund and spent most of the money on buying the little girl a Wii console. He bought my Mother a £3 dvd and myself nothing. I said nothing about hearing the phonecalls because I didn't want to hurt my Mum more than she already was. Every day for the next few weeks after that I would come home and she'd be passed out drunk on the kitchen floor. I wasn't allowed to have feelings about the situation because I had taken it upon myself to just try and keep the family together. I know it sounds selfish, but this was what I knew. I didn't want my fractured status quo to leave. It probably sounds awful, but even though I hate my Father so much...I still love him.

Because of my Father's distance, I developed a very unhealthy relationship with one of my male Tutors a couple of years ago. I would take any opportunity that I could to go and see him. To sit in his office and cry away from prying eyes even. I saw him as a Father figure that I had lacked, and I confided my soul's worth in him whenever he had the time for me. He was probably the first person I really spoke to about my self harm. I don't think he had a choice really, considering how I'd told him. I'd had a really bad day and had cut myself in the bathrooms. So badly it turns out that I needed stitches. I was bleeding heavily which was obvious against my grey jeans (It's always the legs. I never allow people to see them) and I almost passed out in his arms in the office I was so shaken. I hadn't meant to confide in him so much. But once the barrier had been broken I couldn't stop. I needed him. I needed that one person. That one father figure who I could talk to and feel like he even cared just a little. Deep down I knew it was just his job. But I see now that I probably abused his kindness. But in the empty room that was my moment that day, he was the only one standing there with a kindness to offer.

[Amlyn]

I don't post very often, but this topic is resonating with me, especially the part about feeling more in tune with people who are older than you. But before I get to that, I'll give some background. My story is no where near as intense of many of you here, but I can attest that it has shaped me into the person I am today. Good and bad.

My parents divorced when I was 9 in the mid 1980s. I grew up in a middle class affluent area in Central NJ and well at the time having divorced parents was a rarity in my area. Of course nowadays it's more rare if your parents are still together.

Honestly, I was shielded from most of the animosity and reality of what was going on around me. My father kept up his end of the financial and child custody agreements and my parents mastered the art of fueding with each other by using my brother and me as the pawns. Yeah, the first few years we were your textbook divorced family.

As the years progressed, I starting resenting the divorce more and more. I became the primary caregiver for my younger brother. I walked him to and from the bus, got him lunch, made him dinner, let him sleep in my room when he was scared, etc. My mother immersed herself in a single parents groups, began dating the president of the chapter and did what appeared to us that she could care less about what was best for us. SHe'd cart us of 90 mins away to my grandmother's on her weekends and sometimes aross 2 bridges into NY on a school night just so she could go out. She'd come pick us up the next morning and i had to tell the school office some excuse yet again why i was late. The weekends with her that we weren't carted off to relatives, we piled into the living room of my mom's boyfriends in sleeping bags with his 3 kids. It was only a few years ago that i had a memory of walking in on my mom and her boyfriend..well you know....and those weekends i was with my dad...he was the cheap one. Made my brother and me share a happy meal from McDonalds. And since my brother was the young one, he got the prize.

Let's fast forward. My mother got remarried when i was in high school. She married Homer Simpson. NO really, my stepfather watches tv on the couch in his underwear. Their marriage has been such a roller coaster ride. Ups and Downs. My stepfather has had more jobs in the past 20 years than i've posted on here. My mother...she puts up with it, threatens to leave, then there is the perpetual breakup, suckup, makeup mode with the 2 of them. My biggest pet peeve was that she put him ahead of my brother and me. She always put her needs first. We learned to just move on from it and as a result both my brother and I have a really hard time having any serious relatonship with her. We visit, talk on the phone, IM, but there's not that connection there.

Up until 2 months ago my father was happily remarried. He's gotten himself into some legal trouble and it's torn his world upside down. He is waiting to find out what happens with his legal issues and only after that can he possibly attempt to reconcile with his wife. Given the nature of his issue, which i can't go into here, i don't see her taking him back. It's been extremely stressful watching my father fall from grace (to borrow the term) and watch his life crumble around him. My brother now lives 250 miles away so I'm the only child in the immediate area. I don't have a big enough aparment to put him up so he's been living with another relative in the area. It's been a crazy few months navigating through this with him. I"m deeply dissapointed and don't understand why he did what he did yet there's this expectation that I"m supposed to support him 100%. Suddenly I"m expected to have take on this parental role and concern myself in my dad's everyday wellbeing. I have no idea how to do this after maintaining this mostly emotional distant relationship for 25 plus years.

Sorry this has gotten so long. Guess the whole point of what I"m trying to get at is that because of my parents I grew up really quickly when I was younger and as a result I am very closed off from them today. While I have open lines of communication with both of my parents, they have dug themselves into such messes at this stage in their lives. They should both be thinking about retiring in 5+ years and instead they are trying to figure out if they will end up alone in bed at night next week. It's terrible. I have vowed i don't want to end up like either or them time and time again. Right now they are probably the two most miserable people I know. Maybe they should get back together since misery loves company.

To circle back to what hooked me into this, I know now that I looked for maternal substitutes when i was in my teens and early 20s and like many people said here found myself gravitating towards adults instead of people my own age. I wasn't looking for someone else to treat me like a daughter, but i was looking for some kind of unconditional admiration, acceptance and probably guidance. They were the ones i went to with issues about my family, schoool, boys, friends, etc. They were the ones who asked me about that big test or the school dance or how so and so was. And i found myself repeating that cyle with the mothers of the kids i babysat, teachers, camp counselors, women i worked at day camp, the list goes on and on. It really wasn't till i moved out and had to sustain financial independence away from all these prior resources that I stopped looking for that attention from older people and started looking to confide more in peers. Although to this day, easier said then done.

I didn't seek out the same sort of attention from father figures. But I do think it has been a direct cause of why I"m so hesitant to go out there find someone to get married to and have a family with. SOme of it is related to some other insecurities I have, but I know that I do need to spend some time one of these days figuring out why I"m so hesitant to date. Although, I can probably skip the thousands of dollars in therapy and just cough up that I"m fearful of the rejection.

I know my story pales in comparison to many of you who had much tougher obstacles with their parents. But no matter what path we've all traveled on, we all collected our scrapes and bruises and have some scars to show for it.

I think it's very brave of many of you to share your experiences. And if you are still reading this, thanks for taking the time to read mine.

Amy

[DefDumbandBlond]

I didn't really have it THAT bad growing up thinking back on it, but there were a few things that changed my relationship with my parents a bit. My mom & dad got divorced in the late 90s after she found out about his alcohol and drug habits then he moved about 10 min. away. Before that he'd always be starting arguments, saying **** to me (I was only about 9 or 10 at the time) so we definitely don't have the best relationship. Afterwards he would ALWAYS be calling me up to talk about such random crap and just talk talk talk about absolutely nothing, he'd try to get me to do stuff with him, I guess trying to 'win me over'. That went on until the last couple of months when he started calling up my mom asking for money (like a thousand at a time) because he's into some car business and I guess he was buying a lot more than he was selling so he needed money. My mom wasn't going to give him thousands of her own money because he was being an idiot getting into an off the wall car deal he had no business doing and all he was going to do was blow it on more cars so she said no. He got in a motorcycle accident yeaaaars ago and he's hooked on Percocet and **** knows what other meds for it now so I haven't spoken to him in months cause he started acting like a jackass again.

As for my mom the only issues between her and I is that we are extremely different in practically every way possible it seems, so we get on each others nerves a lot sometimes. I dunno I just don't know how I can really be related to someone who isn't like me that much, none of my family really is at all. My life revolves around music and it has for a long time now, it's what I want to do with my life in the future (not as a performer necessarily, I can't really see myself doing that but who knows).

I graduated high school in 2009 and since then I've been spending lots of time around the computer and I don't really go out as much as I used to. She thinks I'm "obsessed" with music and all that & that I'm on the computer too much and doesn't know why because "I used to have a life" but for right now it's all I've got. I don't plan on sitting in front of the computer doing "nothing" for the rest of my life so for the moment all I'd like is some space and a break. Just because i'm not in an office filing paperwork doesn't mean I'm not doing anything, I'm involved in quite a lot of things and it may not be important to her but it is to me.

I met quite a few friends online last year who I became closer to than 99% of the people I know in real life. It was one of the best years of my life, lots of great memories and very fun. When you meet people online who have so many of the same interests it's a lot easier to get along really well and become great friends. As Georgie *ButterCookie* ^ said, who is one of those friends, , Blondie & Debbie Harry are one of the biggest parts of my life, they mean A LOT to me and they really are one of the few things that make me truly happy. The best friends that I mentioned earlier are the ones I've met through that circle. Getting back to the point, I had a huge opportunity with the band that would have made my life practically perfect but because I knew my mom never would have let me go with it, I didn't even bring it up. I could have said something, but I knew how she would have reacted. 'I have no business going on the road with a band blah blah doing hell knows what' yar yar yar was expected. Knowing she would have shot down that opportunity I rather would have heard nothing than to hear bitching etc. about the group of people and most of all the one person included in it who is a big piece of my heart, if not all of it really. I didn't like my mom for that and I still don't sometimes, especially because of how it made me act a bit distant for a while towards my friends as well. We are already miles apart and the extra distance wasn't needed. It just all really hurt though. I felt dead inside for weeks and still to this day I have mood swings now and then where I sink down a bit and really start missing that piece of my heart again that would make everything perfect. I pull myself back up within a day or so and everything is alright again for a while, but it really seems like an endless cycle. I've only talked about it with some of my friends cause they are the ones who really understand, but I'm sure some of you possibly feel the same way about Stevie and Fleetwood Mac so hopefully this made sense and you'd understand if you were in my position.

But yeah all of that is really the only things she's done to put a dark cloud over my head so to speak. Other things she does are just typical things moms do - go on and on about things, worry, nag, etc.

I usually don't think back on the majority of this stuff unless it's brought up so luckily I'm usually in a good mood.

[daniellaaarisen]

I think it's awesome that we're all having this conversation -- with each other but, most importantly, with ourselves. I'm paranoid about posting too much private information on the internet but I may add to my post a little more later.... since I'm still a "kid" to some extent, it still feels like I'm betraying my parents when I speak about their faults.

[Nikolaj]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I think it's awesome that we're all having this conversation -- with each other but, most importantly, with ourselves. I'm paranoid about posting too much private information on the internet but I may add to my post a little more later.... since I'm still a "kid" to some extent, it still feels like I'm betraying my parents when I speak about their faults.

Guess what? It feels that way in your (my) 40's, too. You're all young and brave. I typed a ton the other night then woke the next day to edit it down to a couple of sentences that had nothing to do with my parents. College years and until about age 25 are tough years; everything that goes wrong, there is a way to trace it back to your parents. It's almost necessary.

Letting it all out, here, and keeping it out is part of the process and I think it's good. I couldn't let myself keep the words here the next morning. Not as good. But, a right decision, in my case.
Just wait til they're in their 70s and 80, like my mom and dad are. You become their parents, and you want to do better than they did with you. It's a whole new level of discomfort! Yet, there is also pleasure in that you get to show them the best of who you evolved into, which really is your choice, who you are, and who you become. Getting to pleasantly surprise them becomes a reward, somehow.
Regardless of any emotional scars I had or still may have, the truth is always that I want my parents to survive, and I want to help them.
I bet most of you in this thread will feel the same way. Facing losing them is a very harsh reality.
To those who have already lost a parent, at a young age, I am sorry. Friends and loved ones and spouses may change and likely will change over the years we're here, but what doesn't change is who your mother and father were, for all the good and bad that entails.
It is the one thing that just is. Even after they are long gone, you always will be or will have been their child until your death, even after your death! It is totally a trip when you consider it.
Your mother, always, is the only person on Earth who really got you here. Nothing against fathers, (or hospital staffs!) - but unless our mothers went through with our births, we wouldn't exist to suffer or discuss. Obviously

[SmileAtYou]

The older I get, the more I appreciate my parents and especially how hard they have worked in their lives. Now I see they have just done the best they knew how, with what they had to work with.

[holidayroad]

Originally Posted by SmileAtYou

The older I get, the more I appreciate my parents and especially how hard they have worked in their lives. Now I see they have just done the best they knew how, with what they had to work with.

I do agree with this on my mom's side of things. After the divorce, she was left with little money and few options. I guess I can understand why she was always so stressed and angry. I just wish she had found better ways to deal with it. I was very stressed, as well, considering that I had to care for my sister and brother while she worked and since not having money made people harass me. Still, she did what she had to do.

[TerraRhiannon]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I think it's awesome that we're all having this conversation -- with each other but, most importantly, with ourselves. I'm paranoid about posting too much private information on the internet but I may add to my post a little more later.... since I'm still a "kid" to some extent, it still feels like I'm betraying my parents when I speak about their faults.

It is pretty neat we're having this conversation. I actually never thought I would post something like that on a place like this, but I don't feel threatened at all, for some reason. I like what you said earlier about our parents make us what we're not, also.

My Mom is horrible at relationships, and I would like to think when I have children I will never fight in front of them, call my spouse names in front of them, or yell, all things my parents have done to each other, and it has scared me. I always told my Mom "How am I supposed to have a normal relationship someday when all I know is this crap?" So that's something I vow to do, at least try to set a good example for my future kids. At least give it my all. But maybe that's easier said than done.

[holidayroad]

Originally Posted by TerraRhiannon

It is pretty neat we're having this conversation. I actually never thought I would post something like that on a place like this, but I don't feel threatened at all, for some reason. I like what you said earlier about our parents make us what we're not, also.

My Mom is horrible at relationships, and I would like to think when I have children I will never fight in front of them, call my spouse names in front of them, or yell, all things my parents have done to each other, and it has scared me. I always told my Mom "How am I supposed to have a normal relationship someday when all I know is this crap?" So that's something I vow to do, at least try to set a good example for my future kids. At least give it my all. But maybe that's easier said than done.

I think when it comes down to it, it will be so important to you to have your child see a good example that it will come easily for you. Strange as it sounds, it's even more likely to go well if your husband had the same kind of home life you did. Then it will be important to him to set a good example, as well.
My husband and I both grew up around a lot of fighting and both had many instances of getting hit by a parent just because the parents were angry at each other, not us. We both have memories of being scared to death because our parents were fighting. I also have memories of my parents being violent with each other.
I'm not saying we've never disagreed with each other, but we handle it in a constructive way. Our son has never seen us yelling and screaming at each other.
He sees that someone can disagree and it's not the end of the world. Even if the problem isn't resolved right away, he can still see that we love each other and treat each other with respect. I hope he does the same when he is older.

[RickRobert]

Originally Posted by holidayroad

I think when it comes down to it, it will be so important to you to have your child see a good example that it will come easily for you. Strange as it sounds, it's even more likely to go well if your husband had the same kind of home life you did. Then it will be important to him to set a good example, as well.
My husband and I both grew up around a lot of fighting and both had many instances of getting hit by a parent just because the parents were angry at each other, not us. We both have memories of being scared to death because our parents were fighting. I also have memories of my parents being violent with each other.
I'm not saying we've never disagreed with each other, but we handle it in a constructive way. Our son has never seen us yelling and screaming at each other.
He sees that someone can disagree and it's not the end of the world. Even if the problem isn't resolved right away, he can still see that we love each other and treat each other with respect. I hope he does the same when he is older.

I never want kids because, although I've done my best and am still trying to not be anything like my parents, I know I'll never be able to guarantee that I'll not be anything like them as a parent... and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm hoping to have dogs all my life instead

[holidayroad]

Originally Posted by RickRobert

I never want kids because, although I've done my best and am still trying to not be anything like my parents, I know I'll never be able to guarantee that I'll not be anything like them as a parent... and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm hoping to have dogs all my life instead

Well, everyone knows their own abilities. If someone doesn't feel that children are right for them, then maybe they should stick with that. In life, there are never any guarantees. People just have to do their best with what they have to work with.