"Bittersweet, but what can I do...."

[Johnny Stew]

Well, this has sure been one hell of a year. And it seems it's been that way for almost everyone I talk to. Is 2006 some kind of Karmic-Cleansing year, or something?

As some of you may recall, one of my closest friends died unexpectedly earlier this year. After that, things continued to go down hill. There has been an unreal amount of turnover and stress at work, our family has had a rash of health problems (including the death of one of my cousins), and then on October 21st, at 1:35am, my sweet little guinea pig, Bandit, died. He had surgery Friday morning (the 20th) for Malocclusion and he came out of it, but his little heart couldn't take the strain and he ultimately passed away later that night, in my arms. He was only three and a half years old (we adopted him on April 15th, 2003 -- the same day that 'Say You Will' was released) and had become such a part of my life. I miss him so much, I can't even say.

The "sweet" thing that is helping to balance all of these bitter experiences is that, while my work and home lives have been pretty miserable, my love-life is the most stable and fulfilling that it's ever been. Joshua is everything I've ever hoped for in a mate and then some... though I'll resist the urge to gush.

It feels strange to have something so wonderful in the midst of so much upheaval and uncertainty, but for the first time in many years I'm seeing (and experiencing) a life outside of my comfort zone, and I'm seeing a world full of possibilities that I never thought I'd be able to pursue.
Maybe I'm finally learning the difference between being alive and LIVING.