Parents

[ButterCookie]

Like Dani, I'm in the transition from the adolescent stage to the adult stage but I can definitely say my parents have had a BIG effect on me. And not necessarily a positive one.

My Nana didn't help either. When I was little, my mum worked 9-6 and wasn't home to give my sister and I our evening meal or wake us for school etc etc. So my Nana looked after us until she was home from work. I dispise my Nana. If ever anything went wrong, it was my fault. When my mum got a sever illness (the first time round) she told her "I hope you don't make it through the operation" and she always said that if any of her sons (my dad and Uncle's) ever did what my granddad did to her, she'd disown them. However, when my dad did follow in his dad's footsteps, she welcomed him back to her house with open arms.

My dad is responsible for my lack of trust in men. I'm in no doubt about that. He's a controlling, abusive, lazy and greedy excuse for a human being. He accused my sister of stealing over £100 from him when in actual fact he had spent it on his girlfriend, with whom he was cheating on my mum. He physically abused my mum and mentally abused all three of us. When my mum kicked him out, I gave him a chance and I went to see him once a week but he did exactly what he did when he was at home; sat and grunted at me before leaving to see his girlfriend who had previously been a pupil at his driving school so she was at least 2o years his junior. He now lives in a house about 10 doors up from us with a new girlfriend who, again, is about 20 years his junior. I find that more than a little weird Time and time again, he has shouted to me as I've walked down the street asking why I won't speak to him.

My mum just gets on my nerves sometimes. She's sick right now, so sick she's been out of work for a year and is now registered partially sighted but we're still waiting for a real diagnosis. If there's one bad personality trait I've inherited from her, it's my inability to communicate and keep friends. She pushes people away and then cries because she doesn't socialise.

Because of this, I seek solace in strangers which is probably one of my most dangerous traits, but it helps me a lot. I'm a recluse and the only thing I truly find happiness in is Blondie. The music, the image, all of it. I don't socialise because I feel so different, which my mum encouraged all my life, my best friends live hundreds and thousands of miles away and the only company I have when I recoil into myself is my dog. I struggle in school because I can't concerntrate any more and I find it easier to communicate with people much much older than me.

/therapy