#76
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I'll tell you what guys- this morning I was going through my computer, trying to figure out which saved file of my novel was the most recent, and I think I've determined that I stopped on a round page 250. I haven't written on it in over a year I think, but I was realizing that I would really like to start working on it again, since I've started working toward the climax at this point. Writing is such tedious work, but I think I'm up for it again!! Here's to hoping!!
Maybe once I finish, it'll get published and make it big! That would be a dream and a half. Good luck to all!
__________________
New Song, "What Love Is"- Check it Out! |
#77
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#78
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I really dig the double meaning..... and I can relate which makes me like it even more. It was cool to read with that in mind.
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#79
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Here's The Last Lyric I wrote:
Rose Written: 3/18/10 Lay it on the line, as you go cross the borders. Torn edges surround your world now. For you can gain yourself, while walking with him. The two of you together- the world of friends. Now you come besides another- closer than you've been. If so, he's leaving herself what could have been a future. So now you ride away. Chorus: You simply stand and everything comes running. Of everything you get, there is no more shunning. Now the grace sky rains down. But she's someone that always know, the taint of her name, Rose. Months and ages, the distance put pause. Look, you're together- not giving a cause. You left behind what was more than something. In a year, you'll end up with nothing. Chorus Bridge: When you two arrive, will things change within? Or will she go on- looking for her long lost men? You can view through the screen. Chorus Looking back at this- I can't remember what I wrote this about. I really don't..... at all.... which is not usual!
__________________
New Song, "What Love Is"- Check it Out! |
#80
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Well, HELLO, it was written almost a whole month ago!
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#81
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Furthermore
You were the shadow who greeted me. You were the shadow to say goodbye And so, I left you gift, by the sea. But the sea swelled down, down. And when the sea was no more, you left. So as the tide comes back, I see you again. But you are only a shadow still; you are a shadow of blue smoke. “Please come back!” I asked, as you stood in the sand. But you did not respond. You were only shadow No power could bring you from the sea. No power could save us. This was it for now – you were stranded. A dark shadow in the sand, no light. I knew you were sad, but why? Your tears only swelled the sea furthermore. Furthermore, as the sea rose Furthermore, as the waves crashed Furthermore, as you drown Stubborn shadow, Stubborn lover, Stubborn Sea, Furthermore, as you go below the ocean Furthermore, as you fall Furthermore, as you leave.
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Much Love |
#82
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PLEASE give me feedback on this. I'm sure you guys don't like every single word of this thing so if there's ANYTHING you would change, let me know. I literally just finished this five minutes ago so it hasn't gone through any editing phases.
Untitled I want to howl— to wake you from your half-masted sleep and force your white flag up or down. I want to peel away the sky and find an unwritten metaphor for everything I could never explain, and then maybe re-carve all the lines on my face so that you could help chisel [or carve?] them away. But I’m tinged red from the numbers on the clock, binding me to the sadness I never feel from the look on your faces when there’s nothing left to say. I’m bound to the familiarity a child feels while clinging to her new mother’s skin, and to all of the sickening sweetness that chains me to vacantly belonging. I have never felt bound to you. I want to howl to the moon and the earth and the stars and I want them all to howl back at me because one idle moment and I’m howling at the sea, wishing it had worked to keep us from the shore. Last edited by daniellaaarisen; 04-22-2010 at 06:35 PM.. |
#83
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Yeah, this is pretty awesome... However, I'm confused by the second paragraph - shouldn't that read as "...a written metaphor"? Otherwise you wouldn't find any explanations, right? The second part of that paragraph also seems contradictory - if you've already carved out the lines from your face, how can a second person then carve them away? I'll admit that I've never been that good at interpreting poetry, so it may just be me. Nonetheless I love all of your poetry! Btw, whatever happened to all the fighting over you? Did everyone else give up? If so, we're together now, I guess...
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The two essentials for a healthy mind: 1. Philosophy & Science 2. Fleetwood Mac NB. Not necessarily in that order... |
#84
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I guess the fighting did stop! But seriously... flattering... |
#85
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i.m.o., "re-carve all the lines on my face so that you could help chisel them away" is more "direct." I feel that the other way just disrupts the chain of thought. I also don't quite get the last line, "wishing it had worked to keep us from the shore." I mean, I understand the meaning, but it just doesn't seem right to me. I think it needs to be a little more correct from an "English" point-of-view. Maybe something like, "wishing it had worked - I wish I could have kept us . . . from the shore."
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So if the ghosts are gone then doesn't that mean I'm kinda screwed?? |
#86
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Thank you for your opinions Tim! I was worried about the last line too. |
#87
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Much Love |
#88
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Sorry Meowi! I'm not sure how this one slipped past me!
This is an excellent poem! I'm not sure if I can really criticise it actually! I love the overall structure - having the long paragraphs at the start during the sad reminiscence, and the shorter, repetitive paragraphs at the end during the despairing resentment of having lost the loved one. It suits the changing mood perfectly! (I'm not sure I conveyed what I meant to properly here - it's like I can't find the most suitable words for my ideas. I can't seem to improve what I said though... I hope it makes sense! )
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The two essentials for a healthy mind: 1. Philosophy & Science 2. Fleetwood Mac NB. Not necessarily in that order... |
#89
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On facebook, someone posted a video of a Robert Plant/ Krauss song, which I love (the whole album). That album has always been my rainy day album novel writing album, as when I was in the heat of my novel writing a couple of years ago, that CD would CONSTANTLY be on. Once I get done with school this year, and hopefully end up on some sort of family vacation, I'll have to pop that album in and start the juices again, as they got stirred by listening to that song! I'll keep you posted!
__________________
New Song, "What Love Is"- Check it Out! |
#90
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I personally would pick "chisel." Takes longer - - - More excruciating - - - More uhm . . . thought involved, if 'ya see what I mean. Kind of a "dark" interpretation but . . . well, it implies that the one doing the "chiselling" is paying attention, in spades - 'ya see what I mean? But also - - - when one is "chiseling," one is creating a work or art - - - one which may or may not be appreciated. "Carving" is more wholesale, i.m.o. Doesn't take as much effort or attention.
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So if the ghosts are gone then doesn't that mean I'm kinda screwed?? Last edited by Ghost_Tracker; 04-24-2010 at 11:48 PM.. |
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