Who was more f**ked up?

[WelshWitchPMD]

Maybe she might be afraid of getting pregnant. Maybe she is still a virgin and is scared of having sex. It could be a number of things but if she doesn't want to have sex I don't see any problem.

[GateandGarden]

You said that she could be f**cked up for not ever wanting sex? Have you considered the fact that a lot of people don't want sex at all and that is normal for them? It does not interest every person. But if the reason that she is afraid is the result of abuse (or simply because of that time you mentioned it was forced on her--that sounds like enough to me) then that still doesn't make her "f**cked up." I can't understand why you would consider using such terminology when this is your friend. It is incredibly offensive and insensitive.

[strandinthewind]

Well, I was scared of my own for years, then again, it requires so much blood that I go anemic when I get an erection

Seriously, you can't blame the guy for trying - after all, they were in the act so to speak. But, he respected her decision of "no" and that was that. If he was looking only to get laid and never calls her back, that is the way of the world and most of us have been there and know how it can suck. If not, maybe he will help her if she has any issues. In the end, if she really freaked out beyond the usual "you pig put that back in," she should seek advice from a professional therapist as she may have deep rooted problems that need to be addressed from a medical perspective. I wish her luck.

BTW - hello Lux - I miss you.

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by Lux

You're pissed? **** you and your ****ing judgements on people. Don't you get it? You're not just talking about your friend, she's not unique, there are many like her and they are not strange, they could be reading this and your title is incredibly offensive. Your question is offensive, reword it with a treatment that does not make people feel like they're ****ed up. You really don't get it do you?

What is your problem? Leave the conversation if you're just going to attack or flame me coz I came here with a question. With all the *inappropriate* threads on this board, don't single mine out when it is a real person with a real problem. No. I don't get you. I get you as being a judging person who is judging me. I get you as a hypocrite. Thanks for the **** you. Yep, that helps a lot.

[strandinthewind]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

You said that she could be f**cked up for not ever wanting sex? Have you considered the fact that a lot of people don't want sex at all and that is normal for them? It does not interest every person. But if the reason that she is afraid is the result of abuse (or simply because of that time you mentioned it was forced on her--that sounds like enough to me) then that still doesn't make her "f**cked up." I can't understand why you would consider using such terminology when this is your friend. It is incredibly offensive and insensitive.

Interestingly, were are biologically created to want sex - that is the norm. So, not to want it in general (not meaning with a specific person) and overall is abnormal from that vantage point.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

What is your problem? Leave the conversation if you're just going to attack or flame me coz I came here with a question. With all the *inappropriate* threads on this board, don't single mine out when it is a real person with a real problem. No. I don't get you. I get you as being a judging person who is judging me. I get you as a hypocrite. Thanks for the **** you. Yep, that helps a lot.

But do you see the point she's trying to make? I believe it is the same as mine.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

Interestingly, were are biologically created to want sex - that is the norm. So, not to want it in general (not meaning with a specific person) and overall is abnormal from that vantage point.

I don't think I agree with that, though obviously I haven't researched it or anything like that. I just think that it's as normal as homosexuality. If I met someone who was asexual, I wouldn't think of that any differently.

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

You said that she could be f**cked up for not ever wanting sex? Have you considered the fact that a lot of people don't want sex at all and that is normal for them? It does not interest every person. But if the reason that she is afraid is the result of abuse (or simply because of that time you mentioned it was forced on her--that sounds like enough to me) then that still doesn't make her "f**cked up." I can't understand why you would consider using such terminology when this is your friend. It is incredibly offensive and insensitive.

One more time. With all the inappropriate threads on this board, this is the one you're singling out? Maybe I should have said that it was a f**ked up situation. I don't know if the dude was wrong for doing what he did or if she needs some help with the way she acted when he did it. My question is: Is it normal to be afraid of sex? Is it something that's common? Why would somebody be afraid of it? Those were the questions I had and thanks to some of you who actually tried to answer the question without flaming me. To the others: I have nothing more to say.

[strandinthewind]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

I don't think I agree with that, though obviously I haven't researched it or anything like that. I just think that it's as normal as homosexuality. If I met someone who was asexual, I wouldn't think of that any differently.

I am not talking about actually having sex or what is done during it or what genders are involved. I am talking about inherent sex drive, which we, like all life, are built to have. We have glands that force us into it and without which we would have none.

As for this girl, she must have some sex drive as she clearly found this guy attractive enough to heavily pet with

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

Interestingly, were are biologically created to want sex - that is the norm. So, not to want it in general (not meaning with a specific person) and overall is abnormal from that vantage point.

Yep, that's what I was trying to say. I might not be as good with words as some peeps but I think it's really being a hypocrite to judge me while telling me not to judge. Strand, thank you. You said what I was trying to.

[dissention]

Originally Posted by GateandGarden

I don't think I agree with that

How can you disagree with it? Humans are wired to want sex; they're sexual beings. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality and homosexuality, it has to do with sexuality. Those who are asexual in terms of lacking any sexual feelings are simply outside the norm.

[lagringader&r]

Originally Posted by strandinthewind

As for this girl, she must have some sex drive as she clearly found this guy attractive enough to heavily pet with

Again thank you! Is it ok if I just pm you with my questions from now on and you can word them for me?

[strandinthewind]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

One more time. With all the inappropriate threads on this board, this is the one you're singling out? Maybe I should have said that it was a f**ked up situation. I don't know if the dude was wrong for doing what he did or if she needs some help with the way she acted when he did it. My question is: Is it normal to be afraid of sex? Is it something that's common? Why would somebody be afraid of it? Those were the questions I had and thanks to some of you who actually tried to answer the question without flaming me. To the others: I have nothing more to say.

I think it is, solely from a biological perspective, abnormal to be afraid of sex. We are built to yearn for it not freak out at that sight of a penis. So, from that point of view, if your friend really totally freaked out during heavy petting she could have a deep rooted mental and/or biological problem like intercourse is painful as Mary mentioned, she was assaulted, her hormones are not functioning properly, etc. I mean many men are terrified of sex if their foreskin is too tight to slide off of their glans and eschew all sex until it is corrected.

[GateandGarden]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

One more time. With all the inappropriate threads on this board, this is the one you're singling out? Maybe I should have said that it was a f**ked up situation. I don't know if the dude was wrong for doing what he did or if she needs some help with the way she acted when he did it. My question is: Is it normal to be afraid of sex? Is it something that's common? Why would somebody be afraid of it? Those were the questions I had and thanks to some of you who actually tried to answer the question without flaming me. To the others: I have nothing more to say.

Well, I don't mean to single out your thread. I don't find the thread itself inappropriate, aside from the title and some of the wording. You wanting to understand your friend is understandable. I just noticed it and felt like clicking on it because I had a few minutes on my hands. It wasn't like I set out to criticize you; that's not the case at all.

I'm thinking it's possible that something about this particular guy turned her off and that may be what was going on. Or she may actually be afraid of sex. There are many reasons for that. Some people are not ready, others have been abused, others are dealing with questions about their sexual orientation. I'm just speaking from my own personal experiences and from knowing others who have been through simliar things, and so there is probably much more than I know.

As for why I chose to respond the way I did, it's because your wording was so offensive. I'm not going to get into how it made me feel and what I've been through personally because, hell, people around here know way too much about me as it is. It just struck me as particularly offensive and I felt compelled to say something. It's not intended to be some condemnation of you; I don't want you to take it personally and think I dislike you or anything of the sort. I just had a problem with something you said; that happens often enough with lots of Ledgies.

[strandinthewind]

Originally Posted by lagringader&r

Again thank you! Is it ok if I just pm you with my questions from now on and you can word them for me?

only if we can booze it up during the sessions