The Just Thought I'd Share Thread

[Zombie]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I just told some people that have consistently hurt me that I can't deal with it anymore.... and oddly enough, I feel so much worse about the situation.

Alas, self-preservation isn't always pleasant at first. It'll get better, though - in my experience, when you get rid of dead weight like that but still feel bad about it, it's just because you've been conditioned to feel that way by your previous relationship with that person, whoever/whatever it was. It'll pass, but you have to ride it out.

[FMlex]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I just told some people that have consistently hurt me that I can't deal with it anymore.... and oddly enough, I feel so much worse about the situation.

Oh girl, I so know where you're coming from. Turns out I need to do this too but I just can't bring myself to do it yet.

[GypsySorcerer]

Originally Posted by Zombie

Alas, self-preservation isn't always pleasant at first. It'll get better, though - in my experience, when you get rid of dead weight like that but still feel bad about it, it's just because you've been conditioned to feel that way by your previous relationship with that person, whoever/whatever it was. It'll pass, but you have to ride it out.

Wise words, my friend. I've had the same experience. It takes time....sometimes, a lot. Guilt is a powerful emotion, but the feeling of liberation is stronger.

[vivfox]

Originally Posted by Zombie

Alas, self-preservation isn't always pleasant at first. It'll get better, though - in my experience, when you get rid of dead weight like that but still feel bad about it, it's just because you've been conditioned to feel that way by your previous relationship with that person, whoever/whatever it was. It'll pass, but you have to ride it out.

I just went through this with a neighbor. I felt all better after a good night's sleep.

[Sahara]

JTIS my Economics & Psychology walked into our first lecture this morning and the first words out of his mouth were "Oh my God, we are all SCREWED!!"
Kind of sums up the economic situation here, really

[Zombie]

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

Wise words, my friend. I've had the same experience. It takes time....sometimes, a lot. Guilt is a powerful emotion, but the feeling of liberation is stronger.

Originally Posted by vivfox

I just went through this with a neighbor. I felt all better after a good night's sleep.

Yeah. I have done it a few times in my life, for different reasons. When it happens, I call it "cleaning house." The time it took me to get over it just depended on who it was I was cleaning out and why - abusive ex took a few months, annoying "friend" across the street I was hanging out with because I was bored took about 5 minutes. But I will say that after the first time I cut someone out, it became much easier to do after that.

I am no stranger to guilt, being raised extremely Catholic - that's like air for us folks, haha, even when you don't identify as Catholic anymore. So far, the only person that was incredibly damaging to me that I wasn't able to cut out entirely has been my mother. Instead, I ended up restructuring our relationship on my terms so I could deal with her. Of course, the restructuring was completely one-sided - she wasn't going to change anything, so I just completely changed the way I dealt with her and allowed her to interact with me, i.e., "Okay, I am going to call/answer the phone, but at the first hint of ANY crap, no matter how minor, I'm hanging up," etc. It worked pretty well, BUT I think that's mostly because we were living on opposite sides of the country. She's since passed away and I'm still having residual weirdness over that, but it's getting better.

[daniellaaarisen]

Thanks you guys. I cut two people out in one day, too, but I was also kinda coming to terms with the f*cked up way that I even landed myself in those situations.... they were both past love interests of mine that I needed to put in their place. You know, because they were bloodsucking assholes.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

-_________-

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Thanks you guys. I cut two people out in one day, too, but I was also kinda coming to terms with the f*cked up way that I even landed myself in those situations.... they were both past love interests of mine that I needed to put in their place. You know, because they were bloodsucking assholes.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

-_________-

It's funny, I've started doing this, in the past few months. I have(~had~ now, for the most part) a friend, who just constantly puts me down. Just insult after insult. I do not reciprocate. I fired him as a friend. He's begged forgiveness twice, telling me how he doesn't really have many friends in this town, and really considers me a good friend.
But, he falls off of the insult wagon, every time. I've told him that he just makes me feel like sh*t about myself, and I don't need that in my life. FWIW, I can take a joke. I've told him that 5 put downs in a night, is okay, but 50, is not. And he's failed, time and time again. So I'm done with him. I feel badly about it, but I don't need negative people in my life. Make me feel badly about myself....there's the door, you're fired.

[Silver Springs]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

It's funny, I've started doing this, in the past few months. I have(~had~ now, for the most part) a friend, who just constantly puts me down. Just insult after insult. I do not reciprocate. I fired him as a friend. He's begged forgiveness twice, telling me how he doesn't really have many friends in this town, and really considers me a good friend.
But, he falls off of the insult wagon, every time. I've told him that he just makes me feel like sh*t about myself, and I don't need that in my life. FWIW, I can take a joke. I've told him that 5 put downs in a night, is okay, but 50, is not. And he's failed, time and time again. So I'm done with him. I feel badly about it, but I don't need negative people in my life. Make me feel badly about myself....there's the door, you're fired.

I can relate to this. I used to hang out with two girls in high school who treated me very badly. But instead of loving myself enough to ditch them, I took it. Because I didn't exactly have a line of people wishing to be my friends, and rather than go lonely I retreated into my shell and allowed them to belittle me at every turn. We've since stopped speaking since I moved on to College and University, and I feel so much better about myself than I do back then. And I know it may seem unkind, but when I see them in the street and I see how badly their lives have turned out, or how they seem to mirror the untrue and hurtful jibes they used to plage me with; it does my heart good. I love myself too much now to stand for that kind of friendship, though I don't love myself so much that I couldn't forgive after all these years. That part of my life is over and I'm so happy for it.

[Zombie]

Originally Posted by Silver Springs

I love myself too much now to stand for that kind of friendship, though I don't love myself so much that I couldn't forgive after all these years. That part of my life is over and I'm so happy for it.

You can forgive and still love yourself, cookie. What you don't do is FORGET, i.e. let them do it to you again.

[Artemis]

Originally Posted by Silver Springs

Ahahaha. Good night again? XD

I've totally paid for it today. I've been sick as a dog all day. Needless to say... not going out tonight.

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Thanks you guys. I cut two people out in one day, too, but I was also kinda coming to terms with the f*cked up way that I even landed myself in those situations.... they were both past love interests of mine that I needed to put in their place. You know, because they were bloodsucking assholes.

Oh dear D: cutting people out is never fun, but, in the long run you'll end up the stronger person because of it. My rule is, once someone's cut out, that's it, they're out. Otherwise, it becomes one toxic friendship.

[HomerMcvie]

Originally Posted by Silver Springs

I can relate to this. I used to hang out with two girls in high school who treated me very badly. But instead of loving myself enough to ditch them, I took it. Because I didn't exactly have a line of people wishing to be my friends, and rather than go lonely I retreated into my shell and allowed them to belittle me at every turn. We've since stopped speaking since I moved on to College and University, and I feel so much better about myself than I do back then. And I know it may seem unkind, but when I see them in the street and I see how badly their lives have turned out, or how they seem to mirror the untrue and hurtful jibes they used to plage me with; it does my heart good. I love myself too much now to stand for that kind of friendship, though I don't love myself so much that I couldn't forgive after all these years. That part of my life is over and I'm so happy for it.

Hello, twin!

Me too. I didn't exactly have a huge line of people wanting to be friends with me, either. I was actually kind of a loner, and it was really my choice, to be that way, though. I've done a 180 with.....the personal side of my life, in the past year. And it's about damned time!!! Life is short, and I'm going to live that mutha, now!
And I've become pretty darned social. Very social, actually. And I've fired about 4 or 5 people from my life. I'm very upbeat and energetic. I don't need, or want, negative, bitter, users, in my life.
And, to your point, I now have enough friends to choose from, that I realized that I'll keep the good, loyal, loving ones, and lose the rest!

[Silver Springs]

Originally Posted by HomerMcvie

Hello, twin!

Me too. I didn't exactly have a huge line of people wanting to be friends with me, either. I was actually kind of a loner, and it was really my choice, to be that way, though. I've done a 180 with.....the personal side of my life, in the past year. And it's about damned time!!! Life is short, and I'm going to live that mutha, now!
And I've become pretty darned social. Very social, actually. And I've fired about 4 or 5 people from my life. I'm very upbeat and energetic. I don't need, or want, negative, bitter, users, in my life.
And, to your point, I now have enough friends to choose from, that I realized that I'll keep the good, loyal, loving ones, and lose the rest!

*Waveth*

I guess not all of us were meant to be such social butterflies when growing up, rather the awkward kid that nobody really knew what to do with. Oh well. In some ways that builds alot more character, because you grow up with less illusions. I'm glad things are looking up for you though! I'm still in transition phase really; I have a select few friends whom I love to death and acquaintences that still bring out the shy child in me. But I'm getting there. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs so it's hard to find something to bond over lol! Did you ever find that you were far closer with your teachers than "colleagues"? I tended to be like that. In fact I'd spend break and lunch in my homeroom tutor's classroom with him to avoid going out and interacting with the other kids who didn't really get me. Maybe I'm just an old soul. I've always maintained that I was born middle aged, and I'm just trying to catch up with myself before I can move forward lol. Possibly why I find older guys such dishes too. Give me Lindsey Buckingham, Alan Rickman or Rupert Everett over Zac Efron or *gag* the Jonas Brothers any day lol.

[HomerMcvie]

Good luck with the transition. You'll get there. And it really is true, that you have to love yourself, first. I mean, I always thought I loved myself....I guess what it REALLY boils down to, is loving and accepting yourself. It's really funny, because I'm SUCH a different person, than I was, only a year ago. Physically(in the best shape I've ever been, and I lost a bunch of weight) and socially. I can almost say, that I need people, for the first time in my life. A loner, no more, am I.
And we're actually opposites, in the friends we choose, for the most part. I do have a few older friends, but most of my friends are much younger than I. I'm 41, in a college town, and most of my friends are 22-30. Most people my age, act like they're old, and are sticks in the mud. I've got more energy than most of my young friends(they actually comment, all the time, "David, where do you get all that energy?"). I've always been a ball of fire, ready to go. Now giddyup!

Although I do love a lot of old music...especially old country music. But no one will listen to it with me, so that's my "alone time" music!

[daniellaaarisen]

Jesus Christ, I am such a bitch.

Ends up that one of the guys I called out yesterday is busy saving lives in Jamaica after the tropical storm. He's a surgeon in Montego Bay and I was pissed because he was not making ANY time for me (not responding to texts, etc.) and I was feeling used. So then today he texts me and says that there's been a bad tropical storm in Jamaica and that many people have died and that he's been working nonstop in the ER trying to save people from injuries but now they're evacuating and alkdhfjadklhlak.

I FEEL SO TERRIBLE FOR GIVING HIM **** YESTERDAY.