Your families

[amber]

What is the make up of your family? What you consider your immediate family? What people constitute the family you spent the most time with? Feel free to post pics.

I was just tripping out again on someone's fam. Or everyone's. I'm always amazed at how big everyone's fam is. In my fam, for 15 years, it was just me as the kid, and then some adults (on my mom's side, which is the only one we ever visited on holidays). It was me, my nonna (grandma), her sister my great aunt, my uncle and possibly his girlfriend, my aunt, and that was basically it until I was 15 and my mom's 2 siblings finally had some kids. And, I won't even ever have nieces and nephews since I am an only child. Just cousins. Who are all 15 years younger than me.
Other people have these voluminous families that they can't even keep track of.
Cousins, nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, blah blah forever. So many family members I can't even imagine. I've known people who have "discovered" they have family members they didn't know about before. Sure, that is Oakland, and lots of people are related, but it trips me out. I never had so many relatives!

I practically was my family for 15 years. At least I was the reason they gathered together. It was so small, and so lovely, all the holidays. Random adults, plus me, the focal point, the one that the family members actually liked (because everyone likes a kid). I've just come to learn that most families are bigger, expotentially. I wonder how that works.
My dad's fam was more expotential, but I didn't ever really get to know them.

It is hard for me to fathom families where you don't know some of them, and you only meet them once a year when you all get together for the reunion.

I always thought family was so insular and easy to comprehend, because mine was. It was me, and a handful of adults gathered to make holiday things special for me, while they visit with each other, even though lots of them didn't actually like each other. But they all thought food and holidays were important, and they still wanted to see the family members they had grudges against. Or, if they didn't, they would do it anyway, for me. And it would be fun and cool. Like, real holiday style. There would be a big production, with the meal and the visit. My grandma was serious about the meals for the holidays, like any good Italian grandma would be. It was all epic. Epic and delicious and ceremonial.
And why shouldn't it be, if only 8 or so people are in attendance.

Which is my point - tell me about your families, and their size, and their traditions, etc.
These are the favorite memories of my family, where we got together to eat for holidays. It was truly magical. We put out all the stops. Plus, we were all supposed to be Catholic, and we were all Italian, so any Jesus occasion was our forte. Food and God, I tells you what. lol.

But my truth isn't the truth of everyone. Everyone else has bigger families and different traditions.


But how is it for the bigger fams? When it isn't self contained? When there are cousins for miles?
It boggles my tiny mind.
In the way that I want everyone to share their stories and possibly post pics.

I'm just saying this all because I think that if I feel so strongly about my weird family holiday things, others will have just as great holiday traditions and possibly recipes to share.
Holiday traditions are the unsung gold of human experience. For reals.

Like, I can't fricking wait to hear the weird dishes my non Italian cousins from the south bring to light. (yeah, I'm talking about you, Jaz & Michelle).

And just in general what constitutes "family" to others.

Food and holidays and its rituals are important, don't make me come over there!!!
Peace and snacks out -
I could edit, but Night Moves just came on the radio. Can't miss that singing opp.

[jannieC]

I am in a similar situation. Growing up, it was always just my parents, brother, sister, and me. Both of my parents were only children, so I have never had any aunts, uncles, or cousins. All of my grandparents were dead by the time I was nine. My father died when I was 17.

As a teenager, I dated a boy for about five years. He was Polish and had a HUGE family. Holiday gatherings were so foreign to me. While I sort of enjoyed them, they overwhelmed me. SO many people; kids running around, people laughing and yelling- I always needed a nap when it was over.

I've been with my husband for 12 years, and his family has kind of become mine now. Christmas is a big deal in this family- lots of food and lots of presents (which at first was weird for me, but I've grown used to it over time).

I don't have much more to share and since you wanted to hear from folks with big families, I'll let others chime in now.

[markolas]

I don't speak to any of my relatives, currently; mostly because my mother is a very toxic person and I finally realized that a functional relationship with her was just not possible. Anyway.

My mother has a large extended family, though they're all starting to die off now; her mother is one of 6 children (only 3 are still living) and we usually saw them at Xmas and a few other times during the year, but otherwise were not especially close. My mother has one sister who is (what's the PC term?) mentally challenged. And my dad has one brother who didn't have kids until he was in his 40s, so growing up, I didn't have any first cousins, or really any relatives besides my younger brother who were close to my age.

My dad's parents (who are well into their 80s now) are the only relatives I can say I really like. My mom's parents (her dad passed away several years ago) were both big-time alcoholics, and as a result of that, I wound up not having too much respect for my grandmother or my mother for leaving us kids in her care.

Older brother is an ultra-conservative Southern Baptist minister, which as you can imagine interacts wonderfully with my homosexuality. The last few times I've seen him, you could've cut the tension with a knife. Finally, I just decided I didn't need the stress anymore. Younger brother is just a weed-head and a layabout.

Last year when my mother called and left a nasty message on my work voicemail, I officially disowned her. But that had been about 15 years in the making. I'm happy that others have functional relationships with their families, but mine has been nothing short of toxic.

[sara1998]

I am an only child also. My mothers side of the family always lived in the south, so holidays were spent with my dad's side, meaning, my grandparents, an aunt, uncle and collectively 4 cousins. Then my moms family moved up here when I was 18. I don't really get along with them too much except for my grandfather and his second wife. Anyhow, my dads parents passed and I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on that side, and my moms parents passed, and I really don't talk to anyone on that side except my moms little brother, and my step grandmother. So, now, my family ultimately consists of my girls, my parents, and an uncle and step grandmother. That's all I'll claim anyway.

[amber]

Originally Posted by sara1998

I am an only child also. My mothers side of the family always lived in the south, so holidays were spent with my dad's side, meaning, my grandparents, an aunt, uncle and collectively 4 cousins. Then my moms family moved up here when I was 18. I don't really get along with them too much except for my grandfather and his second wife. Anyhow, my dads parents passed and I don't talk to my aunt and uncle on that side, and my moms parents passed, and I really don't talk to anyone on that side except my moms little brother, and my step grandmother. So, now, my family ultimately consists of my girls, my parents, and an uncle and step grandmother. That's all I'll claim anyway.

Wow, that is pretty similar to me, in a different geographical area. I like how you made your own family, created it and worked for it, and you guys seem pretty happy. That is my best friend (with Stevie's birthday) whole thing, and I think it is good - she is the normal one in her family, and she had kids and created a great family environment around herself and with them, and I think that while that may seem small when you are the first person to start it, it grows expotentially with great results. It might just seem like you and your daughters and a few others, but the love you sew with that goes on. It's so important, IMO. Just look at me and my nostalgia for my holidays with fam. Those were my favorite times, and one day your girls will say the same thing about their time with you, and make it happen with their own families. It's a priceless gift.

[danax6]

Let's see. I've stopped talking to my mother -and her family- a long time ago. In fact, I don't even consider her, or them, my family. I hardly even know them. She had two kids after us, so I do have two little brothers, who I adore immensely. They're the only reason I ever drive up there.

Then there's my non-biological mom, who I've always considered my real mom. She passed away two years ago. She had a daughter, we all grew up together, I consider her my little sister.

I am very close to my real sister. She and I even share an apartment. Very close to my dad also.

My dad comes from a big family. I only see my grandmother now and then, for bingo nights. I'd have to say that 80% of his family I've never even met. I have 9 aunts and uncles from his side, and at least 50 cousins, if not more, but I know maybe 2 or 3. I used to be very close to one of my aunts, she lived down the street, but she moved to Belgium a few years ago, and since then we've barely had contact.

I recently joined a Dutch website, equivalent to MySpace, and I keep getting all these messages from people over the country saying 'hey, we're family! how are you?' I never respond.

In short: I only really consider my two sisters, my two brothers and my dad family. My dad's best friend, who he's known for 45 years, and two of his other friends are all people that stepped in when my mother left and helped my dad out when we were little. I consider them family also.

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

[jannieC]

Originally Posted by danax6

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

I agree with this. All of my "aunts" and "uncles" were close friends of my parent's.

[sara1998]

Originally Posted by danax6

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

My oldest daughter isn't my daughter, but my biological daughters half sister. I consider my oldest my own.

[suzyvermoesen]

My family is really small. I'm an only child and have 1 cousin who is 9 years older than me and who i never ever see.
Both my parents are still alive and i see them every couple of weeks. They were never particularly close to the rest of the (small) family, except my mom who adored her father (he passed away in 1984). All my grandparents have died and apart from my mother and father, and my cousin, i have one aunt left who is my fathers' sister , but whom i also never see.
My husband comes from a large family of 5 kids, but some of them are not on speaking terms. I had always wanted an older brother or sister to hang out with, but when i see how my in-laws get along sometimes i guess i'm better off with a few really good friends
some pics:
my dad


my mom


my best friend and me before going to a costume party:


with my lifelong friends whom i've known for 40 years (omg!)

[sara1998]

Just an excuse to show off my girls... I love them so!

[amber]

Originally Posted by suzyvermoesen

My family is really small. I'm an only child and have 1 cousin who is 9 years older than me and who i never ever see.
Both my parents are still alive and i see them every couple of weeks. They were never particularly close to the rest of the (small) family, except my mom who adored her father (he passed away in 1984). All my grandparents have died and apart from my mother and father, and my cousin, i have one aunt left who is my fathers' sister , but whom i also never see.
My husband comes from a large family of 5 kids, but some of them are not on speaking terms. I had always wanted an older brother or sister to hang out with, but when i see how my in-laws get along sometimes i guess i'm better off with a few really good friends
some pics:
my dad


my mom


my best friend and me before going to a costume party:


with my lifelong friends whom i've known for 40 years (omg!)

You and your family and friends are beautiful! I have often thought that thing of how it would be great to have a sibling, but then retracted it when I saw the actual siblings in my family.
Wow, it really sounds like you come from a pretty small circle, like me. I didn't expect that at all. You and your family and friends make it look lovely, though. And how your husband has more relatives- I kind of gravitate to my friends at holidays now, since my own family won't get together, and if they do they might drink and yell at me about my mom (okay, just my aunt) and how much I am like her and how she is lame, or about how some cousin is lame, or something, everyone is alway mad, or cooking...but my friends have lots of relatives and young kids in their families, and even though that is chaotic, there is something about it I really like to be involved in. I mean, kids are cute and fun, right? Also they are brats, but still. lol.
I wish your husband's fam was on more speaking terms, cause it would probably be fun. If they have kids, I mean. You know, because your own fam is so small...
Thank you for sharing! I can't believe the similarities, I love it. And your pics are priceless. Seriously, you're mom and dad look good for their age. Excellent. And the family and friend pictures are so fun. Y'all are so lovely, and look alike in different ways, which is fun to see. Is it weird, though, that your friends look like they belong in your family?!!? Naaaaahhh, it's fine. lol. My best friend and I are opposites, and people always ask if we are sisters. Seriously, she has blond/red hair, pale skin, freckles, totally different features...though we are both muscly...my point is that I think it is a natural and lovely coincidence that you all look like you belong together. Cause you do.

[amber]

Originally Posted by danax6

Let's see. I've stopped talking to my mother -and her family- a long time ago. In fact, I don't even consider her, or them, my family. I hardly even know them. She had two kids after us, so I do have two little brothers, who I adore immensely. They're the only reason I ever drive up there.

Then there's my non-biological mom, who I've always considered my real mom. She passed away two years ago. She had a daughter, we all grew up together, I consider her my little sister.

I am very close to my real sister. She and I even share an apartment. Very close to my dad also.

My dad comes from a big family. I only see my grandmother now and then, for bingo nights. I'd have to say that 80% of his family I've never even met. I have 9 aunts and uncles from his side, and at least 50 cousins, if not more, but I know maybe 2 or 3. I used to be very close to one of my aunts, she lived down the street, but she moved to Belgium a few years ago, and since then we've barely had contact.

I recently joined a Dutch website, equivalent to MySpace, and I keep getting all these messages from people over the country saying 'hey, we're family! how are you?' I never respond.

In short: I only really consider my two sisters, my two brothers and my dad family. My dad's best friend, who he's known for 45 years, and two of his other friends are all people that stepped in when my mother left and helped my dad out when we were little. I consider them family also.

Family isn't just people that are related to you by blood. No way.

That is so true. I find it interesting that though you have a big family, you really only claim a few to be close to. But like I said before, how could you keep track of that if you never grew up with them? And there are so many? I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. JK. It is kind of nice you have so much family, though, maybe in the future you will get to know more of them and your life could be richer for it. Not saying you should do that, just saying it is possible and could be cool.

You're family reminds me of the Oakland families - everyone is your cousin. haha.
Do you guys have special holiday traditions and get togethers? Special food?
Thanks for telling me all about your family. I can imagine if I knew you in person there would be tons of stories...

[amber]

random note: In the first page of this thread I have encountered more only children then I ever expected. I thought all y'all had bros and sis.
Nice, very nice. That was kind of comforting to me.

I'm thinking of doing my next speech about only children. Um...do people say to you: "Oh, you're an only child? I could tell!"
mmkay. Cause more than a few have said that to me.
moving on...

[danax6]

Originally Posted by amber

That is so true. I find it interesting that though you have a big family, you really only claim a few to be close to. But like I said before, how could you keep track of that if you never grew up with them? And there are so many?

Oh so many. I don't even know all their names. One of my uncles committed suicide when I was 5 or 6 years old, but I never knew him, because he was a drunk, and my dad didn't really want us to hang around him. He had 4 kids though, had never met them, never knew their names, but recently his oldest daughter contacted me over the internet. Turns out she lives 4 streets down from where we live. I've seen her at the supermarket a few times, that's how I recognized her when I saw the picture in her profile.

I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. JK.

Everyone has disowned my mother. Even my brothers are starting to at this point. They're only 9 and 12, so I guess they're too young to really understand what's going on or what kind of person she really is, but she and her husband recently got divorced, and they want to live with their father. The oldest is over 12, so he gets to choose, but the youngest will have to stay with my mother for the time being. It's a horrible custody battle at the moment, for which I will have to appear in court soon.

Do you guys have special holiday traditions and get togethers? Special food?
Thanks for telling me all about your family. I can imagine if I knew you in person there would be tons of stories...

We always get together for the holidays. It's always this little small group of people, and I love it. My youngest sister lives with a foster family, seeing our mom died two years ago and my dad was in no position to take her in at that point, so we have a bit more scheduling to suffer through to make sure she can make the trip down here. She never celebrates the holidays with her foster family, so you can imagine how close they all are. We've had this tradition for years, where we each draw up a name and then have to make that person something special. Then on Christmas Eve we have a biiiiig fondue, after which we open the presents/special gifts.

Next weekend all seven of us are going to a cabin in the Belgian woods. If you guys don't hear from me that following Monday... I will have been eaten by the Blair Witch.

[mylittledemon]

Originally Posted by amber

I find it interesting how everyone has disowned their mom, also. JK. ...

Not me, thank God. Although we werent on the best of terms for a good 5 or 6 years. Thank goodness I just got over it, and we healed the past by "having it out" with one another.