The Perfect Funeral

[vivfox]

Sunday, January 10, 2010
Gone, I Say

Although I don't plan on ascending to heaven anytime soon, I am interested in the subject of death (meaning I love depressing poetry about death and am extremely scared of it!) and I do pay close attention to detail. So although I'm only 21, I've planned how I want my funeral to go.

I know, this entry might seem kind of morbid. But I asked my followers on Twitter whether I should blog about my funeral and got responses like "Yes! Please do!" and "I can't wait to attend!" So here it is.

First of all, and very importantly, I do NOT want a viewing.

I've had a lot of conversations about this with my friends, and some of them say, "But your family members won't be able to say goodbye unless they physically SEE your decomposing corpse!" And I'm not against open casket in general (as long as I look good!), so I can have an open casket funeral, but NO viewing! I don't need a bunch of people sitting in a room with my cold body for the whole night, just so they can pay attention to who is crying the hardest. Please, if you wanna see my body then look at the funeral, not at a special death party the night before!

Also, I don't need flowers. Sure they look nice, but what use are they really? They just shrivel up and die. So please save your money! Instead, you can purchase an approved CD (the list of approved CDs will be with Josh) and enjoy my favorite music in my memory!

So, my whole funeral is going to be outdoors. And I don't care if it's winter; suck it up! You think you're cold?! At least you can still feel!!

Now that we've taken care of those details, here's how the funeral service will go down.
It will start with Josh reading my favorite poem, "The Truth The Dead Know."

(And if Josh happens to die before I do, I'll read it as his funeral!)

This will be followed by the concert section of my funeral.

Katy Perry will perform "Thinking of You"

Then Kelly Clarkson will sing "Sober"

Then Stevie Nicks (who will already be dressed in black probably) will grab Lindsey Buckingham and they will come and sing two songs, "Storms" and "Beautiful Child."

As an encore, all four of the performers will come out and sing a medley of Joni Mitchell's "Blue," Regina Spektor's "Samson," and "Didn't We Almost Have It All" by Whitney Houston.

Following the concert, the feature film Precious will be screened, in its entirety.

I know, this seems kind of long. But if you leave AT ANY POINT IN THE FUNERAL you will be considered really rude and everyone will throw stuff at you!

After Precious, attendees can finally leave. As they walk away, an orchestra (with a lot of strings!) will play sad music (occasionally mixing in some Britney or Ke$ha). The end!

Alright, so now whenever I die I have this record. My funeral better go exactly like this or I will haunt all of you!!

http://hoteltuesday.blogspot.com/201...one-i-say.html

[louielouie2000]

I've always said I want Beautiful Child played at my funeral too .

[gypsy4life]

I wonder how many funerals have been graced by the notes of a Stevie Nicks song?

[jaycee]

If I'm lucky enough to have a funeral (I'm expecting a cataclysmic end to the world in the form of an asteroid in August 2028... at least I think that's what the professional asteroid-hunting astronomers reported a while back), I wouldn't really want much in the way of sad music played. I'd prefer something inappropriate, like "Not That Funny" or "Don't Stop". Also maybe "Magic Carpet Ride" by Steppenwolf... perhaps "Sultans of Swing" by Dire Straits... basically, any music seemingly inappropriate (but I have to have actually liked it during the time I was alive, of course). I'm a generally eccentric person (despite exterior appearances), and I want to be remembered that way, dammit!
But I might have one slightly sad track played. "Little Lies", perhaps? Even if the lyrics aren't really relevant. "Silver Springs" would be a good one too. And it's especially inappropriate, given the lyrics! Just the way I'd like it! Although if I had an ex I was still friends with at the funeral, it might be best to avoid it...
Actually, I just realised the sad track that'd be directly relevant to my general worldview - John Lennon's "Imagine". Although John Lennon >> Jordan Clarke (me, jaycee, just to be sure you know), so I don't know whether I'd deserve such an honour. Maybe I could get away with "Mind Games"...

[GypsySorcerer]

I've always wanted "Storms" played at my funeral.

[holidayroad]

I would really prefer not to have a funeral, but if I did, I wouldn't want any music played. I'd rather everyone associate hearing Fleetwood Mac with the happy times with me. If they associate it with my death, they won't listen to it anymore

[GoldDustBoy]

I want my ashes to be made into diamonds which would be given to people who cared for me while Landslide is playing in the background. When I die, people will be reminded of me every time they hear FM/SN anyway.

[sjpdg]

My uncle passed last year and he had "Don't Stop" played at his service. It was fantastic! Really fit the mood for the man. He was a very positive person and just flowed positive energy. He was a Fleetwood Mac and Eric Clapton fan.

For me, here are several essentials for my service: "Don't Stop", "Danny Boy" by Eric Clapton, "Albatross", "On The Road Again" (at the very end that is!!), "Amazing Grace" by the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards, "Hector the Hero" by the Denver Brass, and "Into The West" by Annie Lennox. There's a longer list of "must plays" including various spiritual/religious songs but I'll leave that for my family to handle when the time comes (which I hope is sometime around 50 years (or more) from now!!!!!! I don't want anything down and depressing. After all, I'll be off this crumbling rock and rejoicing, so why shouldn't my family and friends do the same?! Make it a celebration of life I say!! NO black clothing!! Have a nice service, then back to the house for music (including lots of Fleetwood Mac) and party!